New Series: The Science of Love

(This is the first post in a new series called The Science of Love, where I’ll be putting my journalistic nose to the grindstone in the name of love. Look for interviews from experts on everything from dating to decoding the language of that two-word text. It’s all about the tango, or so I’ve heard. Have a burning topic that you’d like to see covered? Email me at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat!)

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We all know I’m pretty much one giant awkward klutz when it comes to all things flirting. I just don’t have one single flirty bone in my body, and more often than not, my attempts at wooing the boys comes off as anything but subtle.

But I hear there are people that can flirt effortlessly. Some might even say they’ve got it all down to an art. I wanted to do some research in the field, but since I’m not bold enough (yet!) to flex my flirt muscle in a trial-and-error style, I turned to the next best thing!

Meet Laurie Davis from eFlirt, the online dating experts. I had the chance to interview her a couple years ago on all things flirting and the changing landscape of technology and dating. Here’s Part One of our chat — look for Part Two tomorrow!

How has flirting changed in the last 10 years, especially with the prevalence of technology?
Flirting has changed a lot in the last 10 years. Now, not only can you flirt in person, but you can flirt online. You can use online dating sites, social networking platforms and iPhone apps. Of course, “there’s an app for that” too. You can use GPS locator apps to find matches at the same bar, and you can approach them via message rather than with a handshake. It’s even socially acceptable to flirt via text, with the possibility of it turning into a sext.

Flirting by way of technology takes away some of the indicators that it is, in fact, flirting — like body language, eye contact and blushing. Flirting virtually sometimes means that you need to be bolder and more outspoken. Subtly doesn’t always come across when it is text-only. People also often let their guards down sooner and say things that they wouldn’t otherwise if the flirting happened in person.

How do men and women’s styles of flirting differ? Could you give me a few examples?
Actually, I try not to generalize by saying “men do this” and “woman do that.” I approach everything on a case-by-case basis with my clients. For example some men are too outspoken and some are too shy. It depends on the person.

I admit I’m an incredibly awkward flirt, especially considering my disability. What advice do you have for me?
I’ve read some of your articles and the wheelchair seems to be one of the big problems you face. When you meet online, the metal and wheels won’t seem so intimidating. You should definitely talk about it, but without it staring them in the face, it probably won’t be such a big thing to overcome.

When you’re face-to-face with a cutie, body language is one of the key factors that tells someone you are flirting. When you’re planted in a seat, you are limited, but you can still flirt your butt off! (No pun intended!!) I’d recommend practicing some things in front of the mirror. I know this sounds silly, but being aware of how your body looks when you do certain things, particularly when you are limited, is important.

Thanks, Laurie! Feel free to share your own experiences in the comments, friends, and check back tomorrow for Part Two of our interview! xoxo

Man Candy Monday.

Good Monday morning, friends! Boy, was it hot this weekend — the kind of heat that leaves little beads of sweat on your forehead and leaves your clothes sticking to your back. Well, this guy may be the cause of the summer heat wave. He’s my newest celebrity crush, and his show tries to untangle the crazy web created between love and the Internet. He’s smart. His smile is absolutely adorable. And he’s a self-proclaimed romantic at heart…

NEV SCHULMAN!!!!!!!!!!

“The idea of finding your soul mate, whether it’s online or not, is what people want. And, obviously, for the people on our show, they feel like they have met their soul mate. I think they are willing to ignore and certainly afraid to admit that some of the details of the relationship don’t hold water.”

Love Lounge: Let’s talk first dates!

Let’s just get this out of the way right now: I’ve never been on a date., let alone a first date. We’ve established that before, but I thought it best to keep you informed of any changes — or lack thereof.

I’m learning to be OK with it too — this whole no-table-for-two-experience. I mean, it’s not like it comes up very often in everyday conversation; it’s not the kind of tidbit you slip into the office conversation, saying, “Hey, I’ve never been on a date,” between a deep discussion of last night’s episode of the Bachelor and gossip about the new intern. It’s just not not the sort of thing that comes up.
I never used to feel this way, though. Maybe I was even ashamed of it, as if it was something I had to work so desperately hard to hide. No one could ever find out my secret. I even thought that everything would be perfect if I could just go on that first date — then, I’d know those feelings I’d heard people talk about. You know, those awkward butterflies. The stolen glances. The accidental arm brush.

But you see, that’s the beauty of the whole thing, I think. Not having been on a first date yet gives me a sort of clean slate. It can be anything I want it to be. And when I think about it like that, I know those butterflies, glances and arm brushes will happen for me. Eventually. When the time is right.
And when you think about it, maybe it’s not so much about the date itself than it is about the person you’re with. You could be eating atop the Eiffel Tower, but if the person is a rude, conversation hog, the date is just going to be plain awful. But if you’re with someone who makes you feel relaxed and wants to get to know you, even if you’re stuvk at the movie theater because of a blizzard, chances are that the hours won’t seem to tick by so slowly.

So, friends, I’d love to know: What was your first date like? How old were you? What’s your idea of a perfect date now? What was the best date you’ve ever been on? What made it so special? Did you learn anything about yourself from the date? Let’s chat! xoxo

P.S. Have you heard of the 3-hour rule? Thoughts? :)

[Top chart via I Love Charts, other photos via Le Love]

Love Lounge: Dating Site Discrimination?

Have you heard about all the controversy surrounding BeautifulPeople.com’s letting go of some 5,000 member’s from its dating site?

Apparently, it doesn’t enjoy it when people enjoy the holidays, and, well, let it show. If it wasn’t hard enough to get into this exclusive club (those wishing to join the site must go through a rigorous evaluation period, a period in which I’m fairly certain a freckle in the wrong place could get your in the denied pile), TheFrisky reports that owners of the site recently went on a purging spree, encouraging expelled members to reapply “ ‘when they’re looking their best’ and go through the rating process again.”
“As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded,” says the site’s owner.

Oh, BeautifulPeople owner, you sly charming fellow. You had me at fatty.
Maybe you should change your name to BeautifulPeople (unless-you gain-a-minimun-of-10-pounds-then-you’re-just-too-hopeless).com. Though that might be too long of a URL for people to remember…

A note to the world over: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. DON’T EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

It saddens me. It makes me angry. It makes me think this world is getting even more superficial and fake and evil and snarky. And it all scares me.

Is this discrimination? What do you think, friends?

[Photos via We Heart It]

Mind of a Man: Geek Glory.

Hello, friends, we’ve got a double dose of goodness today: a peek inside the mind of a man and an expert! Mark Brooks, publisher of Online Personals Watch, was kind enough to give me the inside scoop and re-affirm my love of geeks! Hope you enjoy!
*Note: Yay for social awkwardness!*


Why have geeks suddenly gained such credibility now?
In the past, there’s been a stigma about geeks that has made them unpopular to some people. However, geeks have always had credibility for people who are not entirely hung up on superficial categorizations. Some people look more towards the all American or the jock type of guy when looking for a partner. They look at them and think alpha male. However, they eventually find out that broad shoulders or a good style will only get you so far in a relationship. Women have traditionally dated the cool guys and then sought comfort and understanding from their geekier friends when Mr. Cool turns out to be a dud.

Sadly, it isn’t so much of a self realization that has made women more open to geeks, but pop culture. With our reliance on technology, it’s good to have a geek around. One major retail chain even hails the existence of their Geek Squad. There’s also the concept that you can turn a geek into something more. Take a look at Patrick Dempsy. To millions of people he was the geeky kid on the lawn mower in “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Now he’s “McDreamy.” A few years, a better tan and a set of hand weights and you’ve got a whole new man. With Mr. Cool, what you see is what you get, but with a geek, women often times see potential

Why have they been avoided as potential dates in the past?
In the past, geeks have been avoided by some because they have been considered weaker and more social awkward than cooler people. There’s also been the concern from “normal people” that they just don’t have anything in common with geeks. Thankfully, much of this stereotyping is starting to erode.


What can women gain by giving a geek a chance?
The first thing you have to consider is that women have the same thing to gain by dating a geek as they do in dating a “cool person.” After all, geeks are people too, right? So first off, women have the chance to meet someone they can build a great relationship with. That said, there are certain advantages to having a geek on your arm. For example, geeks who have been written off by people in the past because of social status, tend to be much more tender and accepting partners. They look below the surface and are more interested in who someone really is instead of whatever they are tagged with by society. For the most part, geeks are not players. In fact, they are the anti–player. Most people in relationships with geeks tend to find that they feel more like they are in a real partnership than when they were dating Mr. Cool. There’s more of an interest in connecting on both ends and that leads to a much more attentive partner and a greater feeling of security in the relationship. Also, they tend to be pretty handy when it comes to fixing computers, or messing with high tech gadgets.

What are the best hot spots for meeting a loveable geek?
Well, as anyone could tell you, geeks like to hang out under stairwells in dark alleys where they can roll their 12 sided dice in relative peace and tranquility while they eat their cheetos and drink copious amounts of Mountain Dew. OK, seriously, where would you find a geek that you’d like to date? Probably some place that you’d already want to go to. Geeks have many interests. They don’t all huddle up in basements and comic book stores. They go where there is art, intelligent conversation, creativity…you name it. You might find one in the bookstore, or maybe at a gallery exhibit. You could find the perfect geek on the elliptical next to you at the gym, or even standing next to you in the produce aisle… believe it or not…they are everywhere.


Is there anything else you think I should know?
Yes, I think it is important to know that the concept of categorizing geeks vs non geeks is not really valid anymore. In fact, it stopped being valid several years ago. There’s an endless number of the types of geeks in the world. Sure, some are socially awkward, but there are plenty of awkward jocks out there too. Do you spend tons of time on myspace or facebook? Do you twitter about every last detail of your life? Do you play Guitar Hero or enjoy kicking your friend’s butt in Wii bowling? Guess what. You just might be a geek too.


[Photos via We Heart It]