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Tuesday, January 14, 2020

My Essay on CNN Opinion: “What 61 Million Americans and I…” and Democratic Debates

Democratic debatesBy all accounts, 2019 was the Year of the Democratic Debates. Starting in June, we tuned in for five debates and listened intently as candidates outlined their platforms and plans on everything from immigration reform to gun control to healthcare. Memes even captured the best moments and trending hashtags kept the conversations going on social media.

Yet as historic as these debates were (with a record number of female candidates at the debate podiums, for example), one topic continued to be noticeably absent time and time again: Disability rights and disability inclusion.

This became the basis for my final CNN op-ed in 2019 and it was one I’d been wanting to write for quite awhile. It’s so important that the candidates start talking about their disability platforms and, thankfully, I was so glad to see them discuss disabilities during the December debate.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I outline exactly why disabled people like myself need to be part of the conversation — on the debate stage & on the campaign trail…

Indeed, people with disabilities are fierce change-makers, which is why it’s essential that they’re included in discussions surrounding the crucial 2020 election and especially included in candidates’ disability platforms. After all, we know what it feels like to be left out when it comes to policy decisions — and even worse, we know what it feels like to be harmed by those policies.

As the saying goes, the personal is political. Who I am as a person and what I’ve been through because of my disability includes politics. For disabled people, it’s impossible to separate the two because what’s happening in Washington is directly affecting our personhood every day.

What I want from Thursday’s Democratic debate is the same thing I want in all the debates and on the campaign trail: I want disabled people to be seen and I want us to be included.*

*It’s also what I want from ALL the Democratic debates…

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so I see your tweet and we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: CNN Opinion writing, Disability, Election

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

AOC Gets a Haircut. Nancy Pelosi Stands Firm. And I’m Here For ALL of It

Nancy PelosiOK, so I’ve wanted to pitch op-eds recently about Nancy Pelosi and AOC, but, you know, time just didn’t want to be on my side for some reason — well, the usual reasons. Then I had a brilliant writer idea: Why not just write one HUGE, super-duper op-ed on the blog?

And that, friends, is how we got here, to this very post.

First, we need to talk about “the president” and his bullying tweets to Nancy Pelosi last week. Not only is this taunting disgusting, but it’s yet another example of how society views strong women who speak their minds. We call them “unhinged” and “hysterical.” When a man does it, though, we say he’s a “leader” and “passionate.”

I look at this photo and all I see is Nancy Pelosi holding her own in a room full of men who want her to “be quiet.” And the fact that she made this her cover photo on Twitter just makes her even more badass, don’t you think??

Nancy PelosiIf that incident wasn’t bad enough, not even two weeks before, the headlines practically screamed these words (I’m paraphrasing here, obviously)…

OMG, have you heard the scandalous news? AOC…got…a…haircut.

I’ve been rolling my eyes so hard over this for weeks. The criticism is absurd and just another example of the catch-22 mixed messages women face every day. Women are expected to meet these unrealistic beauty standards. Things usually go something like this…

If they DON’T meet them, they’re criticized.

If they DO meet then, they’re criticized.

Either way, women can’t win. Plus, we don’t usually see the same criticism when it comes to men and how much money they spend on haircuts or clothes or…well, virtually anything!

I mean, these mixed messages don’t just happen. We start teaching young girls that these are the values that matter, that these are the things expected of them, from a very, very young age.

Society to young women: You can be anything you want to be…

Also society: But, don’t forget to be likeable…

Why do we send young women these mixed messages?? Instead, how about we flip the script completely? How about we start saying things like this…

Girls can be tough and fierce and outspoken.

Girls can be gentle and chill and soft-spoken.

There’s no “right way” to be a girl. The greatest gift we can give them is to just let them BE. Today and always. 

Why do we insist that women be likable as if it’s some Holy Trait?? I’m pretty sure Nancy Pelosi is more concerned with doing what’s best for the country than making sure people like her. And AOC was just going about living her life and getting a haircut. This isn’t some high school popularity contest. And yet, it always seems like women are losing no matter what they say or do. What is it with these never-ending and toxic double standards. And when will they end? What if they never do?

Nancy PelosiAs for me? I recently got a haircut too!! Short hair, I soooo care! Feeling like a new woman — and literally like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Now the only thing that’s wild and unruly is my personality.

And, YES, I got a haircut. Don’t come for me…

What are your thoughts, friends? What sorts of toxic double standards have you just had enough of lately? Feel free to vent in the comments… xoxo

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5 Comments Filed Under: A Woman's Word, Election, inspiring women

Monday, October 21, 2019

My Very First Speech At a Political Event

Political PoliticalPolitical Event.

Yes, you read that right, friends! Political speech, you ask? What political speech is she talking about? Since when does Melissa give political speeches?

As of last Thursday, to be exact.

The local Democratic Party asked me to give the keynote address for their annual dinner and I was beyond honored. I was excited to talk about my recent viral tweet, my career as an op-ed writer and how I’m speaking up in the age of Trump. It was my first political speech!

POLITICAL SPEECH.

In fact, that was literally the title of my speech: “Speaking Up In the Age of Trump.” And while I didn’t know what I wanted to say at first, the minute I sat down at the keyboard, the words just seem to pour out pretty quickly.

Plus, the speech itself? It wasn’t nearly as nerve-wracking as I thought it would be. Once I rolled on up to the mic, the anxiety went away!! Maybe it’s because I was channeling the great Elizabeth McCord from Madam Secretary? I mean, she can go to political battle with the best of ’em, if you ask me!

I thought I’d post the text of my speech on the blog today in case you’d like to read it…

Hello, everyone! Thanks so much for coming out tonight! I want to thank Kori and Mark for inviting me to speak here tonight. This is my first speech at a political event, but don’t worry, I’ve been binge-watching CBS’ Madam Secretary” which follows the career and life of fictional Secretary of State Elizabeth McCord, and I’ve been taking mental notes on the art of giving a good speech. I just hope I can live up to Secretary McCord’s awesomeness!

If you follow me on social media (or read The Daily Chronicle), then you know that I’ve had quite a busy month. In early September, I posted a tweet in which I stood up to some nasty internet trolls and that tweet quickly went viral. The response has been overwhelming and exciting in the very best way possible, but more than anything, the response has been completely unexpected. I didn’t think it was anything extraordinary at the time to clap back at the bullies. After all, speaking up and speaking my mind is something I’ve been doing all my life.

But let me back up a little first. I was born with Freeman-Sheldon syndrome, a genetic bone and muscular disorder; I’ve had more than 25 surgeries on my knees, hips, hands and spine and spent much of my childhood in and out of the hospital and doctors’ offices. Outside of the medical world, though, I was just me. Melissa. And I credit my parents for giving me as normal of a childhood as possible and raising me to be strong, determined and, yes, VERY outspoken.

PoliticalI’ve been a lifelong DeKalb resident – born and raised here. I graduated from DeKalb High School in 2000, got my Associates from Kishwaukee College in 2002 and then my Bachelors from NIU in 2005. It was while in school that I fell in love with writing – and, specifically, journalism. The experience I gained on both the Kish student newspaper, The Kaleidoscope, and NIU’s Northern Star was invaluable and only confirmed that, yes, journalism was indeed the career for me. In fact, I loved The Kaleidoscope so much that nearly a decade after I was a student, I came back as adviser, where I loved teaching the journalists of tomorrow the ins and outs of the business. As I always say, my job description was “to mold future Bob Woodwards” and that’s a responsibility that I never took lightly.

Although I worked as a copy editor and reporter on those college newspapers, it was op-ed writing that I loved the most. Interestingly, my mom even wrote that very thing in our family Christmas letter in 2001 – that I’ve found my niche in opinion writing.

And, boy, was she right. Since graduating college, I’ve built a career as a freelance writer with an emphasis on op-eds. I’ve written 21 op-eds for CNN as well as pieces for NYT, WaPo, WSJ, The Week, Glamour and Cosmo.

As you can imagine, the current administration has given me plenty of material to work with. In fact, it was an op-ed about Trump that inspired my viral tweet. After I wrote a CNN op-ed in August about why we should all unfollow Trump on Twitter, a conservative YouTuber mentioned me in one of his videos, calling me a “so-called journalist” – a moniker I even considered putting in my Twitter bio out of spite. I made the mistake of reading the comments on that video, even though I knew better! And sure enough, all the comments were about my appearance instead of my words. Apparently, I was fat, ugly and looked like a blob fish. The worst, though, was the comment that I should be banned from posting photos of myself.

I learned pretty early on that being a woman writer, especially one with a disability, was going to open me up to trolls on the internet. People respectfully critiquing my work has never bothered me. Instead, what’s bothered me the most is people going right for attacking my appearance; No mention of what I wrote…just making fun of how I look.

So after the op-ed went up in August and I saw those comments, I knew I wanted to respond in some way. If anything, I wanted to show those trolls that they weren’t going to get the best of me. One night in early September, I tweeted three photos of myself, along with this caption: “During the last round of trollgate, people said that I should be banned from posting photos of myself because I’m too ugly. So I’d just like to commemorate the occasion with these 3 selfies…”

It was my cheeky, defiant way of saying, “OK, you don’t want to see my face? Well, then, that’s all you’re going to see…times three!”

I wish I could say that the comments from the trolls surprised me, but, honestly, theirs is a reaction that I’ve come to expect. We have someone in the White House whose very MO is to bully, belittle and demean, especially women. He’s normalized this behavior – the behavior of a schoolyard bully – and so I think a lot of people, especially his supporters, see that and think it’s OK.

Do I think those trolls will ever see my tweet? Probably not. But maybe that’s not really the point. Maybe the point was to do it for me and for other people who experience any kind of bullying, whether online or IRL. And, WOW, have people sure responded to my tweet. I’ve heard from people all over the world – in Brazil, England, the Netherlands, Australia – and they all told me how much they relate to my tweet and how much they appreciated it.

I’m so glad that my tweet sparked a conversation because over the last month, I’m realizing more and more just how powerful speaking up can be. And that’s exactly what we need as we move closer and closer to the 2020 election. We need people to speak out – against injustice, against racism, against homophobia, against antisemitism, against the unraveling of this country at the hands of Trump.

The ideals of the flag have not held up for everyone. We continue to see this every single day and we have a duty to work toward the ideals set forth by our Founding Fathers, who I often think are rolling in their graves right now. Trump is fond of saying things are unpatriotic. Taking a knee is unpatriotic. Criticizing the government is unpatriotic. The press is unpatriotic. But the very act of protesting is about the most patriotic thing we can do as Americans; it’s what this country was founded on. In the 1700s, Colonists protested against English tyranny. Since 2016, we’ve been protesting the tyranny of Trump and his administration’s policies that are hurting so many people.

PoliticalSo often, women are told to be quiet. They shouldn’t rock the boat. They should just sit there and be likeable. Any time we see an outspoken women, we label her aggressive or mean or, in Trump’s own words “a nasty woman.” We have so many negative connotations with women who are forthright and aren’t afraid to speak their minds. Two years ago, during my first round with internet trolls, someone on Twitter even bestowed me with my very own nickname when I “dared” to push back against the patriarchy.

“You purveyor of matriarchy,” they tweeted, probably thinking that it was the greatest insult ever.

But you know what? I took it as ANYTHING but an insult. Instead, I took it as the biggest compliment I could ever receive and ran with it, even having an illustration done of me with the words “Purveyor of the Matriarchy” across the top. That illustration sits prominently as my cover photo on social media and, honestly, I couldn’t be happier or more proud to live out that title every day.

In my very first op-ed for CNN back in 2017, I wrote these words…

“There will be those people who say that I shouldn’t say anything, that I’ll never be able to change people’s minds. They’ll caution me not to rock the boat or make too big a deal of things. And to those people, I say this: What if you had said that to Susan B. Anthony during women’s suffrage or to Rosa Parks during the civil rights movement? What if you had told them they shouldn’t be so outspoken? And what if they’d listened?

We’d no doubt be living in a very different world. I shudder to think what humanity would be like, don’t you?

Because every time we choose silence over speaking up, that line of normalization widens the circle just a little, as if to say, ‘Yes, this behavior is perfectly acceptable.’”

Among the emails that came pouring in after my tweet went viral (and trust me, it was so nice to receive nice emails from people instead of the nasty emails I’ve gotten in the past), I received one just a few days ago from a woman named Jami.

“Thank you. Thank you for speaking out,” she wrote. “Thank you for your bravery and courage to speak your truth in the face of hatred and discouragement. Thank you for speaking out for those of us who are not able to.”

I was so moved by her words. They show exactly why I’ve always spoken up. And why I’ll continue to speak up.

Indeed, women who dare to make waves are powerful. And come November 2020, let’s make sure those waves are blue, blue, blue!

Seriously, though, it was such an inspiring and uplifting evening!! I was truly honored to be a part of it and see our democracy in action!

Some of you asked if I took a selfie during my big speech evening!! The answer??? OF COURSE I DID. Don’t y’all know me better than that by now?? I snapped this photo just after we arrived and tried to capture the political decor. I still can’t believe I got to do this!!

How do you get involved in our democracy and political process, friends? I’d love to hear all about it, so feel free to tell me about all the ways you’re making a difference!! I love you!! xoxo

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9 Comments Filed Under: civil rights, Election, family

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

National Voter Registration Day

National Voter Registration DayAre you registered to vote? Today is National Voter Registration Day…

We keep this prominently displayed on our fridge as a constant reminder. We can’t forget what’s at stake…

Our life depends on it 🧠

Our planet depends on it 🌎

Our future depends on it 🔮

Our freedom depends on it 🗽

Are you registered?? Be sure to check your voting status or register to vote here because now more than ever, EVERY VOTE COUNTS. We need you, friends! And the future needs you too!! xoxo

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: civil rights, Election, Inspiration

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

My Essay on CNN Opinion: “What If We All Unfollowed Trump on Twitter?”

Unfollowed TrumpImagine if we all unfollowed Trump on Twitter. What would happen??

That’s the question I posed on social media recently, after I was inspired by Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy’s eye-opening tweet in which he explains why he did just that.

Then last week, I got to explore that question more in my latest for CNN Opinion because, frankly, there was just so much to unpack here. It sounds so simple, does it? And, it may even seem small, but I had a bit of a revelation while we were in New York City. I didn’t read Trump’s tweets all week and, honestly, I didn’t know this level of blissful existence was possible. For far too long, I found myself checking his Twitter on the regular — usually daily — and my mood was really starting to feel it. Without even realizing it, I’d developed this unhealthy habit. Why did I feel so compelled to read his disgusting dribble when most of it wasn’t even true? There’s enough bullying on social media. I certainly didn’t need to seek it out myself! The more I think about it, if we ALL unfollowed Trump? That just might be the most patriotic thing we ever do.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I also explore whether it’s irresponsible, especially for me as an op-ed writer and journalist, to ignore his tweets…

I’ve found myself deep in that endless scrolling. What was he doing? What was he saying? Who was he bullying now? I looked at his Twitter not because I wanted to stay on top of current events necessarily; I just couldn’t put my phone down, in the same way that you can’t stop watching really bad reality TV for its shock value: “OMG, did he really just tweet that?” Sigh of disbelief.

Not reading Donald Trump’s words on social media would be a powerful act of collective resistance. Millions of us could be sending the message that racism, homophobia, misogyny and ableism have no place in 2019. Not in our communities. Not in our government. And not in our social media feeds.

What Trump craves is for Twitter to be his stage and for people who hang on his every word. He wants an audience. Let’s not give him one.

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

[Photo via Unsplash]

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2 Comments Filed Under: civil rights, CNN Opinion writing, Election

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So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...

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