How Have You Been Feeling Lately?

FeelingHow have y’all been feeling lately?

I found this photo from my birthday a couple years ago and realized that I’ve since lost that cool, cheery cup!! It’s sort of symbolic, isn’t it? We haven’t had many “best days ever” during the pandemic. And, honestly, it sometimes feels like those carefree, innocent days are gone forever, doesn’t it??

Yes, these are certainly strange times, indeed. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been having ALL the feelings lately. I’ve been sad. I’ve been angry. I’ve been anxious. I’ve been confused. I’ve been scared.

See, so many emotions!! It can even be hard to sort through them all at times.

In 2016, I wrote these words in a blog post: “On the outside, it may look like I’m one of those cool, nonchalant girls who is just soooo relaxed and has it all together. But on the inside? I’m one gigantic mess of feels.”

I don’t have this whole life thing figured out. I don’t think any of us know exactly what we’re doing. This big thing called life is just one giant, utterly complete mystery.

I’ve shared a lot about my depression and these last few months of the pandemic feels like a sort of hazy dream. My depression was one of the scariest times in my life and I kept a diary during that time. A few months ago, I read through it for the first time. I haven’t opened that diary in 9 years (maybe out of fear?), but I wanted to share a passage because it captures depression/what we’re all feeling during quarantine/all these emotions so perfectly…

You can be a strong person and you can be a happy person — I was both those things before I became depressed. But depression is a physical illness and it’s not something you can just power through with strength and a smile. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or lazy. It means you’re sick…and it’s not your fault. Let’s change the conversation around mental illness, OK?
The world is so scary right now, so I’m going to keep clinging to the things that bring me joy. No matter how small. Life is hard and confusing right now, but I hope y’all are having a good day today!! We’ll get through this together… xoxo

Coronavirus: Navigating Our New Reality

CoronavirusCoronavirus. COVID-19. Quarantine. Social distancing.

Just a few months ago, these words weren’t part of our vocabulary — especially those first two words. We were simply living our day-to-day lives, completely oblivious that it was all about to change.

If that sounds like the opening lines of a sci-fi or horror movie, well, you’d be right. And for the last two weeks (has it really only been TWO WEEKS?), our lives have felt exactly like one of those movies. We feel like we’re living on a movie set each time we turn on the news or open up the morning newspaper. The only difference between us and those movies? Ours is reality.

As the entire world grapples with the coronavirus outbreak, we’re all trying to adjust to this new normal in our lives. After my mom’s guest post last week, I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to say about all this because the past few weeks have been confusing and scary. It’s 2020 and we’re facing a pandemic — what can we do? Who do we turn to? How do we make it through the day?

I won’t pretend to have all the answers, of course, but I do know that we’re all in this together. To help us navigate our uncertain future, here are three things I’m trying to keep in mind…

CoronavirusStay informed

Science is our best defense, so it’s important to turn to the experts in the science community right now: Doctors, nurses, infectious disease experts and epidemiologists, just to name a few. They’re the ones on the front lines, taking care of patients and working around the clock to flatten the curve and contain the spread of COVID-19. Agencies like the CDC, World Health Organization and National Institutes of Health are great sources of accurate, reliable information.

Plus, look to journalists and reporters who are asking the tough questions and bringing us the news we need. Check out The New York Times and CNN for up-to-the-minute. And journalists like Jake Tapper, Jim Acosta, Charlotte Clymer, Molly Jong-Fast, Yashar Ali and Yamiche Alcindor? They’re all tweeting news in real time.

Also, here’s a great piece on where to find the best info to stay informed and safe.

A few more words about accuracy: Please make sure you’re using the correct terminology when it comes to talking about the virus. It’s coronavirus or COVID-19. It’s NOT the Chinese virus, as a certain “president” insists on calling it.

This is racist and xenophobic. This is coming from a “president” who is racist and xenophobic. He’s using this racist rhetoric to further shift blame and instill hate. The consequences are very dangerous and very real, as outlined in this wonderful article by my writer friend Jennifer Chen.

Stay home (if possible)

Yes, I understand that it is essential that some people go to work, but to everyone who is still going here, there and everywhere during amidst the coronavirus: I guarantee that you’re not going to suffer if you can’t go to the bar or frolic on the beach for spring break. But you know who could suffer???

The elderly

Those who have compromised immune systems

So quit being selfish and STAY HOME. There will be plenty of time for in-person socializing and shenanigans once it’s safe again for everyone! Please do your part to help as much as you can!

Stay connected (virtually, of course!)

As the virus continues to spread, social distancing has become a priority. We’re staying home. We’re self-quarantining. But while we do that, there’s no denying that being so isolated can wreak havoc on everything from our mood to our productivity level. Thank goodness for things like social media, FaceTime and virtual Netflix movie parties!

Here are 7 tips for thriving while social distancing. What have you found helpful and essential, friends?

CoronavirusFinal note…

While many of us are staying home to combat the coronavirus, let’s be sure to thank those who are on the front lines working to keep us safe while we self-quarantine…

Healthcare workers, doctors, nurses and CNAs who are taking care of our loved ones

Grocery personnel who are keeping stores open

Truck drivers who are delivering to restock those stores

Police and firefighters who are still on-call

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO…

How are you doing? I know things feel weird and lonely and just plain scary right now…I’ve been feeling all those emotions. It’s OK to feel all that, so be gentle with yourself today. I’m here for y’all and I love you! We’re all in this together, remember… xoxo

(I’m on spring break this week, but will still be active on Twitter and Instagram, so be sure to follow me there! I’ll be back to regular posting on Wednesday, April 1st.)

[First photos via Unsplash; mental health chart from Real Depression Project)

Why Mental Health Awareness Month Is So Important

Mental Health Awareness MonthMay is Mental Health Awareness Month. As I’m sure you all know by now, mental health is something that’s so important to me, especially how we view it and how we treat those who are struggling with love and compassion.

In honor of this month, I wanted to take a minute to remind you of a couple important things:

1. Mental illness is the SAME as physical illness. It’s not simply a matter of “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.” Would you say that to someone who had cancer? Would you say that to someone in a wheelchair? NO.

2. There is NO shame in seeking help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or a coward. It means you’re strong.

3. Never underestimate the importance of asking someone, “How are you?” It’s loving and powerful and caring. And those three words could very well save someone’s life.

Also, here are some of my favorite pieces on mental health that I’ve written over the years…

• How Phrases Like “I’m So OCD” Are Damaging

• 5 Things I’ve Learned About Suicide

• 5 Things I’ve Learned About Depression In 5 Years

• End The Stigma

• In Which I Have Some Deep Thoughts on Therapy

• On Facing My Depression

• How To Support A Loved One With PTSD  —  From Someone Who Has It

Mental Health Awareness MonthNever be afraid to speak out, friends. It’s the best thing we can do in this life. If you’re struggling, know that you are loved. Visit NAMI to learn about this year’s #CureStigma campaign and resources for getting help. We’re all in this together. Love you… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

How Phrases Like “I’m So OCD” Are Damaging

OCDI’m feeling feisty today, friends!! Why, you wonder? Well, it’s all thanks to a little post I came across on Facebook last night. The still from a video, above, actually. There is SO much I want to say about this, so I thought it only appropriate to turn it into a blog post. Let’s just state the truth right away: No, this is not OCD. This doesn’t even come close to being anything resembling Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

After all, my family would know.

I won’t go too much into it, but suffice it to say, my sister has struggled with OCD since she was in first grade. And by struggle, I mean she’s battled a true illness. It wasn’t just that she liked things in a certain order or despised a messy house. No, that wasn’t her life. Her OCD impacted every aspect of her life, from social situations to simply getting ready for the day.

But you know what? She’s fought and fought. She’s spent years staring down those demons, and I’ve seen first-hand how difficult and exhausting it can all be. It hasn’t been easy, but she’s never given up; I continue to be in awe of her strength and bravery. She’s not going to let OCD win.

So seeing people repost that horrible video on Facebook — people who I’m sure know someone who truly suffers from OCD — is incredibly insulting and hurtful. This is beyond insensitive and trivializes a legitimate medical condition, and it’s incredibly sad that people perpetuate the stigmas of mental health. Honestly, it’s 2017 — mental illness and making light of the very real pain of others is nothing to joke about. There’s no place for that now. And there’s especially no place for that in the future!

Perhaps my writer friend Pauline Campos puts it far better than I ever could. She’s been diagnosed with clinical obsessive-compulsive disorder and wrote about the damaging ways people use the term OCD for Marie Claire. As she writes…

Every Christmas, friends and colleagues one-up each other with how OCD they are about gift-wrapping or decorating the tree just so. Every spring, it’s practically OCD season as people who do not actually have obsessive-compulsive disorder reorganize their closet and then bandy about a legitimate mental illness as though a punchline.

Claiming your love for organizing is a disease makes the actual disease more difficult to take seriously, to acknowledge, and to receive treatment for when sufferers attempt to seek help. When people joke about “being OCD” in real life or on social media, they are trivializing the experiences of those who are truly suffering.

I have been diagnosed with clinical obsessive compulsive disorder. I’m here to tell you it’s not a joke.

And, it also shouldn’t be such a new or revolutionary idea to be compassionate and sympathetic to people who are suffering. That sympathy is something that should come first, not second, after you’ve already made fun of such a serious and sometimes debilitating condition. For the love of all that is good, PLEASE DON’T BE THAT PERSON.

OCDAnd maybe that’s the most important message I’m trying to get across in this post today: OCD is no laughing matter. Don’t flippantly reduce it to a joke. For anyone that thinks this is funny or “harmless fun,” it’s time for you to educate yourself because ignorance doesn’t help anyone. In fact, it’s downright damaging and dangerous. So, wake up, people!!!

It’s time people know better and realize that this isn’t OK. At all. Are you with me, friends? Isn’t it time we really work to erase the stigma once and for all? #LetsDoIt #MentalIllnessIsReal

[Bottom illustration via We Heart It]

World Mental Health Day: End the Stigma

World Mental Health DayI know we usually talk music on Tuesdays, but I want to get serious today for one very special and important reason: It’s World Mental Health Day…

I’ve always been a firm believer in talking openly and honestly about this often-taboo subject. Yes, I’ve battled depression and anxiety. Yes, I’ve been hospitalized for it. No, I’m NOT ashamed.

Mental illness is one of the most stigmatized and misunderstood illnesses in the world. It strikes everyone — young, old, rich, poor — and it doesn’t discriminate. It’s not going to go away because you’re “strong” or because mental illness doesn’t “happen to people like you.” If only things in life were that simple.

So we try to understand it, try to wrap our minds around these afflictions of the mind and try to find a simple, go-to explanation — something that will cure it once and for all. And when we realize nothing is ever that easy when it comes to mental illness? We start throwing around phrases that are decidedly unhelpful and downright damaging: “Just get over it.” “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” “You have no reason to be sad or anxious.”

Honestly, it’s these kinds of statements make me realize just how much work needs to be done to change things and to end that stigma because mental illness IS a physical illness. The worst thing you can say to someone struggling with a mental illness is to just get over it or buck up. That’s not how it works, unfortunately. So, please, educate yourself because I can guarantee you that mental illness will touch you at some point in your life, whether it’s you or a loved one. And just like a physical illness, people can’t get through something like depression or anxiety or OCD without the love and support of their loved ones.

We can all do our part to END THE STIGMA — today, tomorrow and forever. Here are some past pieces I’ve written on mental health…

•  “In Which I Have Some Deep Thoughts on Therapy”

•  “5 Things I’ve Learned About Depression In 5 Years”

•  “Wise Words on Crying”

•  “On Facing My Depression”

•  “How To Support A Loved One With PTSD — From Someone Who Has It”

•  “An Open Letter To Fellow Suicide Survivors On World Mental Health Day”

World Mental Health DayWhat words of wisdom do you have for dealing with a mental illness, friends? What can we do to be more supportive? If you’re struggling, please remember that YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I love you!!! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]