On finding yourself…

Speaking of guest posts, I had the pleasure of being featured on Kate’s wonderful blog Clear The Way. I wrote for her One Word Inspiration series. My word?

Self.

How serendipitous! Something tells me the fates were conspiring here since a big part of my own blog journey over the last six years has been discovering myself and coming to terms with my disability. It’s almost as if Kate was reading my mind. Anyway, you can read my thoughts on self, and here is an excerpt…

I certainly went through a period of looking around and thinking, “Wow, everyone else has it all figured out. What are they doing that I’m not? What’s their secret?” Looking back now, I can see that a lot of my own self doubts and insecurities had to do with my disability. I was too different. I stood out too much. Truthfully, I was just too afraid to look at myself in the mirror…But blogging? It forced me to hold up that mirror and look — really look — at myself. Writing forced me to be vulnerable, and being vulnerable helped me discover my true self.

You can read the rest here, and I’d love to know your thoughts, friends! How does one find a sense of self? Do you think your sense of self can change through the years? Are you a different person now than you were, say, 10 years ago? Let’s chat! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Tip: 10 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone

Let’s face it: We live in a “yes” culture. A “should” culture, if you will. “No” is a horrible word, something we must never, ever utter — we must never say it to people for fear of a heavy dose of side-eye and possible whispers or gossip.

But that sort of life can end up being exhausting, can’t it? Before you know it, you’re saying “yes” so often that you feel like you’re living life on auto-pilot — or at the very least, you feel like the Energizer bunny who is merely going through the motions. In a word: It’s most definitely not fun. And in no way is it any sort of way to live. Because in trying to be everything to everyone, you’ve neglected the person who’s most important…

YOU.

You’re putting yourself last in everything, and honestly, it’s not fair — to you or anyone. Now, this isn’t to say that you should neglect your obligations or the people around you. I’ll be the first to say that there are just some things you have to do in life — paying bills is one that comes to mind, for examples — but other things? Well, there are some things you just don’t owe anyone. Period. Here are 10 of my favorites…

1. How close you are with your family: There’s nothing better than being surrounded by the ones you love, so why should that be something you have to apologize for or explain?

2. Where you are in your career: Now, assuming you’re not involved in any sort of illegal activity or job, if you love your job, embrace it. Life is too short to be doing something you hate for eight hours a day.

3. Why you’re single, divorced, don’t have kids, etc.: You know the awkward question — the one that inevitably comes up at every family get together and makes you blush about a million shades of red. Well, STOP blushing! Hold your head high and be proud of where you are because that’s all that really matters in the end.

4. Your choice of music: Case in point — I’ve been on a country kick for the last few years. My mom and sister constantly tease me about it. Do I care? Heck no — I just turn up the music!! :)

5. Your priorities in life: So maybe some of your friends have aspirations of moving to Europe and go on grand adventures. But your biggest goal right now is just to enjoy each day and be happy. Don’t ever give anyone the power to make you feel like your dream matters any less.

6. Your introvert personality: I’ve never been the type who loves to go out on a Friday night; I’d much rather enjoy a quiet night in. And that’s OK. I simply like a lot of alone time, while others I know would much rather spend their time around people.

7. Your scars: These could be both literal and metaphorical. I have a constellation of surgical scars and I’ve learned to embrace them; they’re nothing to be ashamed of and have helped me become the person I am today.

8. An apology for your singing voice: Enter that karaoke contest, even if it’s just for fun, and sing loud and proud!

9. Saying “It’s OK” when it’s really not: If someone hurt your feelings, it’s OK to say so and not back peddle. I can be easy to just brush things off to avoid conflict, but that doesn’t really solve anything in the long run, does it?

10. Having the second piece of pie: Everyone should be able to experience the wonderful goodness that is pie. Fully and without judgment.

Anything you’d add to this list, friends? Have you ever had that “Ah-ha!” moment when you realize you don’t owe anyone an explanation? How did it make you feel? Freeing? I’d love to hear! xoxo

P.S. 10 (fun!) things it’s OK to obsess over, 10 reasons your thirties is your breakout decade and 10 upsides of the common cold. :)

[Photos via We Heart It]

Tip: What if we lived in the present?

My mom used to have this light blue magnet prominently displayed on our refrigerator. I often thought she put it there because that’s where we’d see it the most. On the magnet, printed in tiny white letters, is one word. It’s a simple word, actually.

Focus.

Now, truth be told, I did laugh a time or two at just how much power this little magnet seemed to hold for my mom. But looking back now, maybe there’s some truth behind it. Are we as focused on the present as we could be? And what’s more, what’s stopping us from, well, just stopping? Even if only for a little while.

I know what you’re thinking because I’ve thought it too: We humans are busy people. We have a lot of things to juggle, like family, work, school, some semblance of a social life. It can be a lot. In fact, we show no signs of slowing down — if the past is any indication, the future will be a whirlwind world of speed, speed, speed. But what if we lived in the present? Sure, it might take some training on our parts to re (focus!) our brains, but something tells me that it would be worth it in the long run.

I admit, this is something I still struggle with, but I’m really trying to live in the moment lately. Now yesterday, not tomorrow — and especially not five years from now. So maybe my mom’s little magnet made a pretty big difference after all.

So, tell me, friends, what are YOU doing to live in the here and now? Have you noticed a positive change in your life from it? What sorts of things do you worry about when you start looking ahead? How do you pull yourself back to the present? I’d love to hear your tips! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Tip: 10 reasons your thirties is your breakout decade

The thirties often get a bad rap. They’re seen as a time of limbo, of being caught between wide-eyed innocence and self-assured maturity. It’s a time of being, as Britney once put it, not a girl, not yet a woman.

Smack in the middle of it all.

And really, I have to agree. I thought that turning 30 would come with some big, crystal-clear realization about life and how to live it. Honestly, I didn’t even really feel that different. Was I missing something? Some key link to the next level? Had my membership card gotten lost in the mail?

A few months ago, Jezebel, in an attempt to give us aimless thirtysomethings a bit of direction, declared your thirties as the Do-or-Die Decade…

When 40 became the new 30, 30 became invisible. It’s a decade of major transition, a bridge from the broke hot mess of your 20s to the fabulousness of your 40s. Or when ‘Mean Girls’ graduate to ‘boring bitches.’ At least that’s one of the perceptions that hurts the pre-middle age group. Thirty-somethings are overshadowed by the antics of the 20-something “Girls” and the 40-something “Real Housewives” because, pop-culturally speaking, the best material is born from ‘having nothing’ (20s), ‘having it all’ (40s) or ‘losing it all’ (40s divorcee).

YES!! This is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. Overshadowed. I’m the Jan Brady of ages. Maybe you’re in a similar boat, and since we’re all in this crazy journey together, here are 10 reasons to love your thirties…

1. You can go to bed as early as you want and not have to justify it to your friends,


2. Suddenly, cats make the best of friends. Where have these glorious creatures been all my life?


3. You either become the cool older cousin or the hip aunt.


4. You realize that it’s OK to stand your ground = FREEDOM!


5. You can finally embrace your quirks.


6. You start to realize that maybe your parents were right about some things.


7. You let go of those lingering existential crises.


8. You aren’t as afraid of the “S” word — single.


9. Your passions excite you.


10. You aren’t considered a true cougar…yet.

If you’re in your thirties, what do you love about the decade? What’s been your favorite age so far, friends? Any tips on surviving any decade? Let’s chat! xoxo


P.S. I’m thinking of making “10 reasons…” a permanent series on So About What I Said. What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions! :)

4 Life Lessons From Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off”

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last month, chances are you’ve heard Taylor Swift‘s “Shake It Off,” the unbelievably catchy first single from the singer’s upcoming fifth album. Maybe you’ve even seen the equally peppy and catchy video, in which Swift shimmies and, well, shakes through a fun array of scenarios.

Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off.

The song’s message is clear. In fact, it only takes Swift three simple words to get to the heart of her newest memo to the world. Much has been said — and even more written, for that matter — about this song, but there’s one undeniable truth that shines above it all: Life lessons pour out of every word and note. Four life lessons, actually, as far as I can tell…

1. Hater’s gonna hate: An obvious one, I know, but it’s true. In life, there are just some people that are going to hate you, no matter what you do. You won’t be able to please everyone, and once you learn that, you’ll feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It’s extremely freeing to just 100 percent NOT CARE what people think about you. Trust me. That’s not to say that you don’t take people’s opinions into consideration — you just don’t let their words and their voice flood your head and make you doubt yourself. You’ve found that perfect balance, and it’s quite a happy spot to be in.

2. It’s OK to try something new: It can be scary — I know about that all too well. But who you were doesn’t have to be who you are forever. And who you are now certainly doesn’t have to be who you become in the future. I mean, Taylor is embracing her new pop sound in favor of her classic country past despite some detractors (read: haters), so I figure we should all take her cue and do something that re-energizes us. Maybe a career change is just the thing you need to get that spark of creativity back, or maybe reconnecting with old friends is just the ticket. What I’m trying to learn is that just because you’ve always done things a certain way doesn’t mean that it’s set in stone. Become a rolling stone!

3. Be yourself and don’t apologize for it: Those same haters will no doubt try to knock you down and change you. At the very least, they’ll leave you questioning yourself, but DON’T LET ME. Here’s a little secret I’ve learned: That’s how they win. The bullies only come out on top if you stop being yourself. Don’t give them that power. It’s not worth it. I promise.

4. When in doubt, just dance: Dancing can solve an immense number of problems in life, both large and small. When you don’t know what to do, just let loose for a few minutes and I guarantee you things will begin looking better and brighter. And to the haters who will say, “But, Melissa, you can’t dance…”? Well, I’ve mastered the art of chair dancing, and it’s become my jam. You should see me.

In the end, it all simply boils down to this: Just shake it off. Shake off the haters. Shake off the unrealistic pressures and expectations. Shake off the fear. Shake off the doubt. It’s the only way to make room for you! What are you waiting for, friends? xoxo