On writing and blogging: Part Three

This week, I’m pulling back the curtain on my blogging and writing life. Of course, I’d love to hear your experiences as well, so feel free to share in the comments as well. You can read Part One and Part Two to get yourself caught up on all the juicy insider info… xoxo

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What’s the worst advice you’ve ever heard a writer give someone?
“You can’t do it.” Those are the four most defeating words you could ever tell someone. Sure, it might be hard, but no one can ever stop you from trying. If you want it, GO FOR IT!

When you sold your first piece of writing, how did you celebrate?
Hmmm, well, my first major piece of writing appeared in Redbook in 2007, and I remember when the editor called to tell me they’d accepted the piece. I was shocked and didn’t expect it at all. The issue came out in July, and my mom and I walked up to the gas station to buy a copy. It was a ridiculously hot day and we couldn’t even wait until we got home to open the magazine. We sat on the sizzling pavement and read it…one of my greatest writing memories, since I always want to make my mom proud with my writing.

Is there any writing that you’ve published that you feel the most partial to? Why?
The Redbook is a favorite, of course, and I also love my xoJane pieces. Those are some of the most honest writing I’ve ever done and they were so well received. As I was reading the comments, I couldn’t believe how many people could identify with my story.

What’s something you’ve experienced a lot of growth in within your profession?
Technology, definitely. It’s where the industry is headed, and it’s changing the way people write, gather news, find sources, etc. People are living their lives online these days, and the media must change to reflect that if it wants to stay relevant.

If you could go back in time and have a chat with yourself back in college, what would you say?
You’ll do OK. I know it seems so overwhelming now, but in 10 years, you’re going to have a pretty good head on your shoulders. And a lot of people are going to know your innermost thoughts.

[Photos via We Heart It]

My disability Q&A: On overcoming obstacles

**Welcome to Part II of this week’s special disability Q&A. Here’s Part I in case you missed it…

Can you give us a brief description of what Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome is?
My parents didn’t know anything was wrong with me until I was born — no 3-D ultrasounds back then! It took the doctors (and even my parents looking in a medical book) a few days to diagnose me with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome. It’s basically a genetic bone and muscular disorder, and I’ve had more than 26 surgeries, including surgeries on my knees, hands, hips and spine. When I was born, though, my main problem was my joints, like my hands, feet and knees, which were either contracted or dislocated.

How long have you wanted to be a blogger/writer?
Writing has always been one of my favorite things. Growing up, writing was always a way for me to express myself and explore my world beyond the confines of my disability. I studied journalism in college, where I worked on my school’s newspaper in every position from staff reporter to editor-in-chief. After graduating with a journalism degree in 2005. I began my career as a freelance writer. I wrote a weekly newspaper column for nearly five years; my slice-of-life column covered family, holidays, love and pop culture. I was also a blogger for Psychology Today, where I wrote about living a full life with a physical disability, and also blogged about my search for love with a disability for Online Dating magazine. I’ve also written for Redbook, Glamour, The Frisky, the Chicago Tribune, Chicago Parent, Pregnancy and xoJane.

What obstacles have you faced while being a blogger/writer due to Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome?
Actually, I think the opposite has been true in my case. A couple years ago, when my newspaper adviser position was eliminated, I decided to focus on my blog full-time. It was one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done. Blogging and writing, especially where my disability is concerned, is really the perfect job for me. I can work from home and set up a schedule that works for me. It’s flexible, so if I want to stay home one day to work and then head to the library the next day to work, I can do that. It’s nice being able to work wherever I want and set my own hours.

Have there ever been any dreams or goals that you feel were not obtainable due to being born with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome?
I’ve always wanted to live in NYC and live the classic life of a magazine editor, but due to logistic — and of course money! — that goal just isn’t realistic right now. Luckily, my field is changing so much with technology, so nowadays, you don’t necessarily have to be in the Big Apple to get published! I’ve made some great connections through my blog and social media, which is another thing I couldn’t even imagine when I started blogging!

Have you ever been in a situation where someone belittle you?
I think we’ve all met that one person who zeroes in on our Achilles heel and can sometimes just shatter our confidence. In the early days of blogging, I’d get some not-so-nice anonymous comments — you wouldn’t believe some of the things people will say when they can hide behind their computer screens. Some people are just bullies to get a rise out of you, so I learned to just ignore those comments. At first, it was hard to ignore and my confidence was shaken a bit — I’d wondered if what they were saying was true — but you get to a point where you just don’t care anymore.

As always, friends, I’d love to hear your thoughts!! Love you!! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Wise words from a reader

This week has been an unbelievably exciting one, friends. After my newest xoJane piece was published, I received several emails from readers. They all touched me, naturally, but what I wasn’t expecting was for people to identify so strongly with my words and with my story. Thanks to readers like Nazanin, I learned a valuable lesson. Nazanin writes…

I feel the cage you have built for yourself. A line you’ve drawn and decided you can’t cross it. We have all drawn these lines in our lives. We have made decisions about ourselves and gave meaning to them and stayed committed and faithful to them- waiting for someone to set us free from those barriers, ignoring that it was us that built them on the first place. You are right..who are you to deserve Stephen? You deserve someone who deserves you. May them be Stephen or someone else. First, believe in your self worth. Establish how much you want to be valued and then ask the world for it.

Thank you, Nazanin, for such a great nugget of advice. I was just talking with my friend Claire about this the other day. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a rut, where we trick ourselves into believing that we are — without a doubt — the only people on the planet who have ever felt the way we feel or have experienced what we have. I’ve felt like that for such a long time. But like Claire said, we all have our own issues that we bring to the table when it comes to relationships. So maybe it’s about learning to integrate them into our lives as opposed to trying desperately to push them out of our lives. What do you think, friends? xoxo

[Photos via Le Love]

xoJane: Essay #2

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was working on a new piece for xoJane (you might remember my first essay on coming to terms with my disability). This time around, I’m sharing what it feels like to be a 31-year-old virgin who’s never been kissed and wonder: How do you tell someone they’re your first? As in first everything -– first kiss, first date, first boyfriend, first, well, time. And how do you even begin to figure out how your physical disability plays into all of this? Oh, and there’s a bit more reflection on a certain guy. You can read the full essay here, and as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts, friends! xoxo