family Archives - So About What I Said

Monday, January 13, 2020

Ms. Bear’s Birthday Reflections: What? I’m 64…?!?

When I was just 11, the Beatles iconic song “When I’m Sixty-Four” came out. I remember the peppy beat and fun lyrics, all about old people, or so I thought! Sixty-four seemed ancient to me and I could never imagine being that age myself. Fast forward to yesterday, January 12, 2020. And….here I am, 64 years old! Wow! Here are some birthday reflections…

Now, of course, 64 seems young to me — not old at all. The real surprising thing is that Paul McCartney was only 16 when he wrote this song. He had pretty good insight about aging at such a tender age. There’s some good news and some bad news in this song for me.

For the good news, I can really relate to the first two lines of this song…

When I get older losing my hair

Many years from now

I still have all my hair! I don’t think I’ve lost nary a hair off my head. In fact, when I get my hair cut, the beautician always tells me that even though I have thin hair, I do have a lot of it.

Another positive is that as I have gotten older, I have a new appreciation for the little things, just like this verse…

Doing the garden, digging the weeds

Who could ask for more?

Of course, I’m not a gardener by any means, but I sure can relate to appreciating the little things in life. Everyone should focus on that as they go about their day. The little things can add up to the best memories. I may not grow a bumper crop of cherry tomatoes every summer, but the feeling I have when I pick them and eat them when they are warm from the sun is one of the highlights of summertime.

If I’d been out till quarter to three

Would you lock the door?

One more piece of good news…I NEVER stay out until a quarter to 3, so nothing to worry about there! And, I know if I did come home then that I am lucky I have my girls who would let me in, but not without a bit of a lecture…I can’t go out anywhere without them telling me not to drink when I am driving (which I wouldn’t do anyway! LOL).

But, there are parts of this song that make me wistful, things that I never imagined would apply to me. No one gets married and thinks they will lose their partner when they are in their 40s. I had two young girls depending on me, and I was terrified of how we would go on.

And there’s this part…

You’ll be older too

And if you say the word

I could stay with you

This part gets me every time because Brian did not stay with us. I know he would have if he could have. We always talked about growing old together. But, I also know that he knew that I could handle this, and I did!

And, this part brought a little tear to my eye…

Every summer we can rent a cottage

In the Isle of Wight, if it’s not too dear

We shall scrimp and save

You see, we had planned on retiring to Gulf Shores, Alabama, where Brian would run a little fix-it shop and I would spend all my retirement on the beach and doing his paperwork for him.

Anyway, this song really resonated with me this year, being 64 and all. It’s been running through my head all day. It also made me happy in viewing my life now and I’m proud of myself, because, who will still need me, who will still feed me, when I’m 64? My girls, my family, my friends and my cats will all need me and I will still feed myself, at 64 and beyond!

Thanks so much for these birthday reflections, Ms. Bear!!!

Sunday, January 12, 2020

In Praise of Ms. Bear’s Childlike Wonder on Her 64th Birthday

As you can tell from the title of this post, it’s someone’s special day today!! Not just someone special — someone VERY special. In fact, not just someone very special — someone who is the best person in the whole universe!! Yes, today is Ms. Bear’s 64th birthday!!!

I’ve been thinking long and hard about what I wanted to say in this special birthday post. I mean, I could literally go on and on about how wonderful my mom is; I’m forever in awe of her wit and her charm and her kindness and her strength and her love for the people around her.

And then I look at photos like the ones above. Photos from her childhood, which, I’m sure to her, feel like a lifetime ago. We grow up and over time, that lens of childlike wonder through which we viewed the world tends to fade, doesn’t it? We experience life and the bad times seem to harden us, wrapping us up in a big blanket of bitterness. Sometimes, it even feels like we’re powerless in stopping that bitterness.

I know what you’re thinking: “Wasn’t this supposed to be an UPLIFTING birthday tribute??”

Oh, it is. Just keep reading and, as Ms. Bear always says, you’ll see.

So back to that overwhelming bitterness we can’t seem to escape. I don’t know how my mom did it, but guess what?? She’s one of those people who has managed to escape it!! From 4 to 64, she’s held on to her childlike wonder. That’s six decades.

She doesn’t look at the world with bitterness or negativity, even when things are at their absolute worst. She finds the best in everything and sees the best in everyone. She sees the world as a magical place full of possibilities. And, frankly, she just enjoys the heck out of life!

We talk a lot about the importance of change and “growing up,” how it’s inevitable and how it’s a good thing. But I think there’s something just as important to be said about holding tightly to the same sense of wonder that you discovered in childhood and using it to discover the wonders of life as an adult. At the very least, how boring would it be otherwise?? Certainly, it would make for a very boring and bitter existence.

In the end, isn’t that really the ultimate glow-up?? Because there’s nothing more beautiful or inspiring than refusing to become jaded. I’m thankful every day that my mom pushes me to see the magic in this world instead of being bogged down by its cruelness.

Happy 64th birthday, Ms. Bear!! Thank you for filling all our lives with joy and love every day. And thank you for teaching us how to see the wonder in this world. I love you soooooooo much!!! You are magical and I’m so thankful for the light you shine on the world… xoxo

P.S. More Ms. Bear birthdays: 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019.

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Family Photos: Our Christmas Adventure…at Home

Hello, friends, and welcome back!! How was your holiday?? I can’t believe that this is my first post of 2020, but I’m excited to be back! Although, it is pretty tough to get back in the swing of the work routine, isn’t it? I mean, today is the first time I’ve been out of the house in TWO WEEKS, so you can probably imagine how I’m doing right now. The shock! The sights! The sounds! When did the world get so bright?? It’s certainly a lot to take in and it has me thinking about our grand Christmas adventure — at home, of course! Because, really, that’s the best place to be for the holidays, if you ask me!

I thought I’d share some of those photos today! Think good family, fun games and delicious food (spoiler alert: A huge pizza is involved!)…

We kicked off the festive season with a family get-together! And when you have a family party and order a pizza called The Hurricane…you quickly realize that a photo can’t possibly capture said pizza’s size! Talk about huge!! And delicious!!

This year, it finally hit me: We’ve started a new family tradition! Every year, usually a few days before Christmas, I get my hair cut because, you know, you got to look fresh and fabulous for the Big Day! We then meet for lunch (this year, we went to a great Mexican restaurant AND we got Janelle to be in the photo!) and afterward, I, umm, do my Christmas shopping. I know. I’m that person.

And, yes, I’m also that person who doesn’t wrap her presents until the evening of Christmas Eve. Picture this: It’s almost 7 p.m. and there is a mountain of gifts and wrapping paper all over my bed. I’m furiously cutting, wrapping, taping (repeat!) as my mom shouts “Your dinner is getting cold; do you want to get food poisoning?” over and over. Suffice it to say, I got all my presents wrapped — and narrowly escaped a bout of food poisoning!

Speaking of food, we usually have a huge breakfast on Christmas morning and this year was quite possibly the most scrumptious, most delicious, most EVERYTHING I’ve ever had. My cousin Mona sent us a pancake gift set with pancake mix and syrup made in Vermont. Friends, you’ve never lived until you’ve taste the sweet taste of syrup from Vermont. It’s a transcendent experience like no other!

Look what I got for my mom! I dare you to look at this photo and not immediately declare me the Best Gift Giver of all time!! Go ahead. I give myself 5/5 saxophones!

How cool is the theme in my mom’s gifts to me?? WOMEN RULE — and rule the world, right?? Well, we’re still working on the latter, but I know we’ll get there someday!

Stella and Whitney are usually notorious frenemies. But, they cuddled together and sat under the tree together!! It’s a Christmas miracle!!

Also, Whitney on Christmas morning is exactly how I’ve felt for much of 2019 — watching what’s happening and giving the world so much side-eye…

It may have been 55 degrees outside on Christmas Day, but I still had a “Frozen” Christmas!! What wonderful gifts from my mom and sister!!

After having a leisurely morning, we went to the movies! I never thought I’d be snapping a selfie with my movie popcorn, but here we are…

Anyway, we saw Little Women! Have you seen it?? I’ll be doing a separate blog post on the film next week, but in the meantime, here’s my capsule review: I knew I’d like Little Women, but I’m here to tell y’all that I LOVED IT. Jo March is everything!! She’s fierce and tough and completely unapologetic about it all. Such a relevant character to women’s lives in 2019…

A+
10/10
ALL THE THINGS

We had such a fun afternoon decorating cookies with friends!!! Big thanks to my mom for making her famous almond cookies!! The recipe was passed down from my grandmother and these cookies remind me of all things family and love.

Plus, did I mention that they’re delicious?!? So. Good.

And, of course, it wouldn’t be Christmas in 2019 without a festive holiday photo filter…or two!! As usual, Snapchat was on its game with the filters this year, so I couldn’t help but capture the magic!

I hope everyone had an equally magical holiday and New Year!! Speaking of New Year, look for a post tomorrow about my mantra for 2020. And let me know how you spent your holiday!! I want to hear about it all, so be sure to leave a comment with all your stories!! xoxo

Monday, December 23, 2019

That Was a Time: My 2019 Year-In-Review

Happy Holidays, friends!!! You know how I’m always saying “that was a time“?? Yes, sometimes I say it just to be overly dramatic because, let’s face it, I’ve been known to be a bit extra about things — can you blame me? But when I say (errr, write!), that phrase in the context of my ever-so-official and exciting 2019 Year-In-Review???

Well, that’s the absolute truth with a capital T — no filter, no pretense, no hyperbole. Just honest truth about a year that was certainly one for the record books. Was your year like that too? I sometimes dread looking back at the year every December and sometimes, the whole ordeal can start to feel a bit cringe-worthy with cliche phrases and all that looking-back banter. I still like to do it, though, because just going through the motion of reminiscing about one year is a great way to prepare for the upcoming year; it helps to put things in perspective and you all know how much I love putting things in perspective and analyzing until my heart’s content.

And like I said, 2019 was quite the year to remember, so I’m pretty sure that this 2019 Year-In-Review is going to be quite something as well.

In fact, there’s SO MUCH to remember that I’ve been worried that I’ll forget to include important and memorable moments — my apologies if I do, so feel free to remind me in the comments!! Like I said last year, BUCKLE UP, friends, because this is going to be epic, if you ask me! So without further ado, here are the highlights of my life online and offline for the last 12 months. Let’s get to this 2019 Year-In-Review…

I blogged about all things love and relationships, like Ms. Bear and the Fake Plant, surviving the Polar Vortex, an ode to Conversation Hearts, entitled Dude Bros on The Bachelorette and more thoughts on my father’s suicide.

Disability posts, such as ways to support disabled people, why I love talking about my disability, Mr. Rogers, the importance of disability representation and my date with the DMV.

Fantastic fashion moments, like Harry Styles at the Met Gala, this pink opal ring, unicorn love and more Etsy finds!

Fun Family Photos, including our big trip to the Big County Fair, our Christmas Trees, my 38th birthday, the Polar Vortex and our TRIP TO NYC.

(As a side note, I just have to say, again, HOW FUN our trip to the Big Apple was!! Central Park!! Broadway!! The View!! Meeting my amazing editors!! Tons of family time!! I still can’t believe we got to go and I’m so grateful to my mom and cousin for making it happen!! They’re aces, aren’t they??)

Pontificating on pop culture, like Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga, the adorable Royal Baby, The Big Bang Theory finale (spoiler alert: I wasn’t a fan!), Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, how I’m a huge Shawn Mendes fan girl, Sharpay Evans and High School Musical, Taylor Swift and how 1999 was really the best year in pop culture!

And, just like in 2018, I wrote lots of social and political commentary posts because now is not the time to be silent: The culture of women apologizing, challenging toxic masculinity, why I didn’t support the Women’s March, Nick Sandmann and dangerous teens, Joe Biden and consent, women sharing successes and the Alabama abortion ban and women’s body autonomy.

Plus, I also gave my VERY FIRST speech at a political event! Oh, wow, I was so nervous, but I think it went well. And it really pumped me up!

Aside from blogging, my freelance writing career continued to grow in 2019, as you can see from this cute photo spread I made!! I wrote about my favorite (and not-so-favorite) things in the areas of relationships, disabilities and pop culture for publications like Cosmo, Glamour, The Fix and The Week and The Washington Post. Plus, my op-ed game was strong — I wrote 10 pieces for CNN Opinion!

I also broke into new publications such as The Independent, Adweek, The Daily Dot, Family Minded, Rooted In Rights, Health, HuffPost Personal, Local Love and The Riveter!

Now, I saved the best for last!! The biggest, most surprising, most unexpected, most surreal, most exciting and most thrilling thing to happen…

MY TWEET WENT VIRAL.

Can you believe it?? I still can’t, honestly! I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and it’s funny because that viral tweet is something I never worked for and something that I didn’t plan. I plan and plot every single aspect of my blog and freelance writing, but this viral tweet came out of nowhere! Needless to say, I’m still processing it all. But I’m so grateful that people responded to it! I just hope I didn’t sound too awkward in my interviews with USA Today, Good Morning America, The BBC, The Chicago Tribune and PEOPLE — not to mention the handful of live interviews I did. Oh, man, that was a time, indeed!

Whew! Whew! Whew!

Still with me, friends??

Good. Because seeing my entire year all written out like this is just a bit overwhelming!! I mean, when we’re living it and going through the year, we don’t really think about how massive it all will seem at the end, do we? We live each day and take it one step at a time. We focus on one thing at a time. The next item on our to-do list. And the next item after that. Until, well, it all adds up to 365 days of memories — good ones, bad ones, memorable ones and even ones we’d like to forget.

But then comes that moment in late December when you take everything as one big collective whole. You look at everything that happened throughout the past year and you realize, maybe for the very first time, “Wow! I did all that, didn’t I…?”

Whether it was good or bad, you survived the year! And that is something to be proud of! And, of course, something to celebrate!!

My idea of the perfect celebration? Taking some much-needed time off for the holidays!! I’m excited to kick back, relax and spend quality time with my mom and Janelle. The holidays can be hard and emotional for so many reasons. If you’re struggling this year, please know that you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself…you deserve it!

I hope you’re able to get in the festive spirit in whatever way brings you joy and peace!! I’ll be back to regular posting on Wednesday, January 8th!! Look for posts about our Christmas adventures, some new bylines and odes to one of my favorite shows of 2019 and…Peppermint Patty! Yes, the blog fun will continue in 2020. Also, feel free to send me your thoughts and ideas any time — just email me at mellow1422@aol.com!!! I always love hearing from you!! And I hope you enjoyed this 2019 year-in-review!

And as always, feel free to connect with me on Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Bloglovin! See you there!!

I love you, friends!! And I’m so glad I got to meet so many new friends this year who found my blog after my viral tweet. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you’ll continue on this journey with me in the new year!! I’d love to see your own 2019 Year-In-Review too! xoxo

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Family Photos: Oh, Christmas Trees! Oh, Christmas Trees!

Yes, friends!! I did write Christmas trees in the title of this blog post! And it’s a true statement — we’ve got multiple trees around our house this year — more than usual, in fact!!

But, really, who am I to complain here? I love being the photographer every year when we decorate the Christmas tree!!! How cute is my mom?!? We put our trees up over Thanksgiving weekend. I thought we’d be content with just two small trees — one in the kitchen and then one in my mom’s room. And then, just like that, my mom bought another Christmas tree!! That Santa tree skirt, below, belonged to my grandparents and reminds me of my childhood holidays spent in Alabama with them!!

If you’re overwhelmed by those HUGE trees, I highly recommend a smaller tabletop tree! It’s just as beautiful and it makes the kitchen feel all kinds of cozy!!

Now this is what I call getting lit on a Saturday night, y’all

Also, a few words about the holidays…

A winter’s day
In a deep and dark December

I’ve always loved “I Am a Rock” by Simon & Garfunkel and find myself singing it a lot during this time of year.

And even though I’m generally an upbeat person, this has been my theme song for years. I’ve built walls. I’m sometimes afraid of getting close to people. I’ve used my writing as an armor of protection. I’ve felt like a rock and an island.

Holidays always have a way of making me think about the past. Last week during Thanksgiving, I got to thinking about how fall is such a hard season for me. My dad was diagnosed with cancer in the fall. And it was around Thanksgiving in 2010 that my severe depression took hold. I just remember watching the Macy’s Parade, something that was so full of fun and happiness, and I just couldn’t stop crying. A month later, I was hospitalized and it was so much scarier than any surgery I’ve ever had.

So I always get a little nervous this time of year about that depression coming back. Because it felt so all-encompassing, like it swallowed me entirely. Because I felt like I lost myself for a good 6 months. Because I worried every day that I’d never be Melissa again. Maybe I’ll worry every fall for the foreseeable future, but something I’ll never feel is shame. Depression is a physical illness and if you’re struggling, please never feel shame, OK??

But let’s end this post on a high note, shall we?? Too early for that classic “Naughty or Nice” Christmas tableau?? I’ll let you decide who’s who…

And I’d love to know, friends: Do you have multiple Christmas trees in your home? Or one huge one? Any other fun holiday tradition you’re looking forward to this season?? xoxo