family Archives - So About What I Said

Friday, November 20, 2020

Thanksgiving Is Different This Year. And It Should Be.

I had big plans for this week, friends!! I was going to blog every day, send some pitches out and check things off my to-do list right and left. Well, here we are — it’s Friday and this is my first blog post of the week. So you can pretty much guess how I did with those other goals…or, actually, didn’t do. But this week did get me thinking about Thanksgiving and the upcoming holiday season.

This Thanksgiving is going to be different. There’s no denying that, no getting around it, no pretending COVID doesn’t exist, no going on about our lives as if things were normal.

Because our lives? They’re not normal and they haven’t been for months. Nothing is normal. It’s been EIGHT MONTHS since I first wrote about COVID. Doesn’t that seem like a lifetime ago now? Eight months and, honestly, I sometimes feel like nothing has changed, especially when it comes to how people are living. People are brazen at best and unashamed at worst — proudly defying mask wearing and social distancing mandates in the name of their “freedom” while constantly putting others at risk.

I can’t with this nonsense anymore. And when I think about the holiday season, I just get even more afraid. Thanksgiving is less than a week away. There are now 252K people who will never get to spend another holiday — or ANY day — with their loved ones.

The least y’all could do is not be selfish with your holiday gatherings! What I’m seeing right now is a whole bunch of reckless and irresponsible.

Suffice it to say, I’m not looking forward to watching these irresponsible holiday shenanigans unfold on social media; I don’t want to see photos of your raucous family wearing ugly Christmas sweaters and huddled all close together around the tree. I promise, everyone will be OK without your secret-recipe pumpkin pie for one year, Aunt Karen!

If I sound a bit angry, well, it’s because I am. And I’m frustrated beyond belief. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people say “people should be able to decide what they want to do without judgment.”

But here’s the thing: No one is an island. What you do — and the germs you carry — impact other people! We need to start acting like a global community and actually care about the well-being of those around us.

The pandemic isn’t over just because you want life to be “normal” again.

We can still enjoy Thanksgiving this year, though! Create a family meeting on Zoom or do a FaceTime dessert time. Our lives may not be normal right now, but that doesn’t mean we can’t create new, safe traditions and enjoy ourselves!!

Just know that if you’re feeling like you’re running on empty, I see you and I’m right there with you! I’m taking the next week off to rest and recharge and I hope you can take some time for you too!

I’ll be back to regular posting on Monday, November 30th — and I’ve got an exciting collaboration coming up in early December that I’m so excited about.

Please, please stay safe, friends!! Have a lovely, happy, distant Thanksgiving!! xoxo

Friday, October 16, 2020

Dear Janelle: On Your 35th Birthday!

Dear Sister Bear on your birthday:

Sister Bear. That’s how your phone number is saved in my contacts and I smile every time I see it. I don’t know when we started calling each other that, but we’ve done it for as long as I can remember and it just fits us perfectly!! And today? Well, my SISTER BEAR is celebrating a birthday…

You know I’m going to fill this entire blog post with words and anecdotes about how awesome and wonderful you are and I hope you won’t be too embarrassed. The truth is, you don’t talk yourself up enough. My greatest wish is that you can be proud of yourself just for ONE DAY — for you to see yourself like the rest of the world sees you!

When I was lying in bed last night, I was thinking about what to write in this post and that’s when the creativity muse paid me a visit: Acrostic…remember those?? Naturally, it’s fitting because you have such a beautiful name, but also because there are so many things I admire about you.

So! Without further ado, I LOVE YOUR…

Journey — do you realize how fierce you are?? You’ve been through so much and you’ve survived and thrived. You are strong!!! Never, EVER forget that, OK??

Awesome mind — I love how you’re both artistic AND analytical, especially considering most people are either one or the other. You’ve got talents for both and that’s something to be proud of, if you ask me!!

Nurturing nature — you are the gentlest person I know, always showing people empathy and compassion. Can you try to show yourself the same compassion? You deserve it!

Energetic jogging — I’ve never seen anyone who runs as fast as the wind like you do!! You just zoom, zoom, zoom and I find that so inspiring!!

Laughter — there is nothing I love more than the sound of your jolly chuckles!! Like the times we watch a funny TV show (FYI, we still need to finish Baskets…) or you’re telling me about something funny you read. Those happy moments together are my favorite moments!

Loving — when I told my mom I was working on the “L” letter, she and I both immediately agreed that loving is the perfect way to describe you! You’re so kind and you make us feel loved every single day!! Thank you for that!

Exciting future — I know the future scares you sometimes, but have I’ve got a secret for you: Your future is SO BRIGHT. You’re already doing so many amazing things and I know you’re going to continue to take on this world, changing things for the better.

And through it all — all the future days we’ll share together — I’ll be standing (well, sitting…) right next to you and cheering you on.

I’ve had this photo saved on my phone for a couple years now; I saw these words written on the sidewalk outside the library at NIU and when I saw it, I couldn’t help but feel like it was fate — you know, the kind we see all the time in Hallmark movies.

Why?

Because isn’t that what I’m telling you all the time?

YOU GOT THIS

You really do. You got this. Today, tomorrow and forever. Thank you for being who you are because who you are is beautiful and wonderful and magical and extraordinary and brave and — as you see, I could go on forever and ever and, well, EVER.

Happy, happy birthday!! I love you, Janelle… xoxo

P.S. More Janelle love: Her 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th, 32nd, 33rd and 34th birthdays.

Saturday, August 1, 2020

Birthday Time: Almost 39 and Feeling Fine

I’ve often said that time is irrelevant in quarantine. Days pass, then weeks pass and before you know it, months and months have gone by!! You finally look at the calendar and…it’s your birthday time!!

Yes, I know that I say this every single year, but this year, especially, I can’t BELIEVE it’s my birthday again. Wasn’t it just yesterday when I turned the big 38…? Well, we all know what number comes after 38, don’t we??

YIKES…

And double YIKES…

It’s sort of weird to think that I’ll be celebrating the last birthday of my 30s (on Tuesday, to be exact…) while in quarantine. I mean, this reality that we’re living in 2020 was never on my life Bingo card and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t on yours either. In fact, I doubt it was on anyone’s card. We never thought we’d be here, but we are. At times, the future can seem like such a scary, daunting prospect — full of unknowns and question marks and so many uncertainties. Where will we be in six months? In one year?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed recently — well, at least for the last five months. So maybe that’s why I’ve been looking at lots of old family photos lately. Not just to remember my childhood, but to remember a time when the world wasn’t imploding on itself every day, you know?

So what a coincidence that I should find this photo just in time for, well, my birthday time!!! I couldn’t have been more than three years old and it was the height of The Smurfs craze in the ‘80s. I was, umm, just a wee bit obsessed with them too, as evidenced by my birthday present that year: a Smurfs stuffed animal. Naturally, I was partial to Smurfette since she was THE MOST badass one, obviously!!

And speaking of birthday time, I’d like to bring something else VERY important to your attention. I was quite shocked about this, if you must know! I recently Googled myself (no, that is not a euphemism) and this was one of the related searches. Y’all, I feel called out!! How old does the internets think I am…??

Wait, don’t answer that because you all know now, obviously! My big secret is out…call the tabloids with the scoop!! Yours Truly is swiftly becoming an old lady. No shame, though. We all need to change the way we view aging, don’t you think?

Ooooh, that little old bugaboo called getting older. Well, that is surely a topic for another time and another blog post!! In the meantime, I hope you all have a lovely rest of your weekend and a lovely week ahead. I’ll be relaxing during my classic Birthday Week and will be back to regular posting on Wednesday, August 12th, so expect some tales — and new bylines to share!! Love you all lots and lots… xoxo

P.S. Check out my Birthday Time of yore: 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019.

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

An Ode to Chuck E. Cheese

Have you heard the news, friends?? With so much going on in the world right now, this piece of news can easily slip through the cracks, but it’s an important one to acknowledge, if only to say goodbye and give it a proper send-off: The iconic Chuck E. Cheese has filed for bankruptcy after 43 years!!!

Did you hear those collective sighs? They’re the sighs of nostalgia from us ‘80s and ‘90s kids. You know, the ones who grew up jumping and splashing and frolicking in ball pits, which seems really gross as adults, especially in light of COVID. The ones who played all the games so you could win all the tickets just to get a cheap plastic toy. The ones who ate slice after slice of pizza while that merry band of instrument-playing oversized animatronic animals sang such hits as “Celebration.” The ones whose parents become more dazed by each passing minute spent in this sensory overload fun center.

But those singing animals!!! That’s what I’d like to focus on in this ode because, let’s face it, they certainly typified the Chuck E. Cheese experience — even more so than the cheesy pizza, I’d dare say!! And as long as I’m taking a stroll down memory lane today, I suppose I should just admit a dark part of my past. You see, I was a wild child. An utter rebel, if you will. So what was my big, bad transgression??

Well, I…ummm…used to peek behind the curtain of those animals. Yes, in between sets, I got curious. I’d wonder what those animals were doing, so my dad would carry me close to the stage and ever so quietly, I’d pull back the curtain. There they were, big and tall and pretty lifelike!!! Looking back, I’m not exactly sure what I expected to find behind that curtain, but it was always such a thrilling moment. Every. Single. Time.

I should note that in doing research for this blog post, I learned that the animatronic band was retired in 2017 because “kids stopped watching the animatronic shows,” according to the company CEO Tom Leverton.

Are you kidding me? What’s the matter with kids today??

Anyway, that’s what I remember most about Chuck E. Cheese — fun, family time, huge animatronic animals and those carefree days of childhood. I mean, the fun center’s slogan was “Where A Kid Can Be A Kid” and the place sure lived up to its name, didn’t it?!?!?

My mom has some happy memories of her own from our time spent there, so I asked her to write a few thoughts — it took a little pleading, but she agreed!!! Here’s her stroll down memory lane…

Chuck E. Cheese is a pizza place like no other. If you’ve been there, then you know just what I mean! We would take the girls there all the time when they were little, even though we had to drive an hour to get there. My husband Brian and I enjoyed playing Skee-Ball as much as the girls, and we would have quite the competitions!

One of the best times ever happened shortly after my sister and family moved up to Wisconsin. We were all missing each other something fierce, so we decided to each drive halfway and meet for lunch. So, we all arrived at Chuck E. Cheese and the kids were so happy to see one another. The kids played and we had lunch. Then, we were still so happy about being together that the kids played a little more. Well, by this time, the kids were hungry again and so we had dinner! Then they played some more. We finally realized how long we had been there when we walked out to the car to find it pitch black outside! We were there for over 7 hours!

This had to have happened over 30 years ago and we talk about it to this day.

Memories like that are precious. It was one of the best days of my life, which I know sounds weird, and I am thankful for the memory every time I think of it. It just goes to show you that when you are doing something, you never know when the ordinary will become the extraordinary. That’s the surprising thing about life…it’s unpredictable. Enjoy every minute!

P.S. For the most dedicated fans, check out this complete history of the pizza-and-games paradise!! And an ENTIRE ARTICLE all about the history of the animatronic band…

Sunday, June 21, 2020

An Open Letter to the Fatherless on Father’s Day

For the last 17 years, the third Sunday in June has always been a hard day. And this year, that would be today. Father’s Day. Now, in a perfect world, we’d all be sharing a magical, love-filled, joyous day with our dads tomorrow, but there are far too many of us who are members of the club that no one ever wants to join: The Fatherless Club.

This open letter is for you. For all of us.

I haven’t been to the store in three months because of COVID and, honestly, I’m sort of glad about it, especially during the month of June. Ever year, I dread seeing the rows and rows of Father’s Day cards. And the Father’s Day mugs that cheerfully proclaim “Best Dad Ever.” And the Father’s Day shirts. And, well, Father’s Day everything. It’s all on display and it sort of feels like a knife to the heart every time I see it. It’s another reminder of my grief, of my loss, of the fact that I’m not going to be buying a gift for my dad.

Not last year.

Not this year.

Not next year.

Not ever again.

For people like us who live with this grief and missing our dads every day, Father’s Day feels like a neon sign making those feelings even more intense and palpable. It sends us down memory lane once again and we remember the memories that make us smile. For me, I remember summer days with my dad at the local pool and walking to his office to visit him during a hot June afternoon. I also remember he loved being a father — it was his favorite job and he was the best of the best.

But when you’re fatherless today, you also remember the not-so-happy times. You remember the final days (maybe even final moments) that you shared together. You remember all the things you wish you could have done differently — you know, the ones that still tend to keep you up at night no matter how many years have passed.

It’s those good and bad memories that you remember together. They sort of blend together like a patchwork quilt that tells all of your story. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last 17 years of being fatherless, it’s that you can’t help but feel all the emotions.

And guess what?

THAT’S PERFECTLY OKAY.

Let yourself feel today. Let yourself feel everything without judging yourself or thinking you’re a “bad” son or daughter for feeling the way you do. The worst thing we can do is ignore or deny our emotions. If you’re missing your dad today, miss him. If you’re angry at your dad today, be angry at him. If you just want to smile today, then go ahead and smile.

After all, there’s no playbook for this sort of thing. Trust me, I wish there was, but when you lose a parent, you just have to make up the rules as you go along. Do what’s right for you. Feel what’s right for you. And know that I’m here for you. For all of us just trying to navigate this life as a member of the club we never wanted to join… xoxo

P.S. My CNN op-ed from 2018 on the bittersweet nature of Father’s Day.

[Stencil by Poppy Chancellor]