Guy Talk: On the popularity of geeks

Yesterday, I shared a woman’s perspective on geek culture, and today, I’m excited to hear the male point of view. Mark Brooks is an online dating expert and writes a weekly dating column. He answers some very important, need-to-know questions below…

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Why have geeks suddenly gained such credibility now?
In the past, there’s been a stigma about geeks that has made them unpopular to some people. However, geeks have always had credibility for people who are not entirely hung up on superficial categorizations. Some people look more towards the all-American or the jock type of guy when looking for a partner. They look at them and think alpha male. However, they eventually find out that broad shoulders or a good style will only get you so far in a relationship. Women have traditionally dated the cool guys and then sought comfort and understanding from their geekier friends when Mr. Cool turns out to be a dud.

Sadly, it isn’t so much of a self-realization that has made women more open to geeks, but pop culture. With our reliance on technology, it’s good to have a geek around. One major retail chain even hails the existence of their geek squad. There’s also the concept that you can turn a geek into something more. Take a look at Patrick Dempsy. To millions of people, he was the geeky kid on the lawn mower in “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Now he’s “McDreamy.” A few years, a better tan and a set of hand weights and you’ve got a whole new man. With Mr. Cool, what you see is what you get, but with a geek, women often times see potential.

Why have they been avoided as potential dates in the past?
In the past, geeks have been avoided by some because they have been considered weaker and more social awkward than cooler people. There’s also been the concern from “normal people” that they just don’t have anything in common with geeks. Thankfully, much of this stereotyping is starting to erode.

What can women gain by giving a geek a chance?
The first thing you have to consider is that women have the same thing to gain by dating a geek as they do in dating a “cool person.” After all, geeks are people too, right? So first off, women have the chance to meet someone they can build a great relationship with. That said, there are certain advantages to having a geek on your arm. For example, geeks who have been written off by people in the past because of social status, tend to be much more tender and accepting partners. They look below the surface and are more interested in who someone really is instead of whatever they are tagged with by society. For the most part, geeks are not players. In fact, they are the anti-player. Most people in relationships with geeks tend to find that they feel more like they are in a real partnership than when they were dating Mr. Cool. There’s more of an interest in connecting on both end and that leads to a much more attentive partner and a greater feeling of security in the relationship. Also, they tend to be pretty handy when it comes to fixing computers or messing with high tech gadgets.

What are the best hot spots for meeting a lovable geek?
Well, as anyone could tell you, geeks like to hang out under stairwells in dark alleys where they can roll their 12-sided dice in relative peace and tranquility while they eat their Cheetos and drink copious amounts of Mountain Dew. OK, seriously, where would you find a geek that you’d like to date? Probably some place that you’d already want to go to. Geeks have many interests. They don’t all huddle up in basements and comic book stores. They go where there is art, intelligent conversation, creativity…you name it. You might find one in the bookstore or maybe at a gallery exhibit. You could find the perfect geek on the elliptical next to you at the gym or even standing next to you in the produce aisle. Believe it or not, they are everywhere!

[Photo via We Heart It]

Guy Talk: Turns Out, Laziness Can Be Hot.

Editor’s Note: As it turns out, the awesome David had no hard feelings about my response to his comment about my upper-body strength. He was kind enough to write this guest-post for me.


But first, let’s get to know David a bit better, shall we?

He says of my blog…
Melissa Blake is a freelance magazine writer, newspaper columnist and blogger that writes about the ups and downs of finding love…but does it with the added challenge of having a physical disability on top of it all (as if dating and relationships weren’t hard enough on their own already). Needless to say, it makes for very interesting reading! She gives a fresh and unique perspective on the love/dating/relationships topic that you surely won’t find anywhere else. Plus, she’s a “tells it like it is” kind of girl – my favorite!

He says of my character
I admire her honesty, strength (yes even her self-proclaimed freakishly strong arms) and her sheer talent for the written word. And did I mention she’s funny as hell? When asked about her disability (Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome) she says, “It’s not contagious and it won’t give you Cooties, either. I’ve had my case featured in countless medical journals. Now tell me you don’t find that hot!”

He’s able to laugh at himself (always attractive)
By the way, speaking of men being lazy…This Guest Blog Post took me nearly 2 months to get around to writing after Melissa asked me to Guest Blog for her! Had to rat myself out.

He’s incredibly comfortable with himself and confident (again, always hot)
I just want to clarify that while I may prefer “lazy love,” in no way am I lazy in bed. (Sorry Mom if you’re reading this. That was TMI.)


Alright, now for what you really came to read. I wholeheartedly appreciate David’s honesty here. He, whether I like it or not, speaks the truth. What do you think?

No one has ever asked me to Guest Blog for them before. So when freelance writer and fellow blogger Melissa Blake from “So About What I Said…” asked me to do just that, I was flattered and quickly accepted. I asked her to propose a topic since I had no idea what she wanted me to write on. Her response, “Why do guys run the other way when they see me, especially in my wheelchair?” My heart broke a little for her. I wasn’t expecting her to ask me that! However, I believe she asked me that question because she knows I’m a “tells it like it is” kind of guy. My writing is honest and I will say exactly what I think, not what I think she wants to hear. And while I can’t speak for all guys, I can speak for myself. So if you are intrigued as to what goes on inside the inner workings of a boy’s mind, read on. Today I’m a modern day Dear Abby, or Dear Albert, as I answer Melissa’s question…

Q: “Why do guys run the other way when they see me, especially in my wheelchair?”

A: The short and sweet (or rather unsweet) one line answer – men are lazy.


Yes, I hate to bash my own sex but it’s the truth. We prefer lazy love. We like relationships that don’t ask a lot from us. Relationships that require little to no work are ideal. Why else do you think the #1 reason guys give when breaking up with a girl is “it’s just too much drama.” It’s just too much work. We can’t handle it. And we don’t want to learn to handle it. We just want to move on to something easier, less complicated. We are in search of simplicity – simple love.

That’s what it really boils down to. We don’t want to put in the effort. Now sure after a relationship gets started we will put in the work (or at least I will, can’t speak for all guys). But at the beginning we really don’t even know you and often don’t bother getting to know you because we’ve already made a snap judgement – too much work, moving on. We like taking the easy road, which translates into us being lazy. It’s not a good quality we have, but it is the truth. So while I can understand your frustration, I think you shouldn’t take it personal because it has more to do with men in general (their ways) than you in the least. What’s really sad is that I’m sure plenty of guys, including myself, miss out on some great girls upfront because we aren’t willing to do the necessary work in getting to know them better. I can tell you that there are some guys out there that are not like this, that do not fit the norm. The real challenge is finding them and weeding out the lazy dudes! So how do you do this?

Let’s be honest, no one is without flaw in this world. We are all beautiful, ugly and misunderstood. And while no one is perfect, I am a firm believer that there is someone out there that is perfect FOR you. To find them, you need to look beyond the imperfections. You must go further than skin deep and past the so called surface scuffs. The challenge is to find someone who is willing to do the necessary work it takes to “read the chapters” (AKA, get to know you) and not just judge the book by its cover. Love is not black in white. It’s filled with various shades of gray. And while your heart may be quietly crying “love me,” our life may not always accommodate that wish so graciously.


I’m not a believer in opposites attract. Even eHarmony based their entire business on the fact that true love is based on compatibility – finding common ground. And personally, I’ve always found myself being attracted to girls I have things in common with. Those are the relationships that work for me. When we both share similar beliefs, morals, hobbies, lifestyles, sense of humor, etc. a bond is instantly formed. A friendship quickly develops and if you’re lucky, romantic feelings follow. I don’t want someone EXACTLY like me. But I don’t want us to be so different from each other that we are constantly butting heads. And I would hope that the differences we do have would balance us out as a couple. That my weaknesses are her strengths and my strengths are her weaknesses. That to me would be living in perfect harmony.

While nobody (including yourself) should focus solely on the fact that you have a disability, you have to realize that it does factor into a relationship. Just like a single Mother has to realize that her children may be a dating deterrent to some men, a physical disability may be a dating deterrent to some men as well. The same could be said about women – some may not want to date a single Dad or a man with a physical disability. There are people who won’t date anyone who isn’t a certain height, others are hung up on weight. Some focus on penis size, breast size, reciting hairlines, color of hair, smoking habits, drinking habits, eating habits, previous education, amount of income, the list goes on and on! We are all guilty of it, to some extent. But as awful as it sounds, everyone has their own “deal breakers.” We can’t fault people for not loving us for who we are. Not everyone is going to feel a connection or even want to connect with us at all. And while you are trying to reel him in, there’s a chance he’s already swimming back out to sea! Rejection. It’s ugly, but it’s a part of life we must accept.


Don’t allow yourself to be angry or hurt by this. Instead, ask yourself…”Why do I want someone that doesn’t want me? Where is the logic in that? And why do I want someone who isn’t willing to work as hard at this relationship as me? Where is the love in that?”

A-M-E-N. Thank you, David. :)


[Photos via We Heart It]

Guy Talk: What Makes A Man Ask A Woman Out?

Editor’s Note: I’ve got some ideas in the works and hopefully will be making this new Guy Talk column a regular feature. Have any ideas? Feel free to email me at mellow1422 [at] aol [dot] com.


What is it about a woman that makes a guy ask her out? Now, as a trained journalist, I’m not afraid to get down and dirty, which means going straight to the source: my roledex (well, more like my list male facebook friends.

After few minutes spent picking my choice subjects and a few minutes spent crafting a suitable questionnaire, I sat back, put my feet up and lit my metaphorical cigar, waiting for the replies to come flooding in.

And flood in they did.

I have to give it to these guys: they were at once honest and cute and downright charming.

Now I’m not sure if they were trying to impress me or just trying to let me down easy by giving me the subtle, yet not-so-subtle brush off(they probably were), but they went deeper than simply giving me the stock “I’ll ask her out if she’s smokin’ hot like Pamela Anderson in her pre-Tommy Lee days.”

Yes, I have to give props to these guys: They gave me lots of tidbits to think about, some things I’d never even considered before. So now, sit back, maybe you’ve even got a cigar handy, and take in their answers in all their glory (the answers, not the men, though lots of my male friends are quite handsome, I’ll admit).


A woman with a killer personality
This came up a lot. Everything from her confidence to how she acts around people(pleasantly, I assume, ranked pretty high on that list. As my twitter friend Matt said, “What’s important is having a strong backbone, showing confidence in whatever she wants to do or become.”

A strong woman with a big…brain
It looks like the way to a man’s heart might just be through his cerebellum and your ability to flex your sexy mental muscle. Never underestimate the mental-attraction factor. A girl who fascinates a guy mentally is in a league all her own. And, a woman with her own opinions and thoughts (hint: Don’t always agree with him thinking that will impress the socks off of him; it clearly won’t) and who isn’t the least bit afraid to share them is a very sexy thing. FYI, more than one lovely guy told me that.

A strong woman who is comfortable with herself
Some women (not me, of course, obviously) spend hours dolling themselves up with goop and glitter and gels in every scent of the rainbow. I suppose this makes them think they’re sparkle and shine in some sort of fashion they might otherwise be able to. Does Maybelline really come with some sort of secret love spell, I used to wonder, when I’d see women flocking to the makeup counter trying to find the right shade – apparently, pink comes in more colors than, well, just the standard old pink. They probably want to sparkle even more than Paris Hilton does under those shiny paparazzi lights.

But here’s what the guys think: All that other stuff covers up YOU! Take my adorable French Fan, for example. The first words he used: Simplicity. He says he tends to fall for the ones who don’t try to look smarter, more beautiful or richer just to impress someone, instead, opting for “those who just like themselves as they are, with all their qualities and flaws. Translation: Blending in will never, ever make you stand out. Why would you ever want to hide your awesomeness?

A woman with a sense of direction
My friend Masai couldn’t have put it any better: “She has to have her act together and know what she is doing in life.”

A woman who can laugh and let us be ourselves
Hmm, it turns out women aren’t the only ones who find a sense of humor incredibly sexy. Guys like to know we’re having fun (no, no, not in that way…) and aren’t holding back our loud laughter all in some dumb name of being “proper. So, I couldn’t help but laugh and smile when I received these hilarious answers from Facebook Flirt.

“Her sporting devotion…her level of talent…her company…her smell…her proximity…the sight of which causes naturally occurring chemicals to be released into my brain causing the feeling of attraction.”

Oh, and he also can be quoted as saying “Does she stimulate my brain cells with combinations of letters? Does she amaze and daze my face? Does she make me cry?”


And, some of their reasons for NOT asking us out:
**If they seem needy
**If they don’t get along with people or are otherwise bitchy
**If they’re married (Good boys!)
**If they’re jealous (jealous girls are annoying according to my male friends
**If they’re a dentist (hmmm, can’t say I fully understand this one; anyone care to explain or enlighten me?)
**If they tend to whine a lot or are excessively immature.

As for any of that gun-shy business about asking us out: Don’t worry. I think I’m becoming the sort of girl who would ask you out instead. So..what do you think of that?


[Photos via We Heart It]