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Wednesday, October 28, 2015

What I Learned From Attending My First Wedding Alone

My “life timeline” has never followed a typical trajectory. I’ve never really done things in a “normal” fashion whatsoever — I mean, I didn’t take my first sips from a straw until I was well over two or take my first steps until I was four.

So I guess it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise that I didn’t attend my first wedding solo until last week. Last Friday night, to be exact. You might remember Jessi, one of my old newspaper advisees, writing soul mate and just all around AMAZING person. She and her equally awesome fiance Chris got married in a small, intimate ceremony and then invited friends and family for a fall-themed reception. Don’t get me going on the delicious food or the fact that Jessi and Chris did almost everything DIY…we’ll be here for hours!

Anyway, a little backstory to catch you up: I’ve known Jessi and Chris since they started dating some five years ago, which is pretty long in young-people years. They met while working at the same movie theater — how cute is that? Jessi would come into the newspaper office and we’d chat about this boy she met at work. As the months went on, they became attached at the hip, with Jessi chronicling their courtship as only a writer could — through This Totally Awesome Boy series on her blog.

Needless to say, I’ve loved being able to watch their relationship blossom over the years, and I couldn’t have been happier when This Totally Awesome Boy became This Totally Awesome Fiance. And then last week, of course, he became This Totally Awesome Husband.

Theirs was the first wedding reception I’d ever gone to alone. Sure, I’ve been to plenty of weddings — aunts, cousins, family friends — but usually with several family members in tow. After all, my dad comes from a family of six kids, so I’m used to my family taking up at least two or three tables. Yes, we’re that family. But last week? I found myself flying solo into very uncharted territory. It was one of those new experiences most people my age probably had at least a decade ago, but here I was, drinking my ice-cold Coca-Cola in a beautifully dimly lit room anxiously waiting for the bride and groom to make their gloriously romantic entrance.

As they came off that elevator, hand in hand, I suddenly realized something: It’s all too easy to become jaded when it comes to love sometimes, to take Simon and Garfunkel’s advice and just become our own closed-off island. I know I’ve felt that way a time or two before. Older generations are even so quick to say that the young people of today have no idea what love is.

But love? I mean, real, true, meant-to-be, feel-it-deep-down-in-your-bones kind of love? My gosh, that still exists. I still believe in love. To all those who say that true love is lost, they’ve never met Jessi and Chris. I saw love that night. I felt it. I know it’s real.

Her Totally Awesome Boy is now her Totally Awesome Husband. And THAT is totally awesome…THANK YOU for inspiring us all, Jessi and Chris!!! xoxo

P.S. Check out Jessi’s new blog to follow more of their adventures as newlyweds! :)

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: Awesome Advice, engagement, Happiness, How To Live A Happy Life, Love Lessons, marriage, Uncategorized, Weddings

Friday, October 16, 2015

Dear Janelle: On Your 30th Birthday!

Dear Janelle:

I know you get “embarrassed” when I blog about you, but since I’m your older sister, it’s sort of my responsibility to toot my own horn about you on your birthday. I’m just doing my job. I can’t help it that you make the bragging part so easy!

But, as birthday gift to you, I will make this short and sweet. It’s your 30th birthday, a milestone in which you instinctively want to look to the past. At all the mistakes you thought you made. At all the times you didn’t feel like you quite measured up. At all the things you wish you could do over.

Well, as your big sis (I’ve got four extra years of life knowledge, remember, so I know what I’m talking about!), I’m here to tell you this simple truth: None of it matters. I don’t want you to look back today because where you are right now? My gosh, you’ve come so far. I just want you to see that and to see yourself for who you really are — one heck of an amazing woman!

And, really, if I’m being honest, I should be the one who looks up to you. I just want to bottle up your grace and wisdom and spirit because that is what life is all about. So please love yourself — today and always. You know I’ll always love you and will be here for you always. I love you, Sister Bear… xoxo

P.S. More Janelle love: Her 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th and 29th birthdays.

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1 Comment Filed Under: Awesome Advice, birthday, Breakup/Love Letters, Dear Janelle, family, family photos, Janelle, siblings, sisterhood, sisters, Uncategorized

Friday, October 9, 2015

How to Help a Loved One Stop Addiction Before It Starts

An intervention is what we call it when a person or group takes some type of drastic action to help a loved one break an addiction, usually to drugs or alcohol. The problem with this type of intervention is that it comes too late to prevent the problem from occurring. By the time there is an intervention, there is already a problem that is probably too big to be dealt with by an informal intervention.

What’s needed is a way to identify and deal with problems before they lead to the kind of addiction we generally reserve for interventions. Fortunately, there are actionable, early warning signs. Addiction is usually the second part of what is called a dual-diagnosis. Identifying, and treating the first part can go a long way towards avoiding the second.

It is useful to know that even if the situation is too far advanced for informal intervention to do any good, there is a co-occurring disorders treatment that is customized to provide high levels of addiction treatment by knowledgeable and experienced therapists. Individuals will receive group and one-on-one counseling throughout their stay in a safe environment. But before it gets to that point, here are three problems that, if dealt with, can stop the addiction before it even starts:

PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one of the more insidious mental disorders one can have because it is a product of what is often the most heroic action one can take. Nearly 30% of vets treated by the V.A. have PTSD. That is because they have experienced the ultimate stress of watching people die in the worst imaginable ways. These brave men and women often come back from war with physical injuries of their own.

They will frequently turn to opioids and pain killers for increased feelings of pleasure and calm. But over time, the drug turns against them, causing physical dependence and, ultimately, a lack of control and calm. Soldiers are not the only people at risk of PTSD. Anyone who has suffered traumatic stress should be considered at risk. Successfully treating this condition can be the key to bypassing a life of addiction.

ASPD
Antisocial Personality Disorder can develop early in life. But alcoholism makes the condition much worse, increasing the likelihood of more antisocial behavior. People who drink excessively are 21 times more likely to deal with ASPD compared to people who don’t. So while excessive drinking does not necessarily cause ASPD, it most certainly intensifies it. The Mayo Clinic lists the following as some of the signs of ASPD:

• Disregard for right and wrong
• Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others
• Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or for sheer personal pleasure

Bipolar Disorder
Quoting statistics from the American Journal of Managed Care, dualdiagnosis.org states: About 56 percent of individuals with bipolar who participated in a national study had experienced drug or alcohol addiction during their lifetime.

Bipolar Disorder was once known as Manic Depression. People who suffer from it are characterized by sudden mood shifts, as well as difficulty maintaining relationships and economic stability.

The thing to remember about all of these underlying problems is that they are medical and treatable. There is no need for these problems to progress into full-blown addictions if the signs are caught early and treated appropriately. Addiction can’t always be avoided. But with a bit of vigilance, we can help our loved ones long before it gets to that stage.

–Sara Stringer is a freelance writer who most enjoys blogging about lifestyle, relationships and life as a woman. In her spare time, she enjoys soaking up the sunshine with her husband and two kids. Consideration was received for the editing and publishing of this article.

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: anxiety, Awesome Advice, depression, Disability, post-traumatic stress disorder, Uncategorized

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Anti-Bullying Challenge: Make Someone Smile Today!

How To Stop Bullying

Sadly, we’ve all dealt with bullies in one form or another. When we’re young, it’s usually the kid on the playground or the mean girl in algebra class. As adults, these mean-spirited people can take the form of co-workers and the random Internet commenter — I see you, Anonymous!

It’s no fun to be on the receiving end of such hate. We all know this. But what we sometimes forget? What’s most important is how we react in these situations. Sure, our first instinct might be to “fight fire with fire,” as it were, but it won’t make us feel better or solve the problem; all we’ll be doing is sinking down to the bully’s low, low level. And that won’t get anyone anywhere.

So, on World Day of Bullying Prevention, let’s all do something different. Let’s change the conversation and spread some much-needed positivity. To get us started, here are 10 ways you can make someone smile…

1. Give someone a compliment: You’d be surprised at what a seemingly little vote of confidence can do.

2. Take your best friend to the movies: Ahhh, there’s nothing like enjoying a movie with a fresh box of Junior Mints.

3. Treat your mom to lunch: It’s amazing just how happy my mom gets from a simple lunch from Subway.

4. Volunteer at a homeless shelter: Every month, my family contributes a dish for dinner at our local homeless shelter.

5. Cookies, cookies, cookies: I’ve said before, but cookies make everyone happy.

6. Send someone a card: No one sends snail mail anymore, so why not surprise a loved with with a cute card?

7. Visit a children’s hospital: Trust me, days in the hospital can seem endless sometimes. Breaking up the monotony would surely brighten a child’s day.

8. Give someone a hand: See someone struggling with a huge stack of library books? See someone drop something? They’ll more than appreciate your kind gesture.

9. Spend some time with the elderly: When I was in middle school, I belonged to Grandparents Club. Every week, we’d visit residents in a senior living community. We all loved getting together and you could tell how happy it made everyone.

10. Tell your family how much you love them: Saying those three words never goes out of style and it’s such a nice way to make their day. It’s SO important to let the people in your life know just what they mean to you.

What do you think of this list, friends? What have you done lately that has made someone smile? What has someone done for you? Anything you’d add to the list? Get out there and spread the positivity!! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

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2 Comments Filed Under: Awesome Advice, Let's Try, Let's Try series, Tips, tips & tricks, Uncategorized

Friday, October 2, 2015

Tip: On Slow Living

Remember when we talked about the business of being busy? That was a few years ago, and I’d love to be able to say that I’ve come so far in that time — you know, that I’ve grown by leaps and bounds, have found the perfect balance and now, since I’ve got it all figured out, have some life-altering, earth-shattering, blow-your-mind advice to share. I wish I did, but honestly, I don’t. I sometimes wonder how far I’ve even come since that first post.

But we all try, don’t we? We all try as hard as we can to tone down the busy, crazy schedule. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. It seems like there are always things that need to be done, places we need to go and things just generally pulling at our attention. Everything demands attention NOW. I mean, we live in such a NOW culture and this idea of instant gratification has quickly become the norm. In a sense, we don’t know how to wait and the term “slow down” has all but been expelled from our vocabulary. My mom, for example, is incapable of slowing down. She’ll be on the go from sunrise to sunset — even on the weekends!

It boggles my mind, actually. But to paraphrase Miss Miley, she can’t stop. So I was pretty relieved when I came across Julia’s post on slow living. Not only is she an amazing writer, but she also manages to find the zen even with three kids running around (AND she lives in a seaside town, which I’m pretty jealous of…). Her words just ring so true for me…

For a while I wondered whether slow living was an indulgence for those who don’t have the constant companionship of a very chatty three year old until it occurred to me that maybe I am confusing slow with quiet and we could all learn a lot from a chatty three year old. By which I mean she stops and notices everything. She has no concept of time and is certainly incapable of rushing. When she finds pleasure in something she will repeat it indefinitely, whether that be stacking wooden blocks to knock them over, picking daisies from the lawn to cram into her favourite plastic cup or rolling down the slope in our garden again and again. And again. Perhaps for me this thing called slow living is not necessarily about sitting in a chair but more about taking pleasure in the simple things.

‘Slow’ is something to be deliberately chosen and slotted in to ‘busy’. Taking pleasure in the moment rather than planning the next. Slowing the thought process perhaps? I’m not sure but definitely a conscious decision to pause a while. Quite literally stopping to smell the roses, to admire the view, to enjoy the simplest of things in a way long forgotten as time and task take over.

So what can we do? Maybe this business of slowing down is such an individual choice and one that each person has to make for themselves. After all, what is calming and relaxing to one person might just be plain and boring to someone else. The key, I’m starting to realize, is finding that thing — that teeny, tiny spark — that brings you such joy that you can barely contain it. Those little moments that, yes, seem so little at the time, but turn out to make a huge difference in your life. For me, some of those things include: Blogging, reading magazines, ’80s sitcoms, playing games, hoarding lip balms and spending time with my family. As cliche as it sounds, maybe it really is all about the little things in life. Maybe in the end, it’s really just about grabbing all those happy moments you can.

Does this ring true for you, friends? Have you found yourself craving an escape from the busy, frantic pace? What are some little things you do to “stop and smell the roses”? Any tips or tricks you’d like to share? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

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1 Comment Filed Under: A Woman's Word, Awesome Advice, Happiness, How To Live A Happy Life, simple joys, Tips, tips & tricks, Tips series, Uncategorized

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So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...

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