work Archives - So About What I Said

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

In Which I Have a Realization About Writing

Confession: I’ve been having trouble writing during the quarantine. Actually, I’ve been finding any sort of motivation hard to come by in the last couple months.

Don’t get me wrong: I know my lack of creative juices is small potatoes compared to what others are going through with COVID-19. Life is so scary and unpredictable in 2020 and we’re all struggling to make it through the day. Some days seem to be easier than others, don’t they?

So when I was looking through the 600+ drafts of blog post ideas I have saved, desperately trying to find something, anything, to write about, I came across a conversation I had with my writer friend Laura.

Coincidentally, we were talking about writing and I had a realization: So much of writing happens when we’re not actually writing. That might sound a bit counter-intuitive, but it’s true, at least for me. As I always say, “my mind is always working” — thinking of ideas, fleshing out bad ideas, even writing the beginnings of pieces in my head. And, maybe what’s even more interesting is that I’m thinking about writing even when doing the most ordinary of tasks, like brushing my teeth. I’ve thought of so many ideas for pitches while staring off into space as I brushed away all the plaque — that’s sort of amazing, isn’t it?

I suppose, then, that in my current dry spell, this idea of not-working working is somewhat of a comfort. Because, really, writing isn’t just about the actual act of sitting down and typing. Even when I’m just thinking about writing, I’m being productive! It’s all part of the process. Yes, I do wish I could try and speed up the “process” sometimes (and, yes, I have tried that in the past), but maybe the lesson in all of this is that I should just trust that process more? I figure it can’t hurt, right?

Do you sometimes find that you spend more time obsessing about writing than actually doing it? Think about writing than actually sitting down and actually doing it? That obsession gets in the way of the act itself, I’ve found. It’s something I’m definitely going to try and work on, friends… xoxo

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Women Writers and Sharing Our Successes

Friends, we need to talk about something. I left a writing group for women writers last night after a mod messaged me about how people were annoyed by my “constant flood” of posts. I’ve been thinking about why this bothered me so much, and I think part of it goes back to how society views women who talk about their work.

Women must downplay their accomplishments or it will come off as bragging. In fact, sometimes I find myself consciously making sure I space out sharing my bylines on social media, and almost immediately, the fear and guilt sets in. Am I bragging too much? Will people think I’m conceited? It’s such a knee-jerk reaction in its intensity — one that women have had to deal with for centuries.

We’re taught to be humble, to be self-deprecating, to downplay our achievements. Any amount of pride we display borders on excessive. To say “Look, I did this and I’m proud of myself” is practically a sin. I’ve never liked the cult of competition that results from this. Because this whole writing thing isn’t a competition! There’s room for all our words, all our stories and all our voices. This business is cutthroat enough and we should be building each other up and cheering for each other every step of the way. I’m here to support other writers, not tear them down.

I’m definitely not trying to brag by posting my bylines. I share because I genuinely enjoy connecting with writers — to support, life up and help each other.

I personally LOVE it when other women writers are open, honest and transparent. I want to hear their stories. I want them to start lots of conversations about our profession. I want to see them succeed. The more we talk and share, the better! I’ve always hated the idea that writers are in competition with each other. So, WOMEN WRITERS, remember that we need all your voices. Please don’t hold back. I promise there’s enough space for all of us!!

I absolutely love being a freelance writer. It’s exciting and magical, but it’s also hard. People see the byline and shiny finished product, but they don’t see all the behind-the-scenes: The planning and pitching, the awful drafts, follow-ups, waiting, waiting. That’s sort of why I’m so open about the whole process — just like I’m open about suicide and life with a disability. To show the human side that people don’t always see and so other people aren’t afraid to talk about this freelance writing thing either.

So, PLEASE, I implore all the bad-ass women writers out there: Share your work. Toot your own horn. Shout your successes from the rooftops. Don’t. Hold. It. In. When one of us wins, we ALL win! Cheers to us!! I happen to think we’re pretty darn awesome, don’t you??

With that in mind, can you do me a favor? Can you share your favorite piece that you’ve read by a women writer lately?? I want to read and tweet the heck out of it! xoxo

[Top photo via Unsplash and GIF via Giphy]

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

My Essay on The Fix: “Don’t Blame Ariana Grande for Mac Miller’s Death”

Recently, I’ve realized something about my writing : I tend to malinger over some essays for months (like, SIX MONTHS…), but give me a piece of breaking news and I can write a hot-take in a hot-minute!! This was exactly the case for my first essay on The Fix about Mac Miller, death and the dangerous cycle of blame.

When I first heard about Mac Miller’s death last week, I instinctively braced myself for the inevitable shame and blame game. I knew it was about to begin because his death was sudden and unexpected. And when someone dies in that manner, the natural tendency is to scramble and desperately search for answers — to mourn, to heal, to make sense of what’s happened as best we can.

I saw the cruel tweets and Instagram comments aimed at Ariana Grande, Miller’s ex-girlfriend. So over the weekend, I wrote this essay, drawing on my own personal experience following my father’s suicide. Because I’m scared of living in a world where we are so quick to assign blame in someone’s death. I don’t want to live in a world where that sort of shaming is the norm instead of the exception.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, which I hope will begin to break down that stigma of blame, even if only a little bit…

The best thing we can do for her — and everyone grieving the loss of a loved one — is to let the grieving process take place. Let people mourn in peace without hurling vindictive words at them. Those words are incredibly hurtful, not to mention cruel and damaging. The idea that someone holds another person’s very life in their hands and has the power to determine whether that person lives or dies is a misconception that has no place in the journey following someone’s death.
As much as we’d like to think otherwise, we’re not superheroes who can swoop in and rescue someone. We can do everything to help them, of course, but we don’t have the all-knowing power to save them. And maybe even more importantly, it’s not our job to cure them. We can offer love, hope and compassion, but in the end, everyone on this planet is responsible for their own life.

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

Monday, August 13, 2018

My Essay on CNN Opinion: “What I Learned From Student Journalism Changed Everything”

In case I haven’t mentioned it lately, writing and journalism is my passion. It’s what I fell in love with in high school. It’s what I studied in college and got my degree in. And it’s what I taught to student journalists for nearly five years as a student newspaper adviser.

In my latest for CNN Opinion, I reflect on my time as editor of my college newspaper and then returning to that same paper years later as the adviser. Both experiences taught me the importance of journalism and press freedom, but it was my time as an adviser that showed me the value of training the next generation of journalists!! I’ve been wanting to write this one for quite awhile and, well, the current administration just kept making the topic relevant for me.

As I was writing, I just kept thinking of how important things like the First Amendment and the free press are. They play such a vital role in our democracy and I’m incredibly scared of a world without them. The hard-working journalists out on the front lines are certainly my heroes. Each and every day.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, which I sort of wrote as a letter of advice to all the young Woodwards and Bernsteins out there…

I can’t help but think of those student journalists when I see work by the thousands of journalists on the front lines today, many of them young. I want to say to them: Those whose voices are talking the loudest and deriding journalism don’t reflect the views of the majority of Americans. Your work is not going unnoticed by people who care.
If my experience walking in both sets of “shoes” — as a reporter and then as an adviser — has taught me anything, it’s how important it is to continue the journalism tradition for the next generation. I had amazing mentors and maybe someday, my former students will be a mentor for someone in return.
Indeed, there is a whole world of stories out there waiting to be told. Journalism makes a difference. Journalism matters. In fact, it might be just the thing that saves us all.

And, how cool is that illustration that went with my piece?? I think it perfectly captures what the press and journalism is all about, but also, the awesome responsibility the journalists of today have to teach the journalists of tomorrow. That’s something I never took lightly and it ended up being one of my proudest career moments.

Monday, June 4, 2018

Guess What?? It’s My 6,000th Blog Post…

YES!!!! You read that title right — today marks my 6,000th blog post on So About What I Said, and I honestly can’t believe it!!

I know I’m going to sound like such a cliche when I say this, but those 6,000 posts have flown by!! The time has flown by faster than anything else I’ve ever done in my entire life — faster than all my years in school, faster than all my surgeries, even faster than all my fun childhood summer vacations! I mean, it seems like it was just yesterday and I was typing my first post and trying to figure out this platform called blogging. Granted, I’m not a pro and, luckily, I feel like I’m still learning something new every day. I’m so glad for that and I hope the learning never stops.

And something else that will never stop?

Writing and sharing my story. I’m sure you all can probably guess that by now (I mean, I’ve been at it this long already, right?), but I think it bears repeating sometimes, if only as a mantra to myself to remember that, yes, I am doing what I love and what I’m meant to do. I feel like I struggle at times to get people to take me seriously as a writer — that this is, in fact, my career and not just some hobby. And even worse, I’ve had people say that my writing is “too much,” and that hurts me more than they probably realize. My writing IS who I am and I am my writing. It’s hard to separate the two, and I can’t imagine doing anything else.

But! This post isn’t meant to be a downer. It’s meant to be a celebration. A celebration of where I’ve been. A celebration of where I am. And a celebration of where I’m going as my blogging and writing journey continues. Because no matter what anyone says, I know that my story is far from over.

I’m so thankful that you’ve been on this journey with me, friends!!! After all, I think we make a pretty good team, don’t you think?? Here’s to another 6,000 posts, sharing our stories and making lasting memories!! xoxo