Reflections on Caitlyn Jenner

By now, you’ve no doubt been introduced to Caitlyn Jenner. You’ve heard her begin to tell her story. You’ve seen her grace the cover of July’s Vanity Fair. You’ve probably even read my Open Letter from a couple months back.

And, in the process of all this, you’ve seen her spark a very important conversation about identity, finally finding your voice and not shying away from using that voice.

In Jenner’s 22-page Vanity Fair profile, she spoke candidly for the first time as Caitlyn, saying how liberating the photo shoot was: “This shoot was about my life and who I am as a person. It’s not about the fanfare. It’s not about people cheering in the stadium, it’s not about going down the street and everybody giving you ‘that a boy, Bruce,’ pat on the back, O.K. This is about your life.”

She also spoke of a renewed desire to live a regret-free life: “If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, ‘You just blew your entire life. You never dealt with yourself,’ and I don’t want that to happen.”

We’ve seen the Internet explode with reactions since Vanity Fair released its cover, and #CallMeCaitlyn became a trending topic on Twitter almost instantaneously. But throughout all these conversations, one in particular has stood out high above the rest for me. Laverne Cox, star of Orange Is The New Black and a transgender advocate herself who appeared on the cover of TIME magazine last year, posted these brilliant words on her Tumblr…

I am so moved by all the love and support Caitlyn is receiving. It feels like a new day, indeed, when a trans person can present her authentic self to the world for the first time and be celebrated for it so universally.


Yes, Caitlyn looks amazing and is beautiful but what I think is most beautiful about her is her heart and soul, the ways she has allowed the world into her vulnerabilities. The love and devotion she has for her family and that they have for her. Her courage to move past denial into her truth so publicly. These things are beyond beautiful to me. We must lift up the stories of those most at risk, statistically trans people of color who are poor and working class. I have hoped over the past few years that the incredible love I have received from the public can translate to the lives of all trans folks. Trans folks of all races, gender expressions, ability, sexual orientations, classes, immigration status, employment status, transition status, genital status etc.. I hope, as I know Caitlyn does, that the love she is receiving can translate into changing hearts and minds about who all trans people are as well as shifting public policies to fully support the lives and well being of all of us.

Yes! This. Exactly.

I happened to see a post floating around Facebook earlier this week. It featured a picture of a soldier with a caption describing him as the “true hero.” My stomach sunk right to the floor and my blood seethed with rage the second I spotted it. It’s, quite frankly, a disgusting message in every sense of the word. Not only does it show complete ignorance and disrespect, it undermines everything that people like Caitlyn and Laverne have advocated for over the years. For someone like Caitlyn, a former Olympic champ who has lived under the microscope of the paparazzi and tabloids for so long, she could have easily taken the path of least resistance. She could have lived the rest of her life — her public life, at least — as a man. After all, why rock the boat and open yourself up to criticism, right?

But that’s not WHO Caitlyn is, and honestly, that’s the most important part. She has to be who she is, and it’s all rather selfish and arrogant to expect her to hide her true self or her heart. How would you feel if someone tried to stifle your true identity and said, “No, I’m sorry, that’s not who you are. You identity doesn’t matter.”

Caitlyn has shown an incredible amount of grace and strength, especially in the last few months. That, if you ask me, is something to be celebrated. That, if you ask me, is the truest definition of bravery and courage; it’s everything that being a “true hero” is all about.

As I posted on Twitter a couple days ago: “It’s SO nice to meet you, Caitlyn Jenner!! Thank you for being such an inspiration. Being yourself never looked so good!! #CallMeCaitlyn.” We will call her Caitlyn, indeed. Forever. xoxo

[Photos by Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair]

Love Lounge: Four Things I Know About Love

Love is a funny thing. We spend so much time trying to find it, figure it out, trying to explain it and, in some cases, trying to get it back. It’s a mysterious little devil, this crazy thing called love. It has the power to both break you into a million tiny pieces and also glue you back together again — heck, sometimes in the span of one day! From your first kiss to your 50th wedding anniversary, it’s love that always keeps you guessing and on your toes.

A few people have told me that I couldn’t possibly know anything about love since I’ve never really had much experience in said department (I’m talking about you, Anonymous…), but I have learned a thing or two over the years; I don’t think you can really go through life without being at least touch by it, from seeing it play out around you, from seeing how love weaves its way in and out of people’s lives and from seeing the choices that others make. Contrary to what Simon and Garfunkel once mused, no one is an island unto themselves. And right now, as I’m typing this, Michelle Branch’s Goodbye To You just came on Pandora. This song never fails to make me all sorts of emotional — come on, don’t pretend like you’re immune to it! So! Here are four things I know about love, even though I’ve never been “in love” (well, love that was reciprocated, anyway)…

1. Love takes time: Not to steal from a classic, but Miss Mariah sure knew what she was talking about. Love — the kind that is deep and meaningful and long-lasting — is sort of like the perfect stew. It takes time to cook and has to simmer for awhile before it’s “just right.” I mean, you don’t want undercooked meat and raw vegetables, do you? Of course not! You want things to come together, not forced. You want to have time to get to know those vegetables — oops, I mean each other!

2. Love teaches you about yourself: Every new experience gives you a glimpse into who you are, what you want and what you most certainly don’t want. As important as the other person is to you, love teaches you to look out for yourself and love yourself first. Those romantic butterflies may make it hard to see that sometimes, but it’s such an important thing to remember.

3. Love is an unexpected roller coaster: Now, this is most definitely something I know all too well. You can have this vision all mapped out in your head — a vision of exactly how you think everything is going to go — and then? BOOOOM!!! The rollercoaster you’re on takes an unexpected turn and you find yourself in completely unfamiliar territory. I’ve even found myself in these murky waters a time or two. I’ve fallen for guys I NEVER expected to, hung on for a little too long with some guys and even spent an absurd number of hours analyzing every…single…detail. It can be intoxicating, sure, but those unexpected twists and turns can be doozy too.

4. Love, at the end of the day, is beautiful: For as messed up and complicated as love can seem sometimes, I can’t help but feel like we make it too hard. I do this all the time, even if most of those complications are largely in my head. Just listen to an ’80s love song. You’ll know what I’m talking about.

What are some things you’ve learned over the years, friends? Do you feel like you’ve gotten wiser? Are there still some things that you just plain don’t understand? What advice do you have for all us lovebirds out there? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

An Open Letter To Bruce Jenner

Dear Bruce:

I suppose there’s really no point in stating the obvious: I was so incredibly moved by your interview with Diane Sawyer last week. Well, honestly, I’d been looking forward to it for awhile. I was anxious to hear your words and your story directly from you. I knew they would be powerful words, and sure enough, I was right.

I’m, admittedly, of the generation who associates you more with the Kardashians than with the Olympics. You’ve always been one of my favorites on the show, but over the years, I’ve noticed you beginning to slink into the shadows. You seemed very wary of the cameras, like you preferred to be alone. And as you got less and less screen time, I began to miss you.

Well, after watching your interview, it’s safe to say that you’re back — at least, we’re starting to see glimpses of you. Your happy self. Your insightful self. Your confident self. You really came into your own in this interview. It was like we were seeing a new Bruce, but at the same time, it was the old Bruce. You were calm and collected and optimistic about the future.

You were, in a nutshell, your old self again. You were your true self. I wasn’t the only one who noticed. New York magazine described your metamorphosis perfectly…

This wasn’t the vague, scattered ghost dad we’d seen before. He was honest and forthright. He didn’t mince words or clench his teeth or put an overly optimistic spin on things or resist hard questions. The Bruce Jenner we met on Friday night was a testament to the power of honesty. He was transformed into someone bigger and brighter and more comfortable in his own skin than he’d ever been before. 

And just like that, he went from being a suspicious figure, a strange guy perhaps trying to upstage his wife’s carefully constructed empire, to a strong, eloquent individual ready to fully take on his new role as transgender hero. The transformation was so radical and so stunning, it was impossible not to be completely mesmerized. The way Jenner held himself, cried, laughed at himself, and fully inhabited himself onscreen was completely at odds with the person we’d known before. There’s no other way to express it: It was like watching a butterfly break out of its cocoon.

What I love about this is that you did it on your own terms, and that’s such a beautiful thing. You’ve been hounded for longer than you’d care to remember, but you didn’t cave to any sort of pressure. You knew when the time would be right and I’m so glad you found it in Diane Sawyer.

I’m sorry that you have to deal with those people who assume that you’re “doing this for publicity.” Frankly, those people disgust me. I’d like to challenge them to spend one day forced to be someone they’re not. But, don’t pay them any attention because you’re the true winner here. Never, ever forget that. It was inspiring to watch you talk and look fully at ease with who you are. I got the sense that you don’t feel the need to hide in those shadows anymore; you’re not afraid of being who you are. You’re starting this new journey in your life and it was wonderful to see a glimpse of how you’re approaching it all. I can only imagine how stressful and frustrating it must be at times, but you’re handling it with a calm and quiet grace that is quite refreshing!

Thank you for telling your story because, as I’m sure you know, it’s not just your story. You’re telling the story of thousands and giving them a much-needed voice — a voice that many of them don’t have or are afraid to use. Thank you for being you and thank you for your honesty. You’ll always be a hero in my book. Forever and always. xoxo

In The Pursuit of Happiness: Gina Rodriguez on body image

Speaking of self-confidence, actress Gina Rodriguez knows a thing or two about the struggle.

The Jane the Virgin star recently told PEOPLE that she’s regularly told that she’s not skinny enough or tall enough or even ethnic enough.

“As a woman in this industry, we are constantly being pressured to look a certain way and to get our hair and nails and makeup done and live up to these images that aren’t conducive to a healthy mind. But I have to remember that this is a game. And if the game says I should be looking like this, then I just don’t play that role. And that’s okay.”

It’s easy to fall for those lies, but thanks to her parents, Gina’s healthy and positive outlook is downright infectious.

“My mom is so beautiful and never wears any makeup. She would say, ‘You want a man to love you for who you are, not what you look like or what you’re covered up by.’ My parents really encouraged us to have confidence in who we are and accept who we are because it is not going to change and we are beautiful.”

This is definitely part of the reason that Jane the Virgin is one of my favorite shows this season. Gina is such a real, down-to-earth actress and that really comes through in the character of Jane, despite the out-of-this-world premise of the show. It’s so encouraging when you see celebrities being such good role models for today’s young people (does that make me sound incredibly old??), especially when there are some famous folks who tend to shy away from that role.

Go, Gina! Thanks for being such a body-positive voice for us all!!! xoxo

Tip: 7 steps for feeling confident

Confession: When I first started working for the student newspaper during college, I’d sometimes have a crisis of confidence. During staff meetings, I’d look around the room at my fellow reporters and think, “What’s their secret? What do they know that I don’t? How can they possibly be so calm all the time?“

I even found my lack of confidence spilling over into my college classes. I went out to lunch with my mom after one particularly tough first day. I just knew that I was bound to fail the history of journalism.

“I can’t do this,” I told my mom, my voice breaking a little as I tried to keep it together in the restaurant.

“That’s not how I raised you,” she replied matter-of-factly. “Look at everything you’ve been through. College? You can do this!“

And I did, my mom’s words always in the back of my mind. Over the years, I’ve continued to build up a “reserve” of self-confidence. Here are the 7 steps that have worked for me…

1. Find your passion: That’s where all the confidence starts, at least for me. Once you find something you’re passionate about and start to see yourself succeeding, the entire world looks different. Maybe your inner artist is just waiting to come out or maybe your inner movie buff is itching to pen a review column. One of the best things about passions is that they can change; I like to think that my passions will grow with me over the years so there’s always room for new discoveries.

2. It’s not always about the big moments: Sure, it’s an amazing feeling when you accomplish something monumental, like landing a job promotion or seeing your work published, but don’t overlook those seemingly “insignificant” moments too. Reaching a goal, no matter the size, is something to be celebrated.

3. Shut out the critics: There will always be people who try to bring you down. Maybe they’re unhappy with themselves. Don’t let them rain on your parade.

4. Tell that inner critic to shut up: Sometimes, that person who tries to bring you down is, well, you. That voice can be deafening, can’t it? It plays with your mind like a fiddle and makes you second guess everything. It may tell you that you’re not worthy enough or pretty enough or perfect enough. Watch out! It’s easy to fall into those web of lies and believe them.

5. Fake it ’til you make it: A psychiatrist told me this while I was struggling with depression a few years ago. At the time, I didn’t believe it, but now, I can see the importance of positive thinking. Put your best face — and mindset — forward. Don’t believe me? I’ll just let one of my Pinterest board do the talking.

6. Surround yourself with positive people: Good vibes are contagious. I picture them flying around, just waiting to be scooped up. And have you ever noticed how a Debbie Downer can put you in a seriously negative funk. Happy people will make you happy. It’s as simple as that.

7. When in doubt, talk it out: Obviously, I’m a pretty big fan of this one. When it comes to working through issues, the power of talk can be an amazing tool. You could even stand in front of the mirror and compose your own Stuart Smalley speech.

The moral of today’s lesson, friends: You are enough. Don’t ever forget that. Have you struggled with self-confidence issues over the years? What have you learned? Any tips you’d like to share? We’re all here to help each other, so let’s get to sharing, shall we?!?!? xoxo

P.S. The 24-hour no-complain challenge, affirmation stones, 10 reasons your thirties is your breakout decade, 10 things you don’t owe anyone and thoughts on finding yourself.

[Photos via We Heart It]