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Wednesday, October 23, 2019

How Meghan McCain Talking About Her Grief Journey Shaped My Own

Meghan McCainMeghan McCain is celebrating her 35th birthday today!! Y’all know I’m a fan girl, right? Or maybe you didn’t if you’re a new blog reader? In that case, you should know that one of the highlights of the summer was going to a taping of The View!!

But it’s Meghan’s willingness to talk about the taboo subject of grief that has truly meant the most to me recently. Following the death of her father, the late Senator John McCain, she’s started a much-needed conversation by talking openly about her grief. It’s something our society doesn’t do. In fact, it’s something we actively discourage, but she gives a voice to it — to the darkness, to the pain, to the emptiness that loss leaves.

We’re told to “work through our grief” and while the intensity may change over the years, grief never fully goes away. It lingers — through holidays, anniversaries, birthdays. It’s that hole in your heart that can never be filled. And. That’s. OK.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my father and I think it’ll always be this way. One of the WORST things we can do is tell someone how to grieve. Don’t do this. You’re not being helpful and you’re just further stigmatizing grief. We need to talk more, not less.

I recently wrote about the horrible trend of ‘grief-shaming’ and it sickens me that we even have a word for this because it shouldn’t be a thing in 2019. But I’ve experienced it — people telling me to move on & get over it. People telling me to stop writing about my dad — I mean, obviously, I’m not going to stop writing about him. Ever. But, ugh ugh. We shouldn’t be getting grief from other people as we continue to do the very hard, life-changing work of processing our own grief, you know?

Anyway, here’s the piece I wrote in the hopes that people start looking at grief as a journey and not a destination…

“Grief is as individual as the person going through it. There is no right way, no one size fits all. Grief is an individual journey and no one can tell us how to do it. We must find the way that works for us and not judge others because they may grieve differently.

I’m always going to talk about my father, my grief and my journey. It’s all part of my life and my story. We each have to move through grief at our own pace and in a way that is comfortable for us.”

As Meghan herself wrote in an Instagram post shortly before the one-year anniversary of her father’s death: “Last year tomorrow, August 25th was the worst day of my life. I lost my hero. I miss my father every single day, I will for the rest of my life. Grief is omnipresent and relentless. The memory of my father’s life continues to guide me today, as it always will.”

Meghan McCainHappy birthday, Meghan McCain!! Thank you for talking about grief and being so open and honest about your journey. You’ve been a voice for so many of us who have also lost a parent. I know your dad is with you today!! Sending lots of love… xoxo

P.S. Plus, can I just say how incredibly badass Meghan McCain is? She can hold her own and I love that she’s a strong woman who doesn’t back down!!

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1 Comment Filed Under: family, grief, inspiring women

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

AOC Gets a Haircut. Nancy Pelosi Stands Firm. And I’m Here For ALL of It

Nancy PelosiOK, so I’ve wanted to pitch op-eds recently about Nancy Pelosi and AOC, but, you know, time just didn’t want to be on my side for some reason — well, the usual reasons. Then I had a brilliant writer idea: Why not just write one HUGE, super-duper op-ed on the blog?

And that, friends, is how we got here, to this very post.

First, we need to talk about “the president” and his bullying tweets to Nancy Pelosi last week. Not only is this taunting disgusting, but it’s yet another example of how society views strong women who speak their minds. We call them “unhinged” and “hysterical.” When a man does it, though, we say he’s a “leader” and “passionate.”

I look at this photo and all I see is Nancy Pelosi holding her own in a room full of men who want her to “be quiet.” And the fact that she made this her cover photo on Twitter just makes her even more badass, don’t you think??

Nancy PelosiIf that incident wasn’t bad enough, not even two weeks before, the headlines practically screamed these words (I’m paraphrasing here, obviously)…

OMG, have you heard the scandalous news? AOC…got…a…haircut.

I’ve been rolling my eyes so hard over this for weeks. The criticism is absurd and just another example of the catch-22 mixed messages women face every day. Women are expected to meet these unrealistic beauty standards. Things usually go something like this…

If they DON’T meet them, they’re criticized.

If they DO meet then, they’re criticized.

Either way, women can’t win. Plus, we don’t usually see the same criticism when it comes to men and how much money they spend on haircuts or clothes or…well, virtually anything!

I mean, these mixed messages don’t just happen. We start teaching young girls that these are the values that matter, that these are the things expected of them, from a very, very young age.

Society to young women: You can be anything you want to be…

Also society: But, don’t forget to be likeable…

Why do we send young women these mixed messages?? Instead, how about we flip the script completely? How about we start saying things like this…

Girls can be tough and fierce and outspoken.

Girls can be gentle and chill and soft-spoken.

There’s no “right way” to be a girl. The greatest gift we can give them is to just let them BE. Today and always. 

Why do we insist that women be likable as if it’s some Holy Trait?? I’m pretty sure Nancy Pelosi is more concerned with doing what’s best for the country than making sure people like her. And AOC was just going about living her life and getting a haircut. This isn’t some high school popularity contest. And yet, it always seems like women are losing no matter what they say or do. What is it with these never-ending and toxic double standards. And when will they end? What if they never do?

Nancy PelosiAs for me? I recently got a haircut too!! Short hair, I soooo care! Feeling like a new woman — and literally like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Now the only thing that’s wild and unruly is my personality.

And, YES, I got a haircut. Don’t come for me…

What are your thoughts, friends? What sorts of toxic double standards have you just had enough of lately? Feel free to vent in the comments… xoxo

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5 Comments Filed Under: A Woman's Word, Election, inspiring women

Monday, September 23, 2019

Sharpay Evans Deserved Better In High School Musical

Sharpay Evans Sharpay EvansVery Important Question: Did you hear about the online fervor last week over High School Musical troublemaker Sharpay Evans? Was she really the villain people made her out to be?

I’m here to tell you (along with a large portion of the internet) this hot take: Sharpay Evans deserved better. So much better.

Allow me to plead my oh-so-fabulous case!

We were introduced to the East High Wildcats in 2006 and our lives were never the same. The trilogy followed Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay and the rest of their precocious classmates living that teenage life — everything from putting on their school’s spring musicale to spending the summer working in a posh country club to, fittingly, walking across the stage on graduation day.

And while we all had our favorites (I see you Troy and Gabriella shippers out there!), you will never convince me that Sharpay Evans was ever anything other than truly BADASS. Over a decade later and she’s still the perfect tableau for our times. She’s confident. She knows what she wants. And she goes after it. If she were a man, we’d call it ambition, so why do we label Sharpay the villain? Even Ashley Tisdale, the actress who brought Sharpay to life, weighed in on her character’s redemption.

Sharpay EvansPlus…why do we have to compare her to Gabriella in the first place? The movies seem to set up this narrative that Gabriella is the perfect princess while Sharpay is the evil stepsister intent on ruining the lives of her classmates. No, full stop. Stop. Pitting. Women. Against. Each. Other. Sharpay worked incredibly hard, knew her worth and knew that she deserved to star in the musical. She tirelessly danced and sang and rehearsed; she perfected her craft and remained ever determined, yet Troy and Gabriella just waltzed in and scooped up the leads!

So I ask you: Where is the justice for Sharpay?? She was serious about her craft. She was dedicated. That’s something that should be celebrated, not painted with this brushstroke that she’s evil and manipulative.

Maybe the character of Sharpay really mirrors our times, where women aren’t supposed to be proud of ourselves (that’s seen as vain and narcissistic) or overly ambitious (that’s seen as domineering and cutthroat). Looks like this Disney musical is deeper than it looks…just like Sharpay Evans herself! After all, Evans just wanted to bop to the top! What’s wrong with a little ambition in life? She just needed a little fabulous. Is that so wrong?

Sharpay EvansWere you a fan of Sharpay when High School Musical came out? What’s your favorite song from the film, friends? Am I the only one who gets those toe-tapping gems stunk in my head for days? I mean, I’m not exactly complaining here… xoxo

P.S. Which side of Sharpay are you?

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2 Comments Filed Under: inspiring women, movies, music

Monday, September 16, 2019

My Essay on CNN Opinion: “What I Learned After My Troll-Defying Tweet Went Viral”

TweetOne of my writing goals for the remainder of 2019 was to publish my 20th op-ed on CNN Opinion. It feels very fitting that 20th piece is about what I’ve learned from going viral with my tweet last week.

The last week has felt like a surreal dream and I did my best to put that dream into words! That’s also one of my favorite things about writing — to be able to process what’s happened to me. Because let’s face it: The events of the last week have left A LOT to process. Don’t get me wrong — I’m so grateful for everything that has happened. But a lot has happened in such a short amount of time, and it was certainly nice to sit down and reflect on it.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I learned that so many women journalists are concerned about their safety these days because of their work…

I won’t pretend that those words didn’t sting, but I knew that I couldn’t let them win. I’m going to give them the exact opposite of what they want, I thought. They don’t want me to post photos of myself? Well, that’s exactly what I’m going to do!

The fact that this simple tweet has taken on a life of its own is both surreal and overwhelming, but I’m so glad that I tweeted my photos. It was my message to trolls and haters, my way of saying “I’m taking back my power.”

All the women journalists I know? We’re not going anywhere. We’re still here and we’re staying here. We’re going to continue to do our jobs and we’re going to continue to exist on social media. The world is already so unsafe for women. We shouldn’t have to feel unsafe online too.

I also want to give a special THANK YOU to my editors Jane and Yaffa ​​ — two of the most amazing editors I’ve ever worked with! They’ve made me a better writer and I’ve learned so much from them! Everyone should have a Jane and Yaffa in their corner!!

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so I see your tweet and we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

[Photo via Unsplash]

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4 Comments Filed Under: CNN Opinion writing, Disability, inspiring women

Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Taylor Swift Re-Recording Her Albums Sends a Powerful Message

Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift taking back her power by re-recording her albums is my 2019 mood.

That was my first thought when I heard the news that Taylor Swift is planning to re-record her first five albums. The decision comes after the singer’s music catalog was bought by Scooter Braun in a $300 million deal between his Ithaca Holdings and Big Machine Label Group. Following the sale of her music, Swift took to her Tumblr and shared these powerful words…

“I learned about Scooter Braun’s purchase of my masters as it was announced to the world. All I could think about was the incessant, manipulative bullying I’ve received at his hands for years…Any time Scott Borchetta has heard the words ‘Scooter Braun’ escape my lips, it was when I was either crying or trying not to. He knew what he was doing; they both did. Controlling a woman who didn’t want to be associated with them. In perpetuity. That means forever.”

Like so many women, I was disgusted by the sale of her music catalog, especially in light of the fact that Braun has a history of bullying and manipulating the “Lover” singer-songwriter. Yes, artists have their work bought and sold all the time. That’s nothing new. But this sale didn’t feel like a business decision at all; it felt incredibly vindictive.

Taylor SwiftIt was yet another reminder that men in 2019 still think they can control women — everything from our bodies to our livelihoods. We’ve seen men using and abusing their power over and over. They use it as a way to undermine women, as a way to assert their dominance and make women feel “less than.”

That’s why Swift’s decision to re-record her music made me want to cheer “YES.” Why? Because it wasn’t just about her being able to own a version of her songs again or make money off her early work. This was about making a statement about women and power. It’s a statement that I heard loud and clear too: Women aren’t going to be controlled. What happened to Taylor happens to women every day; women speaking out and standing up for themselves and men trying to exert power and control. I’ll have none of it. None. Of. It.

Taylor SwiftPlus, who can forget Justin Bieber’s response? The singer posted a really mansplaining, non-apology apology Instagram post in which he basically scolded her for writing her blog post about the situation. He questioned her, insulted her…and then ended with “but we love you!” NO. What’s up with men who gaslight women? Why are men constantly trying to silence women?

The same thing happened to me this summer when a man tried to make me “rethink” a blog post — coincidentally, it was this post. What happened to Taylor happens to women every day; women speaking out and standing up for themselves and men trying to exert power and control. I’ll have none of it. None. Of. It.

Writer Danielle Campoamor summed it up perfectly in her recent CNN Opinion op-ed…

“As women, we’re to blame. We’re too aggressive. We just want attention. We don’t love ourselves enough. We’re manipulative. We’re not his type. We’re too much. We’re dramatic. We’re feuding.

And, like Swift, far too many of us are watching what we’ve worked so hard for fall into the hands of men who seek to control us, whether it be via our legacies, our reputations, our bodies, or our success.”

Yes, indeed. Women are taking back their own power and I’m here for it. All. Of. It. Are you with me, friends? What are your thoughts on Taylor Swift taking back her power?? I’d love to hear them!! xoxo

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5 Comments Filed Under: Entertainment and Media, inspiring women, music

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So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...

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