So far in our Online Dating series, we’ve talked about how to write your profile, highlighted some general tips to keep in mind and picked the expert brain of a psychologist. For today’s final interview, Erika Moore, an online dating coach and profile writer, gives us the inside scoop on online etiquette, including the importance of storytelling when creating your profile. Take it away, Erika…

Making an online profile seems so easy, yet why does it seem so hard to get it ‘just right’?
It’s a challenge to sell yourself without sounding like a braggart. It’s too easy to sound like everybody else. A lot of people don’t like to write, nor is it a strong point.

What are your top tips for a great online profile?

*Post a great, representative photograph — current, full face, smiling. It is impossible to overstate the importance of the visual. Period. So no excuses on this one. I don’t care if you’re world famous, shy or in the grips of a Greta Garbo fixation. Just do it; otherwise, no one will even look.

*Invent a descriptive, catchy, memorable username (no meaningless combinations of letters and numbers please).

*Spend time crafting an attention-grabbing headline, free of clichés.

*Use humor whenever possible, or at least keep it light-hearted.

*Tell stories (or give examples) instead of making lists. Instead of “I’m funny,” say “I’m told my Chris Rock imitation is flawless.” Better yet, DEMONSTRATE that you’re funny by BEING funny in the profile.

*Spend some space talking about the kind of person you’d like to meet. People love to read, hear, talk about themselves, even in theory. Help a potential match see that he or she might be the one for you.

*Leave out the stuff about your jerk of an ex, and why you think online dating is so lame or any other negativity.

*Nix the list of what you don’t want (“Users and cheapskates need not apply.”) — it’s fine to indicate you’d like to meet someone who’s generous and solvent.

*Leave out the list of specific physical attributes you require in a partner (it’s fine to talk about good chemistry). Basically, the less rigid your agenda, on any front, the more appealing and approachable you’ll seem, and be.

*Spell check! It matters — women in particular have a tendency to equate grammatical and typographical ineptitude with dumb. I have watched people pass up rocket scientists who didn’t bother to proofread.

What will/won’t get your profile too many views?
The photo, the photo, the photo, the photo, the photo. When you’re talking about just getting people to LOOK, it’s the sparkling eyes and the great smile that take the day. Online is a visual medium.

What are some strange things you’ve seen people put in their profile?
Essentially nothing, or “They said I needed 200 characters to fill this screen.” Stream of consciousness monologues. Bad poetry.

What should you be wary of when looking at someone else’s profile? What are the ‘red flags’?
Currently Separated status. Of course, there are legitimate reasons, and I applaud the honesty, but when there’s still another partner in the picture, even one on the way out, you can get caught in the crossfire. Proceed with caution. Photos that look ancient (haven’t seen that hairstyle since the late ’70s) and/or that are difficult to see. Graphic talk about sex and/or “sensuality” (often code for “this is all about sex for me”). Lists of specific physical requirements (seeking Kate Moss look-a-like; looking for size 4 brown-eyed blonde — you get the picture).

Thanks so much, Erika, and to all the experts in this series. What other relationship topics would you like to see in The Science of Love, friends? Let me know in the comments!! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

I’m excited to share two final interviews in our Online Dating Series this week. First up is Dr. Mary Gresham, an Atlanta-based clinical psychologist who works a lot with single people looking for partners. She brings her psychological expertise to the conversation, saying, “I encourage my patients to use dating sites like Match because each potential date has filled out the same questionnaire, and it is a great way
to see how people present themselves when each of them has had the same task to complete.” Here’s a peek at more of our interview…

Making an online profile seems so easy, yet why does it seem so hard to get it ‘just right’?
I think it is hard to get the right balance between seriousness and humor — you want to convey that you are serious in your response (that you will respond to others and treat them with respect), but not too serious (not overly intense or desperate).

What’s your top tip for a great online profile?
That it accurately convey your personality, especially your personal strengths. Too many have identical-sounding profiles that do not distinguish their unique qualities. Most people like sitting in front of a fire or walking on the beach; that is not very helpful in knowing about you. If your friends describe you in a particular way — really funny, dependable or loyal — find a way to include that.

What are the major turn-offs when it comes to your profile?
Not having a picture or having a long list of requirements for someone to respond. Choose the top 3 things that you are looking for in a partner. Also, be sure the picture you post is appropriate. Strange things are photos where an old partner is in the photo, where the person is obviously partying too hard and negative, frustrated attitudes.

What’s one thing you should do BEFORE you post your profile?
Be sure to show your profile to someone else before you post it! A good friend can tell you if you are showing your true self positively!

Thank you, Dr. Gresham! What’s the ONE THING you do before you hit ‘publish’ on your profile, friends? Any mistakes you realized after the fact? What did you do? xoxo

[Photo via We Heart It]

A few weeks ago, we dove deep into the world of online dating and got an expert’s view of the ins and outs of the All Mighty dating profile. Let’s continue our quest, shall we? I interviewed Nicholas Aretakis, dating expert and author of Ditching Mr. Wrong: How to End a Bad Relationship and Find Mr. Right. Read on for his online dating tips and some things to avoid when looking for love online…

Making an online profile seems so easy, yet why does it seem so hard to get it ‘just right’?
The reason people don’t get their online profile just right is because they don’t spend enough time, thought, energy and consideration writing and editing it. An online profile should be as precise, compelling, original, accurate and illuminating as a master résumé. For some reason, singles don’t take dating as seriously as, say, applying for a job. For women, in particular, it’s important to find the right man quickly — and get rid of the wrong guys quickly — because women have a deadline. It takes approximately 5 to 7 years to meet the right guy, get to know him, marry and then have children. If you are a woman in your late 20s or early 30s wanting to start a family one day, you can’t waste time. Singles who take their online profile seriously will have better luck finding Mr. or Ms. Right.

What are your top five tips for a great online profile (feel free to elaborate on each point)?
1. Differentiation: What makes me unusual, unique, original and one-of-a-kind?
2. Memorability: Present yourself in such a way that the reader won’t be able to get you and your profile out of their mind. Make it unforgettable.
3. Honesty: Take your time and really think about your relationship goals and the kind of person you are and you want to be. Then say that.
4. Cleverness/intelligence: Make the language interesting, quirky, fun and smart. Dazzle them with your brain.
5. Purpose: If you are serious about meeting a life partner, your profile will reflect that and will repel those who are looking for meaningless hookups. Think of your profile as a way to get the reader to do something. In this case, to consider if they are worthy of you, and then to contact you if they feel they are.

What are the top five things that will/won’t get your profile too many views?
1. Dumb jokes that aren’t funny.
2. Revealing truths about your flaws.
3. Low self-image.
4. Bad photo or image.
5. Poorly written text.

What should you be wary of when looking at someone else’s profile? What are the ‘red flags’?
Too much boasting or arrogance. Listing of meaningless pluses–such as car make and model, big salary, body parts. etc. Overemphasis on sex.

Is there anything else you think I should know?
You will reap what you sow. If you put a lot of heartfelt, sincere energy and effort into making a profile that’s a little gem — one that reflects who you are and what you seek — you will attract others of the same caliber.

Do you agree with this advice, friends? What would you add? What sorts of things do YOU think are important when it comes to your online dating profile? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]