Do First Impressions Matter?

Let’s talk first impressions, shall we, friends? Sure, we’ve talked about first impressions and dating, but what about work and just life in general?

Forbes contributor and author Nick Morgan says they matter a great deal, especially in the ways our unconscious mind processes the world around us.

“Our conscious minds can handle roughly 40 bits of information a second. That sounds like a lot until you know that our unconscious minds can handle 11 millions bps,” he says. “And so we’ve evolved to let our unconscious minds handle first impressions, along with a lot of other things, because our conscious minds are easily overwhelmed with just talking and trying not to spill coffee on ourselves.”

It can be scary to think just how much our unconscious is at play when it comes to meeting people for the first time. Maybe it’s the first time you meet your boss or coworkers. Maybe it’s the first time you meet your future spouse or in-laws. I’ve often wondered if we could be thinking one thing on the surface while our unconscious is busy at work forming different opinions. As Morgan says…

“We have mirror neurons that fire when we see (unconsciously) someone else come into view. Our mirror neurons match their emotions precisely. So if that person is nervous, they make us nervous. We literally leak our emotions to each other.”

So perhaps the saying should be “put your best neuron forward”? But on the flip side, I know that I can be extremely nervous when I first meet people — quite surprising, I know! It takes me awhile to warm up to a point where I feel comfortable around them. Now, this isn’t to say that I make a complete fool of myself; it’s just that, sometimes, the person someone initially meets might not be a fully accurate representation of who that person truly is. It might take a bit more time to get to know them, so give them the chance.

Do you agree, friends? How important are first impressions to you? Do you get nervous when you meet new people or not so much? What advice would you give people to help them ‘loosen up’ more in social situations? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #176.

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:

It’s funny, those random things we keep around, isn’t it? I recently came across a comment from an old blog post. I’ll just let it do the talking for itself…

You said that being a virgin is your choice. It’s not. No guy has ever shown any interest in you. You’ve never been out on a date. I bet Marine Boy never looked past your wheelchair or your Play Doh face. It’s not taboo to be a virgin. I belive [sic] you should wait for the right guy. But don’t make it sound like your virginity is a choice. You’ve never had the opportunity to lose it.

This not-so-nice comment? It’s been sitting in my drafts folder for a couple years now. And even worse? I’m not exactly sure why. What sort of purpose does it even serve? You know I’m always all about turning the other cheek with those haters and that’s usually such an easy thing to do. So why would I save this, Sweetpea?

We like to think that we’re immune to so much in life, that as humans, we possess some sort of superpower. And sometimes we do. Sometimes we have no trouble just letting those whispers and looks roll off our backs. Those words? Said by those pathetically sad people who know absolutely nothing about you? Those words don’t matter — not now and not ever.

Well, that’s what we tell ourselves. Sometimes because we actually believe it and it’s true. Other times because we’re scared, and we can’t even begin to name all the things we’re scared of. So it becomes easier to put up a front — a suit of armor, if you will — and pretend like we’re The Big Bad, like our self-confidence is this impenetrable force. But if we can hush our fake roar for just one moment, we start to hear that little voice in our heart. It’s sort of like seeing the light in the dark; it’s the kind of truth that you can’t miss even if you wanted to.

When you’re a kid, all the monsters seem real at night. The ones under your bed or the ones hiding in your closet. Those are the ones you expect to jump out and attack you. As you get older, those monsters get replaced by irrational thoughts that keep you up at night, tossing and turning as you try to make sense of them. It’s that little voice that tries to take over when we find ourselves most vulnerable.

Maybe the trick, then, is realizing what those thoughts really are. Monsters. They’re not real. They’re not going to hurt me. And come the morning light, they’ll be gone and I’ll be just fine. I look forward to fighting each other’s monsters together, Sweetpea. Until we meet… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Disabilities In The Media: Inspiring Model Born Without Legs

A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


Let’s continue with the inspiring women today, shall we? Meet Kanya Sesser, a 23-year-old model from California. Sesser began modeling at 15 and is currently training for the 2018 Winter Paralympics. What’s more refreshing than anything is Sesser’s attitude and her declaration that — YES!!! — disabilities CAN BE SEXY!

“I was mainly doing athletics shoots then as I got older I got into lingerie modeling. It’s something fun and it shows my story – I’m different and that is sexy, I don’t need legs to feel sexy. I enjoy making money from it and I love showing people what beauty can look like. These images show my strength. Modeling wasn’t something I’d always dreamed of doing – it just happened for me and I got used to it. I like expressing myself in a different way than people usually see. I’m very honest, I’m real – I’m never going to behave different to anyone. This is just who I am. I’d love to keep modeling while in training for the Paralympics.”

A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on

A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on

A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


What a powerful message, especially for the younger generation. People with disabilities need a role model, someone they can look up to and think, “Wow, look at her! She’s defying all sorts of stereotypes!” I’m so glad that Sesser is helping to rewrite the book and change the conversation on what it means to be a person living with a disability in 2015. I emphasize the word living because a lot of times, I’ve felt like society is under the impression that those with disabilities are unable to lead productive, fulfilling lives. We need to do everything we can to kick that myth to the curb.

Way to go, Kanya!! xoxo

[Via AOL]

What Career Should You Have?

In high school, I remember taking one of those career aptitude tests. I’m pretty sure it told me that I should be a writer or some variation of it — go figure! — and even now, I still think they’re fun to take. I took this one this evening just for fun and was sort of surprised by the results. My top four career categories were social services, health care, customer service and the arts. Well, OK, that last one doesn’t really surprise me…the others are pretty interesting those!

Go ahead and take the test and share your results below. Which career did you get? Were you surprised by the results? Does it match what you’re doing now or would like to do in the future? xoxo

[Photo via We Heart It]

My Response to Nicole Arbour’s Fat-Shaming Video

Dear Nicole Arbour:

I’m about to do something that some people might not agree with. There are those who have held themselves back and refrained from commenting on your recent YouTube firestorm. They don’t want to put you on blast and give you even more attention than you deserve. They believe doing so would give you exactly what you’ve wanted all along.

Well, I have ZERO qualms about putting you on blast. None whatsoever.

I have this habit of surfing YouTube late at night. It’s a good way to unwind at the end of the day. I randomly came across your recent video over the weekend (we both know which one I’m talking about here), and well, let’s just say I’m sorry I did. I couldn’t even watch it for two minutes before I quickly closed my browser window in sheer disgust. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the sort of rage I was feeling.

ARE YOU SERIOUS???

Honestly, I don’t know if I should feel sorry for you, but something tells me that you knew exactly what you were doing by posting such a vile, blatantly horrific video. How pathetic is it to reduce people to numbers on a scale? And for what? The shock value? Oooh, like we haven’t seen that shtick before. Maybe you get some sort of sadistic joy out of shaming people you don’t even know. Maybe you thrive on that sort of negativity. Who knows?

Here are some powerful words for you: Your video was nothing short of mean, malicious and extremely offensive. You can try to hide it under the guise of satire, try to tie it all up in one pretty bow and pretend that you’re making some sort of revolutionary social statement, but you’re not. The only statement you’re making is showing the entire world just how completely and utterly insensitive you are. Your lack of tact in how you handled the situation and its aftermath speaks volumes about your level of ignorance too.

Shaming isn’t comedy. And it’s never funny. What about the girl in junior high who watches your videos and looks up to you? Just what is SHE supposed to think?

What can I say? I guess I don’t have that much self-restraint… UN-xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]