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Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Thoughts on Being a Disability Advocate

Disability AdvocateEarlier today, I sat in the cafeteria for my usual noon lunch. Between sips of Mountain Dew, I began scrolling through social media and noticed someone had tagged me in one of their posts. She was sharing one of my CNN pieces and in her post, she called me a “disability advocate.”

Me? A disability advocate?

I know no one ever believes celebrities when they get all humble-braggy (and, YES, I’m admittedly cringing as I type this!), but I’m being 100 percent honest when I say that I’ve never thought of myself as a disability advocate. I mean, I’m disabled (obviously!), but to be called an advocate is pretty massive. I’m not so sure I’m deserving of that title in the grand scheme of things because there are SO many amazing people in the disability community who are making a positive impact every day.

A fellow writer interviewed me recently for an article she was writing on incorporating your disability into your personal brand. Such an interesting subject, don’t you think? Honestly, I’m not really sure that I ever made a conscious choice to have my disability be part of my personal brand. My disability is such a part of who I am, so I think it’s only natural that it would be a part of my writing and brand too. My life with a disability and disability issues are two of the main things I write about, in addition to relationships and pop culture. But at the same time, the those three areas (relationships, disabilities and pop culture) are all intertwined because I’ve written relationship pieces that looked at the disability angle and pop culture pieces that looked at disability issues within pop culture. So basically, my disability does permeate many aspects of my life, so the fact that it’s a huge part of my brand isn’t surprising at all.

From the beginning, it was really important for me to find my niche as a writer. I’ve also blogged for almost 10 years and I’ve blogged extensively about my life with a disability. Being so open and vulnerable in sharing my story has helped me grow an audience. I’ve gotten emails from readers who told me that I helped them see things in a different way or let them know they’re not alone. And I’ve even connected with companies who are doing great things for the disability community and it was an honor to be able to write about those companies on my blog and raise awareness when it comes to disability issues that are often overlooked.

My disability is a part of my identity — there’s no denying that or getting around it. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t exist — for one thing, my red wheelchair gives me away right away! So if I can represent the disability community, it’s really important to me that I be a positive voice. There are so many negative stereotypes about people with disabilities and I hope I can shatter even just some of those stereotypes through my writing.

It’s actually incredibly cathartic to write so much about my disability. As much as I write for other people, writing about my disability has also helped me process so much and come to terms with my disability and the role it plays in my life. I also hope people with disabilities see my story and think “if she can do it, I can do it!”

Disability AdvocateMy advice? Everyone has to do what they feel comfortable doing. The important thing is to be yourself; that’s really what branding is all about, so I think it’s important to inject some part of your identity into your brand. Don’t try to pretend to be someone you’re not because people will pick up on that right away. Be authentic and genuine — that’s really what people are drawn to at the end of the day. I think that’s part of the reason people identify and relate to my blog so much. You can’t go wrong when you’re just being yourself!

There’s power in sharing a piece of yourself, and that’s been one of the most rewarding parts of my writing journey over the years! xoxo

[Photos via Unsplash]

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2 Comments Filed Under: Disability, Reader Mail, work

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Inspiring Letters From Readers

It’s no secret that I was a bit afraid once my first piece went live on Cosmo last month. Granted, I’m not the least bit apprehensive about putting it all out there on So About What I Said because I’m so proud of the safe and positive space we’ve created here — and, yes, of course I say “we” because you’ve all been such an integral part of shaping this blog and making it what it is today.

Anyway, back to those uneasy feelings. It’s one thing to put my feelings here, which is something I’ll never stop doing, but it’s quite another to send your thoughts and story out into the world without knowing how they’ll be received.

Thankfully, there were only a few nasty comments about my essay (tip: Reading Facebook comments is never a good idea), but what really touched me were the emails I received from readers. Many wrote to say that they could identify with my story. I’ve always felt so different because of my disability, so to hear that maybe I’m not so different after all was such a joy. I asked a few readers if I could share their words, and they were game! Here are their inspiring words…

–“It was really inspiring to read your article on Cosmo. I have a brother with a disability who often thinks the exact same thing. He is amazing and I’m sure that you are too! Your disability doesn’t make you imperfect; if anything, it makes people even more beautiful! I just wanted to thank you for telling your story because it was really special to hear! I know that it can be really hard not to listen to the voice in your head, but please don’t because I know you have inspired so many people and that a physical disability will never make somebody not beautiful!”


–“I just wanted to tell you that your article on cosmopolitan.com was amazing. I don’t have a disability, but I’m overweight and wanting to be loved by others has been a lifelong battle for me. I think your beauty is something you should be proud of. You’re beautiful inside and out. I hope you find someone who enhances all the great qualities you have. You are such an amazing, inspiring and beautiful person. Thank you for sharing your story.”


–“I am so proud of you. Even before you wrote for Cosmo, I was going to write you and tell you that you were doing so great. I know it is not easy being disabled; in fact, it’s a hard fact but should not be used to define us. We are proud women and proud women stand up and take the challenge. It’s not the hand that was dealt to us, but what we do with it that matters. A lot. All this crap about leaving the house and finding a man is just so many bubbles in the wind. You would make ANY man proud. You are honest with your feelings and know yourself, and not many women can say that. You hug yourself because if I were there, I would be hugging you!”

Thank you, everyone!! I just felt like giving the world a gigantic fist pump after reading their messages; I even saved them for those days when Anonymous decides to make his next appearance.

What’s on your mind these days, friends? Happy? Sad? Stressed? All of the above? You know my inbox is always open, so email me sometime! My email is mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat, OK? LOVE YOU ALL… xoxo

[Photo via We Heart It]

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: Disability, Inspiration, inspiring women, My Other Freelance Writing, Reader Mail, Uncategorized, Wise Words From Readers, work

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Wise words from a reader: On standing up to fear

One of the things I love most about blogging is opening my inbox and reading so many wonderful and honest and inspiring emails from you, friends! It’s one of my favorite parts of the day. A couple months ago, I received an email from reader Elinor, who wrote these encouraging words…
 
As a mother of three girls, I was really drawn to your story of Stephen and unrequited love, as well as what you described as your chickening out. I think most people get caught up in all their drama over desired love and failed love. I certainly have. I’ve been in love three times, married twice, divorced once and widowed once. I have felt abandoned by love and rightly so. I have cried and complained about my circumstances. I have wondered what is wrong with me to make me so easy to leave behind. Poor poor pitiful me! Your piece about never having been on a date really opened my eyes. While I have been disappointed by love and left behind for someone else, I have had the great privilege of walking through love with someone. Three times. It is a gift and one I sincerely hope you will have when you meet the right someone, and maybe it is Stephen, who will see you first for the person you are inside and not for what they can see on the outside. And I hope you will not let fear stand in your way. On some level, we all must be able to look past the outside to see who the other person really is.
 
Thank you SO much, Elinor! It’s nice to hear that I’m not alone and not the only one who sometimes becomes overwhelmed by our own fear. Do you agree, friends? xoxo

P.S. As always, I’d love to hear from you! I’d love do another round of the Behind The Blog series and would LOVE to interview you!! Feel free to email me (mellow1422 [at] aol)!! My inbox is always open!

[Photo via We Heart It]

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3 Comments Filed Under: Crush Boy, irrational fears, Love Lessons, Reader Love, Reader Mail, Uncategorized, wise words from a reader, Word of Wisdom

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Wise words from a reader

This week has been an unbelievably exciting one, friends. After my newest xoJane piece was published, I received several emails from readers. They all touched me, naturally, but what I wasn’t expecting was for people to identify so strongly with my words and with my story. Thanks to readers like Nazanin, I learned a valuable lesson. Nazanin writes…

I feel the cage you have built for yourself. A line you’ve drawn and decided you can’t cross it. We have all drawn these lines in our lives. We have made decisions about ourselves and gave meaning to them and stayed committed and faithful to them- waiting for someone to set us free from those barriers, ignoring that it was us that built them on the first place. You are right..who are you to deserve Stephen? You deserve someone who deserves you. May them be Stephen or someone else. First, believe in your self worth. Establish how much you want to be valued and then ask the world for it.

Thank you, Nazanin, for such a great nugget of advice. I was just talking with my friend Claire about this the other day. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a rut, where we trick ourselves into believing that we are — without a doubt — the only people on the planet who have ever felt the way we feel or have experienced what we have. I’ve felt like that for such a long time. But like Claire said, we all have our own issues that we bring to the table when it comes to relationships. So maybe it’s about learning to integrate them into our lives as opposed to trying desperately to push them out of our lives. What do you think, friends? xoxo

[Photos via Le Love]

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9 Comments Filed Under: Disability, Love Lessons, Reader Mail, Uncategorized, xoJane, xoJane writing

Thursday, August 5, 2010

MEMO TO MEN: Disability Love.

TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Disability Love
DATE: August 5, 2010

Hello, boys. I received this note from a reader a few days ago, and I immediately thought of you. In a good way, don’t worry. I think this reader makes a point, don’t you?

I think you should love your disability; it makes you who you are. Any guy would be lucky to have you, trust me. You’ll find a guy that loves how you’re beautiful on the outside and inside.

Oh, and I’d love to have some of you submit some questions to me for my upcoming video blog Q&A! Go for it! xoxo

[Photo via Le Love]

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5 Comments Filed Under: Disability, Memo To Men, Reader Mail, Uncategorized

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So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...

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