AOC Gets a Haircut. Nancy Pelosi Stands Firm. And I’m Here For ALL of It

Nancy PelosiOK, so I’ve wanted to pitch op-eds recently about Nancy Pelosi and AOC, but, you know, time just didn’t want to be on my side for some reason — well, the usual reasons. Then I had a brilliant writer idea: Why not just write one HUGE, super-duper op-ed on the blog?

And that, friends, is how we got here, to this very post.

First, we need to talk about “the president” and his bullying tweets to Nancy Pelosi last week. Not only is this taunting disgusting, but it’s yet another example of how society views strong women who speak their minds. We call them “unhinged” and “hysterical.” When a man does it, though, we say he’s a “leader” and “passionate.”

I look at this photo and all I see is Nancy Pelosi holding her own in a room full of men who want her to “be quiet.” And the fact that she made this her cover photo on Twitter just makes her even more badass, don’t you think??

Nancy PelosiIf that incident wasn’t bad enough, not even two weeks before, the headlines practically screamed these words (I’m paraphrasing here, obviously)…

OMG, have you heard the scandalous news? AOC…got…a…haircut.

I’ve been rolling my eyes so hard over this for weeks. The criticism is absurd and just another example of the catch-22 mixed messages women face every day. Women are expected to meet these unrealistic beauty standards. Things usually go something like this…

If they DON’T meet them, they’re criticized.

If they DO meet then, they’re criticized.

Either way, women can’t win. Plus, we don’t usually see the same criticism when it comes to men and how much money they spend on haircuts or clothes or…well, virtually anything!

I mean, these mixed messages don’t just happen. We start teaching young girls that these are the values that matter, that these are the things expected of them, from a very, very young age.

Society to young women: You can be anything you want to be…

Also society: But, don’t forget to be likeable…

Why do we send young women these mixed messages?? Instead, how about we flip the script completely? How about we start saying things like this…

Girls can be tough and fierce and outspoken.

Girls can be gentle and chill and soft-spoken.

There’s no “right way” to be a girl. The greatest gift we can give them is to just let them BE. Today and always. 

Why do we insist that women be likable as if it’s some Holy Trait?? I’m pretty sure Nancy Pelosi is more concerned with doing what’s best for the country than making sure people like her. And AOC was just going about living her life and getting a haircut. This isn’t some high school popularity contest. And yet, it always seems like women are losing no matter what they say or do. What is it with these never-ending and toxic double standards. And when will they end? What if they never do?

Nancy PelosiAs for me? I recently got a haircut too!! Short hair, I soooo care! Feeling like a new woman — and literally like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Now the only thing that’s wild and unruly is my personality.

And, YES, I got a haircut. Don’t come for me…

What are your thoughts, friends? What sorts of toxic double standards have you just had enough of lately? Feel free to vent in the comments… xoxo

Thoughts on National Boyfriend Day

National Boyfriend DayLast Thursday was National Boyfriend Day and I’d just like to give a shout-out to my teenage self, who painstakingly came up with this 12-point checklist for her “boyfriends and husband.”

Honestly, I’ve got to give her props for her sheer optimism and for knowing exactly what she wants!  Apparently, at that age, everything was crystal clear in the “What I Want In A Relationship” department because I distinctly remember sitting down to write that list and the words just came flowing out so effortlessly. One, two, three…before I knew it, I had 12 must-have qualities for the future loves of my life.

Don’t believe me? Check out the indisputable proof right here. For example…

I was a firm feminist at the age of 17…

National Boyfriend Day National Boyfriend Day#6. Supportive: “This is in both my personal life as well as in my career. I wouldn’t want any guy to hold me back — this is the ‘90s and I want a ‘90’s man!”

Turns out, I couldn’t deal with the mansplainers even back then…

National Boyfriend Day#9. Self-confident: “I need a man who believes in himself, but he must not be overly confident because that could border on being conceited.”

And then the other day, I was searching for something on the blog and came across this post from a year ago. It still rings true: Where HAVE all the good men gone?

It’s a question that I keep on asking: Where are all the good men? Where are all the good men? Where are all the good men? Those six words seem to haunt me to no end because I’m not exactly sure about the answer to that question.

As I wrote in the post…

“Are they all hiding from me? Are they at the local Target? Busy taking a morning jog? Or maybe they’re all “too scared” to come out and actually support women when we need it the most? Honestly, that last scenario is the only one that seems plausible to me right now. Because I’m sure not seeing these good men that people like my mom swear are out there. All I’m seeing are entitled, mansplaining dude bros who are exasperated that they’re being called out because, for some, their cushy little life has never been disrupted like that before.”

So here’s my plea (do any men even read my blog?): Please show yourselves, men of the world. For the love of all things, please, please just let us know you’re out there. Please let us know that good and decent men still exist in this ever-dimming dark world. Can you do that, please? Thank you and I hope you all had a happy National Boyfriend Day… xoxo

P.S. Someone’s name has been blacked out of the above diary entry to protect the innocent…and save me from embarrassment.

[First and last photo via Unsplash]

Motivational Quotes Monday: Stand Up and Fight For Women’s Rights

Welcome to Monday, friends!! I hope your week is off to a good start! In thinking about today’s motivational quotes, I almost thought about prefacing them with an apology — an apology for being repetitive and sounding like a broken record. And then, just as quickly as that thought came, I caught myself and said, “You know what? No, I will not apologize!” And I shouldn’t have to apologize either. Because when it comes to fighting for women’s rights, it is never the time to stay silent or calm or not rock the boat. With even more states passing dangerous abortion bans, we all need to rock this boat as hard and as loudly as we can! All of us. After all, if we don’t, who will? With that in mind, here are five quotes all about the importance of women’s rights…

Women's Rights Women's Rights Women's Rights Women's Rights Women's Rights

Women Writers and Sharing Our Successes

Women WritersFriends, we need to talk about something. I left a writing group for women writers last night after a mod messaged me about how people were annoyed by my “constant flood” of posts. I’ve been thinking about why this bothered me so much, and I think part of it goes back to how society views women who talk about their work.

Women must downplay their accomplishments or it will come off as bragging. In fact, sometimes I find myself consciously making sure I space out sharing my bylines on social media, and almost immediately, the fear and guilt sets in. Am I bragging too much? Will people think I’m conceited? It’s such a knee-jerk reaction in its intensity — one that women have had to deal with for centuries.

We’re taught to be humble, to be self-deprecating, to downplay our achievements. Any amount of pride we display borders on excessive. To say “Look, I did this and I’m proud of myself” is practically a sin. I’ve never liked the cult of competition that results from this. Because this whole writing thing isn’t a competition! There’s room for all our words, all our stories and all our voices. This business is cutthroat enough and we should be building each other up and cheering for each other every step of the way. I’m here to support other writers, not tear them down.

I’m definitely not trying to brag by posting my bylines. I share because I genuinely enjoy connecting with writers — to support, life up and help each other.

I personally LOVE it when other women writers are open, honest and transparent. I want to hear their stories. I want them to start lots of conversations about our profession. I want to see them succeed. The more we talk and share, the better! I’ve always hated the idea that writers are in competition with each other. So, WOMEN WRITERS, remember that we need all your voices. Please don’t hold back. I promise there’s enough space for all of us!!

I absolutely love being a freelance writer. It’s exciting and magical, but it’s also hard. People see the byline and shiny finished product, but they don’t see all the behind-the-scenes: The planning and pitching, the awful drafts, follow-ups, waiting, waiting. That’s sort of why I’m so open about the whole process — just like I’m open about suicide and life with a disability. To show the human side that people don’t always see and so other people aren’t afraid to talk about this freelance writing thing either.

Women WritersSo, PLEASE, I implore all the bad-ass women writers out there: Share your work. Toot your own horn. Shout your successes from the rooftops. Don’t. Hold. It. In. When one of us wins, we ALL win! Cheers to us!! I happen to think we’re pretty darn awesome, don’t you??

With that in mind, can you do me a favor? Can you share your favorite piece that you’ve read by a women writer lately?? I want to read and tweet the heck out of it! xoxo

[Top photo via Unsplash and GIF via Giphy]

Gillette Asks Men to Challenge Toxic Masculinity and We Need It

GilletteOoooh, it’s time to do some praising, friends!!! Have you seen this wonderful ad?? The famed razor brand Gillette asks men to challenge toxic masculinity and let me just say. It’s. About. Time. Because. We. Desperately. Need. It.

The video, which went live yesterday, sees the company put a socially conscious spin on its classic tagline (“The best a man can get“) by asking, “Is this the best a man can get?” It also shows a montage of various situations as examples of how men can have a positive impact instead of contributing to this dangerous culture of toxic masculinity. There are scenes about catcalling, scenes about mansplaining, scenes about aggression and — my favorite — a scene at the end that showed a father holding his young daughter and teaching her positive affirmations about herself.

In less than two minutes, Gillette was able to make a powerful statement and showed the world something so many of us have been saying for awhile: Men need to step up. Men need to DO BETTER.

Sadly, the video received its share of criticism, mostly from (surprise, surprise) MRA types who see any sort of call to action as a gut-punch condemnation. That is, they see it as a brutal attack that’s just not fair!

Here’s how the conversation usually goes when men are called out for their bad behavior…

Men: Women are overly emotional and triggered by every little thing!

Also men: Arghhhh, that Gillette ad is horrible!! It’s not fair!

Seriously, men, if you feel so threatened and enraged by an ad asking you to simply be a decent human being, maybe you’re the problem. Maybe it’s time you look in the mirror and ask yourself “What can I do to make my space better? How can I be part of the solution?”

We’re not asking men to move mountains. We’re not asking men to cure cancer. Heck, we’re not even asking men to bring about world peace. We’re merely asking you to commit to common decency and pledge to help more than harm. Men shouldn’t respond by getting angry. They should respond by joining women (and other men) who have been fighting the good fight for generations.

After all, that’s not asking too much, is it? The video ends with these thought-provoking words: “Because the boys watching today will be the men of tomorrow.”

Indeed, the next generation is watching, modeling, absorbing all these messages about what it means to “be a man.” Don’t we want to show them all the good things men can be?? Let’s get started, OK…?? At the very least, men out there, you can start with “I’m sorry…“

P.S. In the #MeToo Era: Where Have All the Good Men Gone?