SheKnows writing Archives - So About What I Said

Monday, May 11, 2020

My Essay on SheKnows: “Why Complimenting Adele’s Weight Loss is Toxic”

Have you been following the story about Adele and the reaction to her weight loss this week?? In a word, the reaction is gross, so naturally, I tweeted my thoughts about it. And then, that tweet had a semi-viral moment of its own, which became the basis for my newest piece for SheKnows…

We first saw people commenting on the singer’s new, slimmer figure back in December when she posted some holiday photos. I was disgusted then when I saw comments saying how “gorgeous” and “beautiful” she looked. So it’s no surprise that I was even more disgusted when people started in again with those same types of comments last week. Adele posted this photo on Instagram to thank people for birthday wishes and to thank frontline workers for all they’re doing.

She made NO MENTION of her body or her weight-loss journey. And yet, that’s what people chose to fixate on.

After I tweeted this, my thoughts had a mini viral moment of their own! Hooray!!

Not so hooray?? Tons of disappointing comments about weight and beauty. Some of y’all need to check yourselves. Your fatphobia is showing and that’s most definitely not beautiful. The responses to that tweet made me want to write about Adele even more and I’m so glad my piece found a home!!

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I tackle our society’s misconception that weight is somehow tied to beauty and that thin is the ultimate standard…

I’ve been thinking a lot about the reactions I’ve seen over the last two days, especially when it comes to the unspoken meaning behind people’s words. When people praise Adele for her “beauty transformation,” there’s this fatphobic subtext implying that fat is bad. We live in a culture where there are only two ways of being: Fat or thin. Fat is bad and thin is good. Fat is wrong and thin is right. Fat is out and thin is in.
That’s it. People have taken something as complex as the human body and reduced it down to such simplistic extremes, leaving zero room for anything else. We need to get away from this simplistic thinking because there’s a whole host of shades in between; people are not monoliths who are one or the other. Our bodies are as individual as we are and there are so many different points on the continuum. As cheesy as it sounds, we really do come in all shapes and sizes.

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so I see your tweet and we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

My Essay on SheKnows: “What It’s Like to Get Your Period in a Wheelchair”

Yes, friends, you read the title of this blog post correctly! We all know I’ve written A LOT of honest and vulnerable things in my day, and, honestly, it’s become one of my favorite things about writing. I feel like I can say so much more on the page (errr, computer screen!) than I ever could say out loud. Well, let’s just say that I’ve said quite a lot with my newest piece for SheKnows on what it’s like to get your period in a wheelchair!

My editor first approached me about writing on this topic a couple months ago, and at first, I wasn’t too sure if I could get 600+ words out of the subject. What on earth could I possibly contribute to the conversation? How would my words even make an impact?

So I started writing, unsure where exactly the words were taking me at first, and then I began to see things take shape. Slowly at first. Before long, I realized why I was writing about my monthly visitor: Because it’s not written about. At least, not from the perspective of women with disabilities and how we deal with all the challenges we face each month.

Here’s an excerpt of the essay, in which I waste NO TIME in getting really, really specific because this conversation is long overdue…

A couple of years ago, my periods became very heavy and very irregular. It wasn’t until then, after having a monthly visitor for some 20 years, it finally hit me: Having your period as a woman with a physical disability presents its own set of unique — and sometimes frustrating — challenges.
So why was I just coming to this realization now, I wondered? For one thing, how women deal with having their period while also living day-to-day with a disability isn’t something that’s openly talked about. Women with disabilities aren’t automatically included in that conversation, but it’s important they are included. Here are three things I wish people knew along with a surprising side effect I never expected…
There’s a whole range of logistics to figure out
Periods are inconvenient, period (pun intended…). They can show up unexpectedly and are just generally uncomfortable, but I’ve found that my disability adds another layer of logistics to the equation. I physically need help with day-to-day tasks, such as bathing, dressing and cooking; my period is no exception. Because I need someone to help me, especially when I have my period, I have to plan activities around my cycle and make sure that if I go out during that time, someone will be with me to help.

You can read the full essay here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

Thursday, September 28, 2017

My Essay on SheKnows: “Why Grey’s Anatomy Is My Comfort TV Show”

Oh, friends! I’m pretty sure it’s not a coincidence that I posted about fall TV shows yesterday and then am sharing my newest essay for SheKnows today! And of course, I’m extra excited because I got to write about one of my favorite shows: Grey’s Anatomy!!!

When my editor emailed me last month to see if I had any ideas for health essays to coincide with the return of all our favorite shows, I had to do a bit of thinking. How could I possibly relate TV shows to health topics, especially to something like my disability? Was there even anything worthwhile to say?

And that’s when it hit me: OF COURSE!!! Like a metaphorical light bulb shining over my head, it came to me. The idea was practically staring me right in the face! I’ve realized that I don’t just watch Grey’s Anatomy and other medical dramas for the uber cute doctors; I mean, those docs are a very nice perk, but my love definitely goes much, much deeper than that.

Here’s an excerpt of the essay, in which I talk about how watching medical dramas is basically like watching a home movie that brings on all the feels of happy family memories…

It started in the small living room of our apartment, where we would gather every weekend for frozen pizza and episodes of ER and Chicago Hope, my mom and sister lounging on the couch and my dad curled up under a blanket on the floor. Sometimes, we’d even diagnose a patient before the doctors on the screen. It was as if all those years in the hospital were the perfect training — our own private “med school,” if you will…
As odd as it sounds, I’m reminded of happy times when I was young and with my family. It’s sort of like going home again. In a world where everything is constantly changing, I can spend an hour each week catching up with the Grey’s crew and also feel like my past is still close to me, like I can still somehow hold onto a piece of my father even in his absence.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

My Essay on SheKnows: “Why My Disability Strengthened My Relationship With My Mom”

Last week, I shared my first essay on Ravishly in honor of Mother’s Day. The piece was an homage to The Golden Girls and how binge-watching the series with my mom helped us bond. Well, I’m just as excited to share another essay — with a family theme, of course! This time, I got to write for SheKnows again on how my disability helped me bond with my mom!

It sounds paradoxical, right? It did to me, at least at first. I mean, how could something like my disability be viewed as something so…positive? I’d certainly never really thought of it like that in the past. We’re always so quick to rattle off the laundry list of the horrible side effects of disabilities and how all they do is wreak havoc on everything in life. And while that’s true (I’d sure know all about that!), there’s also a subtle magic that I’ve discovered.

My essay “Why My Disability Strengthened My Relationship With My Mom” ran last week and I was so happy to be able to show it to my mom in time for Mother’s Day.

Here’s an excerpt of the essay, in which I talk about how my strong bond with my mom is one of those beautiful subtleties…

Through all the scary medical procedures and uncertainty that came along with growing up with a disability, we were truly there for each other. She’d comfort me in the hospital and make me laugh when I was feeling down. When I was 11, I contracted an infection in the hospital and had to be there for 31 days. Surprisingly, my mom managed to find a way to make the extended stay tolerable, whether we were going up to the top floor of the hospital at night to look out over the Chicago skyline or taking trips to the cafeteria for an afternoon lemonade. I shared this experience with my mom, as stressful as it was, and she’s one of the only other people who know what it was like.
That’s not to say our entire relationship revolved around my disability. We definitely had our ups and downs apart from my medical adventures, but one thing I was always sure of? My mom was in my corner — this is something I never doubted. Whether she was always there with an encouraging word or a stern piece of advice, I knew she had my best interest at heart. Especially after my father died suddenly in 2003, we leaned on each other for survival during some very dark days. Watching the way my mother journeyed through grief gave me the strength to keep going and helped me get to where I am today.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

My Essay on SheKnows: “Celebrating Someone Else’s Suicide Is Just Plain Wrong”

Like the rest of the world, I watched with horror last week as news broke of the suicides of Steve Stephens and Aaron Hernandez. Their crimes were surely unspeakable, but one thing I found equally as unspeakable? Some of the reactions I saw on Facebook. And, you know me, friends, I’ve never been one to keep my mouth shut, especially when it comes to the topic of suicide. As is usually the case with me, I was moved to write about this very topic. The result is my latest essay for SheKnows, which gets at root of why being happy about suicide is harmful

I never thought I’d have to say this out loud to the entire world, but, apparently, I do! My essay “Celebrating Someone Else’s Suicide Is Just Plain Wrong” ran yesterday, and I’m really proud of the way it turned out. At first, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to say. I didn’t want to come off merely rambling, but I knew there were some things that needed to be said. So, I made it my mission to sit down on Monday morning and let my fingers do the talking on the keyboard. By lunchtime, I had the essay finished. By late afternoon, I had an acceptance from an editor.

Here’s an excerpt of the essay, in which I try to remind people of the plight of suicide survivors and the lifelong journey they face following this type of loss…

Because really, no one “won” anything here. People’s reactions to these recent deaths raise so many issues surrounding mental health, suicide and public perception in this country. To see someone’s death being treated so cruelly and heartlessly is simply unacceptable. It’s beyond irresponsible and reckless.
You might want to take a moment and think about how insensitive your words are. How can we look at the grieving families that suicide leaves behind and tell them that they’re better off? How can we tell them that this was for the best? How can we even tell them that they will get over this and somehow find a way to go on? How can we say all that and then face ourselves after? At the very least, what does this say about who we are and what does this say about our character?