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Friday, July 3, 2020

Let the Fourth of July Be a Reminder — and a Reckoning

Fourth of JulyWell, here we are, friends. Another Fourth of July. Can you sense my very, very low level of enthusiasm?? It practically doesn’t even register on the Enthusiasm Scale because, honestly, I’m not feeling in the “American spirit” at all. I’m sure many of you share my thoughts…

It’s no secret that I’ve been feeling, umm, a bit jaded. And this isn’t the first year I’ve felt this way either. You might remember the op-ed I wrote last year for The Independent, in which I coined one of my catchphrases.

“Lady Liberty is weeping,” I wrote.

But if the last six months alone have showed us anything, it’s that Lady Liberty isn’t the only one weeping. Nor should she be. I can’t help but think that along with the grand Statue, the tears are flowing…

The Founding Fathers are weeping

The Constitution is weeping

The American flag is weeping

We all should be weeping

So the last six months? That’s all of 2020 — hasn’t exactly been a banner year, has it? All of us should be weeping at the state of this country. From nearly 130K deaths from COVID to the repeated unjust killing of the Black community to the constant maligning of peaceful protesters, America is in chaos.

And speaking of protesters, I find it incredibly rich that so many have seemingly forgotten this tenet of our democracy. To see people chastise and deride those who engage in their First Amendment right to peaceful protest is some next-level hypocrisy and, frankly, it’s chilling. Downright bone-chilling. Y’all obviously weren’t paying attention in history class and it shows! Bigly!

Maybe you’ve forgotten a little thing known as the Revolutionary War?? You know, that series of events that won us our freedom and independence from British tyranny?

Spoiler alert: The Founding Fathers protested during the Revolution. Yes, the Founding Fathers were also protesters (see the Boston Tea Party, for example…), but we don’t also call them rioters and looters and thugs. I wonder if their skin color has something to do with that?

Fourth of JulyThe truth is, we wouldn’t have an Independence Day at all if it hadn’t been for protesters, so to those that say protesting is un-American, I say this: Protesting is about the most patriotic thing you can do. It’s literally how this country was founded. It’s been the bedrock of our democracy since 1776 — that’s 244 years!!

It’s kind of our thing. Or at least, it should be, even though it doesn’t feel like it lately. A quick perusal of the daily headlines and you’ll see that the ideals of the flag have not held up for everyone. So if you really want to show your sense of pride and patriotism this year, please, do it in a way that truly honors America’s origin story. That starts with one simple thing. It’s so easy, but apparently, the majority of the country needs reminding, so allow me…

WEAR YOUR DAMN MASK.

The Founding Fathers didn’t risk their lives so you could live it up on the Fourth of July all reckless and irresponsible and inconsiderate. The Founding Fathers didn’t risk their lives for freedom just so you could risk someone’s life in the name of your freedom. Again, wear your damn mask!

When we went to NYC last summer, the only souvenir I wanted was a Statue of Liberty figure. Not because I’m proud of where we are as a country right now (I’m not, clearly!), but because I wanted a constant reminder of what we should strive for. Let’s remember that Lady Liberty is worth fighting for. Our democracy is worth fighting for.

Fourth of JulyI’m taking my summer break next week — don’t worry, I’m not even going to leave my house! I’ll be celebrating the Fourth of July and my vacation by binge-watching The Baby-Sitters Club reboot.

I’ll be back to regular posting on Monday, July 20th and I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories to share. Hope you have some sunny summer days ahead, friends!! Safely and responsibly masked, of course… xoxo

[First photo via Unsplash]

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5 Comments Filed Under: Coronavirus, Health, holidays

Monday, June 29, 2020

We Need to Talk About Karen…

KarenWe need to have one of our serious conversations, friends!! And by serious, I mean the “Are you serious with this nonsense?” kind of conversation. Why?? Because I’ve just about had it with Karen and her shenanigans…

No, I’m not talking about a specific Karen, but by now, I’m sure you know the ones I’m talking about: Privileged, rude white women who refuse to recognize their privilege and have a sense of entitlement bigger than the suburban mansion they live in or that oversize SUV they drive.

And while the world has been dealing with the ravages and dangers of COVID, their behavior has only escalated, getting worse by the day. They don’t think they should have to social distance. They don’t want to wear a mask to get their daily Starbucks drink. They readily protest in the streets because they want their haircuts and mani-pedi and gosh darnit, anything less than their 100 percent freedom to live their cushy lifestyle is oppression.

In the last two months, we’ve met Central Park Karen who called the police because she felt unsafe in a bird-watching sanctuary. We also met Trader Joe’s Karen after her rant about not wearing a mask went viral. And just yesterday, we met McMansion Karen when she and her husband Ken stood outside their home and pointed their guns at PEACEFUL protesters!

Also yesterday, I found myself blocking and deleting all kinds of nonsense comments on Twitter and Instagram from people who were just…OMG…totally offended by the name. What a travesty! How on earth could I ever say something like that?

Then there was my personal favorite: You (meaning me) know what it’s like to be bullied, so you should know better. SHAME ON YOU.

That’s when I just stopped in my tracks.

Bullied? Are you kidding me? There aren’t enough eye-roll emojis in the world to express my utter disgust.

Sorry, Karen, I think you better look up the definition of “bullying” because it doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Yes, you’re right. I DO know what bullying is like. My experience with bullying had to do with people saying I should be euthanized. They said I wasn’t human and called me a thing.

I’ve experienced bullying. You, on the other hand, are merely being called out on your problematic behavior. That isn’t bullying. See the difference between the two yet? So excuse me if I don’t have much sympathy for your outrage over being called Karen.

KarenA Karen is so concerned and preoccupied with the name that they become oblivious to the dangerous and awful behavior it’s named for. Instead of clutching your pearls over the name, maybe step back and consider the issues behind the name and what it’s really about.

I love how my amazing writer friend Sa’iyda Shabazz describes the alarming trend…

The type of white women others call Karen often see themselves as victims. And the type of white women who defend them try to paint them as oppressed. But middle-aged, middle class white women do not face oppression by any stretch. In fact, they reap huge amounts of race and class privilege, and then they turn around and use that privilege to step on the necks of those under them, especially black women. Pointing out these realities is not oppressing the oppressors. It’s pushing back on the constructs of whiteness, the systems that enable these women’s actions. Calling a woman by the phrase is calling her out, not degrading her.

Let’s recap: Someone being offended by the term “Karen” is PEAK Karen and reveals a huge amount of privilege. Instead of clutching your pearls about the term itself, you should be more upset by the behavior behind it.

Really, y’all need to check yourselves because it’s exhausting.

It’s not about you. It’s not a personal attack on you. Stop being selfish, Karen. In fact, don’t be a Karen at all. And wear your damn mask on your next Starbucks run… xoxo

P.S. Yes, that first photo is Karen from Mean Girls…that’s SO meta!!!

[Bottom photo via Unsplash]

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: Coronavirus, Health, Shame on you

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Lizzo Calling Out Body-Shaming (Again!) Is Every Woman’s Mood

Body-Shaming
Lizzo isn’t here for your body-shaming and neither am I…

But what I just can’t get enough of lately?? The fact that Lizzo is completely unafraid to call out body-shamers. The singer took to TikTok with a message aimed directly at those who criticize her weight and her body. Basically, she’s over all of it…

I’m not working out to have your ideal body type. I’m working out to have my ideal body type. And you know what type that is? None of your fucking business. Because I am beautiful. I am strong. I do my job, and I stay on my job. Health is not just determined on what you look like on the outside. Health is also what happens on the inside. And a lot of y’all need to do a fucking cleanse for your insides.

Needless to say, Lizzo is my hero. I’ve written about her before (remember her fab Rolling Stone cover earlier this year?? And all those Grammy awards?) and she just might be the 2020 heroine we desperately need. She’s such a breath of fresh air with her “I don’t have time for this nonsense” attitude and I’m so glad to see her standing up to those who try to bring her down.

Her video also got me thinking of one key question when it comes to this dangerous trend of body-shaming: When was the last time you did the same to a man?

It’s 2020, but there’s still this patriarchal notion that we have a right to women’s bodies — how they look, what they wear, what they do, what they say.

We don’t.

I’m so sick of people thinking it’s OK to make fun of women for how they look. Women’s bodies aren’t open for debate, discussion, ridicule, criticism or your approval, so mind your own business.

Body-Shaming
As ’60s singer Lesley Gore once say, “you don’t own me” — and that’s so true, isn’t it? I’ve been thinking about this and so much of it goes back to toxic masculinity. I’m not sure why men are so intimidated and threatened by strong, intelligent women who know their own minds. Why does society continue to view women as objects instead of actual human beings? It’s infuriating and I’m infuriated every single day.

Any theories about all this toxic masculinity, friends?? It’s just getting tiring and I’m SO OVER IT… xoxo

P.S. How awesome are these photos of Lizzo??? And she’s making BET Awards history this year!!! #GirlCrush

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Leave a Comment Filed Under: body image, Health, inspiring women

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Dear Trolls: We Are NOT the Labels You Place on Us

trollsThink about this question for a moment, friends: When was the last time someone made you feel less than or unworthy?? And also, why is it that online trolls seem to come out of the woodwork in spurts lately??

You all know that I’m no stranger to trolls and their sad, pitiful, pathetic shenanigans. Heck, I even got a viral tweet because of their behavior. But even though I’m no stranger to their taunts and tormenting, their words still sting. I don’t like to admit that; I’m not proud of the fact that sometimes, I let their words get to me more than I probably should.

Lately, though, these trolls have seemed to be around more than usual. Maybe they’re bored in quarantine? Maybe they’re just unhappy with their own life? I’m not sure what their reasoning is, but lately, I’ve seen such ableism when it comes to their taunts.

So, as a disabled person, I’m just here to remind those trolls that people with disabilities don’t exist for their chuckles. A couple weeks ago, I got several messages from people who were excited to let me know that my viral tweet was featured on some humor site.

Over 3K comments and it’s obvious whoever posted it did so as a joke. Not cool and not funny at all. I saw the word ugly over and over, along with these other gems. Y’all seriously need to check yourself and your ableism.

It was disheartening to read those comments, but it reminded me that even in 2020, the disabled are still considered less than. People to mock. And sometimes, we’re not even considered people in the first place.

trollsAnd don’t even get me started on what it’s like being a woman writer on the internet. File under The Cost of Being a Woman Writer on the Internet: When I got this “fan mail” in my inbox once, my first thought was, “Oh, like I haven’t heard this one a million times already! Maybe try something a little more original next time?”

Really, though, the joke’s on them because blobfish can live up to 130 years!!! I’m not going anywhere!!! Thank you, next.

Seriously, though, this is the reality of being a woman — and especially a woman writer. This is how women are treated and it’s not OK. When was the last time you saw a male writer criticized, mocked or taunted for their appearance? Spoiler alert: They’re usually not. Not nearly as often as women are.

Over the weekend, I got to thinking about all those cruel words I’ve heard lately — words like ugly, whale, fat and, yes, blobfish. What did I do, you ask?

I made that graphic above — my photo surrounded by actual comments trolls have left about me. I’ve got quite the collection, as you can see here! This is a reminder that we’re NOT the labels people place on us. People will talk. People will say things. But guess what? We don’t have to listen. They don’t get to tell us who we are.

Many of you have commented that I shouldn’t have blurred out the names of those trolls. Here’s the thing: I don’t need to reveal their names to call them out. I think it’s more important to focus on what they said as opposed to who they are. After all, who they are doesn’t matter.

I’m going to keep calling them out too. Not all of them because, let’s face it, there are a lot and only 24 hours in a day, but I make a point to call out the most horrific ones. That’s always been important to me and just one of the ways I speak up.

trollsOne more thing worth noting about trolls: I’ve been on social media for more than a decade, so I’ve seen A LOT. But I’ve never seen (and experienced) as much toxic ridicule and straight-up bullying as I have in the last four years. The fact that this coincides with Trump’s presidency is no coincidence. It’s telling. I’ve said this before and I’ll keep saying it: He’s encouraged and emboldened this disgusting behavior.

In the end, the trolls may say that I’m “ugly as hell,” but the joke is on them because I’m feeling GOOD AS HELL. And come on, “Ugly” looks pretty darn cute in a flower crown too!!! xoxo

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11 Comments Filed Under: Disability, Health, Love Lessons

Thursday, June 18, 2020

What Two LGBTQ Decisions Remind Us About Progress

LGBTQThis week alone, two decisions teach us that when it comes to LGBTQ equality, the road to progress often looks like two steps forward and one step back.

First, the good news — or, the two steps forward: It took 56 years, but kudos to the Supreme Court for FINALLY recognizing that LGBTQ Americans deserve equal protection from employment discrimination under the Civil Rights Act.

Side note, though: Can we please acknowledge the obvious toxic masculinity and male fragility that so clearly played a role in three Supreme Court Justices voting against LGBTQ protections in the workplace???

Remember when Brett Kavanaugh had that huge public mantrum because he didn’t want to lose his job for life on the Supreme Court because of sexual assault allegations??

Yeah, he thinks it’s totally fine to fire someone just based on their sexual preference. That’s rich.

Still, this was a vote toward equality and proclaims, as it should, that LGBTQ RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS.

And second, the bad news — or, the one step back: Health care, which should be a basic human right, is in jeopardy once again for LGBTQ Americans. The fact that the Trump administration is taking away health care protections, especially for a group that is already vulnerable, is beyond horrific and inhumane. The fact that they also did this on the fourth anniversary of the Pulse shooting is downright cruel.

Even in the world of pop culture, we’re seeing instances of blatant transphobia far too often. Take author J. K. Rowling, for example, whose recent transphobic rant made headlines. Apparently, she can write 7 books about fantastical faraway lands filled with magic and wizards, but decides that recognizing trans identity is just a bridge too far?? Make that make sense, please, because I’m just confused at this point.

I learned the difference between sex and gender way back in high school. It’s really not hard to understand and the fact that J. K. Rowling continues to perpetuate this transphobic narrative, especially during Pride Month, is incredibly harmful.

TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN
TRANS MEN ARE MEN

Learn it. Remember it. Do better.

Charlotte Clymer is one of my favorite people to follow on Twitter. The writer and activist penned an op-ed for USA Today this week about her experiences as a transgender woman. Her piece gets to the heart of the violence and discrimination that transgender people face on a daily basis and how to living in a world not built for them is a constant battle…

Even in places where we have legal protections, I worry about being a burden. I don’t want to cause headaches. I have faced discrimination in places where it was illegal and let it go because I wasn’t sure whether it was worth it. And I feel terrible about that. I feel guilty.

Transgender and nonbinary people are constantly adjusting and revolving our lives around the preferences and feelings of cisgender people, not because we want to do that but because there aren’t enough hours in the day to fight every battle and not enough rights to guarantee our safety.

LGBTQIndeed, if this week has shown us anything, it’s just how important and needed true LGBTQ progress is in this country. There is still so much work to be done, so much hate and discrimination to combat and so many more protections that are needed. Protections that are human rights. Protections that shouldn’t still be absent in 2020.

Whether gay, lesbian, bi or transgender, YOU matter. Your story matters. I love you and I’m here for you… xoxo

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3 Comments Filed Under: civil rights, Health, LGBTQ

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So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...

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