Ms. Bear: On Hurting, Healing and Happiness

HealingJune 10th. I remember Brian and I smiling ear to ear after we picked the date for our wedding. You know, the giddiness of the newly engaged and all. Just thinking about that makes me smile. As I enjoyed this memory, it got me thinking about the long and winding trajectory that lets me sit here, by my open kitchen window, right around the time Brian and I were married and actually smiling. You see, after someone you love dies, a funny thing happens. For me, I can’t pinpoint when the healing started, but I can see the results of it as I sit here, wrapped in my happy memories of my wedding day.

Year one was what I call the “Ugly Year.” Lots of crying, some yelling, a few objects being thrown…well, you get the idea. Suicide leaves behind an anger that I hope I never have to experience again. Then, year two turned into something I call the “Lonely Year.” There were lots and lots of tears, lots of listening to Norah Jones as I drove to Panera for soup just to get some time alone in the car to cry and cry (and still yell a bit too, if I am being honest!). There was the time I hit my head on an end table and had to drive myself to the ER as I held a towel to my bleeding head, screaming at Brian the whole time about why he ever thought it was OK to leave me behind with our two beautiful daughters, who were suffering as much, or even more, than I was. I always said it was like we were underwater in the first few years, but only one of us was able to get to land at a time. We honestly couldn’t help each other very much, as we were lost in the sea of suicide survivor grief. We were helpless in the depths of a hurricane.

But, then something happened. Each year that has passed has brought more peace and healing to our lives. The violent dreams have turned to dreams of Brian how he used to be, not how I found him or how he was when he had cancer. He laughs in the dreams now, and I laugh along with him. He looks healthy and strong and it is a gift to finally remember him that way.

HealingNow, on my anniversary or his birthday or March 10th, the day he died, I remember him with happiness. I don’t need to stay in bed all day the way I did the first couple of years. Oh, sure, we still get sad, but to be honest, I welcome the sadness; it is a testament to what I have lost. But, in getting lost for all those years during the healing, I have also found myself again, and for that I am thankful. I have healed, and I hope that wherever Brian is, he is healed too.

Happy anniversary, Brian. I’ll see you in my dreams…

In Praise of Meghan, Harry and the Royal Baby

Royal Baby Royal BabyToday is a big day for us commoners, friends!! As Meghan Markle and Prince Harry celebrate one week since welcoming their first child, the ever-adorable Archie, it’s also been one week since we got our first glimpse of the royal baby in the form of those first photos!

Along with the rest of the world, my heart melted when I saw those photos. The little cap on Archie’s little head! His little nose! Everything…was…just…so…adorable. But perhaps more than the sheer adorableness of it all, I love how these photos signal a change for the Royal Family. Ever since Meghan and Harry got married, they haven’t been shy about letting the world know that they’re going to do things their way, so it’s no surprise that these first photos of the royal baby seem to tell us one thing: It’s a new era for the royals!

Yes, a new era, indeed! One that skirts tradition in favor of being more modern — like how they chose to skip the traditional hospital photos in favor of some quiet family time in the hours following Archie’s birth.

Royal Baby Plus, I can’t be the only one who is in love with the fact that it’s Harry, not Meghan, who is holding Archie in those first photos. With royal births, we’re so used to seeing the mother holding the baby while a smiling husband is standing at her side. Yet, in keeping with doing things their way, here we have Harry holding Archie! It’s a wonderful message and sentiment for 2019 — one that shows men that it’s OK to challenge those masculine stereotypes and be vulnerable.

They’re setting an example for the next generation, and, as you can imagine, I’m here for it! So much! As The Daily Beast put it…

“Though Markle stroked Archie’s head while she spoke in a low, measured voice to reporters, she silently broke another royal tradition. In the past while leaving the hospital, Kate Middleton has held her children with Prince Williams standing at her side. Diana cradled her sons, too. But Harry held his baby with confidence, two days in and now a smooth professional.”

Aren’t these photos sweet, friends?? What do you think of the name Archie? Even that sounds modern, if you ask me!! Here’s to a future with a more modern monarchy… xoxo

P.S. My Open Letter to Prince George back in 2013…

[Photos by Dominic Lipinski-WPA Pool/Getty Images]

💐Happy Mother’s Day! I Love You, Ms. Bear!🐻

Mothers Day Mothers DayHappy Mother’s Day!! When it comes to mothers, I definitely hit the jackpot. This lady is the sunshine of my life! She’s the apple of my eye! She’s my rainbow after so many storms! And of course, we all know that she’s my Ms. Bear! I’m thankful for her every day!

Ms. Bear and I have sure been through quite a lot together. We’ve had lots of good times — just ask her about all the funny banter we’ve shared over the years. Granted, most of said banter was me telling her about some piece of exciting, juicy pop culture news or a long-winded explanation of the grand plans I have for my blog.

But we’ve also been through some dark times. Times that were scary and confusing and painful — times that I wondered how we would make it through to the other side. We always did see the light at the end of the tunnel, though, even if the tunnel seemed to stretch on for miles that soon started to feel like days that turned into weeks that turned into months that turned into years. We stuck together and we got through it. We got through it all.

Mothers Day Mothers DayI sometimes still wonder how I got through those painful times, but I never wonder who got me through. Ms. Bear. She’s better than any superhero, and she easily puts all the Avengers to shame with her power. And what’s that superpower, you ask? It’s a little something called LOVE, and she just radiates it like whatever superhero had that lightning bolt (was it Thor? I don’t know these things, obviously…); she lights up the world with that lightning bolt. Truthfully? She makes it all look effortless — all this superhero work she does just seems to come naturally to her, as if she doesn’t even have to try.

So I know I probably sound like a broken record when I say this, but I wish she would take some time for her. Take some time to relax. Take some time to unwind. Because of all the superheroes in the world, she deserves it the most!

I love you, Ms. Bear!! You’ll always be aces in my book!! xoxo

P.S. Doesn’t that Mother’s Day cake look yummy?? Janelle made this homemade goodness and it was delicious to the max!!

Motivational Quotes Monday: In Praise of Our Pets

Happy Monday, friends!!! Can you believe it’s a bit of a SNOWY DAY in the Midwest?!? What happened to my glorious springtime?? Anyway, National Pet Day was trending on Twitter last week, and it got me thinking about our wonderful furry friends! Our pets are really more than our furry friends, though, don’t you think? They’re our family and we can’t imagine our lives without them!! Maybe I’m reflecting on the love of pets so much because next weekend marks one year since we lost Harry — he was, after all, the cat who changed everything! So in that spirit, here are five quotes all about the power of pets in our lives…

Pets Pets Pets Pets

When It’s Time to Spring Break (Yes, That’s a Verb)

Spring BreakThat’s right, friends!! I just used spring break as a verb in the title of this post!! And, honestly, I did so for one very specific reason…

One of the hardest parts of being a freelance writer is making a clear distinction between my professional and personal life. Because I essentially work from home, those two worlds tend to blend together and it’s not always easy to “turn off” the work part of my brain. How do you clock out and unplug when your work desk is also the kitchen table?

Janelle is constantly asking me, “Are you going to actually take the weekend off?” because there’s always something I could be doing. And, unhealthy as it may be, I usually choose to do that thing. So it means that I don’t have many clear-cut weekends, and this, well, only leaves me frustrated and feeling like I’m running on empty.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love freelancing, but since I make my own schedule, I’m not always the best at the whole work-life balance thing. I’m trying, though, to make more of a concerted effort to strike a better balance.

And guess what? There’s no time like the present, right? So I’m starting this week! I thought spring break would be the perfect time too — spring is in the air, the season of renewal and growth, and that definitely applies to mind, body, soul and spirit too! To work on ourselves, to make better choices, to take some time to just relax and unwind, even if it’s only for a little bit.

My mom is on spring break this week, so I’m taking the week off too. It’ll be hard not to think about writing, ideas, blog posts, pitches I want to send, emails I need to follow up on, how my inbox is getting so out of hand that it might crush me like an avalanche…

NO, NO, NO.

Come on, Melissa, remember to focus on the present. I know. The work will still be there when I come back next week. But just please, can someone make sure Trump doesn’t do anything too outrageous or something that requires me to come out of hibernation and write an op-ed? Thank you!

Spring BreakI hope you all take some time this month to sit back and smell the beautiful spring flowers starting to bloom. And be sure to send me photos if you do! My hair may be a mess in this photo and I may be stressed to the max, but it’s spring!!! I wore my favorite bubblegum pink sweatshirt on the first day of spring so I pop just like spring!!

As I’m writing this post, I can hear my mom listening to music in the bedroom and Otis Redding’s “(Sittin’ On) The Dock Of The Bay” came on. And I was immediately transported to all our days in Alabama, where we literally sat on the dock of the bay. That was our paradise and that’s what I want to feel again — those happy days of just “wastin’ time.” Maybe this week will be a good first step.

I’ll be back to regular posting on Monday, April 1st — ACK, that’s April Fools’ Day!! As always, feel free to connect with me on Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Bloglovin! See you there, friends! And, please, don’t forget to take some time for YOU… xoxo