What We’re Missing About Joe Biden and Consent

Joe BidenWhy are people so quick to give Joe Biden a pass for making women uncomfortable?

This is the question I’ve been asking myself for the last week. Ever since Lucy Flores wrote an essay for The Cut detailing how an interaction with the former vice president at a campaign rally in 2014 left her feeling “shocked” and “confused.” Since then, a handful of other women have come forward with their own experiences of Biden’s inappropriate behavior, and one thing should be very, very clear: His behavior is not OK.

But that’s not what I’m seeing. In fact, I’m seeing the opposite, on everything from TV talk show hosts to social media comments. Instead of a swift denouncing of Biden’s behavior, I’ve heard people say things like “That’s how it was in his generation” and, far more damaging “Well, it’s not anything like what the president (Trump) has done.”

And all the while, I can’t help but think that these types of statements are completely missing the point, especially in light of the fact that Joe Biden still tops the list of 2020 Democratic candidates. It doesn’t matter how severe or not severe people think his actions were. What other politicians have or haven’t done is irrelevant. The point is, she said he made her uncomfortable.

Saying things like “he’s touchy-feely with everyone” doesn’t somehow make it OK. His actions were unwelcome and inappropriate. Period. There’s not a hierarchy when it comes to unwanted advances and crossing personal boundaries; there’s not a minimum number of boxes that must be check before someone coming forward should be taken seriously. To say that the women accusing Biden “didn’t have it as bad” as other victims of sexual assault is both minimizing their experiences and invalidating their feelings.

In her essay, Flores even says that her fear that what happened to her wasn’t severe enough was part of the reason why she didn’t plan on telling anyone: “Is it enough of a transgression if a man touches and kisses you without consent, but doesn’t rise to the level of what most people consider sexual assault?”

This is no way to think of victims. What we should be doing, instead, is listening to them. Without judgment. Without blame. And, most importantly, WITH empathy and understanding. We also can’t fall into the trap of absolving Joe Biden just because he’s “on our side.” That, too, misses the mark and does a grave disservice to the entire #MeToo movement.

Joe BidenBiden released a video responding to the allegations, saying, “Social norms are changing. I understand that, and I’ve heard what these women are saying. Politics to me has always been about making connections, but I will be more mindful about respecting personal space in the future. That’s my responsibility and I will meet it.”

At no point in the two-minute video did he say “I’m sorry” or even “I was wrong.” Not. Once. While an apology wouldn’t change what happened, at least it would show that Biden does regret his actions, which, right now, it doesn’t appear that he does. And, frankly, an apology without the word “sorry” isn’t really an apology at all, is it?

Allure wellness editor Rosemary Donahue echoed so much of what I’m thinking in her recent op-ed for the site. She rightfully pushes back on the idea that, no, social norms are not JUST NOW changing…

“The idea that boundaries are only just now a thing of importance, that consent is a generational thing and that personal space is ‘more important than it’s ever been,’ is ludicrous. It’s just that now, people like him — people in positions of power — may finally face consequences when they fail to respect the personal space of those who are not as powerful…I also believe his statement was sorely lacking. Yes, it’s crucial to understand that boundaries are important, and it’s good he’s decided to start listening. But boundaries and personal space have always been important…”

So, again, I ask the one question I’ve asked before: Where do we go from here? For one, we start listening and holding men accountable for their actions — both Democrats and Republicans alike. What else would you add, friends? xoxo

[Top photo by Pete Marovich for The New York Times. Bottom photo via Unsplash]

Motivational Quotes Monday: On Why Singing Is Good For the Soul

Happy Monday, friends!!! And a very good morning to you too! This weekend, we were finally able to take a walk in the springtime sunshine and IT FELT GREAT. I was soaking up all that vitamin D like it was going out of style! And speaking of great things, today’s motivational quotes are all about one of my favorite activities: Singing!! We’ve been watching the new season of American Idol and I’m loving it! It reminds me just how good singing is for the soul. You all know how much I love to belt out a good tune. Any time, really — in the shower, folding the laundry, even writing blog posts! The music muse just flows through me! So here are five quotes to celebrate the power of singing…

Singing Singing Singing Singing

Does Your Style Match Your Personality?

StyleStyle is and has always been something that’s intensely personal. If you want to be able to communicate your personality to the rest of the planet, fashion can be a great way to do just that! Your choices in apparel can communicate so much about all of the things that make you tick. Your choices in accessories can do the same exact thing. It doesn’t matter if you have a demeanor that’s flirty, girlish and lighthearted. It doesn’t matter if you have one that’s straightforward, no frills and rather serious, either. Your choices in clothing can tell other people practically everything they need to know about you.

Clothing Choices and Freedom

Making choices regarding clothing can be one of the most freeing feelings possible. It can be a pleasure to shop for clothing, especially if you are shopping online at Modvisor. Modvisor is the place to read reviews while finding brands and stores that fit your style.

Not all shopping is fun. It can sometimes be stressful, too. If you want your clothing shopping missions to be particularly successful, then it can help greatly to relax and take it easy for a bit. Don’t give yourself too much pressure. Don’t give yourself any time limitations, either. If you force yourself to purchase a clothing item within a specific period of time, you may end up making a decision that isn’t “you.” You may end up choosing a piece that doesn’t successfully express who you are. Remember, fashion isn’t something that you can’t ever force. It’s something that has to come 100 percent effortlessly to you.

The most fashionable people in the one are the ones who are effortless. If you look at fashionistas, they almost seem like they rolled out of bed looking as chic and cool as they do. You don’t imagine them obsessing over their outfits and accessories for hours and hours in front of their bathroom mirror. The key to looking like a million dollars is making things look and feel as simple and fluid as can be.

Honesty and Style

If you want to shop for clothing that makes you feel liberated, then you need to exercise honesty at all times. Be aware of the styling choices that work for you. Be aware of the ones that don’t work for you, too. Try every single clothing item on in the dressing room. It can even help to bring a trustworthy friend who has your best interests in mind. Take all sorts of things into consideration while you shop, too. Think about your preferred materials, cuts, and patterns. Think about your specific lifestyle as well. Are you shopping for apparel that’s suitable for daily wear on the job? Are you on the lookout for apparel pieces that are appropriate for errands, social gatherings, weekend relaxation or anything else? The quicker you can identify your shopping needs, the easier it will be for you to get things done.

Your objective should be to never try to follow the crowd. Following the crowd fashion-wise will only make you fall flat on your face. If you attempt to emulate another individual’s fashion sense, it will never appear or feel authentic or genuine to anyone else. The only thing you can do is make the most out of your own fashion sensibilities. Try to be the best version of you possible. That doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t seek inspiration from fashion magazines and similar outlets. If you spot an appealing outfit in a magazine or anywhere else, think about what you can do to give it your own twist. Think about how you can infuse it with more character and vitality.

StyleNever wear anything that doesn’t make you feel totally comfortable and at ease. If you walk around in a manner that’s awkward, you’ll feel awful. You’ll make everyone else who is around you feel awkward and unpleasant, too. Style should be all about feeling terrific. It should be about feeling amazing in your own skin. If you walk around in an outfit with your head held high, it will encourage the people who are next to you to do the same. Fashion is infectious in contemporary society. Feeling incredible is just as infectious. Your aim should be to make style choices that make you feel like anything in the world is possible. It should be to go with your instincts at all times as well. Your instincts matter.

–Sara Stringer is a freelance writer who most enjoys blogging about lifestyle, relationships and life as a woman. In her spare time, she enjoys soaking up the sunshine with her husband and two kids. Compensation was received for the editing and publishing of this article.

[Photos via Unsplash]