We Need to Talk About the Capitol Attack

CapitolWelcome back, friends!! How have you been? I intended to start the year on the blog just like I usually do — you know, ease into 2021 slowly. Maybe share some photos from our holiday at home or even a post about all my hopes and dreams for the year ahead. And then I spent last Wednesday watching the scene unfold in Washington as a violent mob of Trump supporters stormed the Capitol and it was crystal clear yet again…

America has so much more work to do.

It’s that frustrated feeling I’m sure so many of you are experiencing right now too. The last week has left me feeling so angry and sad. Again. But I’m also, sadly, not surprised. Again.

For four years, we’ve seen Trump openly and unapologetically embolden and encourage his supporters. And last week, he literally emboldened them to storm the Capitol; just hours before the attack, he held a rally that was clearly a call-to-action moment for him — he knew exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it.

We’re going to have to fight much harder

We’re going to walk down to the Capitol

We will never give up…we will stop the steal

We fight like hell

Those are just some of the actual words Trump said in his speech, leaving virtually zero doubt as to his motives. Yes, he did indeed want to incite violence that day and he wanted his supporters to do it for him.

So it’s really no surprise at all that we saw those same supporters “walk down to the Capitol” as per Trump’s instructions. We saw them clad in their MAGA shirts waving Trump flags — and even more disgusting, we also saw the Confederate flag. We saw them push past police — well, the little amount of police that were there. We saw them climb the outside of the Capitol and we saw them vandalize the inside, including the lobby and the offices of Congress members.

It wasn’t a protest and it wasn’t peaceful. In fact, I’m not even sure you could call it a riot because I think we’re so beyond that at this point and we just need to call this event for what it was. This was a violent attack on the very heart of our democracy.

And, of course, we can’t ignore the blatant white privilege that was on display in how police responded — or, really, how they DIDN’T respond. Peaceful protesters marching in support of Black Lives Matter were shot with tear gas and immediately arrested over the summer. In contrast, the violent Trump mob storming the Capitol were able to post bragging videos on social media and take selfies WITH police.

Still think white privilege doesn’t exist??

CapitolSo here we are, almost a week later, and we’re left wondering: Where do we go from here?? I’m not sure and I won’t pretend to have all the answers, but I’m certain of one thing: None of what’s happened should be a surprise.

None. Of. It.

At. All.

Reminder that a lot of marginalized people like me are TIRED right now. We’ve been talking for years about Trump’s escalating behavior and dangerous politics, but some of y’all are just now clutching your pearls in surprise.

I’ll never understand that one — the writing was always on the wall here. I mean, I literally wrote about how toxic Trump is at least once a year for the last FOUR YEARS — in 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020. How could so many people have missed all those red flags and siren warning signs?? I’ve seen so many people saying things like “this isn’t who we are” and I’m over here like…

No, this is exactly who we are and it’s exactly who we’ve been, which is why I get so frustrated every single time I see these calls for unity as if we’re all going to sit around the campfire and sing “Kumbaya.” It’s just so rich to see some Republicans calling for healing and coming together after they’ve encouraged and enabled Trump on his baseless, conspiracy-theory, full-of-lies quest to overturn the election results and undermine the very fabric of democracy — how utterly staggering is that dose of hypocrisy?

The bottom line, as we move toward impeachment this week, is that it shouldn’t have taken a siege for some people to realize all the damage that Trump has caused. And it most certainly shouldn’t have taken four years to realize how toxic he is.

CapitolWhat are your thoughts, friends? How have you been feeling about everything that’s going on? Scared? Angry? Confused? All of the above? Where do you think we go from here? Let’s chat… xoxo

[Photos by Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images and Reuters]

We Need to Talk About Karen…

KarenWe need to have one of our serious conversations, friends!! And by serious, I mean the “Are you serious with this nonsense?” kind of conversation. Why?? Because I’ve just about had it with Karen and her shenanigans…

No, I’m not talking about a specific Karen, but by now, I’m sure you know the ones I’m talking about: Privileged, rude white women who refuse to recognize their privilege and have a sense of entitlement bigger than the suburban mansion they live in or that oversize SUV they drive.

And while the world has been dealing with the ravages and dangers of COVID, their behavior has only escalated, getting worse by the day. They don’t think they should have to social distance. They don’t want to wear a mask to get their daily Starbucks drink. They readily protest in the streets because they want their haircuts and mani-pedi and gosh darnit, anything less than their 100 percent freedom to live their cushy lifestyle is oppression.

In the last two months, we’ve met Central Park Karen who called the police because she felt unsafe in a bird-watching sanctuary. We also met Trader Joe’s Karen after her rant about not wearing a mask went viral. And just yesterday, we met McMansion Karen when she and her husband Ken stood outside their home and pointed their guns at PEACEFUL protesters!

Also yesterday, I found myself blocking and deleting all kinds of nonsense comments on Twitter and Instagram from people who were just…OMG…totally offended by the name. What a travesty! How on earth could I ever say something like that?

Then there was my personal favorite: You (meaning me) know what it’s like to be bullied, so you should know better. SHAME ON YOU.

That’s when I just stopped in my tracks.

Bullied? Are you kidding me? There aren’t enough eye-roll emojis in the world to express my utter disgust.

Sorry, Karen, I think you better look up the definition of “bullying” because it doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Yes, you’re right. I DO know what bullying is like. My experience with bullying had to do with people saying I should be euthanized. They said I wasn’t human and called me a thing.

I’ve experienced bullying. You, on the other hand, are merely being called out on your problematic behavior. That isn’t bullying. See the difference between the two yet? So excuse me if I don’t have much sympathy for your outrage over being called Karen.

KarenA Karen is so concerned and preoccupied with the name that they become oblivious to the dangerous and awful behavior it’s named for. Instead of clutching your pearls over the name, maybe step back and consider the issues behind the name and what it’s really about.

I love how my amazing writer friend Sa’iyda Shabazz describes the alarming trend…

The type of white women others call Karen often see themselves as victims. And the type of white women who defend them try to paint them as oppressed. But middle-aged, middle class white women do not face oppression by any stretch. In fact, they reap huge amounts of race and class privilege, and then they turn around and use that privilege to step on the necks of those under them, especially black women. Pointing out these realities is not oppressing the oppressors. It’s pushing back on the constructs of whiteness, the systems that enable these women’s actions. Calling a woman by the phrase is calling her out, not degrading her.

Let’s recap: Someone being offended by the term “Karen” is PEAK Karen and reveals a huge amount of privilege. Instead of clutching your pearls about the term itself, you should be more upset by the behavior behind it.

Really, y’all need to check yourselves because it’s exhausting.

It’s not about you. It’s not a personal attack on you. Stop being selfish, Karen. In fact, don’t be a Karen at all. And wear your damn mask on your next Starbucks run… xoxo

P.S. Yes, that first photo is Karen from Mean Girls…that’s SO meta!!!

[Bottom photo via Unsplash]

My Essay on The Daily Dot: “Forget Hot Jafar. All Hail Fat Ursula”

Hot JafarSo, if you follow me on Twitter, then you’ve probably seen me go on and on about my Hot Jafar piece for several months now and I’m so happy to say that it marks my first for The Daily Dot. I got about 12 rejections before that coveted yes, so this one feels extra special. Plus, I also got to write about Ursula, my favorite Disney villain!!

Seriously, even I started feeling like I was sounding like a broken record, but ever since I saw the first photos for the new live action Aladdin, I’ve been repeating these words: “Why did they ‘hot up’ Jafar? What about the female villains?”

That thought got me thinking about the portrayal of male vs. female villains in Disney movies — how female villains are always presented as fat or ugly while this new Aladdin gives us a Hot Jafar who looks like he just stepped off the set of a Calvin Klein commercial. What is this nonsense about??

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I proclaim my undying love and devotion to a certain sea witch named Ursula because, let’s face it, SHE’S the best and baddest Disney villain of all time…

In the original Aladdin, Jafar is far from conventionally attractive; he’s slimy and sleazy. But now that he looks like he’s just stepped off the set of a Calvin Klein commercial, people are “rooting for Jafar.” Ursula, on the other hand, remains a cautionary tale. Fat is bad. Fat can’t be beautiful. Fat can’t be sexy. Don’t let this happen to you, you poor unfortunate female soul. Would Disney trust the American public to think Ursula was bad if she wasn’t fat? Doubt it.

In other words, gender stereotypes are still alive and well in the wonderful world of Disney. These messages are telling young audiences, especially young girls, that “ugly” means evil. That as long as you’re hot, then it doesn’t matter if you do bad things.

Hot JafarYou can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

How The Big Bang Theory Finale Insulted Its Female Characters

Big Bang TheoryDid you watch The Big Bang Theory series finale last week? After 12 years, it was time to say goodbye to Sheldon and company. I’ll admit, I was sad to see their stories come to an end, but there was one thing that made me even sadder (and madder and more frustrated): The send-off the show gave to its female characters!

You all know I’ve been a fan of the show from the very beginning. Back in the days when Penny worked as a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory and Raj couldn’t talk to women without, umm, a little liquid courage. Back in the days when Sheldon struggled to learn the finer nuances of sarcasm and Wolowitz lived with his mother — may she rest in peace.

I’ve been there for it all, so maybe that’s why I found myself pretty disappointed in the Grand Finale Shebang — pun intended (Bazinga!). I was expecting to see Sheldon’s mom, sister and Georgie — the three characters we’ve all come to know and love on back-in-time Young Sheldon. Speaking of Young Sheldon, I was also half hoping to meet his childhood neighbor Billy Sparks as an adult.

At the very least, I was expecting to be moved and to see a finale fitting of a show that had made such an indelible mark on pop culture. I mean, what other show in recent memory has made smart the new sexy?

You’re right! I can’t think of one either. But we didn’t get that finale. Instead, we got one that felt rushed, and, perhaps in an effort to wrap things up, we got a finale that, honestly, felt out of sync with the spirit of the show. For a show that’s heralded its strong female characters and female scientists, the episode did a huge disservice to its female characters!

Big Bang TheoryThe irony of this is certainly not lost on me. Two things (WARNING: Spoilers ahead)…

Amy goes from “plain” to “pretty“: No, Amy DID NOT need to get a makeover! She was a brilliant scientist who won a Nobel Prize. When are shows going to stop relying on that insulting makeover trope? So much of what I loved about Amy was that she never bowed to convention or bucked to tradition, and she was a really empowering role model for young girls, especially in an age where society is all about these unrealistic beauty ideals that are impossible to live up to.

Penny is pregnant: Penny always said she never wanted kids, but BOOM, what do you know, she ends up pregnant in the end. Plus, at a time when women are fighting for the right to have control and autonomy over their own bodies, this story line felt particularly tone deaf and insensitive. Because even in the fictional world of The Big Bang Theory, women’s autonomy is incredibly important. We can’t forget that just because this is a sitcom, you know?

I think there’s a wider cultural commentary to be made here. The commentary, I think, could even go beyond The Big Bang Theory and talk about how even in fictional world, women can’t escape these toxic tropes and unrealistic standards!

“You must want to have kids. You just don’t know it yet!”

“Here, why don’t you have a makeover!”

In fact, people seemed so much more outraged over Raj ending up alone than they did with this blatant sexism, and, truthfully, I just can’t.

Writer Kathryn VanArendonk summed up my feelings perfectly in her piece for Vulture…

“From what we see after Penny discovers she’s pregnant offscreen, we have to assume that she’s pleased, whether or not she made a choice about staying pregnant. But it’s hard to overstate how much this plot — which was surely intended as a sweet, hopeful end — instead comes off as thoughtless and tin-eared at best, dismissive and condescending at worst. In an otherwise heartwarming finale for these characters, after 12 years spent together on one of TV’s most popular shows, it’s infuriating and unfortunate that The Big Bang Theory would essentially erase a woman’s right to choose from her own narrative.”

Indeed, the finale was dismissive and condescending all around. In the end, it was just a real letdown after more than a decade of being so invested in these characters. After all, their lives and their stories, though obviously fiction, came to be a part of our lives and part of our stories. I only wish Amy and Penny had gotten the endings that they truly deserved. Why they didn’t is one mystery I’ll be unraveling for all of eternity.

Big Bang TheoryThank you for listening, err, reading, friends! I desperately neeeeeeded to rage-write these feelings! What did you think of the finale, friends? Were you a fan? How would you have liked to see the gang’s journey end? With a bang? Yes, that pun was definitely intended… xoxo

On Alabama’s Abortion Ban and Women’s Autonomy

Abortion BanOriginally, I had planned on writing this post next week, but after Alabama’s abortion ban vote yesterday, I knew it couldn’t wait another day. Things really are that dire, and women’s lives are literally at stake here.

Late Tuesday night saw the Alabama Senate vote 25-6 to pass the country’s most restrictive abortion bill — one that contains ZERO exceptions even in cases of rape and incest. And yesterday, the state’s governor Kay Ivey signed the bill into law, cementing a future that is treacherous and all too similar to The Handmaid’s Tale.

Yes, a WOMAN governor signed that bill, a cruel twist that shouldn’t be ignored, even invoking God in her reasoning: “This legislation stands as a powerful testament to Alabamians’ deeply held belief that every life is precious and that every life is a sacred gift from God.”

Really? Every life is precious? Every life? That doesn’t seem even remotely accurate from where I and so many Americans are standing right now. And, frankly, where we have been standing for years, all the way back to the passage of the landmark Roe v. Wade in 1973 — and, to be sure, in the years before the legislation.

Make no mistake. This is a full-on war on women’s autonomy; it’s dangerous, harmful and, once again, tells women that they don’t matter. Alabama’s abortion ban further confirms what many of us have known for YEARS: Pro-life is a misnomer. If you don’t believe in protecting women’s lives, it’s past time that you stopped calling yourself pro-life. I just want to shout five words from the rooftops to the entire world…

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

This isn’t rocket science and this is something we should already know: Women are human. They’re people who deserve bodily autonomy just like men. Society likes to tell women that they should smile more while simultaneously taking away our reproductive rights, paying us less, talking over us and generally treating us as second-class citizens.

Well, guess what? Women aren’t smiling. And we shouldn’t have to, either.

I’ve also been trying to wrap my mind around Alyssa Milano’s proposed sex strike and…just no. It’s a dangerous step back for women and goes against everything women have fought so hard for. It once again reduces women to an object that can be used as a bargaining chip. It tells women that their sole purpose in being intimate is procreation — and it puts the onus on them to prevent pregnancy when men are just as responsible. Please, let’s not push this toxic, outdated narrative. It doesn’t help anyone.

The essay “Men Cause 100% of Unwanted Pregnancies” by Gabrielle Blair explains things perfectly, especially when it comes to holding men accountable: “Often, men don’t know, don’t ask, and don’t think to ask if they’ve caused a pregnancy. There are often zero consequences for men who cause unwanted pregnancies.”

Abortion BanWhat We Can Do NOW: It’s easy to feel helpless, but there are some wonderful organizations doing amazing work to help women, like Planned Parenthood and NARAL, which advocates for a woman’s right to choose. Also, The Yellowhammer Fund, part of NNAF, is based in Alabama and provides funding for abortions at the state’s three abortion clinics as well as helps eliminate economics barriers for patients, such as travel and lodging.

The Cut put together this helpful round-up with tons of other ways to get involved, and I encourage you to read and share it on social media.

I’m honestly scared of where we go from here, but let’s get something straight about what this ban is really about. It’s not about protecting life. It’s about controlling women and taking away autonomy over their own bodies. This is what Alabama said to every woman this week: You don’t matter. Your rights don’t matter. You are not a person. Conservatives want to keep their guns while women are desperately fighting to keep their bodies.

If nothing else, we must remember this: My body. My choice. My rights. We must always keep fighting against the abortion ban, friends… xoxo

[Top photo: Representative Pat Schroeder (D-CO) addresses a rally on abortion rights; Bottom photo by Marc Nozell/Flickr]