I can’t be the only one semi dreading the holidays…can I?
That’s the big question that’s been floating around my brain since Thanksgiving. Take yesterday, for example. My mom spent her Sunday afternoon like she usually does: Puttering around the kitchen listening to Christmas music. Of course, I was parked at my desk (aka, the kitchen table) trying to catch up on work. Every so often, the melody of a holiday tune would drift into my consciousness. The themes of said tunes were all the same — stories of love and family and good cheer.
But the song I related to the most?
Blue Christmas by Elvis.
Listening to the lyrics (like “You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white…But I’ll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas…”), I started to realize something: This is exactly how I feel this year. I see people getting in the holiday spirit and celebrating, and, well, I’m just not there…yet. I’m sure it has something to do with life’s turn of events. The last few months haven’t been particularly happy for my family. We went through a pretty devastating falling out with extended family — the loss of which only seems to be magnified this time of year, especially with the heavy focus on family and togetherness.
It’s not that I’m unhappy, though. So what’s between happy and unhappy? That’s pretty much where I am right now. Trying to find that silver lining. Trying to find a balance. Trying to surround myself with the people who love me unconditionally. Trying to record as many movies on the Hallmark Channel as possible.
The fact is, the holidays are hard. I wrote about this in 2015, and the words in that post are still as true as ever. The month of December will always will be, and there’s really no way of getting around it. I know this. But I also know this: I’m not going to let people make me feel guilty for how I feel. I’m not going to listen when they say I should “move on” from my grief, as if I should just get over it the same way I would get over something like breaking my leg or losing my favorite shirt.
Just because I haven’t found my Good Cheer yet doesn’t mean I won’t. I’m definitely trying my hardest! You can be sure of that, which is why I’m declaring the next TWO weeks Here For Holiday Cheer — both on the blog and in real life. We’ve started the “in real life” portion as you can see by the photos on this post. Our tree is up, all light and bright for the world (or at least our neighbors!) to see, and even I’ll be the first to admit that it is nice to turn off the lights, sit in front of it and just watch it glow. After all, there is something incredibly peaceful about that quiet, gentle activity.
How do you find the holiday cheer, friends, especially in hard times? What traditions or activities bring you the most comfort this time of year? I’d love for us to share what’s worked in the past!!! And be sure to read So About What I Said every day leading up to Christmas for holiday fun and finds, especially the annual Gift Guides… xoxo
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Sheri Silver says
I hear you Melissa. My first husband was Catholic and so we celebrated Christmas every year – a HUGE thrill for this Jewish gal! When my marriage ended – in the month of December, no less – I had my kids to think about so put on the full Christmas fare as usual. I’ve been married to someone Jewish now for 13 years and though I am very happy – and set up that tree and all the trimmings each year – there is a wistfulness for all the traditions that I no longer have. So I’ve worked really hard to create brand new – and equally awesome – traditions to fill the gaps. And it’s helped tremendously. Different – I’ve learned – doesn’t have to mean “less than”. Hope you have a WONDERFUL holiday! Love seeing pics of your warm and cozy home.
Marcella Simon says
I always dread this time of year because of the high expectations and forced commercialism and cheer. I did the tree and presents for my daughter but now that she is grown, I just grin and bear it, wishing to be on a tropical isle and forget that the holidays even exist.
shelly sitzer says
I love sending out holiday cards by snail mail. Sending E mail cards cannot beat sending the old fashioned type and the warm feeling that you get when you send the real thing to friends, neighbors, anyone that touches your life during the year. I love the seal the envelopes with holiday stickers and use holiday stamps, too. Also, giving a present is better than getting one.
Sharon says
Melissa, Your blog constantly resonates with me. Well meaning friends and family have a way with words. Except their way is to try to rush us through the grieving process as if grief has an expiration date. It does not. Holidays are difficult for those of us who grieve. Not only did I lose my mother at a young age I lost her side of the family too. All of the holiday traditions were all at once swept away. Oh yes please come for dinner they said at her wake though they never meant it. So I found a way to honor her memory and the spirit of the season by adopting a family or a Senior for the holiday. What little I can do for someone in need helps me to bring back the good memories of the holidays with my Mom and Dad. It’s not about how much is spent but how much someone cares.
Deb Sardone says
Wow!!! “What’s between happy and unhappy?” That really hit me ! I lost my last elder family recently – my uncle, a dear family friend who I chose to give me away at my wedding 42 years ago. Thoughts during this busy have been surrounded by him. I get what you mean about the tree and lights, I hate turning them off at night! So Melissa, my hope for both of us is to surround ourselves in peace and good memories. Blessings to you. Your writing has brought me joy. Peace! Deb Sardone