We’re a whole bunch of fakes.

It’s one of the great complaints about bloggers. That we lead curated lives and create these fantastical ideals that no one could ever live up to. In a word, our lives are styled and staged to the max, and it’s reached the point where we’re doing things and trying things and going places for the sole purpose of generating blog content.

Translation: Nothing even remotely reflects reality anymore.

Well, thankfully, I can count my lucky stars that I don’t belong in that group. I recently came across a conversation about Yours Truly on a popular gossip/snark site for bloggers. Yeah, I’m sure you know the one. It’s was the sort of discovery that brings with it a certain level of elation. As in, “OK, I guess I’ve finally made it! This must be my version of an US Weekly cover!“

Anyway, their hard-researched verdict?

My life is all too boring.

Hmm. They did have a point, I think. After all, that fear does creep in every so often, like on the days when I sit at my window and watch the snow fall, and I have to wonder: What has my life become? Thank goodness for these wise, eye-opening souls who are here to enlighten me as to the error of my ways. Without them, I just might have perished into the blog oblivion. Among their other criticisms…

1. I have an overly idealized/romanticized vision of love: Wait, you mean Prince Charming is really just a fictional character? And there’s no white horse either? Gosh darn it, and to think I had my future all planned out. I was so looking forward to meeting Mr. Charming and jumping right into a story book. Wait, you mean that’s not possible either?

2. I don’t go out of the house except to go to Target or CVS: Haha, gotcha here! My drugstore of choice is actually Walgreens, not CVS. But I do see your point. I suppose I am boring. Maybe I should start staging design projects, kitchen cooking sessions and fashion shows — you know, make myself “appear” more interesting and livelier than I actually am. I mean, it doesn’t really matter if it’s true, right? It’s all about how it looks.

3. I’m stuck in my ways and I hate change: Very true! I’m mad at the world for making a full rotation every 24 hours and I’m so frustrated that the seasons change. Maybe I’ll just curl up in my house and never come out! Now there’s a thought!

4. I refuse to try online dating, which may lead to my Forever Spinster status: You’re right. I guess there are just no other options for me; all hope is officially lost. At least I have my cats and a warm blanket to keep me company during my lonely, lonely years, since everyone knows that romantic love is the only kind of love there is. There’s no other kind of love out there. If you don’t have romantic love, you’re a hopeless loser, so thanks for letting me know.

5. I would never date someone in a wheelchair/with a disability: Oh, I know, right? I can barely tolerate me. Can you imagine having to put up with another me? That would just be downright exhausting and I just don’t think I could get past that glaring wheelchair.

By now, I hope you’ve caught on to my wit and sarcasm in this post — no doubt cultivated by my many hours by myself, indoors, with my cats as my audience.

And one more thing: One of you said that you’d feel guilty starting an entire thread about me because of my disability. Well, don’t worry — there’s no need to be a superhero martyr. I’m not a China doll. In fact, I’m pretty tough. I can take it. Just don’t expect me to take it sitting down — pun intended — because I will fight back. So might I suggest that the next time you’d like to give me “life advice,” you step away from the comforts of your computer and your cutesy screen name (heyyy, Mediocre Snark Attack and Polarburr!!) and say your piece to my face. Because while you may think you slayed with your words, at least I have enough guts and self-esteem to use my name.

Who’s the superhero now?