That’s the big question that’s been floating around my brain since Thanksgiving. Take yesterday, for example. My mom spent her Sunday afternoon like she usually does: Puttering around the kitchen listening to Christmas music. Of course, I was parked at my desk (aka, the kitchen table) trying to catch up on work. Every so often, the melody of a holiday tune would drift into my consciousness. The themes of said tunes were all the same — stories of love and family and good cheer.
But the song I related to the most?
Blue Christmas by Elvis.
Listening to the lyrics (like “You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas…”), I started to realize something: This is exactly how I feel this year. I see people getting in the holiday spirit and celebrating, and, well, I’m just not there…yet. I’m sure it has something to do with life’s turn of events. The last few months haven’t been particularly happy for my family. We went through a pretty devastating falling out with extended family — the loss of which only seems to be magnified this time of year, especially with the heavy focus on family and togetherness.
It’s not that I’m unhappy, though. So what’s between happy and unhappy? That’s pretty much where I am right now. Trying to find that silver lining. Trying to find a balance. Trying to surround myself with the people who love me unconditionally. Trying to record as many movies on the Hallmark Channel as possible.
The fact is, the holidays are hard. I wrote about this in 2015, and the words in that post are still as true as ever. The month of December will always will be, and there’s really no way of getting around it. I know this. But I also know this: I’m not going to let people make me feel guilty for how I feel. I’m not going to listen when they say I should “move on” from my grief, as if I should just get over it the same way I would get over something like breaking my leg or losing my favorite shirt.
Just because I haven’t found my Good Cheer yet doesn’t mean I won’t. I’m definitely trying my hardest! You can be sure of that, which is why I’m declaring the next TWO weeks Here For Holiday Cheer — both on the blog and in real life. We’ve started the “in real life” portion as you can see by the photos on this post. Our tree is up, all light and bright for the world (or at least our neighbors!) to see, and even I’ll be the first to admit that it is nice to turn off the lights, sit in front of it and just watch it glow. After all, there is something incredibly peaceful about that quiet, gentle activity.
How do you find the holiday cheer, friends, especially in hard times? What traditions or activities bring you the most comfort this time of year? I’d love for us to share what’s worked in the past!!! And be sure to read So About What I Said every day leading up to Christmas for holiday fun and finds, especially the annual Gift Guides… xoxo