World Mental Health Day: End the Stigma

World Mental Health DayI know we usually talk music on Tuesdays, but I want to get serious today for one very special and important reason: It’s World Mental Health Day…

I’ve always been a firm believer in talking openly and honestly about this often-taboo subject. Yes, I’ve battled depression and anxiety. Yes, I’ve been hospitalized for it. No, I’m NOT ashamed.

Mental illness is one of the most stigmatized and misunderstood illnesses in the world. It strikes everyone — young, old, rich, poor — and it doesn’t discriminate. It’s not going to go away because you’re “strong” or because mental illness doesn’t “happen to people like you.” If only things in life were that simple.

So we try to understand it, try to wrap our minds around these afflictions of the mind and try to find a simple, go-to explanation — something that will cure it once and for all. And when we realize nothing is ever that easy when it comes to mental illness? We start throwing around phrases that are decidedly unhelpful and downright damaging: “Just get over it.” “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” “You have no reason to be sad or anxious.”

Honestly, it’s these kinds of statements make me realize just how much work needs to be done to change things and to end that stigma because mental illness IS a physical illness. The worst thing you can say to someone struggling with a mental illness is to just get over it or buck up. That’s not how it works, unfortunately. So, please, educate yourself because I can guarantee you that mental illness will touch you at some point in your life, whether it’s you or a loved one. And just like a physical illness, people can’t get through something like depression or anxiety or OCD without the love and support of their loved ones.

We can all do our part to END THE STIGMA — today, tomorrow and forever. Here are some past pieces I’ve written on mental health…

•  “In Which I Have Some Deep Thoughts on Therapy”

•  “5 Things I’ve Learned About Depression In 5 Years”

•  “Wise Words on Crying”

•  “On Facing My Depression”

•  “How To Support A Loved One With PTSD — From Someone Who Has It”

•  “An Open Letter To Fellow Suicide Survivors On World Mental Health Day”

World Mental Health DayWhat words of wisdom do you have for dealing with a mental illness, friends? What can we do to be more supportive? If you’re struggling, please remember that YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I love you!!! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

In Which I Have Some Deep Thoughts on Therapy

Deep Thoughts on TherapyI’m still not quite sure how it happened. Maybe it was the fact that I was sitting outside and soaking up the afternoon summer sun or maybe I was just feeling particularly zen, but last week, I felt all sorts of philosophical about things! So much so that I posted these deep thoughts on therapy on social media while I was waiting for my monthly therapy session to start…

Off to my monthly therapy session. I’ve been in therapy for 14 years and although I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, I still need this monthly check-in. I could get down on myself about that, but I don’t. Because there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s healthy and healing. Taking care of yourself is a beautiful thing. #BeBraveBeYou #MentalHealthAwareness

It’s been a long road, obviously, but I do feel like I’m getting to a better place. So perhaps that’s positive? Take it from me, friends, there is NO SHAME in going to therapy and taking care of your mental health. It’s actually the most beautiful gift you could ever give yourself. You deserve it, don’t you think? xoxo

P.S. 10 Things I’d Tell You About Depression.

[Photo via We Heart It]

In Which I Reflect on My Disability…

Clarity is a funny thing. It’s something we all want, but it’s one of those things that can’t be rushed. It’s going to come in its own sweet time. Still, that doesn’t stop us from constantly looking for that light bulb moment.
Eventually, that light bulb moment comes shining through — sometimes, just when you need it the most. I was doing some cleaning over the weekend and came across these words. I wrote them some six years ago, when I was deep in the throes of my depression.

I hate my disability right now. I always thought I had come to terms with it and even learned to love it, but now it just makes me feel useless, like some giant waste of space. What is my purpose? How can I be a contributing member of society? I just want to make my family proud, and I feel like I’m letting them down.

And speaking of family, I touched on them, too…

I worry about my family. I feel so traumatized by my father’s death, and I’m scared that those panicky feelings are never going to go away. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to feel like I’m sinking. But at the same time, I also don’t want to be a burden to the people I love the most in the whole world. We used to be so happy — nothing bad, it seemed, ever happened to us — and now I don’t know how we’ll ever make it to the other side of this journey. I need my family. I need them more than they probably even realize. I need them to tell me everything is going to be OK. I need them to love me. I need them to hold onto me so I can just stop sinking. And sometimes, I just want to sit with them and cry — cry on their shoulders and just get all my worries out.

It’s interesting that I’d choose to focus on something like my disability, especially considering all the emotions running through me at the time. But maybe it was important that I dealt with these feelings then because it helped give me such a clear sense of clarity now.

It’s strange how things work out like that sometimes, isn’t it? Have you ever felt like this, friends? How did your moment of clarity arrive? xoxo

10 Things I’d Tell You About Depression

It’s hard to believe, but it’s been five years since I battled depression. I say ‘battled’ because that’s really the most accurate way to describe it. It IS a battle. You’re in battle. You’re entrenched in this war against something that feels so much bigger than you could ever be; it has this intense power over you and it seems intent on taking you down, no matter the cost. You have no idea where this depression monster came from and you have no idea when it’s going to go away. All you know is that it’s overstayed its welcome, and all you want to do is run far, far away from it.

That’s how everything played out for me — almost like a long, extended, replaying nightmare. My depression came on slowly starting in the fall. It was such a sneaky, insidious little thing that I didn’t even pick up on it at first. I just knew that something didn’t feel right at all; the worst part was that nothing necessarily happened to bring on those feelings, which just made things even more confusing. It all seemed to come out of the blue. I felt like my old self one day, and then I woke up the next morning and thought to myself, “OK, something has shifted. What is going on here?“

I had no idea what was going on, and over the following weeks and months, I started to feel worse and worse. I slipped into a deep depression, and it wasn’t pretty. For the first time in my life, I understood what people meant when they talked about falling down a black hole and struggling to claw your way out.

Like I said, it was truly a battle. But, thankfully, it was a battle I eventually won, and now that it’s been a full five years, I feel like I can look back on that time with a somewhat different perspective. I’ve learned some things, grown in some ways and know that I still have so far to go on this journey. For those struggling (and for the Melissa of 2010), here are 10 Things I’d Tell You About Depression…

1. You are still you: And more importantly, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DEPRESSION…I can’t stress that enough, hence the need for all caps! You are separate. It may not feel like it right now, but your soul is still in there, even though it feels like the depression has buried it under miles and miles of sadness. Take comfort in the fact that the essence of you hasn’t gone anywhere.

2. Depression isn’t just about being “sad“: Sure, that’s the emotion that gets top billing in pope culture and psych textbooks, but depression is about so much more than that surface emotion — it’s so much more nuanced, intricate and complicated. One minute I felt sad, and the next minute, I felt so anxious that even concentrating to do the simplest of tasks was near impossible. Blogging, something I loved just a couple months prior, was too overwhelming all of a sudden; you might remember that all I could muster was my measly Tuesday Update post sometimes. So don’t be surprised or alarmed when you find that there are a whole host of other symptoms waiting in the wings.

3. You will come out on the other side: That’s the mantra my mother kept telling me, but I didn’t believe it. Or rather, I couldn’t hear her because the depression was yelling louder and telling me, “That’s it. This is how you’re going to feel for the rest of your life. Better just accept it because there’s nothing you can do about it.” But that wasn’t true — and it will NEVER be true. I promise you WILL come out on the other side.

4. There are things you can do: It’s so easy to feel helpless and hopeless. I know I did — A LOT. Sometimes, you just want to crawl in that black hole and never come out, but it is so important to do things for you! It will help you defeat that depression, trust me. Watch your favorite TV show. Go for a walk. Journal. Cook. Spend time with the people you love. Nothing is too small and can make the biggest difference.

5. Don’t feel guilty or weak: Depression is something that happens TO you, and it’s nothing that you brought on yourself. It’s not as if you suddenly wanted to feel this bad, right? So why are you being so hard on yourself? Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d treat a loved one who was suffering. Love and kindness turned inward goes a long way.

6. Don’t be afraid of medication: I firmly believe it saved my life at the time. I’ll never be ashamed of taking medication; it can give you your life back when nothing else seems to be working. And of course, you know I’m a huge proponent of therapy! #NoShame, remember?


7. Depression is just as real as a physical illness: This is one I’ve been trying to drive home to my sister for years because it’s such an important one and such an undervalued one. People who get cancer, essentially, have something that’s attacking their body. Depression is sort of like cancer cells in that they’re attacking you — your life, your thought patterns, everything. You’ve been hijacked. Call that depression out for what it is — a disease.


8. Depression isn’t something you can just snap out of: Heck, if that were true, no one would get depressed, right? My blood boils to the nth degree whenever I hear people say, “Oh, come on, we all get sad! Just snap out of it!” If only it were that easy, you know?

9. Don’t listen to the lies: That evil depression is going to tell you some doozies, trust me. But none of them will actually be true, no matter how real they seem. Just like the rule of never feeding gremlins after midnight, NEVER feed into those lies. Ever.

10. Depression is a lifelong disease: I’m under no illusion that I’m 100 percent cured. I know I’m not, and honestly, I think about that fact a lot. OK, maybe more than is healthy sometimes. But I think it’s all part of the process, of remembering where you’ve been and reminding yourself that you’ll continue to have some good days and some not-so-good days ahead. Remember: You. Can. Do. It. Don’t let depression or anyone else tell you that you can’t.

This depression journey is one I’m still on, but it’s so important to talk about it and keep the conversation going. Because the depression wants you to stay silent and let it take over. Don’t let it. You’re too important and too loved to let it defeat you.

And, never be afraid to get help if you or someone you know is struggling. Both the National Institute of Mental Health and the National Alliance on Mental Illness are great resources, and if you’re ever feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Help is out there. You are never alone. xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

My Essay on Woman’s Day: “How Coming Off Antidepressants Taught Me to Give Myself More Credit”

Did you know that May is Mental Health Awareness Month? Obviously, this is a topic near and dear to my heart, so I was really proud to see my newest essay How Coming Off Antidepressants Taught Me to Give Myself More Credit go live on Woman’s Day this week. I wrote about the experience of deciding to come off some of my medications following my depression. It’s been a journey and one I’ve been wanting to talk about. I’ll no doubt be writing more about it in future blog posts, but this essay serves as a good overview!

Here’s an excerpt of the essay, where I unleash my trademark honesty…

To my relief, the meds continued to work, and life settled into a comfortable, familiar rhythm. So when my mom first suggested that I think about going down on my dosage, I was very hesitant. After all, I liked how things were now; why should I change a good thing?

“You’re on a lot of medication, and of course you needed it when your depression was so acute,” she said. “But you’re out of the woods and doing so well these days. Just think about it.”

She had a point. It had been nearly five years since I was hospitalized. For some reason, though, despite improving, I continued to cling to those pill bottles; they’d become some sort of security blanket. Maybe I couldn’t live without them.

My biggest fear was relapsing and ending up back in the hospital — having to drudge back up that mountain of recovery for a second time was just too overwhelming to even think about. I’d become afraid of who I was with the medication and even more afraid of who I’d become without them.

But maybe I could live — even thrive — without them. Maybe, at long last, it was time for a change. Those meds had saved my life and were there at a time when I needed them most, but you know what I’d also realized over the last few years? I saved my own life, too.



You can read the full essay here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo