Originally, I had planned on writing this post next week, but after Alabama’s abortion ban vote yesterday, I knew it couldn’t wait another day. Things really are that dire, and women’s lives are literally at stake here.

Late Tuesday night saw the Alabama Senate vote 25-6 to pass the country’s most restrictive abortion bill — one that contains ZERO exceptions even in cases of rape and incest. And yesterday, the state’s governor Kay Ivey signed the bill into law, cementing a future that is treacherous and all too similar to The Handmaid’s Tale.

Yes, a WOMAN governor signed that bill, a cruel twist that shouldn’t be ignored, even invoking God in her reasoning: “This legislation stands as a powerful testament to Alabamians’ deeply held belief that every life is precious and that every life is a sacred gift from God.”

Really? Every life is precious? Every life? That doesn’t seem even remotely accurate from where I and so many Americans are standing right now. And, frankly, where we have been standing for years, all the way back to the passage of the landmark Roe v. Wade in 1973 — and, to be sure, in the years before the legislation.

Make no mistake. This is a full-on war on women’s autonomy; it’s dangerous, harmful and, once again, tells women that they don’t matter. Alabama’s abortion ban further confirms what many of us have known for YEARS: Pro-life is a misnomer. If you don’t believe in protecting women’s lives, it’s past time that you stopped calling yourself pro-life. I just want to shout five words from the rooftops to the entire world…

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

Women’s rights are human rights.

This isn’t rocket science and this is something we should already know: Women are human. They’re people who deserve bodily autonomy just like men. Society likes to tell women that they should smile more while simultaneously taking away our reproductive rights, paying us less, talking over us and generally treating us as second-class citizens.

Well, guess what? Women aren’t smiling. And we shouldn’t have to, either.

I’ve also been trying to wrap my mind around Alyssa Milano’s proposed sex strike and…just no. It’s a dangerous step back for women and goes against everything women have fought so hard for. It once again reduces women to an object that can be used as a bargaining chip. It tells women that their sole purpose in being intimate is procreation — and it puts the onus on them to prevent pregnancy when men are just as responsible. Please, let’s not push this toxic, outdated narrative. It doesn’t help anyone.

The essay “Men Cause 100% of Unwanted Pregnancies” by Gabrielle Blair explains things perfectly, especially when it comes to holding men accountable: “Often, men don’t know, don’t ask, and don’t think to ask if they’ve caused a pregnancy. There are often zero consequences for men who cause unwanted pregnancies.”

What We Can Do NOW: It’s easy to feel helpless, but there are some wonderful organizations doing amazing work to help women, like Planned Parenthood and NARAL, which advocates for a woman’s right to choose. Also, The Yellowhammer Fund, part of NNAF, is based in Alabama and provides funding for abortions at the state’s three abortion clinics as well as helps eliminate economics barriers for patients, such as travel and lodging.

The Cut put together this helpful round-up with tons of other ways to get involved, and I encourage you to read and share it on social media.

I’m honestly scared of where we go from here, but let’s get something straight about what this ban is really about. It’s not about protecting life. It’s about controlling women and taking away autonomy over their own bodies. This is what Alabama said to every woman this week: You don’t matter. Your rights don’t matter. You are not a person. Conservatives want to keep their guns while women are desperately fighting to keep their bodies.

If nothing else, we must remember this: My body. My choice. My rights. We must always keep fighting against the abortion ban, friends… xoxo

[Top photo: Representative Pat Schroeder (D-CO) addresses a rally on abortion rights; Bottom photo by Marc Nozell/Flickr]

Why are people so quick to give Joe Biden a pass for making women uncomfortable?

This is the question I’ve been asking myself for the last week. Ever since Lucy Flores wrote an essay for The Cut detailing how an interaction with the former vice president at a campaign rally in 2014 left her feeling “shocked” and “confused.” Since then, a handful of other women have come forward with their own experiences of Biden’s inappropriate behavior, and one thing should be very, very clear: His behavior is not OK.

But that’s not what I’m seeing. In fact, I’m seeing the opposite, on everything from TV talk show hosts to social media comments. Instead of a swift denouncing of Biden’s behavior, I’ve heard people say things like “That’s how it was in his generation” and, far more damaging “Well, it’s not anything like what the president (Trump) has done.”

And all the while, I can’t help but think that these types of statements are completely missing the point, especially in light of the fact that Joe Biden still tops the list of 2020 Democratic candidates. It doesn’t matter how severe or not severe people think his actions were. What other politicians have or haven’t done is irrelevant. The point is, she said he made her uncomfortable.

Saying things like “he’s touchy-feely with everyone” doesn’t somehow make it OK. His actions were unwelcome and inappropriate. Period. There’s not a hierarchy when it comes to unwanted advances and crossing personal boundaries; there’s not a minimum number of boxes that must be check before someone coming forward should be taken seriously. To say that the women accusing Biden “didn’t have it as bad” as other victims of sexual assault is both minimizing their experiences and invalidating their feelings.

In her essay, Flores even says that her fear that what happened to her wasn’t severe enough was part of the reason why she didn’t plan on telling anyone: “Is it enough of a transgression if a man touches and kisses you without consent, but doesn’t rise to the level of what most people consider sexual assault?”

This is no way to think of victims. What we should be doing, instead, is listening to them. Without judgment. Without blame. And, most importantly, WITH empathy and understanding. We also can’t fall into the trap of absolving Joe Biden just because he’s “on our side.” That, too, misses the mark and does a grave disservice to the entire #MeToo movement.

Biden released a video responding to the allegations, saying, “Social norms are changing. I understand that, and I’ve heard what these women are saying. Politics to me has always been about making connections, but I will be more mindful about respecting personal space in the future. That’s my responsibility and I will meet it.”

At no point in the two-minute video did he say “I’m sorry” or even “I was wrong.” Not. Once. While an apology wouldn’t change what happened, at least it would show that Biden does regret his actions, which, right now, it doesn’t appear that he does. And, frankly, an apology without the word “sorry” isn’t really an apology at all, is it?

Allure wellness editor Rosemary Donahue echoed so much of what I’m thinking in her recent op-ed for the site. She rightfully pushes back on the idea that, no, social norms are not JUST NOW changing…

“The idea that boundaries are only just now a thing of importance, that consent is a generational thing and that personal space is ‘more important than it’s ever been,’ is ludicrous. It’s just that now, people like him — people in positions of power — may finally face consequences when they fail to respect the personal space of those who are not as powerful…I also believe his statement was sorely lacking. Yes, it’s crucial to understand that boundaries are important, and it’s good he’s decided to start listening. But boundaries and personal space have always been important…”

So, again, I ask the one question I’ve asked before: Where do we go from here? For one, we start listening and holding men accountable for their actions — both Democrats and Republicans alike. What else would you add, friends? xoxo

[Top photo by Pete Marovich for The New York Times. Bottom photo via Unsplash]

A few days ago, I was enjoying my after-dinner episode of The View, which has become one of my favorite nighttime rituals. But on this particular night, my heart sank as I watched the interview with Women’s March co-presidents Tamika Mallory and Bob Bland. By the time the interview was over, I was left with one thought: This is something I can no longer support.

The Women’s March has come under fire for being less than inclusive when it comes to disabilities, but both Mallory and Bland’s non-apology apology and refusal to condemn Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan for his history of anti-Semitic and homophobic rhetoric is downright dangerous and beyond forgivable; Mallory even overtly praised the leader on Instagram recently, calling him the “Greatest of All Time.”

Despite push-back from The View co-hosts, neither woman from the Women’s March would say outright that they condemn.

“What I will say to you is that I don’t agree with many of Minister Farrakhan’s statements,” Mallory said.

This statement is, quite simply, not enough. Not agreeing with Farrakhan’s words is not the same as condemning him. It’s saying that, yes, you still support him, and this is complicity. You are who you surround yourself with and the Women’s March has no right to call itself an inclusive organization while simultaneously endorsing hate and bigotry.

With the third Women’s March set for this weekend, Mallory’s words are having some negative consequences. Both the DNC and Southern Poverty Law Center have cut ties and will not be a part of the march.

There’s no picking and choosing here. You can’t choose to embrace some parts of someone and cast aside other parts as if they don’t exist. And it’s incredibly toxic and reprehensible when the parts you ignore are actually harming people. We’ve fought so hard and come too far to settle for “Well, he’s said some very problematic things, but he’s helped people, so it’s all OK.”

No, no, no! It’s most definitely not OK. Because the minute we choose to look the other way, we’re setting a very dangerous and slippery precedent. What if, little by little, we keep extending the boundaries of what is acceptable and what we’re willing to overlook? How far are we willing to go until we stop and say “Hold on! This is not right!”

My hope is that the Women’s March gets itself back on track and finds its way. It hurts my heart that something meant to be a beacon of hope, meant to uplift women, meant to be a powerful statement of resistance, could become so damaging to the very people it’s supposed to be championing.

I really love the way my writer friend Dorri, who has attended the Women’s March in the past, explained it…

“It’s like people saying, ‘I don’t like immigrant children being separated from their parents’ and then vote for the Republicans who are making that happen. You cannot separate Farrakhan from anti-Semitism.

I was so happy at the Women’s March. I felt like we were fighting to right the wrongs. I thought of Gloria Steinem and MLK and all of the people throughout history who have fought hard for change. But it’s so crushing that one of the Women’s March founders doesn’t see that it is despicable to be friends with an anti-Semite. It’s just more hate. I thought the Women’s March was full of good people — and it was. But I cannot align myself with them anymore because of this issue. I cannot say, ‘Well, I don’t like Anti-Semitism, but I like the Women’s March.’ Just doesn’t work for me.”

Sometimes, it’s your silence that speaks the loudest. And what the women of the Women’s March don’t say tells me all I need to know. Because in the end, aligning yourself with him IS endorsing his hate. There is absolutely no way to separate the two. That sets us all back. That makes us all lose. And that is incredibly sad and disappointing…

[Top photo by Bryan Woolston for Reuters; Illustration via Join the Uproar]