Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #183.

Letters To My Future HusbandDear Mr. Melissa Blake:

First of all, YES, I know it’s been many, many months since I wrote a Letters To My Future Husband to, well, you. And for that, I am truly sorry, but in my defense, I have been sort of busy tearing up the writing scene!

Speaking of writing, here’s something I’ve been wondering about for the last couple weeks: Do we talk a lot about that essay I wrote way back in 2017…? Now, I’m pretty sure you know exactly which essay I’m talking about. You know, the one about how I challenged blatantly disgusting misogyny and got trolled on Twitter — all for standing up to horrible bullying.

And, oh, the comments! Don’t even get me started on those. I told myself, “OK, Melissa, you ARE NOT going to subject yourself to that rubbish, right?” But do you think I listened, Sweetpea? Of course not!

Apparently, I just had to do the exact opposite. I scrolled through comment after comment, and, honestly, it was all just more of the same. Some of my favorites — I’m paraphrasing, of course…

–If you can’t handle criticism, get off social media

–Men are bullied online just as much and as severely as women

–You do have the same rights as men, so stop your whining

There was also lots of “feminist” this and “liberal” that, as if those were somehow bad words or things to be ashamed of — for the record, I am VERY proud to be both those things.

Oh, and of course there was the comment from someone on Twitter about how all these letters to you reek of loneliness.

That last comment actually made me think. Not because I agreed with it or because it hurt my fragile feelings (cue sarcasm…), but because “loneliness” is the last word I’d ever use to describe these letters. That’s not the sort of journey I’ve been on these last nine years in writing them.

I mean, are these letters really all about you? Are they just about you? No offense, but you’re not the center of the universe; and I mean that with all the love in my heart, mind you. Because before there will ever be a Mr. Melissa Blake…there will just be me. Melissa Blake. And that’s something I’m OK with. Granted, I wasn’t always comfortable with that, but I’m getting there. In the end, maybe that’s half the battle right there.

Letters To My Future HusbandAnyway, the more I think about it, the more those types of comments prove exactly why I needed to write this essay in the first place. They’ve given me a crystal-clear glimpse of the man I don’t want you to be. An arrogant, disrespectful, misogynist mansplainer who can’t handle a strong, assertive woman.

What happened to all the good ones?? The last six months have brought out the absolute worst in so many men. Where are the good ones? I sure do wish they’d show themselves. They need to come out of hiding because for the life of me, I can’t find them anywhere. And, trust me, it’s all very distressing.

But, of course, you’d never be that guy, right, Sweetpea?? Until we meet… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

What Are Your Favorite Romantic Comedies?

Favorite Romantic ComediesI often wonder: What is it about our favorite romantic comedies that never fails to give us a heavy case of The Feels? The setting? The characters? That inevitable swelling scene that ends in a long, passionate kiss?

Luckily, Vogue has come to our rescue! Back in May, they ranked the 51 Best Romantic Comedies of All Time, sending hearts a-flutter around the globe. I really love how they describe the process of choosing the very best of the best…

“It’s for this reason that we had such a good time making this list, at least initially. And lots of help. People keep a special place in their heart for romantic comedies. They talk about them differently than other movies, and they like to talk about them a lot. When the call went out, we heard from writers, editors, friends, moms, therapists, bartenders, people we hadn’t talked to since high school; the list goes on. The initial gathering of candidates was great fun; the subsequent reaping less so.”

Honestly, I’m sort of in awe that they were able to get the list down to just 51 movies — a feat that seems near-impossible to my hopeless romantic heart. You all know my heart beats to the rhythm of those girl-and-boy-meet-and-fireworks-explode moments in movies.

For the record, here are four of my all-time favorites…

• Pretty Woman

• When Harry Met Sally

• Jerry Maguire

• Grease

The process of choosing was no easy task, of course, but someone has to do the hard work. After all, the fate of our weekend binge-watching depends on it! And with the long Labor Day weekend coming up, feel free to thank me! I’m pretty sure I just planned your entire weekend for you! Yes, you’re very, very, very welcome!

Favorite Romantic ComediesSo, friends, which romantic comedies are your faves? What makes them tug at your heartstrings and turns you into the heart-eyes emoji? I’d love to hear all about your picks in the comments!! xoxo

P.S. More swoon-worthy romantic movies!

[Top photo from Shakespeare In Love]

What Taylor Swift Needs to Reveal on Reputation

What Taylor Swift Needs to RevealSo! Not to be overly extra (that means dramatic, in case you didn’t know), but I practically died last week! On Wednesday at around 10 a.m., to be exact. Like, really, died-from-excitement dead. Why, you ask? Ohhh, just because a certain pop songstress announced her long-awaited return to music! And also, to use more hip lingo, get ready because Taylor Swift is poised to spill all the tea!!! Reputation, her sixth studio album, drops November 10th and is sure to give us a fresh set of anthems to belt out to our heart’s content! You all know what a hardcore, devoted fan I’ve been for nearly a decade, so here’s exactly what Taylor Swift needs to reveal on that new album…

Thoughts on the Media

If her album cover is any indication, with her name scrawled in all those newspaper headlines, T-Swift has some very choice words for the media. I mean, we all know that she’s never been one to mince words, so I’m looking forward to her telling them exactly how she feels. And, really, can you blame her? Can you imagine your every move being tracked and dissected and judged? I can’t! Heck, I feel the need to write 400+ words about the jerky mansplainer who defriended me on Facebook!

Silly Boys

This is one topic Taylor knows all too well (see what I did there?), and she’s never been one to shy away from writing about her life and experiences. After all, it’s what made her so relatable to her legion of Swifties. As a writer, I certainly know a thing or two about putting into words what happens to you. There’s power in that. And Taylor has always owner her power.

Social Commentary

OK, so this one probably won’t happen, but how cool would it be if Taylor took down a certain Trump in song? Because we all know she might have the power to do it! I can just picture his crazy tweets, can’t you? It would be downright YUGE!!!

And then last night when she debuted the music video for Look What You Made Me Do at the VMAs? Pure. Genius. Now I’ll admit, I wasn’t a huge fan of the song the first time I heard it, but seeing the story told in visual form is sort of putting it all together for me. I mean, the video opens in a cemetery, where we see the grave of Taylor’s reputation. With a Thriller-esque vibe, Taylors of years past literally claw their way out of the ground. In one of the song’s most salient lyrics, she turns philosophical, saying…

I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.
Why?
Oh, ’cause she’s dead!

Her message is loud and clear: She doesn’t live in a bubble. She knows exactly what people are saying about her. And she’s not here for any of it. The fact that she’s essentially parodying herself tells us that she’s able to make fun of herself and no one is fooling her.

I now see where she’s going with this. She’s saying goodbye to the past and undergoing a rebirth of sorts. It looks like it’s the dawning of a new Taylor Swift. She’s stronger and fiercer this time around — rising from the dead will do that to you! Get ready, world!!! xoxo

P.S. Four lessons from Taylor…

An Open Letter to Jerky McJerksters

Jerky McJerkstersEditor’s Note: This Open Letter is the culmination of several experiences I’ve had of late and is inspired by several people. Their names have been omitted for obvious reasons. Instead, I’ll merely refer to them as Jerky McJerksters. I’d say the name is appropriate, would you??

Dear Jerky McJerksters…

My, how quickly times change. Seems like it was only yesterday that I was writing in my journal about how I couldn’t wait for you to notice me, how desperately I wished I didn’t clam up every time I was around you and how I was sure we were soulmates, destined to be together forever. Oh yeah, and there was that sickening journal entry in which I literally listed all the things I could do to get your attention, like get smarter and use big words.

Like I said, it was all very sickening.

Equally sickening? This is the letter I probably should have written years ago. This is everything I’ve wanted to say — and everything I should have said years ago. Both to you and to myself — especially that 15-year-old girl who scribbled furiously in that journal.

The truth is, you may think you’re the smartest person in the world, but you don’t know the first thing about what it means to be kind. You obviously have zero regards for people’s feelings.

Let’s face it: The only times you’ve ever really interacted with me have been to show off, especially this summer. You seemed to love enlightening me on all the worldly things I obviously knew absolutely nothing about. Heck, you might even have been the original Mansplainer! But when the tables turned and I voiced an opinion? Oh, you didn’t take too well to that. At all. I guess you didn’t like me challenging you…or maybe I intimidated you? Either way, I guess you’re not used to that.

When someone is trying to be the bigger person and comes to you to apologize for any misunderstanding, don’t continue to talk down to her with a condescending attitude. Don’t try and keep “schooling” her on everything you think she doesn’t know.

Do I sound angry? I was at first — very angry and floored and just plain confused. And then I did what I always do and took a trip down the Reflection Highway. What did I find? Well, for one, maybe part of me is just really angry at myself. My gosh, did I really spend years pining after someone who wasn’t worth it in the end? All that wasted time and energy. Gone.

The reality never measured up to that fantasy I’d created in my head, and it never world. That fairy tale was just plain old fiction.

So good luck to you. I hope you’re very happy with yourself. Have fun with your life and all those big words. I’m sure you two will be very happy together.

And here’s a little life tip for you: It’s not that hard to be a decent human being. So, for heaven’s sake, just be one!

[Photo via We Heart It]

MEMO TO MEN: Please, Just Stop the Mansplaining!

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Bye-bye, Mansplainers!
DATE: July 18th, 2017

Stop the MansplainingAlright, boys, it’s time to just be really, really, really honest with you for a moment. As you might have noticed, I haven’t posted a MEMO TO MEN in quite awhile, and honestly, there’s a very good reason for that. To put it mildly: Stop the mansplaining!

Because you know what? I’m really starting to lose faith in you.

Now before you write this off as some “feminist rant,” just hear me out. It all started around the time of the November election when tensions were running on overdrive. My naive mind thought that things would settle down once the new year rolled around.

Wow, was I wrong! Things only got worse from there. I’m not sure if you all have always been out in the world (you probably have…) or if Trump’s election just normalized your behavior; either way, you seem to think this is all acceptable. FYI, it’s not. It’s deplorable and reprehensible in every possible way.

I’ve heard it all, in one disgusting diatribe after another. I was told that women have the same rights as men and that being a white male in America is a disadvantage. Oh, there was also the comment that I have to expect bullying on social media as if I was somehow asking for it. Yes, I post on Twitter all the time hoping someone will say I should be euthanized — and, yes, that actually happened. It wasn’t pretty, let me tell you!

You could claim to be the nicest gentleman in the world, but the minute you open your mouth in that condescending, rude and utterly disrespectful tone, I’m done listening to ANYTHING you have to say. In fact, I’m pretty much done with you altogether. The way I’ve seen you treat women and the fact that you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong speaks volumes about you as a person.

I’m sure you’re sitting there thinking, “However will Melissa survive without my pearls of wisdom in her life?”

Well, I hate to break it to you, but I actually do just fine on my own. I don’t need you to “enlighten me” or “explain” my experience to me, thanks. Women don’t need you explaining the ways of the world to us. We don’t need you to act like some sort of knight riding up on your horse to “save us” from what we supposedly don’t know. And we most certainly don’t need you rationalizing your sexist, misogynist behavior — you can rationalize it all you want, but the fact is it will never be right.

To the mansplainers I’ve encountered these last few months? I suppose I should just thank you. I mean, I’m glad you’ve shown your true colors now. I’m glad I’ve seen who you truly are because that was one enlightening experience I actually needed. The unfriend button on Facebook has been my BFF over the last few months and I’m grateful for that. Who needs that kind of hate taking up precious space in their timeline? Not me!

Stop the MansplainingThe bottom line: I don’t have time in my life for this kind of nonsense. For God’s sake, start by acknowledging your privilege. Don’t pretend like it doesn’t exist and don’t twist reality to somehow say that you’re the marginalized one. Open your ears and just listen to us. We might just teach you something.

[Photos via We Heart It]