An Ode To Willy Wonka

We all remember when we saw Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory for the first time. The candy-coated world was the perfect playground for our childhood, full of excitement at every turn and an everlasting supply of Everlasting Gobstoppers.

I couldn’t have been more than 6 or 7 when I was introduced to that wonderful world. It was like nothing I’d ever seen before, and I immediately identified with Charlie Bucket. He was innocent, wide-eyed and curious about the world around him. I remember watching The Candyman scene on repeat as a gigantic smile formed across my face. There’s never been a movie character as happy as Charlie when he won that golden ticket and the life-changing tour of Willy Wonka’s factory. Charlie loved life and he loved his family, and in turn, we all loved him for that. He represented all the happiness in our little souls. A few of my favorite Wonka-isms…

–“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.”

–“So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.”

–“So shines a good deed in a weary world.”

–“If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world… there’s nothing to it.”

–“There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you’ll be free if you truly wish to be.”

So I was heartbroken over Gene Wilder’s death this week. The man who brought Mr. Wonka to life was a larger-than-life figure to a generation, bringing both adults and children such joy and happy memories. With him, anything was possible, any dream attainable and every star reachable.

Thank you, Mr. Wilder, for all the wonderful memories! You truly were one of a kind.


Were you obsessed with Willy Wonka as a kid? Did you have a favorite character? And, doesn’t the film just take you back to your childhood…every single time??? xoxo

My Father’s Suicide: Searching For a Sign

I’ve never considered myself an overtly religious person. It’s not that I begrudge other people of their beliefs; it’s just that I’ve never really had a clear sense of what my own beliefs actually were. I have a pretty strong moral compass, sure, but things like God and prayer have never really come easily to me.

That’s not to say that I don’t wonder about it all. Because I do. It’s something I’ve wondered about a lot since my father died.

I’m always hearing these stories about people who receive all these sorts of signs from their departed loved ones. Eerie coincidences. Ghostly occurrences. Even, in extreme cases, visions. It was all so comforting to them and seemed to bring them so much peace. They weren’t frightened or scared; they truly felt their loved one’s presence at the exact time they needed it.

But I haven’t really felt my father’s presence at all. Not in any sort of way that matters, at least. There have been a few times where the lights have flickered, but that’s it. It’s never been anything more than that. For all intents and purposes, it’s like he’s disappeared from my life. And that hurts more than I probably want to admit. Where is he? Where did he go? I want to feel like he’s with me and that there’s still that connection there because sometimes, it starts to feel like there’s nothing left at all. It would be unbelievably comforting to get some sort of sign from him.

It’s not like I haven’t been looking because I have been — all over the place, actually. I look for him in that way you look for someone that you desperately miss — you look for any sign of them, even in the most random of places. I know looking probably won’t turn up anything, but that doesn’t stop me from keeping my eyes peeled all the time. And honestly, my eyes are growing very tired. They need to rest.

Or maybe I need to rest. It can be hard to tell the difference between the two sometimes. All I know is that I miss my father. And I wish I felt him with me more than I do right now.

[Photo via We Heart It]

Love Lounge: Thoughts on Broken Hearts

I know I must sound like a broken record about this subject, always prattling on and on about it, but I feel the need to vent about it today. I’ve just had all these questions swirling in my head lately, and frankly, they’re starting to over stay their welcome. It’s not the type of questions like, “What do I want in a relationship?” or “Why is he being so stupid?” I know the answers to those questions. My real, soul-searching question…

Can your heart break when it’s never even been broken in the first place?

I know, it sounds like some cheesy country ballad, but just hear me out for a hot second. I want love. I want that passion that comes with finding The One and even though I haven’t found said One yet, my heart still feels broken sometimes. Does that make any kind of sense? Is it some kind of preemptive strike, a way of shielding my own heart from letting anyone else reach it or even get close to it?

If I’m being honest (and let’s face it, when am I NOT honest on this blog??), guys have succeeded in breaking my heart in the past, even if they weren’t aware of it. There have been guys who have found their way into my heart and pretty much just took up residence there. To their credit, I’m pretty sure all of this was in no way intentional; heck, they probably had no idea that they were having such an effect on me, but alas, the emotions were intense. They ran rampant. On my end, at least. And yet, there was really no justifiable reason to feel like my heart was shattering into a million tiny shards of glass — what had these guys even done to me? Nothing, really. I’m the one who got attached, probably too attached, too soon, and I was probably thinking with my heart more than with my head — you all know that I have a tendency to do that on occasion.

From the outside, it looks like my heart is full and perfectly intact, and on most days, it is. But there are certainly other days when that protective shield isn’t so, well, shield-y. It’s on days like this that the “flaws” begin to peek through. Because in my heart — and probably in everyone’s heart, for that matter? There are cracks. There are scars. And there are bruises that may never heal, no matter how much time has passed. Maybe every beat of my heart has a story to tell, a past that made it what it is today. Does that make any sort of sense?

I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m listening to Sheriff’s “When I’m With You” on repeat as I type this — seriously, I can feel the beginnings of little teardrops forming in my eyes. Must. Not. Cry.

That’s what I tell myself, at least, about the whole crying thing. It works well some days and not-so-well on other days. It’s a work-in-progress, though, and I’m sure that has to count for something…right?

So, friends, where do you fall on this issue? Can your heart break even when it feels invisible to those around you? Has this ever happened to you? How did you deal with it? Can we commiserate together, please?? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Tuesday Tunes: Rod Stewart’s “Forever Young”

Editor’s Note: Song lyrics denoted in bold italics.

Growing up, my sister and I would go through these music phases. We went through a Beatles phase. Then a Simon & Garfunkel phase. There was even a Partridge Family obsession, though that one was pretty much all me.

As we got a bit older, we refined our tastes a bit, and pretty soon, we were obsessed with a certain British musician. He seemed hip and worldly, like he’d seen life and really experienced it, you know? Not to mention the fact that he wasn’t afraid to be himself. It was all quite intoxicating, to say the least.

Rod Stewart’s “Forever Young”
From Out of Order

It’s funny because I hadn’t thought of Mr. Stewart for several years. The more I thought about that song, the more the lyrics just kept looping through my mind. Honestly, the song perfectly encapsulates so much about my life and who I am; it’s easy to see how much of a theme it is for my life. The perfect new theme song? I think so.

On the way home from lunch on my birthday, we heard “Forever Young” on the radio and I realized I’d found a new theme song. That’s how I want to live my life — maybe it was a message from my father? Either way, it was the perfect end to a really great day!!!

May the good Lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you’re far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you’d have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you’ll always stay
Forever Young, Forever Young
Forever Young, Forever Young

Maybe I was just overly emotional with it being my birthday and all, but as I sat there in the backseat of our car, those words just cut me like a knife. It was like all these conversations I always thought I’d have with my father. Only now, I’ll never get to have those conversations. For so long, I thought about all the things I’d say to him if I had the chance, but I never gave much thought to all the things he might want to tell me. Maybe part of that had to do with my anger, but as that anger disappears, my perspective seems to be changing as well.


May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

I can just picture my father giving me all sorts of advice, just like he used to. He was always so fond of telling stories and imparting wisdom, and I miss his presence so much, looking over my shoulder and encouraging me onward. He was, as you can probably guess, the ultimate cheerleader.


And when you finally fly away
I’ll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose
I’m right behind you, win or lose

Because, really, there’s just so much I want to chat with him about — so many questions about life and what to do and if he’d be proud of me. Those moments are never going to happen, so maybe, in a sense, that’s what I’m mourning. The loss of those future father-daughter talks. And trust me, my father could talk your ear off. About anything and everything, actually. I think that’s where I get my chit-chatty nature from because I’ve been known to talk a blue streak, obviously.

In the end, I like to think that the words of the song are what my father would want for me. I like to think that this is the sort of wisdom he’d pass down to me. And I like to think that he’d be proud of the woman I’ve become. So be sure to hug your father today. After all, don’t you think he deserves it?

Love Lounge: Are You Addicted To ‘The Chase’?

They say the only thing worse than not getting it is getting it. I don’t think they were referring to love and relationships, but I’d venture to say that the same logic applies. We want to believe that what we want is, well, what we want, but is it? Really?

Now, by The Chase, I’m not talking about all that physical hanky-panky. You all know that I’m too much of a prude to be concerned with something like that. I’m talking more about those intellectual mind games that seem to keep us on our toes. I mean, it’s all sort of intoxicating, isn’t it? The way you can throw word zingers around with someone to the point where you’ve elevated it to an art form. You know, that back-and-forth cat and mouse game. You give a little. You pull back a little. You send flirty texts and analyze every text you get in return. You even doodle his initials in the margins of your notebook. What? That’s just me? Oh, c’mon, like you haven’t done it millions of times!

I never thought I’d be one to get all wrapped up in The Chase, but the more I thought about it? Oh my gosh, that’s SO me. Just take my roller coaster ride with Crush Boy, for instance: Liked him for some 13 years, used my powers to get him to notice me, he notices me, asks me to hang out and I — gulp! — turn down his invitation. Shocker, right? You’d think I would have been jumping up and down like a preteen who just won tickets to a One Direction concert, but instead, I got scared and hightailed it the other way. I’m a woman of contradictions, apparently; I say I want nothing more than to find The One, but I flee at the first inkling of reciprocated feelings. I suppose it could have something to do with the fact that I don’t have a whole lot of experience in the dating department, but how am I ever going to get that experience if I’m running away all the time?

I guess saying something and actually getting it are two very different things.

So! What exactly is it that we’re so afraid of?? Fear of commitment? Fear of the unknown? Fear of losing our independence? Fear of having to give up your Friday night Netflix and chill plans? Or maybe we’re more scared of reality not living up to the elaborate fantasy we’ve created in our minds.

Thankfully, I’m not the only one who grapples with these worldly thoughts. In her Thought Catalog essay, Heidi Priebe examines the thrill she gets from pursuing people relentlessly…

I like being someone who isn’t afraid to tirelessly pursue the people who entice me. I like the shock value of being someone who asks and asserts what I want directly, in a world full of people who are timidly guarding their true desires. I enjoy the way it catches people off guard and unhinges them – pulls them into a space where they’re exhilarated by the opportunity to drop their own defenses and explore what they’ve been hiding for so long. 

You learn the tricks of eliciting intimacy and it becomes somewhat of a fixation.

You see, I find people compelling – almost intoxicatingly so. I want to know what they’re guarding, what they’re holding back from sharing, what they’re clasping onto so desperately that they’ll go to almost any measure to keep from revealing. I become easily obsessed with secrets and half-truths and mysteries. I feel the obsessive, unyielding need to uncover more and it’s becoming impossible to shake.

The Chase? Yeah, it’s a thrilling game, no doubt, but maybe that’s all it really is in the end. A fun little distraction from real life that we happily indulge in until we reach the finish line. By that time, we’re bored. Or maybe I’m just being pessimistic. Maybe I just don’t want to give up my quality Netflix and chill time…

What’s the verdict, friends? Is The Chase dazzling or just plain dangerous? Can you ever get out of that pattern once you’re in it? Thoughts? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]