I found this photo from my birthday a couple years ago and realized that I’ve since lost that cool, cheery cup!! It’s sort of symbolic, isn’t it? We haven’t had many “best days ever” during the pandemic. And, honestly, it sometimes feels like those carefree, innocent days are gone forever, doesn’t it??
Yes, these are certainly strange times, indeed. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been having ALL the feelings lately. I’ve been sad. I’ve been angry. I’ve been anxious. I’ve been confused. I’ve been scared.
See, so many emotions!! It can even be hard to sort through them all at times.
In 2016, I wrote these words in a blog post: “On the outside, it may look like I’m one of those cool, nonchalant girls who is just soooo relaxed and has it all together. But on the inside? I’m one gigantic mess of feels.”
I don’t have this whole life thing figured out. I don’t think any of us know exactly what we’re doing. This big thing called life is just one giant, utterly complete mystery.
I’ve shared a lot about my depression and these last few months of the pandemic feels like a sort of hazy dream. My depression was one of the scariest times in my life and I kept a diary during that time. A few months ago, I read through it for the first time. I haven’t opened that diary in 9 years (maybe out of fear?), but I wanted to share a passage because it captures depression/what we’re all feeling during quarantine/all these emotions so perfectly…
You can be a strong person and you can be a happy person — I was both those things before I became depressed. But depression is a physical illness and it’s not something you can just power through with strength and a smile. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or lazy. It means you’re sick…and it’s not your fault. Let’s change the conversation around mental illness, OK?
The world is so scary right now, so I’m going to keep clinging to the things that bring me joy. No matter how small. Life is hard and confusing right now, but I hope y’all are having a good day today!! We’ll get through this together… xoxo