Do First Impressions Matter?

Let’s talk first impressions, shall we, friends? Sure, we’ve talked about first impressions and dating, but what about work and just life in general?

Forbes contributor and author Nick Morgan says they matter a great deal, especially in the ways our unconscious mind processes the world around us.

“Our conscious minds can handle roughly 40 bits of information a second. That sounds like a lot until you know that our unconscious minds can handle 11 millions bps,” he says. “And so we’ve evolved to let our unconscious minds handle first impressions, along with a lot of other things, because our conscious minds are easily overwhelmed with just talking and trying not to spill coffee on ourselves.”

It can be scary to think just how much our unconscious is at play when it comes to meeting people for the first time. Maybe it’s the first time you meet your boss or coworkers. Maybe it’s the first time you meet your future spouse or in-laws. I’ve often wondered if we could be thinking one thing on the surface while our unconscious is busy at work forming different opinions. As Morgan says…

“We have mirror neurons that fire when we see (unconsciously) someone else come into view. Our mirror neurons match their emotions precisely. So if that person is nervous, they make us nervous. We literally leak our emotions to each other.”

So perhaps the saying should be “put your best neuron forward”? But on the flip side, I know that I can be extremely nervous when I first meet people — quite surprising, I know! It takes me awhile to warm up to a point where I feel comfortable around them. Now, this isn’t to say that I make a complete fool of myself; it’s just that, sometimes, the person someone initially meets might not be a fully accurate representation of who that person truly is. It might take a bit more time to get to know them, so give them the chance.

Do you agree, friends? How important are first impressions to you? Do you get nervous when you meet new people or not so much? What advice would you give people to help them ‘loosen up’ more in social situations? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #176.

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:

It’s funny, those random things we keep around, isn’t it? I recently came across a comment from an old blog post. I’ll just let it do the talking for itself…

You said that being a virgin is your choice. It’s not. No guy has ever shown any interest in you. You’ve never been out on a date. I bet Marine Boy never looked past your wheelchair or your Play Doh face. It’s not taboo to be a virgin. I belive [sic] you should wait for the right guy. But don’t make it sound like your virginity is a choice. You’ve never had the opportunity to lose it.

This not-so-nice comment? It’s been sitting in my drafts folder for a couple years now. And even worse? I’m not exactly sure why. What sort of purpose does it even serve? You know I’m always all about turning the other cheek with those haters and that’s usually such an easy thing to do. So why would I save this, Sweetpea?

We like to think that we’re immune to so much in life, that as humans, we possess some sort of superpower. And sometimes we do. Sometimes we have no trouble just letting those whispers and looks roll off our backs. Those words? Said by those pathetically sad people who know absolutely nothing about you? Those words don’t matter — not now and not ever.

Well, that’s what we tell ourselves. Sometimes because we actually believe it and it’s true. Other times because we’re scared, and we can’t even begin to name all the things we’re scared of. So it becomes easier to put up a front — a suit of armor, if you will — and pretend like we’re The Big Bad, like our self-confidence is this impenetrable force. But if we can hush our fake roar for just one moment, we start to hear that little voice in our heart. It’s sort of like seeing the light in the dark; it’s the kind of truth that you can’t miss even if you wanted to.

When you’re a kid, all the monsters seem real at night. The ones under your bed or the ones hiding in your closet. Those are the ones you expect to jump out and attack you. As you get older, those monsters get replaced by irrational thoughts that keep you up at night, tossing and turning as you try to make sense of them. It’s that little voice that tries to take over when we find ourselves most vulnerable.

Maybe the trick, then, is realizing what those thoughts really are. Monsters. They’re not real. They’re not going to hurt me. And come the morning light, they’ll be gone and I’ll be just fine. I look forward to fighting each other’s monsters together, Sweetpea. Until we meet… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Disabilities In The Media: Inspiring Model Born Without Legs

A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


Let’s continue with the inspiring women today, shall we? Meet Kanya Sesser, a 23-year-old model from California. Sesser began modeling at 15 and is currently training for the 2018 Winter Paralympics. What’s more refreshing than anything is Sesser’s attitude and her declaration that — YES!!! — disabilities CAN BE SEXY!

“I was mainly doing athletics shoots then as I got older I got into lingerie modeling. It’s something fun and it shows my story – I’m different and that is sexy, I don’t need legs to feel sexy. I enjoy making money from it and I love showing people what beauty can look like. These images show my strength. Modeling wasn’t something I’d always dreamed of doing – it just happened for me and I got used to it. I like expressing myself in a different way than people usually see. I’m very honest, I’m real – I’m never going to behave different to anyone. This is just who I am. I’d love to keep modeling while in training for the Paralympics.”

A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on

A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on

A photo posted by Kanya Sesser (@kanyasesser) on


What a powerful message, especially for the younger generation. People with disabilities need a role model, someone they can look up to and think, “Wow, look at her! She’s defying all sorts of stereotypes!” I’m so glad that Sesser is helping to rewrite the book and change the conversation on what it means to be a person living with a disability in 2015. I emphasize the word living because a lot of times, I’ve felt like society is under the impression that those with disabilities are unable to lead productive, fulfilling lives. We need to do everything we can to kick that myth to the curb.

Way to go, Kanya!! xoxo

[Via AOL]

What Career Should You Have?

In high school, I remember taking one of those career aptitude tests. I’m pretty sure it told me that I should be a writer or some variation of it — go figure! — and even now, I still think they’re fun to take. I took this one this evening just for fun and was sort of surprised by the results. My top four career categories were social services, health care, customer service and the arts. Well, OK, that last one doesn’t really surprise me…the others are pretty interesting those!

Go ahead and take the test and share your results below. Which career did you get? Were you surprised by the results? Does it match what you’re doing now or would like to do in the future? xoxo

[Photo via We Heart It]

Love Lounge: The Curse of Being Called ‘Cute’

There’s a four-letter word I hate even more than the word ma’am. It’s a deep-seated hatred born from years and years of frustration and silent hair pulling. My internal monologue looks something like this…

“Oh, no, not this again.”


“Do they know I’m 34.”


“Should I tell them I’m 34”


“Don’t they see just how uncomfortable this is making me?”


“I wonder how they’d feel if I called them ‘cute.’


“What is it about me that screams such a childish word?”

Honestly, I’m not exactly sure when my relationship with the word ‘cute’ became such a hostile one, but I know that we can never go back to the way things used to be. Sure, it never bothered me when I was younger. That’s just what people called you, I thought. Parents, teachers, doctors, babysitters — to them, everything the under-10 set does falls somewhere on the cute spectrum. And that’s fine because, hello, children are adorable.

But once you hit your teens? Well, ‘cute’ isn’t so cute anymore. What teen — and adult, for that matter — wants to be regarded as ‘cute’? I certainly don’t. I’m not sure if it’s my height, which is predominantly on the short side, or my painfully obvious innocence, but this cute label is sticking to me like honey to the beehive.

The same goes for those other sugary-coated words too, like ‘dear’ and ‘honey’ and, obviously, ‘sweetie.’ I always get this sick feeling in my stomach like the one I got that time I ate one too many Reese’s at the movies — totally wasn’t worth it, by the way. My sister Janelle works in a coffee shop and I can’t believe the number of times she’s come home with another story of a customer who has addressed her by the name of something more suitable as a coffee ingredient — the irony, I know.

And from my experience, there seems to be a discrepancy when it comes to men and women. You don’t hear ‘cutes’ being flung around to describe men. Could you imagine what Magic Mike would say if you called him cute — assuming he were a real person, of course! But sometimes, I can’t help but feel like women are destined — even doomed?? — to wear this label around their necks like some sort of Scarlet Letter. Haven’t we made so much more progress than that? Doesn’t that feel like such an antiquated thing, almost as if it was old-time-y speak?

To be clear: This is not my attempt at the humble brag. I feel constricted and trapped by this label. It’s one I can’t seem to break free from and shout to the world, “I’m an adult. Can you hear me, world?” Because, really, that’s all I want to do. At the end of the day, don’t we all just want to be recognized for the adults that we’ve become?

My point is this: Cute is dismissive. Cute is patronizing. Cute is what you’d say as you’re gushing over a cat video on YouTube. Maybe there’s a better word for ‘cute.’ You know, a sophisticated, more grown-up version.

People used to tell me, “Oh, be glad you can still pass for cute. You’ll appreciate it one day.” Looking back now, I think they were confusing cute with young-looking. And for the record, ‘one day’ hasn’t come yet. I’m still waiting for that day. Here’s hoping it comes sooner rather than later… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]