What to Remember on National Grief Awareness Day

National Grief Awareness DayDo you ever get the feeling that the universe is playing some cruel joke on you? Today is National Grief Awareness Day and I’m just a giant puddle of mixed emotions about the whole thing…

Part of me is raising my hand in solidarity and shouting “YES, AWARENESS!” because, honestly, awareness is such an important and valuable thing. Yet on the other hand, my cynical side is just sitting here saying “Well, I’m aware of my grief every day, so…”

When I say that I’m aware of my grief every day, I’m not saying that I’m grief-stricken to the point of being unable to get out of bed or crying all the time. And I’m not saying that I’m unhappy or that I’m unable to enjoy life.

Nope, I’m not saying any of that. At all.

What I am saying is that a piece of my grief and a piece of my loss is always with me. It’s not overpowering and overwhelming all the time, but it’s always there. Like a paper cut. There are times that you feel it more acutely than others — you know, like when you get salt in said paper cut and it stings like no other? Yes, that sort of acute.

That’s something I never truly understood about grief until I lost my father — how two diametrically opposing emotions like happiness and grief can — and do — exist simultaneously. But they do, and this is something I’ve talked about in therapy in recent years. It doesn’t have to be one or the other and you aren’t forced to choose one over the other, either.

And, honestly, I sort of appreciate that ever-present grief too. Because I feel like it keeps me tied to my father just as much as my happy childhood memories do. It’s an interesting dichotomy, for sure, and one I’m sure I’ll continue to explore in the future.

National Grief Awareness DayHere is a really great article on how grief never really goes away and it’s so important to recognize this in other people’s grief and be empathetic and compassionate in where they are in their journey. It might not be where you are and that’s OK. No two people walk the same grief path and it’s a very individual journey. Be a love and light for them on their journey, just as you’d expect the same from them while on your journey. And, here are some tips on grief that people on Twitter had to share — such amazing and helpful advice!

If you’re grieving, friends, I hope you know that I see you and I love you. What do you wish people understood about grief? What ways do you think people can help those who are grieving?? Here’s to getting through National Grief Awareness Day together… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Ms. Bear on Lessons of the Summer and a Fall…

Lessons of the SummerWell, here it is, friends!! As promised…Ms. Bear has returned to the blog in all her glory! Today, she shares her lessons of the summer and how a nasty fall on one of the first days of school put everything into perspective! As always, she’s bringing the wisdom once again and I always appreciate when she shares that wisdom with us! xoxo

It is so interesting to me that during the summer, I feel like I get more in touch with myself. That’s not always as pleasant as it sounds, however! LOL.

During the school year, life is just like a whirlwind — getting from one day to the next and enjoying the weekends in between. Time just flies by. But, during the summer, there is a bit more downtime. With this extra time comes a certain quietness to the days, even when I am still working summer school. There is time for leisurely lunches, plenty of time to go exercise at the Y, lots of staying up late and sleeping in…well, you get the picture.

However, this extra time also brings with it two challenges. The first is the fact that I really don’t have any hobbies besides exercising! That’s all well and good, but you can’t (and shouldn’t) exercise all the time! I used to be a voracious reader, but now I only read in the evenings. I also used to play my piano, but that has gone by the wayside with the fast pace of life, not to mention the temptation of checking things out online. I also used to spend hours at the public library, but, again, the allure of the computers always ropes me in! This is the first thing I need to work on before I retire! I need to get my hobbies back! I think I need some brand-spanking new hobbies to spice up my life a bit!

The second challenge downtime brings me is that it gives me time to think about Brian, which is a nice thing to do, but brings its own set of issues with it. During the summer, there is more time for me to notice other couples out together. Sometimes I just stop, as I think of what could have been. It also makes me think about what our lives would be like right now if Brian were still here. The most challenging thing this extra time brings is the flashbacks of Brian’s suicide, something I can push out of my mind when I am super busy during the school year. While the initial pain and shock are nowhere near what they were the first few years after his death, sometimes I am still brought to a standstill for a few minutes, as I continue the processing that I think will go on for the rest of my life.

Lessons of the SummerSo, in trying to tie both parts of the title of this post together, what does all this have to do with my recent fall??? I learned a very valuable lesson this month from my fall. A bit of catch-up for you: On August 13th, I was out in my yard, all happy and hyped up about coming home from one of the first days back to work. I went out into the yard to place my union yard sign (another story…) and the ground was so hard that I literally tripped right over the sign and landed ON MY HEAD, right on the sidewalk! You know how head wounds bleed, so I ran in the house, screaming for the girls. Janelle, the newly minted CNA, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to go to the ER right then. Nine hours, 7 stitches, one CAT scan and a boatload of aggravation, dizziness and tears later, Janelle got me home. It’s been quite the recovery and has proven to me that if I don’t slow down, bad things are bound to happen. But, if I do slow down, then I have all the above issues to deal with. I’m sure you can see the irony in this.

So, indirectly, the Great Fall of 2018 has given me a not-so-gentle nudge from the universe telling me that it is my time to start thinking of some of the things I need to think about to prepare for this next phase of my life which will be coming up in a few years. Kind of a scary prospect for me, but I can see now that there are things in my life that I need to change. And, hard as it may be to slow down and make these changes, I think I’m ready for it. Time will tell and I will keep you posted!

Special thanks to Melissa for letting me spill all this out on the blog. It will certainly help to hold me accountable the next time I become totally complacent with my life and stop moving forward. Here’s to the future! Someday, I am going to have to retire and I want to be ready for the fun and sun — and hopefully some new hobbies!

[Thanks to Janelle for snapping the cute photo of Ms. Bear on the slide]

Family Photos: Birthday Merriment and Ms. Bear’s Meatloaf

Birthday MerrimentSerious question: Do I look older?? I mean, I have been 37 years old for a whole 11 days, after all. Are the ravages of time starting to show yet? Why would I be so worried, you might ask? Oh, because, well, let’s just say that I was quite the party animal during my Birthday Break and the birthday merriment was turned up to 100 ALL THE TIME!!!

What? You don’t believe me? Well, just check out this photographic proof. As the young people say, I’ve got receipts — a whole bunch of them, in fact, and they all have one big thing in common: They tell the story of my debauchery, my undoing, my fondness for getting down with my bad self and watching…musical TV shows of the ’90s. Yup, buckle up! Things are about to get really real — and, of course, really wild…

You might remember my Big City Shenanigans last year, where I got to experience the thrill of dinosaurs up close and take a sunny stroll along Lake Michigan with my two favorite people! While that little getaway was super fun, I just felt like having a quiet birthday this year. We decided to stay close to home, and, honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted to spend it any other way. We played some games, watched some NCIS (how amazing is that show?) and just enjoyed a nice family celebration all the way around.

Birthday Merriment Birthday MerrimentIt’s become somewhat of a tradition to have my mom snap a photo of me opening my birthday merriment gifts. I’m in love with this angel figure that my sister got me; in fact, I even named her Angelique and added her to my collection of angels, but more on my collections in an upcoming blog post!

Birthday MerrimentAlso, see that pan of deliciousness? Janelle asked me what she could make for my special birthday merriment dessert and I was dying for her classic Rice Krispie treats! Her secret ingredients to give them an extra kick of sweet flavor? Almond and sprinkles!! They’re gooey and oh-so-scrumptious! We finished the pan in about a week! And now I’m craving them AGAIN!!

Birthday MerrimentAnd Ms. Bear’s meatloaf?!?!? Where do I even begin??? She makes the very best, most delicious meatloaf in all the universe, so there was no doubt that I wanted that for my birthday dinner. In typical Ms. Bear fashion, she made so much that we still have quite a bit left in the freezer, which is obviously fine by me!!! I’d eat it every day, if you ask me!!!

Birthday MerrimentWondering what I meant when I opened this post with a nod to ’90s musical TV shows??? Two words: KIDS INCORPORATED. I was beyond obsessed with this show as a kid, so when I found all the episodes on YouTube, it was all I could do not to bust out the shoulder pads and leg warmers! I’m almost done with season one and am psyched to relive my childhood for EIGHT more seasons of toe-tapping song and dance!!

Birthday MerrimentBut the very best moment of my Birthday Break this year? Whitney and Stella are finally, at long last, getting a bit more fond of each other. Here they actually sitting next to each other on the bed. That’s HUGE and such a big step for both of them!!! It made us all so happy to see!!

Thanks, too, for all the sweet birthday wishes, friends!! I appreciate you coming on this journey with me and can’t wait to see what my 37th year will bring!!

I closed out my day of birthday merriment by reading all your sweet messages!! Thank you for being such a powerful force in my life!! I hope you know how much I appreciate your love and support. As trying as some moments have been this year, I still feel surrounded by love, light and happiness. No dark clouds can dim that light.

I’m ready for ya, 37. Let’s do this… xoxo

🎂My 37th Birthday: On Changes, Challenges and Celebrations🎉

BirthdayOh, hi there, my 37th birthday!! So nice of you to drop in again!

It’s honestly hard to believe that I’ve taken another trip around the sun already.

12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. And 4 seasons.

And, wow, what an eventful trip it’s been!! My 36th year was one of ups and downs, of personal and professional wins and losses, of heartbreak and healing. I’ve certainly felt like I was on a roller coaster of emotions at times and I’m most certainly NOT naive when it comes to said emotional roller coaster, either. Trust me, I know it’s going to continue throughout all the years of my life. If you look at life like that — that every year you go around on that roller coaster is another year that you’re LIVING — well, then, I suppose that I should be pretty grateful for those ups and downs, huh?

Part of me isn’t too sure how to feel about my birthday this year, actually. I mean, 37 just feels like it’s going to be an odd age. I’ve reached that dreaded point in my 30s where I can no longer say “I’m in my mid-30s.” I’m officially in my late 30s! Yikes! Although, perhaps I can get away with saying “Oh, little old me? I’m in my late mid-30s“? That has a very nice ring to it, if you ask me!

I took the above selfie last week, while I was sitting outside and enjoying the classic Portillo’s jazz music and waiting for friends to arrive. How appropriate that Toy Story’s “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” came on! It reminded me that I have such wonderful people around me. As trying as some moments have been this year, I still feel surrounded by love, light and happiness. No dark clouds (or haters…) can dim that light.

Thank you, friends, for being such a powerful force in my life!! I hope you know how much I appreciate your love and support. As I’ve said before, we make a pretty amazingly awesome team, don’t you think?!?!?

BirthdayI’m taking my classic Birthday Break next week and I can’t wait to rendezvous back here on Monday, August 13th! Coming up that week: Birthday photos, a new guest post from Ms. Bear on what she learned this summer and…MY NEW DIGS!!!! Curious about that last one?? You’ll see!!! I’m always on Twitter and Facebook so come by and say hello!!! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a hearty dinner of my mom’s meatloaf and a delicious dessert of my sister’s delicious Rice Krispies treats calling my name!!! xoxo

P.S. My last NINE birthdays: 28th, 29th, 30th, 31st, 32nd, 33rd, 34th, 35th and 36th!!!

[Bottom photo via We Heart It]

My Essay on The Week: “The Priceless Nostalgia of Childhood Family Road Trips”

Family Road TripsI’ve written a lot about family over the years, but my newest essay is definitely one of my favorites! It’s my first for The Week and it’s all about the family road trips that marked my childhood in such a powerful and profound way! I originally wrote it back in March and I’d been trying to place it for the last couple months. Summer was coming to an end! I was worried I’d have to save it for next year and then…BAM!!

Summer is a season that evokes such incredible sense memories, you know? When I was writing this, even all the way back in the cold days of March, I could just feel summer with every word I typed. That summer vibe, complete with its warm sun and fresh-cut grass smell, just filled my soul with childhood nostalgia. It actually made me yearn for a bygone era and those classic days of yore.

In fact, after I wrote the intro paragraph, I remember thinking, “Wow, I’ve certainly seen America, haven’t I…” I say this to my mom a lot, but I am so grateful to my parents for the childhood they gave me — a childhood full of life and adventures. That’s a gift that I will carry with me forever! Those family road trips were so magical!

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I namedrop my love for a certain late ’90s teen pop queen whose music I still bop to all the time — music that, to this day, still reminds me of those family road trips…

It was quintessential America — a snapshot of the United States. Wrapped up in these vacations was the perfect history lesson. My parents saw it as a way to bring history to life for my sister and me. But these trips are also our family’s history. It’s the story of our journey and our past and the story of our family.

It’s those summer memories that bring me comfort as I continue to mourn the loss of my father, 15 years after his death. It’s those memories I’m keeping alive. Those days of sitting in the backseat, pillow over my lap, just watching the world go by through the car window. In the sticky Southern heat of summer, the kind of heat that sticks to your back and sends beads of sweat rolling across your forehead, we were making our own history and planting the historical markers of our lives.

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo