In The Pursuit of Happiness: Lady Gaga Shuts Down Body-Shamers

Lady Gaga Shuts Down Body-ShamersIn last week’s Tuesday Tunes, we explored the musical magic of one Miss Lady Gaga. As I said then, he Super Bowl halftime performance was nothing short of incredible — from the stage to the dancing to all the incredibly powerful messages. But sadly, though, the lowly trolls had to come out of their hiding place and cause needless ruckus yet again. This time, the quips and barbs were directed at the singer’s body and weight (side note: can’t these trolls EVER come up with some more original zingers? I mean, what sad, sad people, right??), but Lady Gaga shuts down body-shamers on the regular, so she immediately went into Pro Fierce Mode and put them in their place…

I heard my body is a topic of conversation so I wanted to say, I’m proud of my body and you should be proud of yours too. No matter who you are or what you do. I could give you a million reasons why you don’t need to cater to anyone or anything to succeed. Be you, and be relentlessly you. That’s the stuff of champions.

THAT’S how it’s done, isn’t it? She didn’t need to resort to throwing insults back at the trolls. And you can tell that she certainly didn’t feel the need to overly defend herself, which I find so darn refreshing. This is a woman who seems truly happy in her own skin and this is why so many young women look up to her as a role model. Plus, she hasn’t been shy about sharing her own body struggles over the years, so seeing her in a place of contentment is truly something to celebrate!

We are so often the first to criticize, insult, ridicule and just generally talk down to ourselves, especially about how we look on the outside. It’s so easy that it’s become something of a knee-jerk reaction. And I’ll be the first to admit that it can be a VERY hard habit to break. It becomes something that gets ingrained in our psyche, planting its roots deep in our brains until we mistakenly start to think those false lies it tells us are true. Sometimes, we can’t even distinguish them from our own voice, you know? I’m so thankful that celebrities like Lady Gaga are here to share their story and let us all know that we’re not alone!

What are some lies you tell yourself, friends? How do you stop yourself from believing them at the end of the day? Any tips or tricks you’d like to share with us? We could all use a little pick-me-up today, don’t you think? #BeBraveBeYou… xoxo

In Defense of Being Alone

aaBeing alone sure gets a bad rap. It’s *almost* even worse than the plague or being seen in last year’s fashions. Surround yourself with people, people, people! Being alone is sort of like the kiss of death. There have been songs about it, books on the subject and movie/TV characters exploring the idea at every turn.

The horror!

And what’s more, we can’t want to be alone. We must never show any inkling of this desire for fear of friends and family bringing out the Kleenex and sitting us down for a heart-to-heart discussion that may or may not really be their attempts at an intervention. Times a-wasting and something must be done before all hope is lost. Something must be done before it’s too late, right? I mean, there must be something wrong with you if you want to be alone so much; people want to try and “fix” you, to perform some sort of miraculous exorcism by which that evil demon will loosen the tight grip it has on you. Or something like that.

Whoa! Are you tired yet? I know I am. This idea of choosing to be alone — it’s a lot to take in, apparently. I’m not sure how wanting to be alone ever became such a taboo thing in the first place. Surely there were cave people who were like, “Hey! Yes, you, fellow cave dweller…please leave me alone! I want to contemplate this fire thing all by myself!” They may not have used those exact words, but I’m willing to bet the overall sentiment was there, loud and clear.

Maybe it’s all because the idea of being alone is such a foreign concept to some people. Or, maybe it’s because it’s natural to sometimes project your feelings onto other people’s lives — we’ve all done it, haven’t we? But at the very root, I think it all comes down to assumptions. We’ve come to associate being alone with being unhappy, so we automatically assume that you must be miserably unhappy if you should find yourself alone. To be alone is to be sad, and no one would actively choose that, right?

Yet a lot of people confuse “being alone” with “being lonely,” and those are two entirely different concepts. You can be the most popular person in the world and constantly be surrounded by people — a steady stream of people going through the revolving door of your life.Or you can choose to feel like an island sometimes and be perfectly content. That is, you can be alone and — wait for it — LOVE IT. At least that’s the case with me. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to feel this way forever; who knows how I’ll feel in a month, a year or even five years from now. But today, I’m happy to be flying solo, to have time to myself and still feel completely present. Perhaps Mindy Kaling said it best when she spoke to Buzzfeed last year…

It’s funny, I used to freak out about being single much more in my twenties. I’ve noticed that the more professional success I have, or the more happy I am professionally, the less I worry about that because I have a great deal of professional confidence. I’ve noticed whenever I’ve felt the most boy crazy or when I wanted to get married it was when I was not so happy professionally. I have this thing and it’ll happen like five times a year on a Sunday night, the feeling like, Oh, a family would be great. Not even being in a relationship — but a family because I’m 35. I think what snaps me out of it is just the fact that I love being by myself. I think that if I was in the wrong relationship, which I have been in several, that would be so much worse than the feeling of autonomy I feel right now.

So, the lesson here? Don’t assume that there is something inherently wrong with craving alone time. It isn’t desperate or sad or pathetic. It isn’t abnormal and it certainly doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. Yes, people may try to change your mind or try to change who you are. Don’t let them. Being alone can be such a beautiful, freeing and refreshing experience. When else would you have the opportunity to really dig in and discovery who you are? I’ve learned so much about myself over the years, and I doubt I would have be able to do that if I was surrounded by people 24/7.

aa2LET’S ALL CELEBRATE BEING ALONE…you know, just not celebrating together!

Do you like being alone, friends? Why do you think it’s become taboo? How do you carve out some quality alone time for yourself? Any tips you’d like to share?? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

In The Pursuit of Happiness: Serena Williams on Heartbreak

There was a time when I was *sure* that all my surgeries were the ultimate worst. Like, the worst thing that could EVER happen to me. Especially throughout my teen years, I’d look around and think, “Wow, don’t my peers have it so easy?“

It wasn’t that I was constantly saying, “Woe is me…” and feeling sorry for myself — it was more of an observation, something that I noticed about the world around me. I’d hear peers and friends bemoan the confusing ins and outs of love and boyfriends, but I couldn’t imagine it being any more difficult or confusing than those 20+ surgeries I’d endured.
Well, I celebrated the 20th anniversary of my last surgery over the summer, and that milestone (hopefully!) signals the end of my medical journey — at least for the time being. And you know what I realized?
In the grand Surgeries vs. Relationships Debate, I’m completely wrong. And, I’ve been completely wrong all these years. Seriously wrong.
As it turns out, I’m not alone! Back in 2012, tennis ace Serena Williams shared a similar sentiment when she appeared on an episode of Piers Morgan Live…

“I think everyone kind of goes through [heartbreak]. It definitely isn’t a good feeling. I think having surgery is definitely a lot easier — having a pulmonary embolism is definitely a lot easier than a heartbreak.”

Heartbreak as something even worse than something like a pulmonary embolism? This was quite the deep revelation, people! Profound, even, and obviously something I’ve never thought of. I mean, I’d always looked at my medical past as a huge detriment — you know, as if it were thing gigantic obstacle that was unmovable and in my face ALL THE TIME. But, really, maybe those surgeries were a cake walk compared to matters of the heart — metaphorically, speaking, of course. Maybe heartbreak is akin to walking barefoot across a hot rake of flaming coals. Maybe getting through all those surgeries was really just a walk in the park, you know?

So the way I see it, I suppose I shouldn’t really feel all that bad by my spinning head when it comes to all this whole relationship stuff. And you know what that means, right? I. Am. Perfectly. Normal.


Hallelujah, friends! Now that is most definitely something to rejoice about! xoxo

[Quote via The Cut]

In The Pursuit of Happiness: Jennifer Aniston on Society’s Expectations For Women

She’ll be there for us — see what I did there? Jennifer Aniston stood up to body bullies everywhere last week when she took to the Internet to dispel those pesky pregnancy rumors that she just can’t seem to dodge these days.

Everyone’s favorite friend (ha, I did it again!) penned a refreshingly real and honest essay for The Huffington Post in which she took aim at the unrealistic expectations our society places on women…

If I am some kind of symbol to some people out there, then clearly I am an example of the lens through which we, as a society, view our mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, female friends and colleagues. The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing. The way I am portrayed by the media is simply a reflection of how we see and portray women in general, measured against some warped standard of beauty.

But what I *really* loved? I mean, loved to the point that I wanted to pump my fist in the air and scream, “YES! Thank you, Jennifer! That’s one victory for women!” — however, I’m in the quiet library right now, so I figured that wasn’t the very best idea…

Here’s where I come out on this topic: we are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone. Let’s make that decision for ourselves and for the young women in this world who look to us as examples. Let’s make that decision consciously, outside of the tabloid noise. We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves.

Hmmm, writing our own version of happily ever after. In our culture, that’s sort of a radical, out-there notion, isn’t it? We’re conditioned to want and strive for certain things in life — boyfriend, wedding, house, kids. In that order. If we deviate from that script, even ever so slightly, we’re criticized or labeled or bullied. And even though it shouldn’t, all this finger wagging can mess with our confidence and sense of self. We start to question if we’re on the “right” path and what is wrong with us if we’re not.

I know I’ve never been immune to all this bullying, and I’m forever having this internal conversation with myself where I’m trying to talk myself out of getting down on myself. Because it’s all too easy to let that outside noise become the voice you start to hear in your head — and we all know that outside noise is the LAST thing you need to be listening to. It lies and tries to get you all sorts of worked up. At the very least, I’ve found, it just makes you extremely tired and exhausted.

So, I say we change the conversation. I say we stop putting ourselves and others down just because of those crazy “expectations” we grew up with. I say we start living life on our terms, bullies be damned. And at the end of the day, I say we start celebrating each other because we’re pretty darn awesome just as we are. Who’s with me and Jennifer?? #BeBraveBeYou xoxo

P.S. More wise words on feminism, finding balance, body image, mental illness and being yourself! 🙂

In The Pursuit of Happiness: Prince Harry on Women’s Rights

Everyone was a-buzz over Princess Charlotte’s first-birthday photos recently, but it’s Prince Harry who seems to be having a moment of his own. He’s on the cover of this week’s PEOPLE and his recent speech in Nepal on women’s rights was truly inspiring. Have you seen it? His words really resonated with me, but this particular passage stood out…

Whether it’s a girl in Lesotho living with HIV; or the talented young woman in Britain who doesn’t get taken seriously because of where she grew up; or the 14 year old girl forced out of school so she can get married here in Nepal; we need to acknowledge that so many countries and cultures are failing to protect the opportunities of young women and girls in the way they do for boys. I believe it is vitally important for men like me to acknowledge this as loudly and openly as role models do like President Bhandari, the US First Lady Michelle Obama, and activists like Malala. As the First Lady has said, change needs to come from the bottom up. We won’t unlock these opportunities for young women and girls unless we can change the mindset of every family and community. To achieve this, it cannot just be women who speak up for girls.

In a world with far too many sexist misogynists who feel a sense of entitlement just for being a man, it’s SO refreshing to see Prince Harry step up to the front lines on such an important issue. In 2016, something as basic as education should be a right for all, not just a privilege reserved for the few. I’ve always said that when one group is held back, it’s detrimental to everyone, and I fully believe this.

A brighter tomorrow starts with change today, you know? Not to sound too much like an afterschool special, but this is something we all have to work together on if we ever want to see any real change. I just think of my own life and how over the years, my college degree is something I’ve taken for granted. I’d always just assumed college was the next step after high school, but even high school isn’t a guarantee for everyone. My degree has afforded me so many opportunities, like freelancing and writing this very blog, and everyone should have the same opportunities. It’s a matter of human rights, really.

OK, I’ll get off my soap box now, but I think you’d agree with me, friends! Go, Harry! xoxo

[Via Marie Claire]