MEMO TO MEN: Please, Just Stop the Mansplaining!

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Bye-bye, Mansplainers!
DATE: July 18th, 2017

Stop the MansplainingAlright, boys, it’s time to just be really, really, really honest with you for a moment. As you might have noticed, I haven’t posted a MEMO TO MEN in quite awhile, and honestly, there’s a very good reason for that. To put it mildly: Stop the mansplaining!

Because you know what? I’m really starting to lose faith in you.

Now before you write this off as some “feminist rant,” just hear me out. It all started around the time of the November election when tensions were running on overdrive. My naive mind thought that things would settle down once the new year rolled around.

Wow, was I wrong! Things only got worse from there. I’m not sure if you all have always been out in the world (you probably have…) or if Trump’s election just normalized your behavior; either way, you seem to think this is all acceptable. FYI, it’s not. It’s deplorable and reprehensible in every possible way.

I’ve heard it all, in one disgusting diatribe after another. I was told that women have the same rights as men and that being a white male in America is a disadvantage. Oh, there was also the comment that I have to expect bullying on social media as if I was somehow asking for it. Yes, I post on Twitter all the time hoping someone will say I should be euthanized — and, yes, that actually happened. It wasn’t pretty, let me tell you!

You could claim to be the nicest gentleman in the world, but the minute you open your mouth in that condescending, rude and utterly disrespectful tone, I’m done listening to ANYTHING you have to say. In fact, I’m pretty much done with you altogether. The way I’ve seen you treat women and the fact that you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong speaks volumes about you as a person.

I’m sure you’re sitting there thinking, “However will Melissa survive without my pearls of wisdom in her life?”

Well, I hate to break it to you, but I actually do just fine on my own. I don’t need you to “enlighten me” or “explain” my experience to me, thanks. Women don’t need you explaining the ways of the world to us. We don’t need you to act like some sort of knight riding up on your horse to “save us” from what we supposedly don’t know. And we most certainly don’t need you rationalizing your sexist, misogynist behavior — you can rationalize it all you want, but the fact is it will never be right.

To the mansplainers I’ve encountered these last few months? I suppose I should just thank you. I mean, I’m glad you’ve shown your true colors now. I’m glad I’ve seen who you truly are because that was one enlightening experience I actually needed. The unfriend button on Facebook has been my BFF over the last few months and I’m grateful for that. Who needs that kind of hate taking up precious space in their timeline? Not me!

Stop the MansplainingThe bottom line: I don’t have time in my life for this kind of nonsense. For God’s sake, start by acknowledging your privilege. Don’t pretend like it doesn’t exist and don’t twist reality to somehow say that you’re the marginalized one. Open your ears and just listen to us. We might just teach you something.

[Photos via We Heart It]

MEMO TO MEN: Mystery vs. History

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Mystery vs. History
DATE: February 27, 2017

memo to men mystery vs historyI come to you with a fierce debate today, boys! It’s one that’s been on my mind for awhile and I honestly haven’t chosen a side yet — maybe you can help me out here?

The topic? Mystery vs. History…

In the Internet age, everyone’s life is an open book. Our lives play out in real time on Facebook and Twitter (and Snapchat if you’re one of those young people!) and there’s virtually nothing that is left to the imagination. We know what our friends and family eat for breakfast, their favorite TV shows/sports teams and even their political leanings. Oh, and don’t forget a plethora of photos of their dogs or cats — yes, I know I’ve been VERY guilty of this in the past! There’s nothing left to mystery; a person’s entire life history is seemingly just a click away. All for the taking. All day. Every day.

So when it comes to dating and relationships, it seems like social media has swiftly changed everything. It’s changed the obvious things, like the very way we meet people, but it’s also changed our M.O. even before any dates even take place. I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad things, but…

Think about it this way: Knowing so much about someone so early doesn’t give you a chance to get to know them. There’s something to be said for getting to know someone gradually, for taking your time to learn all about someone. I suppose it’s much like peeling back the layers of an onion — a little at a time is much more satisfying than everything all at once, you know? Maybe it’s just because I’m an incredibly nosy person, but I don’t think I could stop myself from looking, which perhaps is a big problem in itself.

memo to men mystery vs historyBut, really, what would happen if you went on a date without researching on the Internet? Would you really be worse off in the end? Is it always better to know? And, if there’s no intrigue anymore, what is really lost? That spark? That early sense of excitement?

Me? I’m thinking I want to get to know someone on their own terms. On neutral territory and just seeing how things develop from there. Maybe it’s just wrong for someone to have any sort of advantage in the “Getting to Know You” game. Maybe an even playing field is the best way to kick things off? Unless he’s a potential UnSub (Criminal Minds, FTW!) who’s intent on locking me in his basement…yeah, then I definitely want to get all the info on that situation! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

MEMO TO MEN: 5 Ways Men Are Like the Stock Market

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: The Stock Market & Dating
DATE: January 25, 2017

men are like the stock marketEditor’s Note: Oh, boys, just so no one gets a case of the hurt feelings here, I’m not trying to insult or demean you in any way! My goal is merely to make an observation that I’ve been noticing for years now: Men are like the stock market. In fact, these things could be said of women as well — and I’m sure some of you have even said them before. So no hard feelings, OK?

In this time of economic crisis and downright political uncertainty, we’re all scared and confused and worried about our money. Heck, I’ve even started contemplating buying one of those walk-in safes at the bank just to store all my loot. Everyone is losing. And fast.

Hmmmm, does that remind you of anything else? Losing. Heartbreak. Confusion.

Indeed, apparently, it’s also a very scary time to fall in love — and just generally be in love, for that matter. Heck, I don’t even have to have all that much experience to know that it’s a tough world out there. A tough world, indeed. Hearts are breaking all over the place and we’re left to try to figure out this crazy mystery known as love. But did you ever think that something as abstract as love/men could be similar to something so concrete as…the stock market? Oh, it’s true! Don’t believe me? Here are 5 ways men are just like the grand old stock market…

They’re fickle: Sometimes they’re up and sometimes they’re down. And of course, they can be incredibly unpredictable; I mean, I’ve spent the better part of my life desperately trying to understand them…to no avail, obviously! I’m pretty sure there’s a HUGE market if someone wanted to invent some sort of device that could make predictions about their behavior — you know, in case anyone wants to get on that or anything.

You have to take risks to get the return: This is one I’m forever trying to master this one. Risk-taking has never really been my thing; you all know I pride myself on being a pretty cautious girl. But, I suppose, like any good stock investment, you have to take some risk to see the payoff in the long run. It’s something I’m learning, at least.

Take a chance on a start-up: We may not be able to predict the future definitively, but if history is any indication, great things have come from small companies — and sometimes, this includes those companies that people don’t believe will be around long. The moral here: Take a chance on someone!

Know when to cash in: I’m beginning to feel like this thing called ‘hanging on’ in love is entirely overrated, you know? What’s the sense in waiting around, hoping that maybe someday someone will change and see the light of your awesomeness! As Kenny Rogers once quipped…

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run

Diversify your dating portfolio: It’s NO SECRET that I have the habit of falling for the same type of guy. Over and over, really. It’s a very delicate pattern I’ve woven over the years — one that, I’m afraid, is pretty dangerous, too. And this same pattern? Well, it hasn’t really gotten me anywhere, so I probably shouldn’t be putting all my betting money in once basket, if you know what I mean!

men are like the stock marketThere you have it, boys! A little advice from my heart to yours. What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree? What’s your dating portfolio looking like these days? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

 

 

MEMO TO MEN: What If There Was No Pressure?

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Can I get to know you??
DATE: September 8, 2016

Inspiration can come from the strangest and most unexpected places sometimes, boys. I’ve found that I also usually find it when I’m not even looking.

Well, leave it to one of my favorite shows to hit me with a dose of creativity. This line of dialogue from Frasier has been sitting in the back of my mind for years now, burrowing itself deep in the recesses of my subconscious; I’ve mulled over the idea countless times now and came to the same conclusion time and time again.
It’s downright BRILLIANT. In season four, the ever-wise Martin Crane says the following…

I really don’t know any tricks. I mean, if a woman agreed to go out with me, I’d er, well, I’m not there to impress her or to play cool. I’m there because I want to know her; er, what she thinks; er, what she likes, so that if I’m lucky enough to get another date I can plan something that I know she’d like to do.

Seriously, it’s so completely simple and eye-opening at the same time, isn’t it? This notion that you’re not going out with someone to try and make some grand statement or out-of-this-world romantic gesture — that, maybe, things don’t have to be all that complicated in the end. I mean, it would certainly take the pressure off on my end, you know?

It sort of reminds me, too, of “Can I Get To Know You Better” by the Turtles; you don’t have any hidden agenda or ulterior motive. You want to get to know someone. Plain and simple. You don’t need to hide behind anything or even pretend to be someone you’re not, and if you ask me, that’s a very refreshing way of looking at everything. And that makes me breathe one heavy sigh of relief, let me tell you. I’ve never even been on a date and I’m already experiencing panic-induced night sweats about the whole ordeal, so I can only imagine how nerve-wracking the real thing must be.

But, really, it doesn’t need to be that way at all. When you think about it, what’s better than something that will take ALL the pressure off, let you step back and just completely relax. I know, it’s probably too good to be true — do those sorts of things actually happen in real life or are they just something you wistfully see in a Julia Roberts rom-com? It’s nice to think about, though, isn’t it? I’m not saying we have to run off and get married, boys? Heck, we might discover that we don’t even like each other all that much! All I’m saying is…let’s try. How does that sound, boys? That’s not too terribly hard now, is it? xoxo

[Top photo via We Heart It]

MEMO TO MEN: The Heart-Pumping Paradox

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Awkward as a teenager
DATE: April 18th, 2016

Boys, I think I’ve realized something: Although I appear rather mysterious, where I don’t exactly tell you straight-up how I feel about you, if you look really closely, all the signs are probably there.

Translation: My body language will give me away. Every. Single. Time.

No, I’m not talking about that sort of body language! After all, I am a prude, remember? I’m talking about those nonverbal cues — you know, lots of fidgeting, visibly sweaty palms, an awkward stutter, that general deer-in-the-headlights look as if I have no idea what I’m doing (which, by the way, I probably don’t). If you want to know how I’m feeling, these signs will definitely tell you. And by “how I feel,” I’m talking about the I-think-I-may-like-you kind since, obviously, those are the ones that are so hard for me to give voice to, if you know what I mean.

I’ve unofficially dubbed this trend The Heart-Pumping Paradox. Now, put your thinking caps on when I try to explain this. How I act around you is inversely proportional to how I feel about you. That is, the more I like you, the more I morph into a silent, awkward, blubbering person who can barely keep it together. So if we’re chitchatting, say, and you notice that I’m having a bit of trouble stringing a simple sentence together, then I probably like you a lot. If I don’t know where to put my hands as you’re telling me about your weekend, then I probably like you a lot. If you ask me a question and I just stand there giving you a blank stare, then I probably like you a lot.

Weird, right??

I suppose now would be a good time to note that the above description of my new syndrome DOES NOT apply to our exchanges/interactions over texts, email and social media. Over those mediums, I’m positively enchanting, easily seducing you with my charms because, well, I’m just that irresistible. It must have something to do with the fact that I’ve always been better with the written word than thinking on my feet. Trying to come up with something clever and witty to say has never been a skill of mine. But give me a day or so to respond to an email? You’ll be so enthralled with me that you’ll see stars. I promise.

Although, I doubt I’m the only one who suffers from this affliction. Maybe you’ve noticed it a time or two in your own life. I’m starting to see that it’s not a very good cover-up in the long-run. I mean, trying with all my might to conceal my feelings actually gives them away in the end. In making it look like I don’t like you, I’m pretty much just sealing my fate, aren’t I? You might not even catch on, but before long, I start to feel like I’m wearing a giant bulls-eye around my neck that says, “Step right up, step right up! Come take a look at the girl who is soooo obvious in her inner feelings. Look at her trying to hide them…as if she even can!“

So where does that leave me exactly? Well, I don’t really know, but I’m guessing it’s somewhere between “just like everyone else” and “get a grip on yourself, girl.” Maybe I should just try to be upfront with you and tell you how I feel?? Nah, that sounds too easy… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]