My Essay on Local Love: “My Clap-Back at Online Bullies Inspired a Global Self-Love Movement”

self-love movement“My clap-back at online bullies inspired a global self-love movement…”

Ahh, I never thought that I’d see words like ‘clap-back‘ and ‘self-love movement’ used to describe me, but that’s exactly where I found myself last week with my newest byline!

In fact, my first piece for Canada’s Local Love was actually inspired by YOU — all my new friends on social media!!! As dark and disheartening as it was to encounter those internet trolls, the response to my viral tweet showed me that there’s still light shining in this world. Thank you for being my light, friends!!! And thank you to Valerie Howes for being such a caring editor!!

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I talk about the need to make social media — and the internet in general — a less toxic place…

I’d go as far as to say that the outpouring of support was life-changing for me. My confidence has grown, especially with regards to my disability, because however much I’ve put myself out there as a writer over the years, I’ve always struggled internally with feeling and looking different. Since my Twitter following multiplied tenfold, to 72,000 followers, I’ve felt the warmth and acceptance of my newly expanded community every single day.

There will always be dark corners of the internet, but that doesn’t mean we can’t all play our part in making it a brighter and safer space. That could mean something as simple as giving someone a positive shout-out on Twitter, sharing a good-news story or sparking a respectful conversation around an issue that matters to you.

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so I see your tweet and we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

Yes, I’m 38 and a Shawn Mendes Fangirl

Shawn MendesOh, hi. I have something very important and personal to share today. It’s a deep secret that I haven’t really shared with the rest of the world. I am a Shawn Mendes fangirl.

Whew! Did I really just say (err, type) that??

All the way back in February, I shared my confession on Twitter, as everyone does these days: “I’d just like to publicly thank Shawn Mendes for officially giving me my first Mrs. Robinson moment…”

Ahh, finally, my deepest secret was out there. Interestingly, I felt a weight lift from my shoulder the second I hit ‘post.’ After all, I’ve tried to deny my feelings, but as REO Speedwagon once said, “I can’t fight this feeling anymore.” And I can’t. There’s really no point because this crooner has my heart. Yes, I know he has no idea who I am (and my mom will probably think this post is creepy and weird), but coming clean about my feelings means that I no longer had to hide in the shadows of fandom. It meant that I could fully be myself: An older Millennial who loves Shawn Mendes.

Shawn MendesI followed that tweefession (confessional tweet) with my thoughts on his music to his relationship with Camila Cabello until less than a month later, when I made things social media official…

“In related news, I’m officially in love with Shawn Mendes!!!!” I joyfully proclaimed. I think the three red heart emojis really drove my point home.

And, yes, it was joyful, indeed. I’m sure there are lots of others out there who are just like me, so I’m here to tell you: There is no shame in this so-called guilty pleasure. There’s no shame in listening to “If I Can’t Have You” and then daydreaming about Shawn spending his nights reading texts from you.

And, in a related announcement: After years of dreaming about being serenaded Lloyd Dobler-style to “In Your Eyes,” the dream has changed. I now want to be serenaded to this Shawn Mendes lyric: “I want all of you, all the strings attached.”

One warning, though: I have A LOT of strings…

Shawn MendesSo, go forth, friends, and don’t feel bad about all your guilty pleasures!! There’s an incredible sense of power and freedom in simply leaning into something that you totally love and that makes you ridiculously happy. Because let’s face it, the world is not the happiest place right now! We can use all the adorable, addictive, toe-tapping music we can get, right?

Are you a Shawn Mendes fan? Do you have a favorite song of his? Don’t even get me started on he and Camila’s steamy performance at this year’s VMAs. I. Can’t. Even. Sigh… xoxo

The World of Social Media and How We Communicate

Social MediaThe world of social media has taken us by storm and everyone is jumping on the bandwagon. It allows many to voice our own opinions even when the public doesn’t ask for it. It doesn’t take much to sign up to any of the many social media platforms and begin a day of talking to whoever wants to follow you or like your comments. The topics can be on love, relationships, mental health, or what you ate in the last five minutes. Here are some things to keep people interested in your daily social media posts.

Consistency

There is nothing like finding a good social media post where you find yourself coming back for more to read. It also is not good when that post either disappears or you don’t hear anything from the author. If you are striving to have your voice heard, then you have to be consistent with your message. You’ll have to commit to posting several times a day or an hour. Followers come to either rely on what you are saying or depend on it for their own lives. Many look at posts as a way to get through problems in life or handle a tragic event. You’ll have to determine when to post on Instagram or your platform of choice. Your consistent opinions or advice can help your followers get through their day.

Originality

Try to post things that are original. It makes no sense to make stuff up as people will call you out and tell you what you’re doing. Originality rules and your followers will thrive on it because you are always giving them something new to think about. In order to stay original, you’ll need to keep yourself abreast of what is going on about the topic you are writing about. Don’t do anything halfway as it will be noticeable and people will get angry and post negative comments. Yet, don’t overdo it as you have to stand by what you are saying to the public. This means don’t try to be an expert on physics when you don’t hold a degree or have the experience. Read as much as you can on the topic you are talking about daily to give people fresh ideas.

Photos or Graphics

You can always insert photos in your social media posts to make valid points people can relate to. We are all visual learners at some point and social media is pushing that further. Pick photos that make sense and that you have permission to use. Most photos or even video clips that are funny have an owner. It’s not hard to find who owns what photo or graphic you want to post. If you do post without permission, then this creates problems for the entire social media timeline you’ve built in the last three to five years. This can be a daunting experience when people find out you really didn’t travel to Paris and those are stock photos.

Honesty

There is nothing worse on a social media platform you’ve been following for months than to find out everything is a lie. It’s not only the worst kind of lying, but it’s also that you knowingly did it on purpose. Some people get so caught up in the number of followers they have that their timeline goes from bad to worse. They are overwhelmed with the thousands of people that are living and breathing their daily words. However, not being honest in your posts cannot only get you banned from the platform, but you might also pick up a lot of trolls telling you about yourself. We’ve all seen these comments and most are not pretty, to say the least. You’ll be forced into hiding and trying to get on another platform if they will have you. Do yourself a favor and stay honest in all the posts you create.

These are some of the ways social media posts have changed how we communicate. There are things you can do to get better at it. Remain consistent in your posts and do it every day, if not once an hour. Stay original in your voice and do research on topics. Keep your posts honest and you’ll be successful in dodging the trolls.

Social Media–Sara Stringer is a freelance writer who most enjoys blogging about lifestyle, relationships and life as a woman. In her spare time, she enjoys soaking up the sunshine with her husband and two kids. Compensation was received for the editing and publishing of this article.

[Photos via Unsplash]

Have There Always Been So Many Entitled Dude Bros on The Bachelorette?

BacheloretteDear Lord: Please give me the confidence of an entitled dude bro contestant on The Bachelorette who is so sure on the first night that they’re going to walk away with the final rose…

That was my first thought as I binged Hannah Brown’s season of The Bachelorette. My very first thought, actually. As you may remember, I’m one of those rare species that had never tuned in to see the wonders of Bachelor Nation in action. For more than a decade, I was able to resist the siren song of soapy-sudsy TV dating on steroids. And then earlier this year, I watched The Bachelor for the first time because I wanted to see how they handled Colton Underwood’s virginity because, uh, hi, I can relate! And, well, wow! Was I sure in for a lot!

Surprisingly, I find myself more angry and disgusted at The Bachelorette contestants so much more than I ever was at The Bachelor contests. Not Hannah, mind you, because she’s a downright national treasure in her awesomeness. Throughout the whole season, my rage was aimed directly at the 20+ males vying for her affections. Like, all the rage. We’re talking yelling-at-my-television-like-it-was-a-football-game rage.

BacheloretteFor example, I spent one Friday afternoon eating barbecue chips and talking back to the television during one of Luke P’s many mantrums. When he asked if he could interrupt Hannah during one of their pivotal dinners, I screamed, mid-chip chomping, “No, you can’t, Luke!”

It was all just too much. And all the while, I wondered: Would I have this much anger if I’d watched the series from the beginning? Am I watching all this through the lens of our current cultural climate, where men behave very badly? What was my deal?

Maybe our current national climate is impacting my ability to enjoy reality television. Maybe our reality is so bad that even a mindless reality show like The Bachelorette is rage-inducing. Why can’t I escape these entitled dude bros, I ask you? Is nothing, especially reality TV, not even sacred anymore?

And then, when I watched the finale, I thought I might have a heart attack from all the rage! Wow. Jed is that guy who refuses to define the relationship with someone while out there doing very couple-y things like going to the Bahamas. I. Can’t. Even.

Hannah deserved so much better!! She’s definitely my new hero, as are all women the world over who have to deal with these sorts of shenanigans on the regular; maybe that’s the one upside for me of never having any experience with this love stuff.

BacheloretteI’ll tell you this: If, in some far-off future, I ever did find myself as the next Bachelorette, sitting there, watching all those men pile out of the limo a la clowns in a clown car, just know that I won’t stand for any of that nonsense — well, metaphorically stand because, you know, I’d actually be sitting in my wheelchair. Here are three reasons why I’d make a good Bachelorette, in case you’re wondering.

I say it’s time to change things up in Bachelor Nation, wouldn’t you, friends??? Please tell me you watch this show because I’ve only seen two seasons and although it makes me rage at times, I have no shame in admitting that I’m completely, utterly HOOKED… xoxo

Taylor Swift Re-Recording Her Albums Sends a Powerful Message

Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift taking back her power by re-recording her albums is my 2019 mood.

That was my first thought when I heard the news that Taylor Swift is planning to re-record her first five albums. The decision comes after the singer’s music catalog was bought by Scooter Braun in a $300 million deal between his Ithaca Holdings and Big Machine Label Group. Following the sale of her music, Swift took to her Tumblr and shared these powerful words…

“I learned about Scooter Braun’s purchase of my masters as it was announced to the world. All I could think about was the incessant, manipulative bullying I’ve received at his hands for years…Any time Scott Borchetta has heard the words ‘Scooter Braun’ escape my lips, it was when I was either crying or trying not to. He knew what he was doing; they both did. Controlling a woman who didn’t want to be associated with them. In perpetuity. That means forever.”

Like so many women, I was disgusted by the sale of her music catalog, especially in light of the fact that Braun has a history of bullying and manipulating the “Lover” singer-songwriter. Yes, artists have their work bought and sold all the time. That’s nothing new. But this sale didn’t feel like a business decision at all; it felt incredibly vindictive.

Taylor SwiftIt was yet another reminder that men in 2019 still think they can control women — everything from our bodies to our livelihoods. We’ve seen men using and abusing their power over and over. They use it as a way to undermine women, as a way to assert their dominance and make women feel “less than.”

That’s why Swift’s decision to re-record her music made me want to cheer “YES.” Why? Because it wasn’t just about her being able to own a version of her songs again or make money off her early work. This was about making a statement about women and power. It’s a statement that I heard loud and clear too: Women aren’t going to be controlled. What happened to Taylor happens to women every day; women speaking out and standing up for themselves and men trying to exert power and control. I’ll have none of it. None. Of. It.

Taylor SwiftPlus, who can forget Justin Bieber’s response? The singer posted a really mansplaining, non-apology apology Instagram post in which he basically scolded her for writing her blog post about the situation. He questioned her, insulted her…and then ended with “but we love you!” NO. What’s up with men who gaslight women? Why are men constantly trying to silence women?

The same thing happened to me this summer when a man tried to make me “rethink” a blog post — coincidentally, it was this post. What happened to Taylor happens to women every day; women speaking out and standing up for themselves and men trying to exert power and control. I’ll have none of it. None. Of. It.

Writer Danielle Campoamor summed it up perfectly in her recent CNN Opinion op-ed…

“As women, we’re to blame. We’re too aggressive. We just want attention. We don’t love ourselves enough. We’re manipulative. We’re not his type. We’re too much. We’re dramatic. We’re feuding.

And, like Swift, far too many of us are watching what we’ve worked so hard for fall into the hands of men who seek to control us, whether it be via our legacies, our reputations, our bodies, or our success.”

Yes, indeed. Women are taking back their own power and I’m here for it. All. Of. It. Are you with me, friends? What are your thoughts on Taylor Swift taking back her power?? I’d love to hear them!! xoxo