My Essay on POPSUGAR: “7 Ways I’m Happier in My 30s”

Remember my surprise 30th birthday party? I know…it seems like ages ago to me, too! Where does the time go? As a writer, I’ve found there’s really only one thing to do about it — write about it!

I’m excited to have “7 Ways I’m Happier In My 30s” up on POPSUGAR Love (you can read my first essay here), and the surprisingly refreshing thing I realized? I ABSOLUTELY love being in my 30s. Seriously, I highly recommend this decade! It’s like you’re at a point where you’re still young enough to have fun, but you’re old enough to no longer care what people think. It’s a great time to be alive, I tell you!

Anyway, here’s an excerpt of the essay, which includes the one phrase that I’ve ditched from my vocabulary…

I’d known what to expect from my fourth decade for, well, decades — at least in terms of what I’d seen portrayed on television. Remember that show Thirtysomething from the early ’90s? As a kid, I’d watch it with my mom and think, “OMG, what if I get that old?”
The characters were in a perpetual state of being stressed out, overworked, and overwhelmed. That, I reasoned, is what getting old must be like. That is what I had to look forward to.

Fast-forward to 2011 and I’m at my 30th birthday party. It’s a surprise party, and the irony of it all is not lost on me: Surprise! How had this day come already? It just seemed to sneak up on me. What happened?
BBB
I’d spent so much time mourning the loss of my 20s, as if I’d just reached some sort of finish line and my life was over, that I’d failed to see the promise of entering a new decade.

This year, I turn 35 — that odd age where you’re too old to still say you’re in your early 30s but still too young to elicit sympathy when you complain to someone about how old you feel.

But nonetheless, there’s no denying this decade has changed me already. In ways I expected and ways I’m still learning about every day. Here, seven surprising ways my happiness has soared so far.

You can read the full essay here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

PSA: Never Forget Your Worth…

In light of the utterly demeaning words spoken by a certain someone recently, I feel it’s my duty as a LOUD AND PROUD WOMAN to counter those lies with a hard-hitting dose of truth. Because truth always trumps hate — pun intended!

And, well, the massive amount of truth in poet Della Hicks-Wilson‘s inspiring words is overflowing. They practically leap off the page, just screaming to be read, heard and understood. They’ve been ignored far too long and are dying to break. It’s all too easy to passively absorb the messages society throws at us every single day — words of expectation, of how women are “supposed” to be, “supposed” to look and “supposed” to live, words of superficial meaning. Maybe most importantly, though, they’re words that serve as a distraction and try to take your attention away from what really matters in life.

But those words? Oh, those are the dangerous ones. Those are the lies that somehow get in our head and prey on every one of our insecurities. They make us question everything we’ve ever thought about ourselves and the very way we view others and the world. I’m always telling Janelle that she needs to stop looking at herself through a fun house mirror — you know, the kind of mirror that twists and distorts everything into all sorts of unrecognizable shapes. It’s a trick and one she, sadly, falls for every single time. I know that it can seem like society throws up one fun house mirror after another as we walk along this path called life, and it’s something I’m constantly fighting to push out of my way — maybe even kick if I’m feeling extra angry that day.

So, what CAN we do, I’ve often wondered? I certainly don’t have it all figured out, but I think it has something to do with celebrating WHO YOU ARE! Stop focusing on those extraneous things that don’t matter. Don’t limit yourself. And dammit, play that ‘woman car’ every chance you get because you’re strong, sexy, smart, brave and so many other things some people will spend the rest of their lives just wishing they could be. Play the card they’re not expecting. After all, that’s pretty beautiful, isn’t it?

Like the words of the poem, our beauty and worth is as infinite as the sky. Infinite as the sky, indeed… xoxo

Love Lounge: Wise Words on Beauty

Do you ever come across a quote that just practically screams out, “THIS WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU!!!”??

That’s the exact thought that went through my head when I found the above quote. I even thought it in big caps, too, because it so succinctly captures so much of what I’ve been feeling lately — about love, work and life in general. We’re so hardwired to think of beauty in terms of something pristine and untarnished looming above us on a pedestal. By virtue of it being beautiful, we also assume it must be perfect.

True beauty is pure perfection. If it’s beautiful, it must also be pretty. The two are forever linked and you can’t have one without the other.

So we find ourselves desperately trying to live up to that unreachable standard, no matter how unrealistic it may be, no matter how many hoops we have to jump through. We will be perfect, we think, and once that happens, EVERYTHING will be perfect.

But here’s what I’m discovering: It’s impossible. It’s an impossible feat. Because being human doesn’t really lend itself too well to being perfect — or even being anywhere close to perfection. We’re flawed creatures, aren’t we? After all, we’re not robots who can be programmed to do certain things or say certain things at specific times, and even if we were, I don’t think that would be much of a life. Life, to me, is IN those tiny imperfections, in those moments that maybe aren’t fairy tale-worthy and in the midst of those times when all you can do is think to yourself, “Oh, man, I just want to forget all about this.”

We make mistakes. We stumble. We fall.

The beautiful part — WE GET BACK UP AGAIN. We don’t let anything keep us down for too long, and that’s pretty awesome, if you ask me. And besides, I’m a very big fan of another certain quote about beauty…

Flawed is the new beautiful.

It’s got a nice ring to it, don’t you think, friends? So embrace your ‘flaws’ and love all those imperfections. They make you who you are — a beautiful, complicated, REAL person.

So, tell me, how do YOU stop yourself from always trying to live up to those crazy standards of perfection? Are there certain mantras that have helped you over the years? Why do you think it’s so hard to silence that inner voice that is constantly telling you to be perfect? xoxo

[Bottom photo via We Heart It]

Love Lounge: 15 True Things About Love, Life and Texting After Midnight

I’ve lived. I’ve loved (albeit mostly unrequited, but, oh, it was still love). And I have A LOT of stories I could tell about it all, obviously. I’ve experienced my fair share of realizations over the years. Let’s just say I’m a walking, talking encyclopedia of sorts. Seriously. All these little gems are stored in my brain like computer memory on a hard drive.

And out of all those stories, I’ve gleaned some precious golden nuggets of truth. Some life hacks, as the hip kids are saying these days.

Don’t believe me? Check out these 15 Things I Know To Be True About Life and Love…

1. The darkest hour is just before dawn — and when you tweet or text after midnight.

2. Love is a many splendor thing, especially when you love yourself the most.

3. If you get lost, look for a sign. Chances are, you’ll find an even better path — or an IHOP.

4. In life, throw out your eraser and wear your flaws and faults proudly. They’re a testament to how far you’ve come.

5. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless said doctor is Dr. Owen Hunt. In that case, send him my way — I just came down with a high fever!

6. When in doubt, take a nap.

7. Guys are like ice cream: Incredibly sweet in small doses, but too much and they’ll give you a brain freeze.

8. All’s fair in love and the Netflix queue.

9. Over-thinking never really solved anything. It just eventually gives you a whole bunch of new problems you didn’t even know you had in the first place.

10. There are absolutely NO store loyalties when it comes to a good bargain.

11. If people make fun of your favorite TV shows, chances are they’re just jealous because you’re at one with your guilty pleasures.

12. Your family knows you better than you will ever admit, even though you secretly like that they have your back.

13. If your first crush seems like such a mistake now, just think of it this way: You could be married to that mistake by now.

14. If something looks too good to be true, it’s probably because you forgot to take off your rose-colored glasses. See #13.

15. Be brave. Be you. And don’t read the comments.

Well, friends, consider yourself enlightened tonight! What life and love lessons have you learned over the years? Let’s have a gab fest in the comments, shall we? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Tuesday Tunes: Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song”

Editor’s Note: Song lyrics denoted in bold italics.


Generally, I like to think that I’m a pretty confident person, but true to my human form, I have my moments of doubt every now and then. It’s such a typical feeling, though, isn’t it? It’s sort of become so common place that we sometimes can’t even recognize it when we see those moments in ourselves, when we can’t seem to see through that cloud of smoke our doubts have blown in front of us. Maybe that’s why certain songs are so uplifting and inspiring to us…

Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song”
From Wildfire

Never mind that fact that Rachel Platten worked incredibly hard to get to where she is, even though some said she was too old and had missed her prime for a career in the music industry, I’m pretty sure “Fight Song” will get you through lots of hard times in life. There have been times in my life where I’ve felt incredibly small — and I’m not just referring to my height here!

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

You know that whole analogy of being a small fish in a big pond? That was me. I felt like everyone around me had it together and they were all in on some secret life hack from BuzzFeed that I hadn’t seen. What was their secret? What were they doing right that I was, apparently, doing wrong?

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

For some reason, we sometimes stay quiet when we find ourselves especially confused — that’s how it was for me, anyway. It was like I was standing there frozen in that big, vast ocean, and no matter what I did, I just couldn’t seem to move. Maybe I didn’t want to in the first place? But then, I suppose, you just get to a point where you’re like, “ENOUGH ALREADY” and you find your — you guessed it! — fight…

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

I’ve had to reach deep, deep, deep down into my soul sometimes to find it, but that inner fight IS there. It’s that drive that gives you the confidence you need to take on that ocean — and the world as a whole. It helps you go from the sidelines to the center ring in one fell swoop. It helps you break free, becoming the person you were meant to be.

So shine on, friends! And always FIGHT… xoxo