What’s The Best Marriage Advice You’ve Ever Received?

A lot has been said about weddings and marriages over the years — everything from cultural values to traditions to parental advice — and it seems that each new generation brings with it a new set of Love Rules for wedded bliss. My mom has even offered her tips over the years, and I love sitting down with her and hearing her tell the stories from her own special day and her life with my father.

I recently discovered Quora, a fun crowd-sourcing site full of all sorts of questions, and someone once asked this question: What is the best marriage advice you would give? The answers were surprisingly varied and insightful, and I found myself getting lost as I scrolled and scrolled through all the responses. Because we can all use a little guidance when it comes to love, whether we’re married or not, I thought I’d share a round-up of my favorite gems. Read on and be inspired…
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“Love isn’t enough. Marry the person who brings out your best and will stand beside you at your worst.”

“I’m very excited to see my friends and family, throw this fantastic party, be a bride (my dress is amazing), but I’m most excited to marry the man I love. I’m looking most forward to our life together and growing old together, not the wedding.”

“Don’t talk, listen. It’s so frustrating when you’re talking and you know the other person is just planning his retort in his head. How can you respond if you don’t listen?”
“It is not your responsibility to change anyone but yourself. Learn to deal with this behavior or get over it. Or don’t get married. Or get divorced.”

“Be your own person. Keep your own hobbies, interests and friends. Your partner should support and encourage this, if he doesn’t, you’ll soon be resentful, angry and unhappy. This goes both ways. Let him go to his friend Pookie’s man cave to watch the game. Use the time to do something you want to do. He should reciprocate so you have time to kick Jill’s butt at tennis or read the latest issue of Wonder Woman at a Starbucks like a grownup.”

“Being married means accepting all of someone, their flaws and ugliness, not just the good parts.”

“I love my fiancé and he loves me, but I don’t want him to show me how much ear wax he just cleaned out and I won’t show him how I can pop a zit with one hand.”

What awesome advice! What would you add to the list, friends? What’s your favorite piece of love advice? If you could bestow one pearl of wisdom to the next generation, what would it be? I’d love to hear! xoxo

[Photo via We Heart It]

Love Lounge: Why Is It So Hard To Accept Compliments?

Compliments are a funny thing, aren’t they? They’re paradoxical, even. I mean, think about it: They’re supposed to be these big, positive statements that are meant to make you feel better about yourself. But more often than not, any time someone gives you a compliment, even if it’s just a simple “Great job today at that meeting,” a huge gulp forms in your throat as you struggle to smile and say “thank you.” You feel a bit uncomfortable, to say the least.

Uncomfortable. Maybe that’s the right word to best describe how compliments make us feel. So we try to counter these positive words with negative replies, as if negating what was just said will somehow diffuse what we perceive to be an awkward situation.

It’s the opposite of the humble-brag because the last thing any of us wants to do is appear vain or overly self-confident. We work hard to become masters at the Art of Downplaying, and before we know it, we can brush off every compliment that comes our way — practically with ease and the utmost of effortless calm.

It’s almost as if we’re disconnected from everything we do, like the successes we have in life happen to us rather than being the result of something we did. We’re not talented. We’re the victims of random happenstance. We couldn’t possibly be the cause of our own good fortune — yet are, of course, the reason behind every single bad thing that’s ever happened to us. We’re bystanders in our own lives.

Last month, Refinery29 wrote a great trend piece on women and compliments, noting that while women can easily dispense compliments, accepting them is a completely different story.

“Women are typically harsh critics of themselves. So accepting compliments can be difficult if a woman is not self-confident, said Dr. Amy Wechsler, a board-certified dermatologist and psychiatrist. ” Women are brought up to apologize for their intellect and to deny positive comments about themselves. I think this is slowly changing, but it’s a hard habit to break.”

I know I’m not AT ALL immune to the Compliment Conundrum, either. It’s become a knee-jerk reaction for me to scrunch up my face and shrug off the “nonsense” whenever someone says something nice about me. Even if I’m inwardly proud of myself, I don’t want to appear too boastful to the outside world. And it’s sort of weird because I’m more comfortable about being proud of myself in the company of my family, but maybe that’s just because I’m much more relaxed and open with them. Is it the absence of shame here that makes the difference?

I suppose my point is this: It’s confusing enough trying to navigate the world these days without having to make such a show and effort to fend off genuine and harmless compliments. It’s much easier — and healthy — to accept them in the spirit with which they are given. Yes, it may take work to re-wire your brain, but I’m willing to bet the end result is more than worth it. So the next time someone compliments you on your sense of humor or your know-how when it comes to presidential trivia, stand tall, hold your head high and say those two little words out loud…

“Thank you.”

You’ll be glad you did.

[Photos via We Heart It]

5 Reasons I Love Being Home Alone

In the past, I’ve waxed poetic about the joys of dining a la solo — about how I find it utterly calming, about how I don’t understand why people dread it, about how I secretly like to eavesdrop on the conversations of the people around me. It’s all just one enjoyable experience.

Well, I feel the same way about being home alone. And what’s more, I always have. I’m a natural solitary hermit by nature, so I’m sure this has something to do with it, but I’ve never been more content than when I’ve talked my mom and Janelle into running some errands, have ushered them out of the house and have a long afternoon stretched in front of me. Don’t get me wrong, I love them dearly, but a girl’s got to have her freedom. You know, let her hair down every once in awhile. I got an extended taste of that sweet life during my Carefree Bachelorette Weekend and fear I am now addicted. Here are five reasons having the house to yourself rocks in a major way…


1. You can sing at the top of your lungs: Not only is the music of choice a continuous spin of my favorite hits, but there’s no one home to tell me to stop singing! There’s no one saying, “Melissa, stop singing!” Or asking, “Melissa, do you ever stop singing?” Obviously, my answer to that last question is NO. I mean, I have to live out my pop star fantasy somehow, right? So I figure they calls for lots of singing — everything from Taylor Swift to Carrie Underwood to the Grease soundtrack.

2. The chance to be as silly (or as lazy!) as you want: The beauty of being home alone is that you don’t have to answer to anyone about your behavior, however odd it may seem. It’s a virtual free-for-all full of endless possibilities. So you want to eat Lucky Charms for lunch? Go for it. Don’t feel like combing your hair? Well, it’s not like anyone is going to see you anyway. I could even make like Tom Cruise and get wild and crazy — like his character in Risky Business, not like his infamous couch-jumping incident.

3. No one will give you a strange look when you start talking to yourself: I’m a HUGE proponent of talking to yourself when it comes to getting stuff done. Heck, I’m my own sports caster in that I can usually be heard giving a play-by-play of exactly what I’m doing when I’m doing it (thanks for passing on that lovely trait, Mom!), and I like having the freedom of being able to express my frustrations about my laptop without any glaring looks. It’s a glorious freedom unlike anything I’ve ever known, actually.

4. I can have hours of uninterrupted writing time: Too many times in the past, I’ve set myself up at the kitchen table ready to write, only to hear those sounds — the familiar creaking of the garage door, slamming of car doors and shuffling of feet. That could only mean two things. One, my mom and Janelle were home. And two, I wouldn’t be getting much more writing done for the rest of the day. But when all is quiet on the home front? That’s when the creative juices really start flowing and the real writing work can begin.


5. The TV remote: I think this one speaks for itself. There’s really no explanation needed here.

Do you enjoy being home alone, friends,or do you find it lonely? Refreshing? Intimidating? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some plotting to do… xoxo

My 10 Life Mantras For 2016

As I’m sure you know, the first day back to your usual routine after a holiday can be pretty brutal. OK, maybe brutal is a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s not far off. After all, you just got into the groove of vacation mode and just like that, you find yourself plucked from your own personal paradise.

Hello, unfriendly and unwelcome reality — it’s not nice to see you!

But that’s not the whole story. At least for me anyway. Those little things called New Year’s Resolutions? Umm, we’ve never exactly been the best of friends. Not by a long shot. I make them and then I break them. I always have the best of intentions, mind you, but something happens in the execution phase — a design flaw or something that I haven’t quite figured out yet.

Enter the Life Mantra. I’m considering this my resolution substitution this year and hoping for better results. Instead of getting hung up focusing on actionable goals, I’m declaring 2016 the Year of the Mindset. Think positively. Think happy thoughts. It’s amazing how the world around you can change just by changing your perspective. Here, I share my 10 Life Mantras for the coming year…


1. I will choose happiness, even if everyone around me is swimming in a sea of negativity; I will not be dragged down by other people’s bad moods.


2. I will (try!) to see change for what it can be: An opportunity for growth and new adventures.


3. I will not be afraid to speak my mind, tell my story and be fully comfortable in my own skin.


4. I will continue to fight against the tide of worry, reminding myself that worrying is like getting on the on-ramp of a one-way street. It doesn’t get you anywhere.


5. I will fully put work out of my mind for the entire weekend — and NOT feel the least bit guilty about it.


6. I will feel my feelings, smile when I’m happy and cry if I need to. #NoShame #CryingIsHealthy


7. I will let go of what I can’t control and embrace the uncertainty of that.


8. I will work on eliminating the “S” word from my vocabulary when it’s not warranted. #SorryNotSorry


9. I will love fiercely and unapologetically — myself, my family, my friends.


10. I will look for the extraordinary in the ordinary and the exciting in the mundane.

So, friends, is it possible to change your mind and change your life? I sure hope so. I’ve got the next 361 days to find out, and that, if you ask me, is a pretty exciting prospect. I’m so excited to get back to blogging this week and catch up. Here’s hoping your 2016 is off to a rousing, beautiful and positive start. All my love, friends! xoxo


P.S. My keyword of 2015.

[Photos via We Heart It]

Four Ways To Survive Thanksgiving With Relatives

The tableau is all too familiar by now. In fact, some may say it even borders on the cliche: Family members come together to “enjoy” a meal. After a few uncomfortable shuffles in their chairs, some awkward eye contact and clanking of silverware, the most popular topic of conversation is decided upon.

The Turkey.

Yes, he’s quite a popular fellow, apparently, inspiring awe and unifying people across politics, race, religion, etc. He can calm all that tension and fuss.

But, I’m not naive. I’m a modern girl, after all, and I do understand that these are stressful times in which we live. Even if we’re *thisclose* to our family, the holidays can no doubt be a tough time, full of unknown and surprisingly minefields — and mindfields (pun intended). We’re forced to navigate a sometimes-uncharted territory of feelings, personalities and eccentricities that, if we’re not very, very careful and delicate, could translate to one very uncomfortable and looooong day for everyone.

So! If you’d like to enjoy the Day of Thankfulness beyond the standard Turkey Talk, follow these four tips. They’ll have you wishing it was Thanksgiving every day of the year. Well, maybe not every day, but you get the idea…

1. Games, games, games: No, I’m not talking about emotional games here. Set out some classic games to play after dinner — or before, if you’re desperate — to diffuse some of that tension. We did this a couple years ago and the time just flew by!

2. Reminisce over family photos: As long as they’re not the embarrassing ones that will cause everyone to make fun of you, of course! Family history, especially those happy memories of yore, unites people. I mean, one minute your grandmother is nagging you about getting married and the next she’s back to being her adorable self, telling you about the wild trouble she’d get into during weekends at the beach with her friends in the ’50s. See? Problem solved.

3. Make the conversation a competition: It’s no secret that family can bring out the Olympic competitor in all of us, so why not make things a little more interesting? How about the first one to say something negative has to clear the table or help with the dishes? I pretty sure that will seal everyone’s lips really quickly.

4. One word…Netflix: Seriously, if all else fails, pop some popcorn, pick a movie (one that the majority agrees on…remember, no fighting, please!) and just chill on the couch. Like family photos, people become united around the television, especially when Netflix is involved. We’ve spent countless hours binge-watching shows like House of Cards, Orange Is The New Black, Damages and Bloodline. Also: Three Nostalgic Movies, 100 Best Releases on Netflix and The Best Movies of 2015. Like I said, Netflix is just the gift that keeps on giving.

There you go, friends! Now you can go bravely to those family gatherings tomorrow, knowing that you’re armed and ready with all the knowledge and armor you’ll ever need to combat any sticky family situations. What other tips would you add? What’s worked for you in the past? What hasn’t? I’d love to hear… xoxo