My disability Q&A: On following your dreams

What advice would you give to high school students with various about following their dreams?
The most important advice I’d give them is to find something that they’re passionate about. Whether it’s sports or painting or volunteering, find what you’re good at and do it. You’d be surprised what you can do when you put your mind to it. Plus, if you’re going after something you love doing, it doesn’t feel like work at all. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. No one can do everything by themselves and there’s no shame in asking for help. I credit much of my independence to my parents, who taught me never to let my disability define me. It may have been a factor, yes, but it was only one piece of the puzzle.

Have you had to adapt or make any accommodations to reach your goals?
I couldn’t go away to college, but at the same time, I never really wanted to. I’m sure accommodations could have been made, but I felt more comfortable staying close to home.

What would you say to students who feel there are impassable roadblocks to their dreams?
Everyone — disabled or not — has something that they feel is an impassable obstacle when it comes to their dreams. And sure, there are just some things I’ll never do, like become a ballerina or an MVP basketball player, but so what? I’ve found something I love to do, and that’s the key to it. Everyone has a passion, so find yours and be determined to make it happen. It takes work, but you’d be amazed what you can do when you put your mind to it.

Some students may feel like they can’t be independent or have any personal responsibility especially if they require assistance in daily living tasks. What is your opinion on this?
Oh, I’ve definitely struggled with this in the past. Whether I like it or not, there are just some things I’ll always need help with — bathing, getting dresses, meal prep, etc. I used to look at my friends and think they were “so farther along” than I was was and that they were so much more independent than I was. But it’s something that I can’t change, so I can either obsess over it or realize that it’s just something I need help with. Everyone has things they need help with, and those are my things.

What type of personal goals do you set for yourself relating to your blog or to your life in general?
Well, one of my big on-going goals is to continue to be as independent as possible; I’m a lot more independent than, say, 10 years ago. Also relating to life in general, I continue to work through my grief following my father’s suicide in 2003. That’s taught me so much, like the fragility of everything and the importance of love, family and happiness. As for my blog/writing, I’d love to start pitching to magazines again — I haven’t done that in a few years and would love to be published again. I’d love to see my blog continue to grow and perhaps introduce some new columns into the mix.

Catch up on Parts I and II, and look for the last installment next week, friends. And as always, if you ever have any questions or if there’s something you’d like to see on So About What I Said, feel free to email me ANY TIME!!! I LOVE hearing from you!!! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Let’s talk napping!

Are you a napper? I never have been and am always jealous of those who can magically go to dreamland whenever and wherever their head hits the pillow. In fact, now that I think about it, the only time I ever sleep during the day is if I’m sidelined by the flu or some other annoying illness. My cousin Mona, on the other hand, is a Master Napper (and yes, I just coined that awesome phrase…). She can catch some Zzzzzz in the middle of the afternoon and wake up totally refreshed. I’m beginning to think that there’s some sort of art to napping — or at the very least, I never inherited the napping gene.

But! We’ve heard for years that napping is good for us. “The United States appears to be becoming more and more sleep deprived,” according to the National Sleep Foundation. “And it may be our busy lifestyle that keeps us from napping. While naps do not necessarily make up for inadequate or poor quality nighttime sleep, a short nap of 20-30 minutes can help to improve mood, alertness and performance.”

Still not convinced? Maybe these six nap facts will help…

*There are three basic nap styles: Planned napping, emergency napping and habitual napping.

*Naps are most beneficial when they’re taken with intention. You choose the nap. The nap does not choose you.

*Short naps can be just as effective and rejuvenating as longer ones.

*Research has shown that the Ultra-Short Sleep Episode (just SIX minutes long!) aids our ability to recall facts and knowledge.

*Some companies, realizing the benefits of napping, have even begun to set up “sleep spaces” to allow workers to take a nap on the job. For example, MetroNaps has installed sleeping pods for companies like Google and Huffington Post.

*And, sorry, coffee lovers: Research has shown that naps are better than caffeine when it comes to improving verbal memory, motor skills and perceptual learning!

Well, are you sleepy yet, friends? Are you a napper? What kind are you? Any napping rituals — or are those not even a thing? Enlighten this napping newbie, please! HAHA! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

One simple tip for journaling

What are you journaling about these days, friends? Sometimes, I swear I was a historian in a past life. Back in the day when I kept a journal the old-fashioned way, I was obsessed with sharing every single little detail. What restaurants we went to. What I ordered. What hotels we stayed at while on vacation. How many of said hotels had indoor pools.

In fact, it sort of became a running joke in my family. Anytime my mom was trying to remember something, she’d say, “Melissa, check your journal for me!”

Well, it looks like I’m ahead of a trend! It looks like those mundane moments aren’t so mundane after all, according to new research from Harvard Business School. Ting Zhang, a doctoral candidate and lead author of the four-part study published in Psychological Science, looked at the inherent “unexpected value of rediscovery.” She took 135 undergraduates and had them create time capsules, full of things like their most recent conversation, their most recent social outing, three songs they had just listened to, a photo they had recently taken and a recent Facebook status they had posted. The students also rated how interested they thought they’d be about seeing this time capsule in the future — the average rating was a three out of seven. Fast-forward three months, and the students answer the same question before opening their time capsules — the average had jumped to a 4.34.

The Atlantic writer Cody C. Delistraty put this theory to the test during a family car trip over the holidays. His plan of attack was perfect…

I had five days with my family over Christmas and each day I spent 10 minutes writing about what we had done—what I had seen, eaten, touched, and smelled—and then collected an object to mark the day. When we went to the movies I brought home my ticket stub. When we went to a seafood restaurant I brought home a dolphin figurine that came with our bill. After we opened gifts on Christmas morning, I saved a swatch of wrapping paper to remember not just the gifts but the pleasure of opening them.

I also love how he describes these seemingly mundane events becoming part of his identity — something that he will carry with him long after he’s thrown away the mementos from those mundane days…

Surely, I will throw these items away some time or another. I can’t hoard trinkets forever. But I want to wait to revisit them after I have forgotten the moments they represent. Within the year my grandparents will likely move to an assisted living home. My father, brother, and I will no longer make the cross-state car trip. I won’t see Tuesday morning movies featuring “Cary” and “Bogey” at the Galaxy Multiplex with my grandparents. The family won’t sit around in the living room eating cinnamon rolls and talking while my grandfather adjusts his hearing aid and tells everyone to quiet down when Meet the Press comes on.

YES!! This is definitely one of the 65621551845 things I love about blogging. Even blogging about those little things is an act of making a memory, you know? It’s creating something that I can look back on years from now and think, “Wow, it feels like that was only yesterday!”

Do you do something like this in your own life, friends? Scrapbooking is another activity that comes to mind as a good way of capturing life’s mundane magic! Get out there and start creating, friends! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Tip: 10 Things You Don’t Owe Anyone

Let’s face it: We live in a “yes” culture. A “should” culture, if you will. “No” is a horrible word, something we must never, ever utter — we must never say it to people for fear of a heavy dose of side-eye and possible whispers or gossip.

But that sort of life can end up being exhausting, can’t it? Before you know it, you’re saying “yes” so often that you feel like you’re living life on auto-pilot — or at the very least, you feel like the Energizer bunny who is merely going through the motions. In a word: It’s most definitely not fun. And in no way is it any sort of way to live. Because in trying to be everything to everyone, you’ve neglected the person who’s most important…

YOU.

You’re putting yourself last in everything, and honestly, it’s not fair — to you or anyone. Now, this isn’t to say that you should neglect your obligations or the people around you. I’ll be the first to say that there are just some things you have to do in life — paying bills is one that comes to mind, for examples — but other things? Well, there are some things you just don’t owe anyone. Period. Here are 10 of my favorites…

1. How close you are with your family: There’s nothing better than being surrounded by the ones you love, so why should that be something you have to apologize for or explain?

2. Where you are in your career: Now, assuming you’re not involved in any sort of illegal activity or job, if you love your job, embrace it. Life is too short to be doing something you hate for eight hours a day.

3. Why you’re single, divorced, don’t have kids, etc.: You know the awkward question — the one that inevitably comes up at every family get together and makes you blush about a million shades of red. Well, STOP blushing! Hold your head high and be proud of where you are because that’s all that really matters in the end.

4. Your choice of music: Case in point — I’ve been on a country kick for the last few years. My mom and sister constantly tease me about it. Do I care? Heck no — I just turn up the music!! :)

5. Your priorities in life: So maybe some of your friends have aspirations of moving to Europe and go on grand adventures. But your biggest goal right now is just to enjoy each day and be happy. Don’t ever give anyone the power to make you feel like your dream matters any less.

6. Your introvert personality: I’ve never been the type who loves to go out on a Friday night; I’d much rather enjoy a quiet night in. And that’s OK. I simply like a lot of alone time, while others I know would much rather spend their time around people.

7. Your scars: These could be both literal and metaphorical. I have a constellation of surgical scars and I’ve learned to embrace them; they’re nothing to be ashamed of and have helped me become the person I am today.

8. An apology for your singing voice: Enter that karaoke contest, even if it’s just for fun, and sing loud and proud!

9. Saying “It’s OK” when it’s really not: If someone hurt your feelings, it’s OK to say so and not back peddle. I can be easy to just brush things off to avoid conflict, but that doesn’t really solve anything in the long run, does it?

10. Having the second piece of pie: Everyone should be able to experience the wonderful goodness that is pie. Fully and without judgment.

Anything you’d add to this list, friends? Have you ever had that “Ah-ha!” moment when you realize you don’t owe anyone an explanation? How did it make you feel? Freeing? I’d love to hear! xoxo

P.S. 10 (fun!) things it’s OK to obsess over, 10 reasons your thirties is your breakout decade and 10 upsides of the common cold. :)

[Photos via We Heart It]

So About What I Said: Reader Feedback Survey 2015

When we celebrated So About What I Said’s fifth anniversary back in 2013, I included a blog survey, and I can’t emphasize enough just how helpful all your thoughts and ideas were. After all, you’ve been on this amazing blog journey with me and have helped make So About What I Said the wonderful community it is today.

With that in mind, I’d like to start doing these surveys every year. It’ll help me get a sense of what you love, what you could do without and any other questions you may have for me. Maybe you love my disability talk or following my budding fashion obsession. Or maybe you could do without all my bossiness when it comes to love (thanks, Mom!). Whatever it is, I WANT TO HEAR IT ALL!!!

I’ve created a 10-question survey and would love your input. You can take the survey here, and I’ve also embedded it below…


And just like last time, there’s a prize involved!! After you take the survey, leave a comment below and you’ll be entered to win a free month of ad space! It’s the perfect chance to promote your blog, Etsy shop or brand.

So, take the survey between now and February 1st, and don’t forget to let me know you did so below. Thanks again for everything, friends, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts! xoxo