10 Answers From My Mother

On Tuesday, I posed these 10 questions to my mother in an effort to get to know her better. Her hopes. Her dreams. Her advice to my generation. And in typical Ms. Bear fashion, she wasn’t shy about unleashing her thoughts. Take a look at her answers…

1. What’s your fondest memory from childhood?
My fondest memory from childhood has to be going on a two-week vacation every summer to Pentwater, Michigan. My dad cooked pancakes every single morning! We swam until we could swim no more. There were 72 steps leading from our cabin to the beach and we were up and down them all day.

2. How has your mother influenced your life?
My mother influenced my life in every single way. She was both a role model and a friend to me. I miss her every day and I still, to this day, ask myself, “What would my mother do?”

3. Did you always want to be a mom? Why?
I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I had Melissa’s name picked out when I was still a kid myself.

4. If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be?
If I could change one thing about my past it would have to be that I would slow down and appreciate every little minute of every day. I would have put that newspaper down in the mornings when I was visiting my parents and really listened to what they had to say!

5. What is one thing you’d like to say to today’s generation?
To today’s generation…..It’s not all about you!!!

6. What’s the biggest lesson marriage taught you?
The biggest lesson marriage taught me is you have to compromise!!!

7. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done? Was it worth it?
The most adventurous thing I ever did was survive after Brian died. I never thought I could do it and I did! It was totally worth it, to reclaim my own life and carry on.

8. If you could go back to any stage of motherhood, where would you go and why?
If I could go back to any stage of motherhood (and believe me, I wouldn’t!) it would be when Melissa was 10 and Janelle 6. Wonderful family times!

9. What was your #1 fear as a new mother? Your #1 joy?
My number one fear as a new mom was that I would do something wrong. My number one joy was holding the girls as they slept.

10. What is one thing you’d like to ask your daughters?
One thing I would like to ask my daughters is, “Are you ok? Was I a good mom?“

**Response from Melissa: Ms. Bear, you are THE BEST MOM EVER!!! Don’t ever forget that. I am grateful for you each and every day! xoxo

Tip: 10 Questions For My Mother

The mother-daughter relationship is one of the most important relationships — perhaps the most important — we’ll ever have in life. It’s certainly the first connection we make, that first bond that we look to for protection.

It shapes who we are and who we become. And while it can be complicated, messy, mysterious and fun all at the same time, it’s the relationship we keep coming back to.

My mom and I have always had a very unique relationship. Some of that has to do with my disability, sure, but beyond that? We’ve just always been naturally close. I grew up wanting to be just like her, and now as an adult, she’s the first person I come to for advice. Over the years, our relationship and respect for one another has only grown deeper.

As I got to thinking about Mother’s Day this year, I was inspired by the folks at Clementine Daily, who posed 10 questions to ask your mom to get her talking. Since I have a sneaky suspicion that my mom inherited her mother’s gift for storytelling, I thought I’d come up with my own set of questions!

1. What’s your fondest memory from childhood? 

2. How has your mother influenced your life? 

3. Did you always want to be a mom? Why? 

4. If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be? 

5. What is one thing you’d like to say to today’s generation? 

6. What’s the biggest lesson marriage taught you? 

7. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done? Was it worth it? 

8. If you could go back to any stage of motherhood, where would you go and why? 

9. What was your #1 fear as a new mother? Your #1 joy? 

10. What is one thing you’d like to ask your daughters?

The plan: I’m going to have my mom answer these question and will share her answers on So About What I Said on Thursday. I encourage you to think of your own questions. You might be surprised to learn a thing or two — or at the very least, a funny or embarrassing story.

What questions would you ask your mom? What would you like her to ask you? Do you have long, lingering conversations with your mom? What’s the biggest lesson she’s taught you over the years? xoxo


P.S. More motherhood posts, including my mother’s strength, three lessons from my mother, floating above grief and an open letter to my mom,

Tip: 7 steps for feeling confident

Confession: When I first started working for the student newspaper during college, I’d sometimes have a crisis of confidence. During staff meetings, I’d look around the room at my fellow reporters and think, “What’s their secret? What do they know that I don’t? How can they possibly be so calm all the time?“

I even found my lack of confidence spilling over into my college classes. I went out to lunch with my mom after one particularly tough first day. I just knew that I was bound to fail the history of journalism.

“I can’t do this,” I told my mom, my voice breaking a little as I tried to keep it together in the restaurant.

“That’s not how I raised you,” she replied matter-of-factly. “Look at everything you’ve been through. College? You can do this!“

And I did, my mom’s words always in the back of my mind. Over the years, I’ve continued to build up a “reserve” of self-confidence. Here are the 7 steps that have worked for me…

1. Find your passion: That’s where all the confidence starts, at least for me. Once you find something you’re passionate about and start to see yourself succeeding, the entire world looks different. Maybe your inner artist is just waiting to come out or maybe your inner movie buff is itching to pen a review column. One of the best things about passions is that they can change; I like to think that my passions will grow with me over the years so there’s always room for new discoveries.

2. It’s not always about the big moments: Sure, it’s an amazing feeling when you accomplish something monumental, like landing a job promotion or seeing your work published, but don’t overlook those seemingly “insignificant” moments too. Reaching a goal, no matter the size, is something to be celebrated.

3. Shut out the critics: There will always be people who try to bring you down. Maybe they’re unhappy with themselves. Don’t let them rain on your parade.

4. Tell that inner critic to shut up: Sometimes, that person who tries to bring you down is, well, you. That voice can be deafening, can’t it? It plays with your mind like a fiddle and makes you second guess everything. It may tell you that you’re not worthy enough or pretty enough or perfect enough. Watch out! It’s easy to fall into those web of lies and believe them.

5. Fake it ’til you make it: A psychiatrist told me this while I was struggling with depression a few years ago. At the time, I didn’t believe it, but now, I can see the importance of positive thinking. Put your best face — and mindset — forward. Don’t believe me? I’ll just let one of my Pinterest board do the talking.

6. Surround yourself with positive people: Good vibes are contagious. I picture them flying around, just waiting to be scooped up. And have you ever noticed how a Debbie Downer can put you in a seriously negative funk. Happy people will make you happy. It’s as simple as that.

7. When in doubt, talk it out: Obviously, I’m a pretty big fan of this one. When it comes to working through issues, the power of talk can be an amazing tool. You could even stand in front of the mirror and compose your own Stuart Smalley speech.

The moral of today’s lesson, friends: You are enough. Don’t ever forget that. Have you struggled with self-confidence issues over the years? What have you learned? Any tips you’d like to share? We’re all here to help each other, so let’s get to sharing, shall we?!?!? xoxo

P.S. The 24-hour no-complain challenge, affirmation stones, 10 reasons your thirties is your breakout decade, 10 things you don’t owe anyone and thoughts on finding yourself.

[Photos via We Heart It]

Blogging Club: On honest writing

For our first “club meeting,” I thought we’d start at the very beginning.

Writing.

By now, you’ve probably figured out that I’m pretty big on this whole writing thing. I always have been. In fact, I don’t remember a time when writing wasn’t a fixture in my life. Front and center. It was always there — faithful and at the ready, any time I needed it. Early on, it sort of paved the way for my life and really gave me a solid foundation under my feet. At times, like after my father died, it helped me express myself when speaking the words just never seemed to be enough!

So when I came across this quote on Twitter about writing, it practically jumped through the computer screen and screamed my name. It shown brightly like a lighthouse in a dark abyss, like a rainbow at the end of a fierce storm, like… well, I’ll just let the words speak for themselves…

Great writing is not perfect; it’s real. It bleeds and leaves a trace…

Over the last six years, that’s exactly what I’ve tried to do. The truth is (no pun intended…), I’ve tried to view blogging like a mirror that I held up to myself. I’ve always wanted to be who I am and never have that be something I’m afraid of or something I feel like I have to hide. So I’ve practiced writing honestly, and now, I can’t imagine writing any other way. It’s gone from something I want to do to something I have to do. I don’t know how to write any other way than with a heavy dose of honesty.

At the very least, I hope I’ve somewhat succeeded in my efforts.

Because when you strip it all away, all those layers and those facades and the people we think we are, you’re left with those imperfect, bleeding words. We find ourselves. We find our identity. It’s those imperfections that are so beautiful. There’s a certain intangible beauty in being real and vulnerable and your authentic self. Don’t cheat yourself of that experience. You can’t put your finger on it, but you can definitely feel it. And maybe that is what makes all the difference in the world in the end.

With great power comes great responsibility. The same can be said of writing. I hope you’ll always use your power and your words for good… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Tip: On the lost art of free time

The same conversation rears its ugly head at least once a week at our house…

My mom: “Why does time seem to move so fast?“

Me: “What happened to all that free time we used to have?“

My mom: “I know! There’s no time for fun anymore!“

Said conversation typically occurs on a Sunday night when we find ourselves panicking about the coming week. Instead of feeling refreshed and relaxed from the weekend, all we can do is think about our long to-do list and all the things we didn’t get done over the last two days.

Life wasn’t always like this, after all. Even 10 years ago, I can remember being able to carve out just enough free time in my schedule to recharge my batteries whenever I needed to. I almost took it for granted that it would always be there for me whenever I needed it. Now, though, free time has become something of a scarce commodity. Maybe you feel the same way. It’s almost as if we’ve forgotten just how to take — and enjoy! — the downtime we so desperately crave.

Author Elizabeth Grace Saunders knows a thing or two about the subject, as she’s spent many hours tackling her to-do list. The result? Tasks completed, yes, but with one very heavy side effect — exhaustion. It’s during this period of exhaustion, Saunders says, that it’s important to relearn the art of free time, she says.

“This requires choosing to not feel guilty about wanting time to truly relax and be creative. If you don’t make a conscious choice for rest, you will find yourself always filling your time by ticking off items instead of giving yourself space to be in the moment—thinking, doodling, reading, musing, or doing whatever fills you creatively.”

She also gives a few strategies for achieving a new level of Zen in your life, like staying in tune with yourself, protecting time in your week and not setting an agenda. Yikes! That last one sort of scares me, but maybe it’s that fear that could be the ultimate motivator, you know?

“If you can’t think straight, start tripping over your words, have a headache, or feel agitated and annoyed at everything, it’s a sign that something is off. Instead of attempting to push through, pull back and give yourself some space. Your body knows what it needs — listen to it.”

Such amazing advice, don’t you think, friends? Let’s challenge each other to take back those little moments of free time in our lives, shall we? How do you enjoy your downtime? Do you ever feel guilty about it? How do you stop yourself from that “keep going” mentality? I’d love to hear your tips and tricks! xoxo

P.S. Words of encouragement, five things not to worry about, one simple tip for journaling and how to remember names.

[Photos via We Heart It]