Tuesday Tunes: Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life”

Editor’s Note: Song lyrics denoted in bold italics.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I entered young adulthood at the dawn of the new Millennium. Things were changing big time and I was growing up. Everything seemed new, like you were doing it for the first time, and the novelty hadn’t worn off yet or even smudged. There was a palpable freshness in the air; you couldn’t help but feel like anything was possible. Simply put, it was quite an exciting time to be alive. Full of hope and promise of great things to come.

Yes, I know that last paragraph read like a high school graduation speech, but I suppose that’s only appropriate. I mean, I did graduate high school in 2000 (sounds like a lifetime ago now, doesn’t it?) and you really can’t get more new-beginning than that. And back then, when I’d think of new beginnings, there was always one anthem that came to mind. I say anthem because I can just picture it blaring over the speakers in an arena during a rock concert. That, or blaring over the CD player as I sing along and do my fiercest poses in front of the mirror. I vote for the latter.

Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life”
From Crush

Maybe that’s why I thought of this song as I was working on the back-to-school post yesterday. Of course, there were SO MANY killer Bon Jovi tunes to choose from, but this one spoke to a new generation — my generation — so it sort of felt like a theme song for the masses, you know?

This ain’t a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

Youth is nothing if not a time for feeling lost and confused. You’re having all these new experiences and just trying to find meaning and purpose in life. It’s hard, isn’t it? And you think that things are NEVER going to get any easier; you might even think you’ll never find your way. So you end up wandering around searching for those answers and sometimes, even before you arrive at any kind of conclusion, you realize something else. You’re a young adult. This life you’re living?

IT’S YOURS!!!

I know, it can be quite the shocking revelation when it hits you that first time. Sort of like a bolt of lightning or a giant light bulb going off over your head. That’s how it was for me, at least. And of course, you’re determined to make your voice heard. Loud and clear. To anyone and everyone in your life. Not in an evil or malicious way — just in a way that lets people know who you are. Because you’re starting to see that your voice is a powerful thing and you’re going to own it.

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I’m alive
It’s my life

People say that there’s a sense of invincibility that comes with being young, but I also think there’s a certain sense of urgency that goes along with it. It’s the first time you’re really realizing that your life is finite, that you’re not going to live forever and that it’s what you do with your life that matters the most. You may not know everything, but you know that you want your life to mean something. You want to live it to the fullest, to live it on your terms. But perhaps most of all, you don’t want anything to stand in your way. Ever.

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow’s getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

Stand your ground? What does that even mean? I do wonder about that sometimes, and the older I get, the more I think it’s all about tuning out that excess noise. It’s not letting people get inside your head — especially the ones that don’t matter. It’s about not believing what people say about you, even though you’re struggling to just shrug off those cruel and hurtful words. It’s about not giving into those inner demons that are all sorts of hell-bent on destroying you — but you’re determined not to let them, though. Most importantly, it’s about BEING WHO YOU ARE and not being afraid to show your true colors to the entire world.

This life is hard. Really hard. There’s just no way around it. But that certainly doesn’t mean that this life can’t be beautiful and that you shouldn’t shine your light for all to see. After all, remember what I always say?? #BeBraveBeYou

Tuesday Tunes: Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama”

Editor’s Note: Song lyrics denoted in bold italics.


Summertime always makes me think about summers long ago, especially all the family vacations we used to take. All this reminiscing, though? It can sometimes really get to me, and it’s times like these, during the end of the summer, when all those memories really kick in.

Of course, there’s one vacation that stands out in my mind — well, I suppose it’s more of a destination, really. It stood as my own version of Disneyland because for us, it really was the happiest place on earth. And magical and carefree and the perfect place to spend my childhood summers.

Alabama…

Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama”
From One More From The Road

It did feel like a sweet home, indeed. With my grandparents, spending days just relaxing — it was back in those before life got complicated and moved faster than a roller coaster. I didn’t know it at the time, naturally, but those days really had a hand in helping me become the person I am today.

Big wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my kin
Singing songs about the south-land
I miss ‘ole’ ‘bamy once again
And I think it’s a sin, yes

Although I technically didn’t “grow up” in the South, I still feel like a part of me was raised there. Even driving down there was exciting — we’d see the landscape slowly begin to change and our would begin to beat just a little faster. We may have been miles and miles from home, but we were also going home. In a sense, going South was like going home. It was a place where I felt so comfortable and all my worries seemed to vanish instantly. And, yes, we also sang “Dixie” numerous times during those car rides.

Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet home Alabama
Lord, I’m coming home to you

I know this all sounds like one giant walk through the poppies a la The Wizard of Oz and maybe it’s true that we do tend to romanticize the past, especially our childhoods, but this was really how everything felt. The skies really were an brilliantly deep shade of blue and the trees stood tall, green and majestic against that extra-blue sky. Even though I haven’t been there in almost a decade, I can still see those trees and that sky — with picture-perfect clarity. The way it all looked. The way it smelled, especially after the rain. Even the way the trees swayed in the breeze. It’s all part of those memories in my head that I like to revisit so often.

Because like most things in life, time moves far too fast and those special, life-defining moments can be all too short and fleeting. So we try as hard as we can to hold onto the memories we make because in the end, that’s really all we have. We’d better cherish them, right?? xoxo

In The Pursuit of Happiness: Jennifer Aniston on Society’s Expectations For Women

She’ll be there for us — see what I did there? Jennifer Aniston stood up to body bullies everywhere last week when she took to the Internet to dispel those pesky pregnancy rumors that she just can’t seem to dodge these days.

Everyone’s favorite friend (ha, I did it again!) penned a refreshingly real and honest essay for The Huffington Post in which she took aim at the unrealistic expectations our society places on women…

If I am some kind of symbol to some people out there, then clearly I am an example of the lens through which we, as a society, view our mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, female friends and colleagues. The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing. The way I am portrayed by the media is simply a reflection of how we see and portray women in general, measured against some warped standard of beauty.

But what I *really* loved? I mean, loved to the point that I wanted to pump my fist in the air and scream, “YES! Thank you, Jennifer! That’s one victory for women!” — however, I’m in the quiet library right now, so I figured that wasn’t the very best idea…

Here’s where I come out on this topic: we are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone. Let’s make that decision for ourselves and for the young women in this world who look to us as examples. Let’s make that decision consciously, outside of the tabloid noise. We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves.

Hmmm, writing our own version of happily ever after. In our culture, that’s sort of a radical, out-there notion, isn’t it? We’re conditioned to want and strive for certain things in life — boyfriend, wedding, house, kids. In that order. If we deviate from that script, even ever so slightly, we’re criticized or labeled or bullied. And even though it shouldn’t, all this finger wagging can mess with our confidence and sense of self. We start to question if we’re on the “right” path and what is wrong with us if we’re not.

I know I’ve never been immune to all this bullying, and I’m forever having this internal conversation with myself where I’m trying to talk myself out of getting down on myself. Because it’s all too easy to let that outside noise become the voice you start to hear in your head — and we all know that outside noise is the LAST thing you need to be listening to. It lies and tries to get you all sorts of worked up. At the very least, I’ve found, it just makes you extremely tired and exhausted.

So, I say we change the conversation. I say we stop putting ourselves and others down just because of those crazy “expectations” we grew up with. I say we start living life on our terms, bullies be damned. And at the end of the day, I say we start celebrating each other because we’re pretty darn awesome just as we are. Who’s with me and Jennifer?? #BeBraveBeYou xoxo

P.S. More wise words on feminism, finding balance, body image, mental illness and being yourself! :)

On the Myth of the Mean Girl

I have zero tolerance for Mean Girls — and mean guys, for that matter. They’re cunning and ruthless and spineless cowards, and honestly, who really has the time for that? Maybe I’m just getting old and my patience is wearing thin, but I’m just over all that dramarama — and yes, I did just use that word.

Like I said, I have ZERO tolerance these days.
And the more I ponder this whole freakish phenomenon, the more I realize just how scary it has become. It used to be that Mean Girls were relegated to the hallowed halls of junior high and high school, taunting us for the way we laugh or our supposed out-of-style fashion sense. Like a pack of really sad, pathetic wolves, they’d hone in on their target, make their lives miserable and eventually move on. Maybe they’d get bored or just eventually grow out of their taunting habits, but by the time we’d graduate, we not only earned our diploma — we also graduated from that petty world too.
I mean, that’s the way it used to be, at least. Not anymore, it seems. These days, bullies come dressed in all forms, from an aggressive driver to your frenemy at work.
But as a woman, there’s one thing I find especially troubling: Women bear the brunt of this seemingly never-ending trend. We’re taught that women supporting each other is a myth and that, when it does happen, there is some sort of ulterior motive involved. I mean, women just can’t be that nice, right? We have to have some angle, some goal we’re desperately trying to reach. And you can bet your bottom dollar that we’re going to walk over anyone who dare tries to get in our way — wearing the sharpest of high heels, of course!
Apparently, we’re our own worst enemy. We’re out to destroy each other — and quite possibly the world while we’re at it.
Men, on the other hand, are given a huge pass. A man helping another man is seen as a take-charge hero. A man standing his ground is seen as empowering, not to mention smart and forthright.Yet a woman doing the exact same things? She’s seen as troublesome, aggressive and mean. Oh yeah, and rude, combative, confrontational and that “B” word I refuse to say.
It’s 2016. You’d think we would have evolved by now, but sadly, we haven’t. In fact, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg recently penned a brilliant New York Times essay about this very topic. She says that the entire idea of the traditional Mean Girl is such a misnomer…

Queen bees exist, but they’re far less common than we think. Women aren’t any meaner to women than men are to one another. Women are just expected to be nicer. We stereotype men as aggressive and women as kind. When women violate those stereotypes, we judge them harshly. “A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless,” Marlo Thomas once lamented. “All a woman has to do is put you on hold.”

So if women are expected to be nicer, just think what this teaches young girls. It teaches them to sharpen their claws and always be wary of other women. It teaches them to be unhelpful and not trusting others. At the most basic level, it teaches them that they’re really just fooling themselves if they think they’ll ever get ahead.

How sad of a legacy is that? Is this the last message we want to leave for the next generation? A legacy of hating each other? A legacy of fear?

I don’t think so.

Sandberg also gave an on-point call to action, which I found incredibly inspiring…

It’s time to stop punishing women and minorities for promoting diversity. In the meantime, there are many ways that women can help one another without hurting themselves. There’s no penalty for women mentoring women — and when they do, they’re more likely to be seen by their protégés as role models. They share advice about how to break glass ceilings and escape sticky floors, which helps the group and costs them nothing but time. When a woman’s accomplishments are overlooked, other women can celebrate them, showing that they care and giving public credit where it’s due.
And it’s time for all of us to stop judging the same behavior more harshly when it comes from a woman rather than a man. Women can disagree — even compete — and still have one another’s backs.

With everything going on in the world right now, these words ring especially true, don’t you think? It’s time to let people be who they are without judgment or shame or criticism.

Don’t be part of the problem. The world has enough of those already! Let’s redefine Girl Power, shall we?? xoxo

In Which I Reflect on My Disability…

Clarity is a funny thing. It’s something we all want, but it’s one of those things that can’t be rushed. It’s going to come in its own sweet time. Still, that doesn’t stop us from constantly looking for that light bulb moment.
Eventually, that light bulb moment comes shining through — sometimes, just when you need it the most. I was doing some cleaning over the weekend and came across these words. I wrote them some six years ago, when I was deep in the throes of my depression.

I hate my disability right now. I always thought I had come to terms with it and even learned to love it, but now it just makes me feel useless, like some giant waste of space. What is my purpose? How can I be a contributing member of society? I just want to make my family proud, and I feel like I’m letting them down.

And speaking of family, I touched on them, too…

I worry about my family. I feel so traumatized by my father’s death, and I’m scared that those panicky feelings are never going to go away. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to feel like I’m sinking. But at the same time, I also don’t want to be a burden to the people I love the most in the whole world. We used to be so happy — nothing bad, it seemed, ever happened to us — and now I don’t know how we’ll ever make it to the other side of this journey. I need my family. I need them more than they probably even realize. I need them to tell me everything is going to be OK. I need them to love me. I need them to hold onto me so I can just stop sinking. And sometimes, I just want to sit with them and cry — cry on their shoulders and just get all my worries out.

It’s interesting that I’d choose to focus on something like my disability, especially considering all the emotions running through me at the time. But maybe it was important that I dealt with these feelings then because it helped give me such a clear sense of clarity now.

It’s strange how things work out like that sometimes, isn’t it? Have you ever felt like this, friends? How did your moment of clarity arrive? xoxo