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Tuesday, January 12, 2021

We Need to Talk About the Capitol Attack

Welcome back, friends!! How have you been? I intended to start the year on the blog just like I usually do — you know, ease into 2021 slowly. Maybe share some photos from our holiday at home or even a post about all my hopes and dreams for the year ahead. And then I spent last Wednesday watching the scene unfold in Washington as a violent mob of Trump supporters stormed the Capitol and it was crystal clear yet again…

America has so much more work to do.

It’s that frustrated feeling I’m sure so many of you are experiencing right now too. The last week has left me feeling so angry and sad. Again. But I’m also, sadly, not surprised. Again.

For four years, we’ve seen Trump openly and unapologetically embolden and encourage his supporters. And last week, he literally emboldened them to storm the Capitol; just hours before the attack, he held a rally that was clearly a call-to-action moment for him — he knew exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it.

We’re going to have to fight much harder

We’re going to walk down to the Capitol

We will never give up…we will stop the steal

We fight like hell

Those are just some of the actual words Trump said in his speech, leaving virtually zero doubt as to his motives. Yes, he did indeed want to incite violence that day and he wanted his supporters to do it for him.

So it’s really no surprise at all that we saw those same supporters “walk down to the Capitol” as per Trump’s instructions. We saw them clad in their MAGA shirts waving Trump flags — and even more disgusting, we also saw the Confederate flag. We saw them push past police — well, the little amount of police that were there. We saw them climb the outside of the Capitol and we saw them vandalize the inside, including the lobby and the offices of Congress members.

It wasn’t a protest and it wasn’t peaceful. In fact, I’m not even sure you could call it a riot because I think we’re so beyond that at this point and we just need to call this event for what it was. This was a violent attack on the very heart of our democracy.

And, of course, we can’t ignore the blatant white privilege that was on display in how police responded — or, really, how they DIDN’T respond. Peaceful protesters marching in support of Black Lives Matter were shot with tear gas and immediately arrested over the summer. In contrast, the violent Trump mob storming the Capitol were able to post bragging videos on social media and take selfies WITH police.

Still think white privilege doesn’t exist??

So here we are, almost a week later, and we’re left wondering: Where do we go from here?? I’m not sure and I won’t pretend to have all the answers, but I’m certain of one thing: None of what’s happened should be a surprise.

None. Of. It.

At. All.

Reminder that a lot of marginalized people like me are TIRED right now. We’ve been talking for years about Trump’s escalating behavior and dangerous politics, but some of y’all are just now clutching your pearls in surprise.

I’ll never understand that one — the writing was always on the wall here. I mean, I literally wrote about how toxic Trump is at least once a year for the last FOUR YEARS — in 2017, 2018, 2019 and 2020. How could so many people have missed all those red flags and siren warning signs?? I’ve seen so many people saying things like “this isn’t who we are” and I’m over here like…

No, this is exactly who we are and it’s exactly who we’ve been, which is why I get so frustrated every single time I see these calls for unity as if we’re all going to sit around the campfire and sing “Kumbaya.” It’s just so rich to see some Republicans calling for healing and coming together after they’ve encouraged and enabled Trump on his baseless, conspiracy-theory, full-of-lies quest to overturn the election results and undermine the very fabric of democracy — how utterly staggering is that dose of hypocrisy?

The bottom line, as we move toward impeachment this week, is that it shouldn’t have taken a siege for some people to realize all the damage that Trump has caused. And it most certainly shouldn’t have taken four years to realize how toxic he is.

What are your thoughts, friends? How have you been feeling about everything that’s going on? Scared? Angry? Confused? All of the above? Where do you think we go from here? Let’s chat… xoxo

[Photos by Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images and Reuters]

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Happy Holidays 2020: What a Year

Happy holidays, friends!

I’m going to be honest right from the beginning here. I actually debated whether or not to include the word “happy” in the title of this blog post and even now, I’m still a bit uneasy about it. It’s the end of 2020 and we’re saying goodbye to arguably the worst year of our lives — more than 300K people have died from COVID in less than a year, we’re seeing DAILY record-high numbers of new cases and deaths, people are unemployed and struggling and…well, I could go on and on and on!

So, naturally, it can be hard to see a lot of good right now. I personally have days where I’m extremely pessimistic and can’t see anything good or even redeeming about this year. Maybe you feel the same?

That’s OK if you do. In fact, I’d be surprised if you didn’t feel all this gloom and doom. It can get to be pretty overwhelming sometimes, right? Happy holidays it most definitely is not.

I went into 2020 with such a strong sense of optimism. I was going to continue to grow my career and social media platform and maybe even start seriously thinking about that book I’ve always daydreamed about — ahhh, yes, the possibilities were endless, boundless and ripe for the taking.

It was going to be MY YEAR. But — spoiler alert! — it wasn’t my year and I suspect it wasn’t your year either. Maybe that’s why posting about the “happy” holidays just doesn’t really feel right this year — almost insensitive even! Because the truth is, our lives are never going to be the same; we can pretend that everything is “normal” and just fine, but nothing has been even remotely fine for almost an entire year.

As I began reflecting on my writing career and just life in general in 2020, I started getting down on myself for not publishing as many pieces as last year and generally not being nearly as productive — or motivated. Then again, we weren’t in a pandemic last year! So here’s a Year-In-Review for the year I’m so happy to see ending soon…

I blogged about love and relationships, like how disabled women are hot, an open letter to my sister for her 35th birthday, missing my father, conversations with my mom and what life in quarantine is like.

Disability posts, such as why I spent a year posting selfies, why the 2020 election mattered so much, the 30th anniversary of the ADA, why I WANT you to see my wheelchair in photos and, of course, TROLLS.

Tons of pop culture tidbits, like my love of Frozen 2’s Kristoff, Little Women, The Baby-Sitters Club reboot, an ode to Peppermint Patty (the best Peanuts character), Chuck E. Cheese and 20 years after “Oops!… I Did It Again”!! Oh, and I also became obsessed with the Dolly Parton Challenge!

And you all know I got deeply political too, with posts like what Trump’s Donna Reed comments reveal about misogyny, Trump’s mantrum at the Lincoln Memorial, thank you, Elizabeth Warren, the trap of Female Electability and Nancy Pelosi and that Revolutionary Rip. And of course, I had a message for Karen.

I also published 17 freelance pieces this year for publications like Stylist, Travel and Leisure, SheKnows, Rooted in Rights, DAME, Washington Post and CNN Opinion. I truly loved writing about my favorite topics like disabilities, pop culture and political and social commentary. My absolute favorite, though, was getting to interview THE Bradley Whitford for my political dramas piece! As you can probably imagine, I almost died because The West Wing is just the greatest TV show on the planet! He was so nice and kind!

(Also, I still have some bylines from 2020 that I haven’t shared on the blog yet, so look for those in January!)

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t end this holiday post with a very important reminder:

You might not know because it’s not trending anymore, but the United States has reached 322K deaths from COVID. 322K people have died in just 10 months! This virus isn’t some intangible thing and I’m going to keep repeating this: If you’re still making holiday travel plans, JUST STOP. We’re in the middle of a pandemic. Stop trying to make normal happen…

Here I am at the local university library. It’s one of my favorite haunts, a place I loved going to for the quiet hours of writing and to get lots of work done. I took this photo on March 4th and haven’t been back there since. In fact, I’ve only left my neighborhood twice in the last nine months and those two times were for medical appointments.

We all have places we miss because of the pandemic and it’s OK to feel that sadness sometimes! But what’s not OK is being reckless and dangerous. Wear your damn mask, practice social distancing and for all that is holy, JUST STAY HOME this year!! Please. People keep saying that this pandemic is going to give us a whole new perspective and we’re all going to be changed people.

I’m over here like: Ummm, based on the shenanigans I’m seeing, y’all haven’t learned a damn thing. People being selfish and reckless. People doing whatever they want as if they’re adult toddlers. People not wearing masks.

Seriously, y’all need to GET IT TOGETHER.

Well, there you are…2020. The year that was and wasn’t in so many different ways. I don’t know about you, but I desperately need a long break!! And that’s exactly what I’m going to do! I’ll be taking my annual holiday break, enjoying time with my mom and sister and just generally getting my chill on after this wretched, wretched year. Look for new posts starting on Monday, January 11th, 2021.

Thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me this year, friends!! I’m still so shocked and grateful that people actually read my little old blog and I love you all so much! Go rest, relax and recharge and I’ll see you back here next year! May it be a better year than 2020 was!

Happy holidays — as happy as we can be right now! xoxo

And as always, feel free to connect with me on Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Bloglovin! See you there!!

Monday, December 21, 2020

My Essay on CNN Opinion: “This New Holiday Movie Would Have Changed Everything For My Teenage Self”

So…did you all watch Lifetime’s new holiday movie “Christmas Ever After” last weekend??

I saw the ad for it a couple months ago and screamed with joy! We are FINALLY getting disability representation in these movies! THIS IS HUGE, especially for rom-coms! I’ve ranted and written about this so much over the years, so to see it actually happening is…WOW.

DOUBLE WOW

TRIPLE WOW

INFINITY WOW

ALL THE WOWS

And, I’m so happy that my last byline of 2020 is from CNN Opinion!! Seeing Ali Stroker starring in this holiday movie rom-com was a big win for disability representation and I was here for it!

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I plead to give disabled people our meet-cutes already…

Indeed, this movie isn’t just groundbreaking because it stars a disabled actress. It’s also groundbreaking because the movie is about love and romance, which is something you don’t see much of when it comes to characters with disabilities. Disabled people are very often viewed as asexual by our culture and this is reflected in the ways we see people with disabilities portrayed in movies and TV.
These views are all too often made through the ableist lens by non-disabled people, leading to inaccurate and sometimes-insulting assumptions about how disabled people actually live. There’s this societal misconception that disabled people don’t or can’t fall in love and have relationships just like non-disabled people. The total absence of social messages when I was growing up that women with disabilities can be sexy constantly left me feeling like romance wasn’t something that could ever happen for me or that there must be something wrong with me.

I love rom-coms, but where’s the female disabled lead?

That was the question I asked in one of my very first published pieces this year. I’m so happy that I got to answer that question in my final piece of the year!!

These types of full-circle moments are my absolute favorite

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so I see your tweet and we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

Saturday, December 19, 2020

My Essay on Refinery29: Why I Spent A Year Posting Selfies

Hi, friends!! How are you? I’ve got a whole bunch of new published pieces to share with you, so I thought now would be the perfect time to do just that! First up is an essay I wrote for Refinery29 about my favorite topic in all the world: Selfies

Back in September, I knew that I wanted to write about what I learned from a year of posting selfies and I’m SO proud of this piece and I’m so glad I got to tell this story! I grew up feeling different (and looking different) from people my age, which definitely impacted my self-image. With my selfies, it’s like I’m having a conversation with my younger self, telling her all the things I wish I had known back when I was a teenager.

I started posting selfies as a defiant response to trolls…sort of saying “You don’t want to see my photos? I’m going to post one EVERY DAY! What do you think of that?”

Yes, friends, the quickest way to get me to do something is to tell me NOT to do it.

It’s like I wrote in the piece, selfies are a powerful thing for disabled people — and especially for disabled women. It’s a way to open up the conversation about what it means to live life with a disability, but it’s also a way to take back the narrative and take up space in a society that doesn’t want to include us AT ALL

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I reflect on how my selfies weren’t just for me, but in support of the entire disability community…

I may have started this year of selfies for myself, but I soon realized that these selfies weren’t just about me. Other disabled people told me they identified with my words, too, and they began posting selfies of their own. They started sharing their stories and showing the world who they are. I’ve often felt very alone as a disabled person and for the first time, I was seeing the disability community taking our rightful place at society’s table. Finally, I was seeing people like me — people who weren’t ashamed of who they are — and it was one of the most glorious things I’ve ever experienced.
We don’t typically think of selfies as being a revolutionary act or even political, but they are, especially in 2020. It’s a way of taking back my power and painting a more accurate picture of disability.

For this piece, the Refinery29 designers created this really cool selfies collage and I absolutely love it. Not just because it’s a great visual representation of the last year of my life, but because it’s amazing disability representation!

These selfies are for every single disabled person.

These selfies are a statement.

Our lives and our stories matter.

A special thank you to all the trolls for helping me learn these lessons! Something tells me I’m going to keep posting daily selfies…at least for awhile longer! Never let anyone tell you that selfies don’t matter. They do!

Thursday, December 17, 2020

Enjoying a Cozy Winter with FabFitFun

When you hear the phrase “quintessential winter,” what is the first thing that comes to mind? A day spent on the ice twirling around? Sledding down a giant hill covered in a dusting of freshly fallen snow? For me, the chilly (OK, downright COLD!) Midwest winters have always been about one thing: Staying warm and cozy inside!! And this year, FabFitFun is here to help me have the coziest winter yet!!

FabFitFun, known for its seasonal subscription box, is all about “delivering happiness and well-being to everyone, everywhere” and it’s the ultimate in comfort delivered right to your door! That comfort comes in the form of 8-10 full-size products each season — everything from beauty to fashion to wellness to home and even tech.

I’m so excited to team up with them this month for my FIRST-EVER subscription box experience; yes, I know I’m late to the game, friends!! They recently released their winter box with the theme of “Shimmer, Spice, and Everything Nice.” Honestly, it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time! I was able to choose my own products, which meant that I could fill that box with things I’d love and use. What was my #1 requirement as I scrolled through the list of items?

COMFORT, COMFORT, COMFORT

Oh, did I mention COMFORT?

Yes, during these days when it’s getting dark at 4:30 p.m. and I just want to hibernate in my nice warm bed, I’m all about self-care as we near the end of 2020.

So, what does my curated box look like? It’s filled to the brim (Literally! Check out that photo…the box is bigger than I am!) with the essentials for the perfect winter weekend indoors!! Take a look…

For holiday rom-com marathons…

For some reason, I’ve been really into cucumbers lately, eating them practically every day at lunch, so this cutting board set from Eparé (Retail price: $19.95) are going to come in handy!! Would you believe my family has never owned any kind of cutting board? People are always shocked to learn that and now we’ll be able to show off our kitchen know-how!!

For holiday tree decorating…

We opted for our three small trees again this year instead of one big one. One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is turning the lights off and enjoying the glow of the twinkling lights on each of those three trees!!

This year, I’m going to be extra warm, thanks to this Summer & Rose robe (Retail price: $70) and these cabin socks from MUK LUKS (Retail price: $25). As you can see, I was loving them!! They were soft, comfy and warm, which is perfect since my feet always get cold!! Also, I’m pretty sure I could wear the robe every day and never get tired of it!

And speaking of cold, there’s no better way to warm up in the winter than with some hot chocolate!! I’ve always loved Lilly Pulitzer’s bright colors and now I can enjoy them with every sip of cocoa!! How cool are these ceramic mugs (Retail price: $42)?

Each season, FabFitFun also partners with a charity and for this winter season, they’re working with Stand Up To Cancer to raise awareness about how the ongoing pandemic has affected cancer care, which sees patients at a higher risk of infection and disproportionately affects communities of color — a group already underrepresented when it comes to cancer research.

I really enjoyed trying out all these cool products and I loved that I was able to choose items that both reflected my personality and that will make these dark winter days just a little bit brighter!!

If you’re looking to cozy up your days too, we’ve got you covered! Head over to FabFitFun and use code MELISSABLAKE to get your first box for only $39.99 — available in the U.S., Canada, and U.K.

I can’t wait to see your box, friends!! xoxo

(This post is sponsored by FabFitFun, though all opinions are mine. Thanks so much for continuing to support So About What I Said’s wonderful sponsors!)

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