An Open Letter To Kelly Clarkson

Dear Kelly…

I suppose we should just get the obvious out of the way first, right?

You’re amazing.

That might even be an understatement, considering I’ve admired you ever since you won the first season of American Idol in 2002. You’ve shown the world your hardworking spirit through album after album, through concert after concert and even despite weekly critics from some guy named Simon Cowell. You’ve been through a lot, needless to say, but there’s one thing that has towered above all that. It’s resonated with me and millions of others.

You silenced those evil body-shamers…

“We are who we are — whatever size. It doesn’t mean that we’re gonna be that forever. That’s the thing! Sometimes we’re more fit. Like, especially me. I’m such a creative person that I yo-yo. Sometimes I’m more fit and I get into kickboxing hardcore. And then sometimes I don’t and I’m like, ‘I’d rather have wine.'”

They had some nerve, didn’t they? Thank you for having the poise and the courage to be who you are and for encouraging others to be unapologetic as well. So many young women feel so much pressure these days to say the right thing and project the right look, and sadly, they so easily lose themselves in the process. Thank you for showing them it doesn’t have to be that way and for being a voice for them. They need it.

I won’t pretend that I’ve always loved everything about my body. We didn’t always have the best relationship. I used to hate my freckles and all my surgical scars and even my deformed hands. Sometimes, I even hated looking in the mirror. If I didn’t look, I thought, those supposed imperfections wouldn’t exist.

You also taught us another lesson: Self-love is the most important thing. It doesn’t matter what anyone says, whatever stares or glares people through your direction or whatever those bullies on the playground say. In the end, it’s all just background noise. It doesn’t matter. People can say whatever they want — you know they will. But you know what? Let them! Over the years, I’ve learned that it takes work to cultivate a love for your body and to find that inner self confidence, but it’s there if you’re willing to look hard enough. And that love is something no one can ever take away from you.

But perhaps most importantly, thank you for being a role model for your daughter. Thanks to you, River is going to grow up with a mother who teaches her all about love and the power of self-confidence. Trust me, there’s no greater gift you could ever give her. She — and all of us — will be forever grateful. We’ve all had our own body battles and it’s so refreshing to see someone who has faced theirs head-on and come out on the other side. Thank you for being our idol, Kelly! xoxo

My disability Q&A: On the day-to-day work of a blogger

Note: This is the final installment of My Disability Q&A. You can read parts one, two and three for more fun times and inside scoop. No, really, there is lots of inside scoop to be, well…scoop?… xoxo

Do you think your exceptionality has impacted the success of your career in either a negative or a positive way?
I hope that my disability has positively impacted my life and my career. I had my moments where it felt like it negatively affected me — especially when I was younger and having all my surgeries — but now that everything has seemed to settled down, I’m finally starting to feel like a normal thirtysomething. I don’t feel so out of place among my peers anymore, and that is a great feeling!

How do you self-motivate yourself when you work for yourself?
Trust me, it takes A LOT of practice! When I was working as a newspaper adviser, it was pretty easy because I was actually going somewhere every day. I had clearly defined “work hours” so things went smoothly. But since I started working from home full-time, I’ve had to work to create a schedule and stick to it. I’m a big fan of to-do lists, and thankfully, blogging is pretty rhythmic. There are certain things I do every single day, like finish blog posts, comment on blogs, work on ad stuff, answer emails, create editorial calendars, etc. There’s always something to do, so there’s never a dull day! A lot of time, I find myself wishing there were more hours in the day!

How do you self-evaluate your progress on your blog?
That can be a trap sometimes because it’s so easy to start comparing yourself to other bloggers. What are they doing? How popular are they? Do they have a big social media following? But, it is important to regularly reflect on your own progress and a big thing for me is making sure I’m moving in the direction I want to go in — writing the sorts of posts I want to write and making sure I’m enjoying it. The day I cease to enjoy blogging will be the day I know I’m in trouble.

Do you self advocate for yourself? If so in what ways?
Of yes! That’s always been number one on my list of priorities. My parents were my biggest advocates growing up, and they taught me to speak up for myself — in a respectful way, of course, but with firm confidence. Whether it’s speaking up to doctors about what I need to standing up to those mean Internet commenters, I’ve developed a pretty thick skin over the years!

As future educators, thinking back, do you have any advice for us that you wish your teachers had said or done to give you that boost of confidence in following your dreams?
It may sound weird, but sometimes saying something is worse than not saying anything. Just give me as much reassurance as you would any other student because that will show me that I really am just like everyone else. In this case, not singling me out would be a good thing!

[Photos via We Heart It]

My disability Q&A: On following your dreams

What advice would you give to high school students with various about following their dreams?
The most important advice I’d give them is to find something that they’re passionate about. Whether it’s sports or painting or volunteering, find what you’re good at and do it. You’d be surprised what you can do when you put your mind to it. Plus, if you’re going after something you love doing, it doesn’t feel like work at all. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. No one can do everything by themselves and there’s no shame in asking for help. I credit much of my independence to my parents, who taught me never to let my disability define me. It may have been a factor, yes, but it was only one piece of the puzzle.

Have you had to adapt or make any accommodations to reach your goals?
I couldn’t go away to college, but at the same time, I never really wanted to. I’m sure accommodations could have been made, but I felt more comfortable staying close to home.

What would you say to students who feel there are impassable roadblocks to their dreams?
Everyone — disabled or not — has something that they feel is an impassable obstacle when it comes to their dreams. And sure, there are just some things I’ll never do, like become a ballerina or an MVP basketball player, but so what? I’ve found something I love to do, and that’s the key to it. Everyone has a passion, so find yours and be determined to make it happen. It takes work, but you’d be amazed what you can do when you put your mind to it.

Some students may feel like they can’t be independent or have any personal responsibility especially if they require assistance in daily living tasks. What is your opinion on this?
Oh, I’ve definitely struggled with this in the past. Whether I like it or not, there are just some things I’ll always need help with — bathing, getting dresses, meal prep, etc. I used to look at my friends and think they were “so farther along” than I was was and that they were so much more independent than I was. But it’s something that I can’t change, so I can either obsess over it or realize that it’s just something I need help with. Everyone has things they need help with, and those are my things.

What type of personal goals do you set for yourself relating to your blog or to your life in general?
Well, one of my big on-going goals is to continue to be as independent as possible; I’m a lot more independent than, say, 10 years ago. Also relating to life in general, I continue to work through my grief following my father’s suicide in 2003. That’s taught me so much, like the fragility of everything and the importance of love, family and happiness. As for my blog/writing, I’d love to start pitching to magazines again — I haven’t done that in a few years and would love to be published again. I’d love to see my blog continue to grow and perhaps introduce some new columns into the mix.

Catch up on Parts I and II, and look for the last installment next week, friends. And as always, if you ever have any questions or if there’s something you’d like to see on So About What I Said, feel free to email me ANY TIME!!! I LOVE hearing from you!!! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

My disability Q&A: On overcoming obstacles

**Welcome to Part II of this week’s special disability Q&A. Here’s Part I in case you missed it…

Can you give us a brief description of what Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome is?
My parents didn’t know anything was wrong with me until I was born — no 3-D ultrasounds back then! It took the doctors (and even my parents looking in a medical book) a few days to diagnose me with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome. It’s basically a genetic bone and muscular disorder, and I’ve had more than 26 surgeries, including surgeries on my knees, hands, hips and spine. When I was born, though, my main problem was my joints, like my hands, feet and knees, which were either contracted or dislocated.

How long have you wanted to be a blogger/writer?
Writing has always been one of my favorite things. Growing up, writing was always a way for me to express myself and explore my world beyond the confines of my disability. I studied journalism in college, where I worked on my school’s newspaper in every position from staff reporter to editor-in-chief. After graduating with a journalism degree in 2005. I began my career as a freelance writer. I wrote a weekly newspaper column for nearly five years; my slice-of-life column covered family, holidays, love and pop culture. I was also a blogger for Psychology Today, where I wrote about living a full life with a physical disability, and also blogged about my search for love with a disability for Online Dating magazine. I’ve also written for Redbook, Glamour, The Frisky, the Chicago Tribune, Chicago Parent, Pregnancy and xoJane.

What obstacles have you faced while being a blogger/writer due to Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome?
Actually, I think the opposite has been true in my case. A couple years ago, when my newspaper adviser position was eliminated, I decided to focus on my blog full-time. It was one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done. Blogging and writing, especially where my disability is concerned, is really the perfect job for me. I can work from home and set up a schedule that works for me. It’s flexible, so if I want to stay home one day to work and then head to the library the next day to work, I can do that. It’s nice being able to work wherever I want and set my own hours.

Have there ever been any dreams or goals that you feel were not obtainable due to being born with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome?
I’ve always wanted to live in NYC and live the classic life of a magazine editor, but due to logistic — and of course money! — that goal just isn’t realistic right now. Luckily, my field is changing so much with technology, so nowadays, you don’t necessarily have to be in the Big Apple to get published! I’ve made some great connections through my blog and social media, which is another thing I couldn’t even imagine when I started blogging!

Have you ever been in a situation where someone belittle you?
I think we’ve all met that one person who zeroes in on our Achilles heel and can sometimes just shatter our confidence. In the early days of blogging, I’d get some not-so-nice anonymous comments — you wouldn’t believe some of the things people will say when they can hide behind their computer screens. Some people are just bullies to get a rise out of you, so I learned to just ignore those comments. At first, it was hard to ignore and my confidence was shaken a bit — I’d wondered if what they were saying was true — but you get to a point where you just don’t care anymore.

As always, friends, I’d love to hear your thoughts!! Love you!! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

My Dream For 2015: Monica from hola! design

Hey 2015. It’s me, Monica. I was still celebrating Christmas and you showed up, I wasn’t ready for you!

I had to sit down and think hard: What do I want to accomplish this year? Do I want to travel around the world? Do I want to (finally!) take a sabbatical? Do I want to start a business?

Well, all of that would be nice. But there’s something else I want to achieve. Not only for 2015, but for the rest of my life, starting now.

And that is being kinder to myself.

I have to admit that for the longest time, I was my own worst critic. In every aspect of my life. I was judgmental and way too harsh with myself. I decided to stop that. I’ve reading a ton about the subject and here are two things I’m already doing…

*I do something I love every day: Could be a long shower, going to my favorite coffee shop, getting a manicure or buying fancy cheese. I treat myself with my favorite things and I allow myself to enjoy them.

*I talk to myself like I would do to a kid: We are all kids at heart, in many ways. You don’t say to a kid, “You made another mistake, idiot!” You say, “It’s OK, buddy. Try one more time.“

There are many other ways of being kind to ourselves, but I find that’s is easier to stick to a change if we take one small step at a time. That way, it is not so overwhelming.

How are you kind to yourself? Share any ideas you may have! Wishing you an excellent year!

–Monica from hola! design

[Photos via We Heart It]