10 Thoughts I Have When I See ‘College Kids’ These Days

This past September, I found myself going back to school with thousands of young people all over the world. Well, that’s only partially true, I suppose. I did set foot — err, wheels — on campus, even if it wasn’t exactly in the classroom.

One of my favorite things about being a freelance writer and blogger is the ability to set my own schedule. I mostly work from home, but I’ve started to change things up a bit this semester by going to the university library a couple times a week. The change of scenery is great for creativity, and I’m discovering that I’m even more productive too. So on Mondays and Wednesdays, it’s just me and that library computer.

Well, maybe more like me and hundreds of twentysomethings.

I half feel like the Ghost of College Past, flying around campus and haunting the place. Like someone whose soul never really left. After all, it’s been a full decade since I walked across the graduation stage and collected my diploma. Things certainly have changed in those 10 years. Technology is really everywhere. Textbooks are a heck of a lot cheaper now that you can buy them online. And papers are now turned in electronically.

It all makes me feel very, very, very, very old. Shockingly old. But you know what shocks me even more? All the thoughts that go through my head when I see these ‘kids’ out and about — and yes, I’m pretty certain that calling them ‘kids’ I just one more sign of my age! I’m quickly becoming that crotchety old man who revels in doling out advice and telling “In my day…” stories.

Those thoughts. Oh, yes, those thoughts. So many of them. Here are my top 10 favorites…

1. “Kids, when I started college, you were in, like, elementary school.”

2. “Kids, pull up those pants. They’re going to fall down.”

3. “Kids, turn down that music. It’s hurting my delicate little ears.”

4. “Kids, if you keep staring at that phone, it’s going to become permanently glued to your face.”

5. “Kids, watch where you’re going. You’re going to get yourself run over.”

6. “Kids, can we pick up the pace a little? I know you probably don’t want to go to class, but some of us have places to be and things to do.”

7. “Kids, thanks for NOT holding the door. Didn’t your parents teach you any better?”

8. “Kids, I really don’t need to hear your entire conversation all the way across the room. Your drama is not front-page news, trust me. I promise. I really don’t care to hear about what party you went to over the weekend or just how ‘wasted’ you were.”

9. “Kids, what in the heck are you doing eating pizza in the library? Does this look like your dorm room? Maybe you missed the sign outside that said this is a library…”

10. “Kids, do yourself a favor and save this list. I guarantee I’m going to look like a genius in 10 years.”

Looking back over this list again, I do realize that my line of thinking could stem from that fact that I’m growing bitter about my all-too-soon advancing age or the fact that my youth is but sand in that old hourglass. On second thought, no, those college kids need some sort of etiquette lesson. And who am I to deprive them of one? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Alcoholism and the Long Road to Recovery

I never thought I would hurt my ex…but it happened.

When we first began dating, we were young and wild. We had actually met a few times prior but simply hadn’t noticed one another. The reason for this was that it was at a familiar bar and club scene we both frequented on the weekends.

Eventually we decided to go out to the normal spot together and we had a blast. The connection clicked instantly, and I knew that this woman was going to be my other half. Unfortunately, lurking in a deep place inside me was an addiction.

My family has a long history of alcoholism. Being young and naive, I didn’t consider it a real risk.

I was extremely loving to this wonderful woman; I would do anything for her because she completed me. It was unfortunate that alcohol was the darkness that became my undoing and because of it, I haven’t quite recovered since. I had something wonderful, but I let the darkness consume me.

Believe me, we worked together on the issue. Nothing was ever taken too far, but there were plenty of times of heated, verbal arguments and time away from another. It was heartbreaking for both of us.

That heartbreak couldn’t continue, and eventually we began to drift apart. I saw it happening and there was little I could do to fight the demon. She did the best she could to help, but I knew it was a lost cause because I was too young and dumb to realize what was happening.

I’m telling you this because time has passed, we are both in better places, we are on friendly terms and we help another each day to overcome obstacles. I’m telling you this because I know there are many of you that may be reading this, right now, who are falling down this same hole.

So I wanted to share the pivotal moments that aided with the long road to recovery, so that you may bring your loved one back into the light and have a wonderful relationship without the darkness of alcoholism consuming your life.

1. External help is truly needed, whether that’s deciding to attend AA meetings, attend therapy (which could include couples) or seek alcohol rehab treatment if it has become very noticeable in their physical health and mental well-being. Yes, this does take commitment and it can be a financial strain during the time of recovery, but the end result is that your significant other comes out as the person you fell in love with; they regain their life, their vigor, their passion for you and the world. It’s a hard decision to bring this to the attention of your loved one, but when you are serious and supportive, they will realize the pain they have created and make the right decision.

2. Communication is crucial in any relationship and doubly so when another individual has a history of pursuing a vice. You and your significant other need to be comfortable talking about these issues and truly diving deep into understanding what may have been the causes of these feelings, whether it was abuse as a child, a traumatic event such as a death or if there are genetic factors in place, such as alcoholism or depression.

3. Stress becomes an inhibitor that leads to drinking (especially in men). We are in a constant state of worry between finances, work duties, personal relations, aging, existential thoughts, lack of sleep, social pressure, mental illnesses and so much more. The stress becomes so much that what would be a drink after a long day of work becomes a six pack; that six pack then becomes a handle of hard alcohol and from there, it only gets worse. The two of you need to find what is causing stress and take a proactive approach to eliminate as much of it as possible.

I only wish I took these steps sooner, but I’m glad that despite all the darkness I went through, I can be here today to say a few words that may improve the relationships of others. The road to recovery is long and never-ending, but at least I’m on my way — and hopefully your and your significant other will be so, too.

–Sara Stringer is a freelance writer who most enjoys blogging about lifestyle, relationships and life as a woman. In her spare time, she enjoys soaking up the sunshine with her husband and two kids. Consideration was received for the editing and publishing of this article.


[Photos via We Heart It]

Addiction and Family: Speaking Up When Your Loved One’s In Trouble

When you’re really close to a person, you know when they are not acting like “themselves.” Outwardly, they put on a smile and tell you they’re doing just fine. However, deep down in your heart, you know that something is wrong. You just don’t know what to say or do to get them to open up to you. This happens to many people who watch their loved ones struggle with substance abuse or addiction. They can see the drastic changes in their physical and mental state of being, but aren’t sure what they can do to help.

As challenging as it may be to approach someone you love on a matter such as addiction, doing so could be the very thing that saves their lives. Addiction is one of those things that is challenging for the sufferer to admit or even recognize in themselves — and when they do figure it out, they typically try to hide out of embarrassment. So if you suspect that someone you care for is abusing substances or struggling with something as serious as addiction, you need to speak up and be that voice or reason and support.

Learn All You Can
Substance abuse is a challenging subject matter to approach for you and for the person you’re concerned about. Educating yourself on the signs of addiction and the physical and mental consequences of not seeking treatment can give you the foundation you need to address the issue. When you have reliable information to fall back on, you can talk to your loved one from a place of understanding and not of assumption.

Know the Options
If you’re going to talk with them about getting help, you need to know what options are available to them. Though there are plenty of methods of treating substance abuse or addiction. The most commonly used method is treatment through a rehab facility. You can learn more about the types of treatments and facilities in your area by referring to the 1Recovery Center Web site. Rehab referral programs such as this one can give you an overview of the types of facilities that are available and what those facilities have to offer.

Have the Talk
Bringing up this topic is not going to be easy. However, the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD) recommends that you don’t want to wait until the person has hit rock bottom before addressing the matter. Talking to them is the first step toward putting everything out on the table and hopefully getting them they help they desperately need. A few pointers when having a talk include:

  • Talk during a time that they’re sober
  • Talk during a time when there are no distractions
  • Do not point fingers or showcase feelings of disgust (making them feel bad about their condition could cause them to isolate themselves even further)
  • Do not gang up on them (it is probably best that you talk to them one or one or with a few people who can remain calm during the discussion)
  • State your concerns and what you’ve witnessed
  • Allow them to speak without interruption
  • Offer your support
  • Provide them with the sources you found for help

After talking with your loved one about their substance abuse issue, be prepared for the fact that they may not be ready to admit it. Denial is very common and in doing so, they may become defensive and even isolate themselves from you. As much as it might hurt for this to happen, understand that what you did was in their best interest. When they are ready to receive help, just be there to offer the support they’ll need to make it through the recovery process.

Get Help for Yourself
A lot of people forget this step in the process of getting help for someone suffering with addiction; however, it is a very important one. Addiction does not only affect the person who is abusing substances; it can impact the lives of everyone who cares for them. It is important for you to get help for yourself whether they choose to seek treatment or not. There is a lot of emotional baggage that can go into living with or caring for an addict and staying strong physically and mentally is important. Talking with a therapist or even going to support groups is a great place to start.

Seeing a loved one down and out can be really depressing, to say the least. When you feel that something is seriously wrong, such as the potential of mental health issues or addiction (or both), the sooner you speak up, the sooner they can get the help that they need. Sometimes, knowing that they have people in their corner who love them despite their shortcomings can make all the difference in the world. Your efforts to care and help could ultimately be the very thing to get them to turn their lives around.

–Sara Stringer is a freelance writer who most enjoys blogging about lifestyle, relationships and life as a woman. In her spare time, she enjoys soaking up the sunshine with her husband and two kids. Consideration was received for the editing and publishing of this article.

[Photos via We Heart It]

Four Things to Never Say to Someone In a Wheelchair

A few weeks ago, I went to the library to work for the day. I was lost in thought and furiously typing away when a man sat down at the computer next to me. He noticed my wheelchair and without missing a beat, he said, “I’d love to have one of those to drive around!“

I just smiled and nodded.

But what I really wanted to do? The words I had to consciously hold back so they wouldn’t just spill out of my mouth?

“Oh, how clever! I’ve never heard that one before!“

Yes, the sarcasm meter seems to run high for me when it comes to my disability sometimes. It’s not that I’m bitter, really. It’s just that, well, I have heard a lot of those sorts of remarks and comments before. So much so, in fact, that I thought I’d outline some of my personal favorites — and by favorites, I really mean the ones that I’d be fine never, ever hearing again. Here are four things to never say to someone in a wheelchair…

1. You’re so lucky: I’ve been lucky in life for a lot of reasons, like my wonderful family, my health and my career. And yes, I am very grateful that I have a wheelchair that allows me to be independent. But something tells me that’s not what people mean when they tell me, “You’re so lucky.” They mean lucky, as in, “I wish I had something like that so I didn’t have to walk around.” My answer: No, you don’t.

2. Hey, don’t run me over: Well, I wasn’t planning on it, but now that you mention it… no, but seriously, this one just isn’t all that funny. I know people might be trying to be funny, but it just falls short.

3. Do you have a license for that?: Similar to #2, I’ve never really seen the humor in this. Maybe I just lack a tendency for the chuckles, but I’m still surprise that people never seem to tire of using this line. Now if a guy used it as a pick-up line? You know what, no, I’d still hate it.

4. Can I try it?: I’m not sure where or how this rumor ever got started, but my wheelchair — along with guide dogs and walkers — are not toys for everyone’s amusement. They are adaptive devices that allow people with disabilities to be their own person, to live independent lives and to be contributing member of society.

And here’s a radical notion: It would be 100% OK with me if you didn’t even acknowledge my wheelchair. I mean, after all, I AM MORE THAN this piece of metal with wheels, trust me. I’ve got SO much more going for me in life, just as I’m sure you have so many interesting facets to your life too.

I want to get to know yours. Don’t you want to get to know mine?

[Photos via We Heart It]

Do First Impressions Matter?

Let’s talk first impressions, shall we, friends? Sure, we’ve talked about first impressions and dating, but what about work and just life in general?

Forbes contributor and author Nick Morgan says they matter a great deal, especially in the ways our unconscious mind processes the world around us.

“Our conscious minds can handle roughly 40 bits of information a second. That sounds like a lot until you know that our unconscious minds can handle 11 millions bps,” he says. “And so we’ve evolved to let our unconscious minds handle first impressions, along with a lot of other things, because our conscious minds are easily overwhelmed with just talking and trying not to spill coffee on ourselves.”

It can be scary to think just how much our unconscious is at play when it comes to meeting people for the first time. Maybe it’s the first time you meet your boss or coworkers. Maybe it’s the first time you meet your future spouse or in-laws. I’ve often wondered if we could be thinking one thing on the surface while our unconscious is busy at work forming different opinions. As Morgan says…

“We have mirror neurons that fire when we see (unconsciously) someone else come into view. Our mirror neurons match their emotions precisely. So if that person is nervous, they make us nervous. We literally leak our emotions to each other.”

So perhaps the saying should be “put your best neuron forward”? But on the flip side, I know that I can be extremely nervous when I first meet people — quite surprising, I know! It takes me awhile to warm up to a point where I feel comfortable around them. Now, this isn’t to say that I make a complete fool of myself; it’s just that, sometimes, the person someone initially meets might not be a fully accurate representation of who that person truly is. It might take a bit more time to get to know them, so give them the chance.

Do you agree, friends? How important are first impressions to you? Do you get nervous when you meet new people or not so much? What advice would you give people to help them ‘loosen up’ more in social situations? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]