Yes! Lizzo Is Making Us All Feel “Good As Hell”

LizzoApparently, not everyone thinks Lizzo should feel good as hell — hi, Twitter trolls…we see you! It doesn’t matter, though, because she’s too busy feeling good as hell on the cover of Rolling Stone to even notice!

Oooooh, and don’t forget about those shiny Grammy trophies she won last night!

Following the singer tweeting that she was leaving the social media platform for awhile because of trolls, she isn’t holding anything back in her interview with the venerable music magazine. I’ve been thinking about the powerful meaning behind that Rolling Stone cover. It’s sending a message and one that the world needs to hear.

The message? That she’s #sorrynotsorry. That she’s going to exist and thrive whether you (read: trolls) like it or not. It’s as if she’s telling off the entire world and I’m here for all of it.

LizzoWe live in a world that loves to comment on people’s weight, especially when it comes to women’s bodies. And not just comment — judge, criticize, rip apart, dissect, shame and insult. And yet, we don’t criticize men’s bodies in the same way — or even at all. In fact, we openly praise the Dad Bod trend. We love Dad Bods — we’ve even said how “hot” they are on celebrities.

The double standards and hypocrisy is never-ending, it seems. I’ve been called all the names, so I feel for Lizzo. The world isn’t kind to people who live outside the lines, who don’t fit society’s definition of pretty and who dare to be unapologetically themselves. And when those people are women? Society is extra vicious, especially online.

The body-shaming that women experience just for existing is harmful and doesn’t belong in 2020. Can this please be the year that we stop with the fatphobia? Better yet, let’s stop commenting on women’s bodies altogether. Let’s stop policing their very existence.

Because here’s the thing: People like Lizzo and myself…we don’t need your approval to feel good as hell about ourselves. We didn’t ask for your approval and we don’t want it. We love our bodies and we’re proud of our bodies. And we’re going to keep loving them whether you like it or not.

LizzoWomen have the right to feel good as hell about themselves. Women have the right to celebrate their bodies. And women have the right to love themselves — just as they are. Lizzo is telling us that on the cover of Rolling Stone. Are we finally going to listen? Living well really is the best revenge and I’m here for all of Lizzo’s revenge!!!

The Oscars, Greta Gerwig and Why Little Women Is Still More Relevant Than Ever

Greta GerwigThey say that art imitates life and is a reflection of the time period in which it is created. If that’s true, then the same can certainly be said of this year’s Oscars nominations! By now, I’m sure you’ve all seen the distressing headlines about Greta Gerwig getting snubbed for Best Director in favor of all male nominees. And, as I’m sure you can also imagine, I’m not too happy about. In fact, I’m flabbergasted at the sheer irony of it all.

The snub underscores the exact themes of the movie — things like women, money and power. How women are struggling to gain footing, power and recognition in a male-dominated world. How women have to fight a million times harder just to be seen and heard. Basically, it illustrates precisely why Gerwig made Little Women in the first place.

There’s a double twist of cruel irony in the Oscars snubbing Greta Gerwig for Best Director in favor of all male nominees. Little Women itself is a film about empowered women carving out a life for themselves and pushing back against the patriarchy. Gerwig has done just that and yet she’s not being recognized for it.

Even the actors in Little Women were shocked by the snub. For example, Florence Pugh, who plays Amy, gave a brilliant quote in response…

“She’s [Greta Gerwig] literally made a film about this,” Pugh explained. “She made a film about women working and their relationship with money and their relationship with working in a man’s world. That’s literally what Little Women is about, so [this] only underlines how important it is — because it’s happening.”

Also ironically, the snub underscores the importance of Little Women’s Jo March, who is arguably the most outspoken and independent of the four March sisters

Like the rest of civilization, I sat glued to my phone to watch the much-anticipated trailer for Little Women, the latest big screen adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s classic story of four spirited sisters. While I’ve always identified with each sister’s spunky resolve, I found myself practically shouting “YES” when Jo gave her impassioned speech…

“Women, they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they’ve got ambition, and they’ve got talent, as well as beauty, and I’m so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I’m so sick of it!”

Why? Because, simply put, Jo March is the feminist hero that we need in 2020. She’s NOT HERE for any type of mansplaining nonsense!!! Yessss, Little Women couldn’t be more relevant right now!! Especially in light of things like #MeToo and women speaking up and speaking out, Little Women is shaping up to be a powerful film — far more deeper and important than the picturesque scenery and cinematography that we were treated to in the roughly two-minute trailer. She’s fierce and tough and, dare I say it, ready to unapologetically take on the patriarchy.

Greta Gerwig“Jo is a rebel, but she’s also loving and loved,” says Monica Rico, assistant professor in women’s and gender history at Wisconsin’s Lawrence University. “She shows that you can be yourself and still be accepted by those who know you best, even if you don’t fit in with social expectations.”

Indeed, as a writer, I’ve always admired Jo; in a profession where women sometimes aren’t taken seriously — this was especially true during Jo’s time — women writers are having to fight harder than men for the same jobs and accolades. But Jo dreamed of becoming a writer and wouldn’t let anything get in her way – not even a boy’s advances.

In the end, Greta Gerwig being shut out of the Best Director category shows us all how little progress we’ve made when it comes to equality and how far we still need to go. So we’ll celebrate powerful women as long as they’re just characters on film and not in real life?? Does it send the message that strong women are OK as long as they’re on film and not in real life? That’s not the message we need to be hearing in 2020. Or ever.

How Meghan McCain Talking About Her Grief Journey Shaped My Own

Meghan McCainMeghan McCain is celebrating her 35th birthday today!! Y’all know I’m a fan girl, right? Or maybe you didn’t if you’re a new blog reader? In that case, you should know that one of the highlights of the summer was going to a taping of The View!!

But it’s Meghan’s willingness to talk about the taboo subject of grief that has truly meant the most to me recently. Following the death of her father, the late Senator John McCain, she’s started a much-needed conversation by talking openly about her grief. It’s something our society doesn’t do. In fact, it’s something we actively discourage, but she gives a voice to it — to the darkness, to the pain, to the emptiness that loss leaves.

We’re told to “work through our grief” and while the intensity may change over the years, grief never fully goes away. It lingers — through holidays, anniversaries, birthdays. It’s that hole in your heart that can never be filled. And. That’s. OK.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my father and I think it’ll always be this way. One of the WORST things we can do is tell someone how to grieve. Don’t do this. You’re not being helpful and you’re just further stigmatizing grief. We need to talk more, not less.

I recently wrote about the horrible trend of ‘grief-shaming’ and it sickens me that we even have a word for this because it shouldn’t be a thing in 2019. But I’ve experienced it — people telling me to move on & get over it. People telling me to stop writing about my dad — I mean, obviously, I’m not going to stop writing about him. Ever. But, ugh ugh. We shouldn’t be getting grief from other people as we continue to do the very hard, life-changing work of processing our own grief, you know?

Anyway, here’s the piece I wrote in the hopes that people start looking at grief as a journey and not a destination…

“Grief is as individual as the person going through it. There is no right way, no one size fits all. Grief is an individual journey and no one can tell us how to do it. We must find the way that works for us and not judge others because they may grieve differently.

I’m always going to talk about my father, my grief and my journey. It’s all part of my life and my story. We each have to move through grief at our own pace and in a way that is comfortable for us.”

As Meghan herself wrote in an Instagram post shortly before the one-year anniversary of her father’s death: “Last year tomorrow, August 25th was the worst day of my life. I lost my hero. I miss my father every single day, I will for the rest of my life. Grief is omnipresent and relentless. The memory of my father’s life continues to guide me today, as it always will.”

Meghan McCainHappy birthday, Meghan McCain!! Thank you for talking about grief and being so open and honest about your journey. You’ve been a voice for so many of us who have also lost a parent. I know your dad is with you today!! Sending lots of love… xoxo

P.S. Plus, can I just say how incredibly badass Meghan McCain is? She can hold her own and I love that she’s a strong woman who doesn’t back down!!

AOC Gets a Haircut. Nancy Pelosi Stands Firm. And I’m Here For ALL of It

Nancy PelosiOK, so I’ve wanted to pitch op-eds recently about Nancy Pelosi and AOC, but, you know, time just didn’t want to be on my side for some reason — well, the usual reasons. Then I had a brilliant writer idea: Why not just write one HUGE, super-duper op-ed on the blog?

And that, friends, is how we got here, to this very post.

First, we need to talk about “the president” and his bullying tweets to Nancy Pelosi last week. Not only is this taunting disgusting, but it’s yet another example of how society views strong women who speak their minds. We call them “unhinged” and “hysterical.” When a man does it, though, we say he’s a “leader” and “passionate.”

I look at this photo and all I see is Nancy Pelosi holding her own in a room full of men who want her to “be quiet.” And the fact that she made this her cover photo on Twitter just makes her even more badass, don’t you think??

Nancy PelosiIf that incident wasn’t bad enough, not even two weeks before, the headlines practically screamed these words (I’m paraphrasing here, obviously)…

OMG, have you heard the scandalous news? AOC…got…a…haircut.

I’ve been rolling my eyes so hard over this for weeks. The criticism is absurd and just another example of the catch-22 mixed messages women face every day. Women are expected to meet these unrealistic beauty standards. Things usually go something like this…

If they DON’T meet them, they’re criticized.

If they DO meet then, they’re criticized.

Either way, women can’t win. Plus, we don’t usually see the same criticism when it comes to men and how much money they spend on haircuts or clothes or…well, virtually anything!

I mean, these mixed messages don’t just happen. We start teaching young girls that these are the values that matter, that these are the things expected of them, from a very, very young age.

Society to young women: You can be anything you want to be…

Also society: But, don’t forget to be likeable…

Why do we send young women these mixed messages?? Instead, how about we flip the script completely? How about we start saying things like this…

Girls can be tough and fierce and outspoken.

Girls can be gentle and chill and soft-spoken.

There’s no “right way” to be a girl. The greatest gift we can give them is to just let them BE. Today and always. 

Why do we insist that women be likable as if it’s some Holy Trait?? I’m pretty sure Nancy Pelosi is more concerned with doing what’s best for the country than making sure people like her. And AOC was just going about living her life and getting a haircut. This isn’t some high school popularity contest. And yet, it always seems like women are losing no matter what they say or do. What is it with these never-ending and toxic double standards. And when will they end? What if they never do?

Nancy PelosiAs for me? I recently got a haircut too!! Short hair, I soooo care! Feeling like a new woman — and literally like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Now the only thing that’s wild and unruly is my personality.

And, YES, I got a haircut. Don’t come for me…

What are your thoughts, friends? What sorts of toxic double standards have you just had enough of lately? Feel free to vent in the comments… xoxo

Sharpay Evans Deserved Better In High School Musical

Sharpay Evans Sharpay EvansVery Important Question: Did you hear about the online fervor last week over High School Musical troublemaker Sharpay Evans? Was she really the villain people made her out to be?

I’m here to tell you (along with a large portion of the internet) this hot take: Sharpay Evans deserved better. So much better.

Allow me to plead my oh-so-fabulous case!

We were introduced to the East High Wildcats in 2006 and our lives were never the same. The trilogy followed Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay and the rest of their precocious classmates living that teenage life — everything from putting on their school’s spring musicale to spending the summer working in a posh country club to, fittingly, walking across the stage on graduation day.

And while we all had our favorites (I see you Troy and Gabriella shippers out there!), you will never convince me that Sharpay Evans was ever anything other than truly BADASS. Over a decade later and she’s still the perfect tableau for our times. She’s confident. She knows what she wants. And she goes after it. If she were a man, we’d call it ambition, so why do we label Sharpay the villain? Even Ashley Tisdale, the actress who brought Sharpay to life, weighed in on her character’s redemption.

Sharpay EvansPlus…why do we have to compare her to Gabriella in the first place? The movies seem to set up this narrative that Gabriella is the perfect princess while Sharpay is the evil stepsister intent on ruining the lives of her classmates. No, full stop. Stop. Pitting. Women. Against. Each. Other. Sharpay worked incredibly hard, knew her worth and knew that she deserved to star in the musical. She tirelessly danced and sang and rehearsed; she perfected her craft and remained ever determined, yet Troy and Gabriella just waltzed in and scooped up the leads!

So I ask you: Where is the justice for Sharpay?? She was serious about her craft. She was dedicated. That’s something that should be celebrated, not painted with this brushstroke that she’s evil and manipulative.

Maybe the character of Sharpay really mirrors our times, where women aren’t supposed to be proud of ourselves (that’s seen as vain and narcissistic) or overly ambitious (that’s seen as domineering and cutthroat). Looks like this Disney musical is deeper than it looks…just like Sharpay Evans herself! After all, Evans just wanted to bop to the top! What’s wrong with a little ambition in life? She just needed a little fabulous. Is that so wrong?

Sharpay EvansWere you a fan of Sharpay when High School Musical came out? What’s your favorite song from the film, friends? Am I the only one who gets those toe-tapping gems stunk in my head for days? I mean, I’m not exactly complaining here… xoxo

P.S. Which side of Sharpay are you?