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Thursday, May 16, 2019

On Alabama’s Abortion Ban and Women’s Autonomy

Abortion BanOriginally, I had planned on writing this post next week, but after Alabama’s abortion ban vote yesterday, I knew it couldn’t wait another day. Things really are that dire, and women’s lives are literally at stake here.

Late Tuesday night saw the Alabama Senate vote 25-6 to pass the country’s most restrictive abortion bill — one that contains ZERO exceptions even in cases of rape and incest. And yesterday, the state’s governor Kay Ivey signed the bill into law, cementing a future that is treacherous and all too similar to The Handmaid’s Tale.

Yes, a WOMAN governor signed that bill, a cruel twist that shouldn’t be ignored, even invoking God in her reasoning: “This legislation stands as a powerful testament to Alabamians’ deeply held belief that every life is precious and that every life is a sacred gift from God.”

Really? Every life is precious? Every life? That doesn’t seem even remotely accurate from where I and so many Americans are standing right now. And, frankly, where we have been standing for years, all the way back to the passage of the landmark Roe v. Wade in 1973 — and, to be sure, in the years before the legislation.

Make no mistake. This is a full-on war on women’s autonomy; it’s dangerous, harmful and, once again, tells women that they don’t matter. Alabama’s abortion ban further confirms what many of us have known for YEARS: Pro-life is a misnomer. If you don’t believe in protecting women’s lives, it’s past time that you stopped calling yourself pro-life. I just want to shout five words from the rooftops to the entire world…

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

This isn’t rocket science and this is something we should already know: Women are human. They’re people who deserve bodily autonomy just like men. Society likes to tell women that they should smile more while simultaneously taking away our reproductive rights, paying us less, talking over us and generally treating us as second-class citizens.

Well, guess what? Women aren’t smiling. And we shouldn’t have to, either.

I’ve also been trying to wrap my mind around Alyssa Milano’s proposed sex strike and…just no. It’s a dangerous step back for women and goes against everything women have fought so hard for. It once again reduces women to an object that can be used as a bargaining chip. It tells women that their sole purpose in being intimate is procreation — and it puts the onus on them to prevent pregnancy when men are just as responsible. Please, let’s not push this toxic, outdated narrative. It doesn’t help anyone.

The essay “Men Cause 100% of Unwanted Pregnancies” by Gabrielle Blair explains things perfectly, especially when it comes to holding men accountable: “Often, men don’t know, don’t ask, and don’t think to ask if they’ve caused a pregnancy. There are often zero consequences for men who cause unwanted pregnancies.”

Abortion BanWhat We Can Do NOW: It’s easy to feel helpless, but there are some wonderful organizations doing amazing work to help women, like Planned Parenthood and NARAL, which advocates for a woman’s right to choose. Also, The Yellowhammer Fund, part of NNAF, is based in Alabama and provides funding for abortions at the state’s three abortion clinics as well as helps eliminate economics barriers for patients, such as travel and lodging.

The Cut put together this helpful round-up with tons of other ways to get involved, and I encourage you to read and share it on social media.

I’m honestly scared of where we go from here, but let’s get something straight about what this ban is really about. It’s not about protecting life. It’s about controlling women and taking away autonomy over their own bodies. This is what Alabama said to every woman this week: You don’t matter. Your rights don’t matter. You are not a person. Conservatives want to keep their guns while women are desperately fighting to keep their bodies.

If nothing else, we must remember this: My body. My choice. My rights. We must always keep fighting against the abortion ban, friends… xoxo

[Top photo: Representative Pat Schroeder (D-CO) addresses a rally on abortion rights; Bottom photo by Marc Nozell/Flickr]

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2 Comments Filed Under: Election, Heartbreak, Shame on you

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

My Life Without the Internet (Warning: It’s Not Pretty)

InternetI’m writing this post in the past at the library, so I can schedule it to post in the future, which will be the present for you when you’re reading it. Whew, that’s a mouthful, if I ever heard it! Why the confusing juxtaposition of time a la Back To The Future?? Because time has taken on a new, weird meaning over the last week. Time has practically become an out-of-body experience for me, and I’m not exaggerating when I type that. That’s just what life is like when your home WiFi goes out and you DON’T HAVE THE INTERNET.

I apologize. I’m sorry that you had to see those words – the type of words that should never be uttered in 2019. But it’s true, unfortunately. Life without the internet?? Is there such an existence? Isn’t that like life without oxygen?

Our internet went down last Wednesday and it’s literally like living in the Stone Age circa 1995. Dare I say, it’s even worse than dial-up. After some other choice words and attempting to restart the modem several times, I called the lovely people at Frontier. They came out Friday and discovered that some neighborhood squirrels had chewed through the cords outside. They fixed it and we once again saw the blue light of salvation on said modem, which meant that we were back to cruising on the Information Superhighway.

Life, at long last (really only two days), had meaning once again.

Then I woke up on Saturday morning and that blue light was gone. My salvation and all my understanding of the world went with it. I mean, I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I don’t even know what’s true and what’s false. How can I when I don’t even have Google to tell me? I can’t even check Trump’s Twitter for my daily gasp over the state of our country. You know things are pretty dire when you miss the Trump Tantrums.

Yes, my life has come to a complete standstill. No Facebook. No Twitter. No Instagram. No ordering Taco Bell for delivery. I feel utterly isolated from the rest of the universe, like everyone is dancing at the hippest party of the year, and it’s a very uneasy feeling. I’ve devolved so much that when I was waiting on hold with Frontier, I found myself reading Reminisce magazine and going “Oh, wow! This is a great magazine!” For reference, Reminisce is a magazine geared toward Baby Boomers – there are ads for Jitterbug cell phones in there, for crying out loud!

Thank goodness for my DVR, though!!! I watched a ton of television this weekend and nearly caught up on the new season of MTV’s Catfish, which, in retrospect, probably only made me more depressed because the entire show is about the internet.

See, you can’t escape the internet! Speaking of television, forget Survivor as the ultimate in daring reality TV. Someone should make a show called Living In A House Without Internet Access. The show would put contestants in a house without – you guessed it – the internet and see who could last the longest. Grand prize is a lifetime of free WiFi.

InternetBecause a world without the internet is NOT a world that I want to live in. If this actually was Back To The Future, I could go back in time to last week and get loads of work done in anticipation of this Great Shutdown of 2019. But this isn’t Back To The Future and even worse, there’s not even a cute Marty McFly to provide a bit of comic relief.

But this whole debacle does resemble Back To The Future in one key way: My hair is just like Doc Brown’s. I’ve even got the above photo to prove it. I snapped it when our internet first went out. If I looked that hopeless then, you can just imagine how much I’ve deteriorated since. Like I said, life without the internet isn’t pretty.

Yes, I’m addicted to my iPhone. And, no, I’m not ashamed. I’m not going to apologize or vow to go on some sort of “digital detox” to find and reconnect with myself. I know where and who I am and my place is on the internet. I don’t need to reconnect with myself; I need to reconnect with the internet STAT.

So, please, let us have a moment of silence for all that I’ve (temporarily) lost here. The repairmen are coming back today (tomorrow for me since I’m writing this in the past, remember), and I’m sitting here praying to the WiFi Gods that everything is restored soon. After all, I’m not sure how much more of this off-line stuff I can take. Are we still in Mercury Retrograde and no one told me? Because that would explain all this hullabaloo, mumbo-jumbo nonsense… xoxo

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: Entertainment and Media, Happiness, Heartbreak

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

What We’re Missing About Joe Biden and Consent

Joe BidenWhy are people so quick to give Joe Biden a pass for making women uncomfortable?

This is the question I’ve been asking myself for the last week. Ever since Lucy Flores wrote an essay for The Cut detailing how an interaction with the former vice president at a campaign rally in 2014 left her feeling “shocked” and “confused.” Since then, a handful of other women have come forward with their own experiences of Biden’s inappropriate behavior, and one thing should be very, very clear: His behavior is not OK.

But that’s not what I’m seeing. In fact, I’m seeing the opposite, on everything from TV talk show hosts to social media comments. Instead of a swift denouncing of Biden’s behavior, I’ve heard people say things like “That’s how it was in his generation” and, far more damaging “Well, it’s not anything like what the president (Trump) has done.”

And all the while, I can’t help but think that these types of statements are completely missing the point, especially in light of the fact that Joe Biden still tops the list of 2020 Democratic candidates. It doesn’t matter how severe or not severe people think his actions were. What other politicians have or haven’t done is irrelevant. The point is, she said he made her uncomfortable.

Saying things like “he’s touchy-feely with everyone” doesn’t somehow make it OK. His actions were unwelcome and inappropriate. Period. There’s not a hierarchy when it comes to unwanted advances and crossing personal boundaries; there’s not a minimum number of boxes that must be check before someone coming forward should be taken seriously. To say that the women accusing Biden “didn’t have it as bad” as other victims of sexual assault is both minimizing their experiences and invalidating their feelings.

In her essay, Flores even says that her fear that what happened to her wasn’t severe enough was part of the reason why she didn’t plan on telling anyone: “Is it enough of a transgression if a man touches and kisses you without consent, but doesn’t rise to the level of what most people consider sexual assault?”

This is no way to think of victims. What we should be doing, instead, is listening to them. Without judgment. Without blame. And, most importantly, WITH empathy and understanding. We also can’t fall into the trap of absolving Joe Biden just because he’s “on our side.” That, too, misses the mark and does a grave disservice to the entire #MeToo movement.

Joe BidenBiden released a video responding to the allegations, saying, “Social norms are changing. I understand that, and I’ve heard what these women are saying. Politics to me has always been about making connections, but I will be more mindful about respecting personal space in the future. That’s my responsibility and I will meet it.”

At no point in the two-minute video did he say “I’m sorry” or even “I was wrong.” Not. Once. While an apology wouldn’t change what happened, at least it would show that Biden does regret his actions, which, right now, it doesn’t appear that he does. And, frankly, an apology without the word “sorry” isn’t really an apology at all, is it?

Allure wellness editor Rosemary Donahue echoed so much of what I’m thinking in her recent op-ed for the site. She rightfully pushes back on the idea that, no, social norms are not JUST NOW changing…

“The idea that boundaries are only just now a thing of importance, that consent is a generational thing and that personal space is ‘more important than it’s ever been,’ is ludicrous. It’s just that now, people like him — people in positions of power — may finally face consequences when they fail to respect the personal space of those who are not as powerful…I also believe his statement was sorely lacking. Yes, it’s crucial to understand that boundaries are important, and it’s good he’s decided to start listening. But boundaries and personal space have always been important…”

So, again, I ask the one question I’ve asked before: Where do we go from here? For one, we start listening and holding men accountable for their actions — both Democrats and Republicans alike. What else would you add, friends? xoxo

[Top photo by Pete Marovich for The New York Times. Bottom photo via Unsplash]

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6 Comments Filed Under: Election, Heartbreak, Shame on you

Friday, March 22, 2019

In Which Mercury Retrograde Becomes My Enemy

Mercury RetrogradeDo you feel that, friends?? There’s a vibrational change in the atmospheric energy! Like the distant stomping of dinosaur feet in Jurassic Park, a disturbance in the force is afoot. Pun intended — see what I did there? I’d be laughing at my own joke if it weren’t for something very, very scary: Mercury Retrograde is trying to kill me!! And, even worse, it’s not over until March 28th…

Now, you all know that I pride myself on being a logical person. Gimme that science, please!! I may read my horoscope (heeey, fellow Leos!), but I generally take those predictions with a grain of salt. After all, it’s just a bunch of hocus pocus, right? Like, that mumbo jumbo nonsense doesn’t actually have any merit, does it?

And this Mercury Retrograde stuff? It’s all a bunch of hullabaloo about nothing!! Absolutely nothi…

WAIT, WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING WRONG???

Well, this, my friends, marks my very public acknowledgement that I’ve officially converted to the other side. In other words, I’m here to tell you that this Mercury Retrograde business is no joke!! Don’t believe me? Here’s a list of everything that’s happened (or not happened…) in the last few week…

•  I’ve been getting rejection after rejection. And in one stand-out moment, the rejection came after the piece had already been accepted.

•  My nerves and anxiety has been through the roof.

•  My mom and I have been extra emotional.

•  Janelle, who is the epitome of health, came down with a nasty flu this week and slept for two days straight.

•  Poor Stella had to go to the vet when we noticed she was limping (she’s fine, thank goodness!)

•  Trump still hasn’t been evicted from the White House. Though, to be fair, this isn’t really Mercury’s fault, as this has been an ongoing problem since 2016.

Whew!! Exhausted yet? Because I’m beyond exhausted! My favorite phrase lately is “I’m done!” and this isn’t something I say ironically or simply to be extra. Trust, I can be extra, but this situation isn’t one of them!

Oh, yes!! I’m very serious about this! Are you hip to the 411 on Mercury Retrograde?? It’s here to play and wreck havoc on every aspect of our lives, even if scientists say we shouldn’t worry about it. The phenomenon dates all the way back to the mid-18th century and occurs when Mercury appears to be moving “backwards.” But wait!! Apparently, it’s all an illusion to us Earth-dwellers, according to experts.

“Same thing if you were passing a car on a highway, maybe going a little bit faster than they are,” Dr. Mark Hammergren, an astronomer at Chicago’s Adler Planetarium, told Mental Floss. “They’re not really going backwards, they just appear to be going backwards relative to your motion.”

According to Newsweek, now is prime to lay low, even if this stuff is just an illusion. We should take our cue from astrology experts, who say that now is “not the time to start any new, big moves or ideas. This includes moving homes, getting married or signing any legal documents. They also advise it may be best to avoid jumping fully into new creative ventures.”

Mercury RetrogradeThat’s it! You don’t have to tell me twice! I mean, I even got out my healing crystals in an attempt to ward off that negative energy. I figure that it can’t hurt, right? At least, perhaps, I could use the positive energy of the crystals to blend with the negative energy, thus creating a neutral cease fire, if you will. Remember, I am spiritual now — so maybe it will work. Or at least make this last week of Mercury Retrograde somewhat bearable.

Either way, whatever this Retrograde future holds, knowledge is power! Here are all the dates that Retrograde will occur again from now until 2030. The least we can do is prepare ourselves — and maybe invest in some additional healing crystals. I’m personally a huge fan of the heart-shaped variety!! Healing and fashionable — what’s not to like?!?!?

Have you been experiencing the ill side effects of Mercury Retrograde, friends? How have you been dealing with it? Any tips you’d like to share. After all, we’re all in this together!! Here’s to calmer and more peaceful days ahead… xoxo

P.S. Do you read your horoscope? Are you a fan of zodiac tees and tattoos?

[Top photo via Astrology Zone]

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1 Comment Filed Under: family, Happiness, Heartbreak

Thursday, March 7, 2019

Thank you, Luke Perry: An Ode to Dylan McKay

Luke Perry Luke PerryJudging by the outpouring of love and tributes on social media alone, Luke Perry was one of those rare actors who touched a lot of lives in the best way possible. His sudden death this week is devastating and comes much too soon. He was a father, friend and someone who cared immensely about other people.

And to generations of TV fans, the characters he played became part of our lives. For Riverdale fans, he was the ultimate father figure in Fred Andrews. But for those of us who grew up in the ’90s, we were glued to our televisions every week when Beverly Hills, 90210 came on!! Perry’s Dylan McKay was the ultimate dreamy crush in my 9-year-old eyes, and I know I wasn’t the only one.

He was our first crush, and the fact that he was a bad boy only added to the allure. We knew deep down that Dylan was one of the good ones; underneath all that external bravado beat the heart of a sensitive guy who made us all feel special. Dylan was part of our growing up — a way for us to explore the world beyond our TV screens — and the lessons he taught us would stay with us forever. Lessons like what it means to truly love someone (I always thought Brenda and Kelly were SO lucky!), what it means to struggle and what it means to overcome obstacles in life.

Something tells me that we’re going to keep Dylan tucked in our hearts forever. You can’t deny the powerful impact he had on a generation, and I’ll forever be grateful to Luke Perry for the gift he gave us. I hope he knows just how important and meaningful that gift was and will continue to be.

In a way, I suppose it’s only appropriate that I heard The Byrds’ “Turn! Turn! Turn!” as I was writing this post. When you think of Perry’s death in the context of this tune, life becomes incredibly poignant and you start to see things through an entirely different perspective, you know?

Luke PerryPerhaps CNN Opinion said it best in the intro to their round-up of reader stories about what Luke Perry meant to them…

“The answers: he was your first crush, your role model and a passing acquaintance who left a warmth behind in his wake. He was a generation-defining heartthrob and a generation-crossing father figure who projected kindness and a lack of ego on the set and beyond. In death, he became an urgent reminder to cherish your loved ones and value each breath of life. As one reader memorably put it, ‘RIP Luke Perry. I hope you are still causing mall riots in heaven.'”

Indeed, Luke Perry was many things to many people. He will be missed dearly — and, of course, remembered forever. Thank you, indeed. What do you remember most about him and his characters, friends? I’d love to hear your stories and memories, too… xoxo

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: grief, Heartbreak, TV

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So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...

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