How The Big Bang Theory Finale Insulted Its Female Characters

Big Bang TheoryDid you watch The Big Bang Theory series finale last week? After 12 years, it was time to say goodbye to Sheldon and company. I’ll admit, I was sad to see their stories come to an end, but there was one thing that made me even sadder (and madder and more frustrated): The send-off the show gave to its female characters!

You all know I’ve been a fan of the show from the very beginning. Back in the days when Penny worked as a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory and Raj couldn’t talk to women without, umm, a little liquid courage. Back in the days when Sheldon struggled to learn the finer nuances of sarcasm and Wolowitz lived with his mother — may she rest in peace.

I’ve been there for it all, so maybe that’s why I found myself pretty disappointed in the Grand Finale Shebang — pun intended (Bazinga!). I was expecting to see Sheldon’s mom, sister and Georgie — the three characters we’ve all come to know and love on back-in-time Young Sheldon. Speaking of Young Sheldon, I was also half hoping to meet his childhood neighbor Billy Sparks as an adult.

At the very least, I was expecting to be moved and to see a finale fitting of a show that had made such an indelible mark on pop culture. I mean, what other show in recent memory has made smart the new sexy?

You’re right! I can’t think of one either. But we didn’t get that finale. Instead, we got one that felt rushed, and, perhaps in an effort to wrap things up, we got a finale that, honestly, felt out of sync with the spirit of the show. For a show that’s heralded its strong female characters and female scientists, the episode did a huge disservice to its female characters!

Big Bang TheoryThe irony of this is certainly not lost on me. Two things (WARNING: Spoilers ahead)…

Amy goes from “plain” to “pretty“: No, Amy DID NOT need to get a makeover! She was a brilliant scientist who won a Nobel Prize. When are shows going to stop relying on that insulting makeover trope? So much of what I loved about Amy was that she never bowed to convention or bucked to tradition, and she was a really empowering role model for young girls, especially in an age where society is all about these unrealistic beauty ideals that are impossible to live up to.

Penny is pregnant: Penny always said she never wanted kids, but BOOM, what do you know, she ends up pregnant in the end. Plus, at a time when women are fighting for the right to have control and autonomy over their own bodies, this story line felt particularly tone deaf and insensitive. Because even in the fictional world of The Big Bang Theory, women’s autonomy is incredibly important. We can’t forget that just because this is a sitcom, you know?

I think there’s a wider cultural commentary to be made here. The commentary, I think, could even go beyond The Big Bang Theory and talk about how even in fictional world, women can’t escape these toxic tropes and unrealistic standards!

“You must want to have kids. You just don’t know it yet!”

“Here, why don’t you have a makeover!”

In fact, people seemed so much more outraged over Raj ending up alone than they did with this blatant sexism, and, truthfully, I just can’t.

Writer Kathryn VanArendonk summed up my feelings perfectly in her piece for Vulture…

“From what we see after Penny discovers she’s pregnant offscreen, we have to assume that she’s pleased, whether or not she made a choice about staying pregnant. But it’s hard to overstate how much this plot — which was surely intended as a sweet, hopeful end — instead comes off as thoughtless and tin-eared at best, dismissive and condescending at worst. In an otherwise heartwarming finale for these characters, after 12 years spent together on one of TV’s most popular shows, it’s infuriating and unfortunate that The Big Bang Theory would essentially erase a woman’s right to choose from her own narrative.”

Indeed, the finale was dismissive and condescending all around. In the end, it was just a real letdown after more than a decade of being so invested in these characters. After all, their lives and their stories, though obviously fiction, came to be a part of our lives and part of our stories. I only wish Amy and Penny had gotten the endings that they truly deserved. Why they didn’t is one mystery I’ll be unraveling for all of eternity.

Big Bang TheoryThank you for listening, err, reading, friends! I desperately neeeeeeded to rage-write these feelings! What did you think of the finale, friends? Were you a fan? How would you have liked to see the gang’s journey end? With a bang? Yes, that pun was definitely intended… xoxo

What The Bachelor Finale Revealed About Entitled Dude Bros

Bachelor FinaleIf I were writing a quick hot take about The Bachelor finale, it would go something like this…

Cassie: I don’t want to be with you…
Colton: I think she loves me. I’m going to go after her. 

Sound romantic? A gallant act of chivalry? Think again because Colton‘s behavior spiraled really quickly from a guy looking for love to a guy obsessed with chasing a woman who clearly turned him down. Instead of a grand finale, what we got was a grand reality check — an all-too-accurate snapshot of what women experience every day when they reject advances from men. If art imitates life, then The Bachelor finale is primed to be Exhibit A. And it’s not a pretty picture. It’s more problematic than romantic, more alarming than charming and, perhaps above all, more damaging than entertaining.

What exactly am I getting at? We have to talk about how that trainwreck of a finale was basically yet another example of an entitled white male who doesn’t understand what the word “NO” means?? Cassie’s words seemed to go right over Colton’s head, as if he didn’t even hear them in the first place. He assumed that he knew what she wanted more than she did — a sort of “you’ll thank me later” vibe that felt all at once condescending, insensitive and immature.

But, sadly, this is what women are used to hearing, right? They’re doubted and discredited, all too often made to feel as if their feeling are either wrong or just don’t matter at all. Colton jumping over the fence was the equivalent of saying “I know what she really means” and, in essence, we all too often disregard women’s feelings while men get a free pass at the very least and are even cheered on at the very worst; people had been waiting with bated breath all season long, wondering “Is Colton going to jump the fence in this week’s episode?” and when he did, memes galore spread like wildfire on social media. People couldn’t get enough of it — it practically felt like an Olympic sport.

Bachelor FinaleBut here’s the thing: The Bachelor finale is just a symptom of a larger epidemic. It highlights a trend we’ve seen time and time again where men, even dangerous men, are glorified and women are shamed. We saw it as recently as Netflix’s smash breakout hit You, in which Penn Badgley’s Joe becomes the ultimate sinister stalker. Despite the show’s gruesome premise, fans couldn’t help falling for Joe as if he was their favorite boy band member. In fact, I’ve seen people online say how much they’re rooting for Joe, and Badgley himself even had to take to Twitter and remind people to not romanticize his character.

For comparison, Netflix’s other foray into the dark and twisted Gypsy focused on a woman therapist who got a bit too obsessed with her patients. The show only lasted one season and no one was throwing words around like “hot” or swooning over how in love they were with the character.

Indeed, our pop culture lexicon has a nasty habit of putting these dangerous dude bros on a pedestal. We swoon over very, very bad men doing some very, very bad things. I’ve caught myself in this trap a time or two. In my teens, there was my obsession with Christopher Moltisanti, the mobster from The Sopranos who not only abused his girlfriend, but also had a hand in her murder.

And a few years ago, after binge-watching Dexter, I fell hard for – you guessed it – Dexter Morgan himself. Never mind the fact that he murdered hundreds if not thousands of people.

It’s this sort of sexist subtext that I can’t understand. Think about it this way: If the roles were reversed and it was a woman chasing a man, we’d call her a bunny boiler a la Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. We’d be saying things like “Oh, wow, she is just so desperate!” and “Why can’t she just take the hint and let go?” and “I feel sorry for her!”

This double standard isn’t cute or sexy or romantic, and I’m just not sure this show can — or even should — be taken at face value, especially in the #MeToo era. You can say that shows like The Bachelor are just mindless fluff – an innocent guilty pleasure – but we can’t ignore the dangerous message rippling under the sexy, glossy surface; ignoring it would be as dangerous as the message itself.

Bachelor FinaleIn the end, yes, you can argue that Cassie and Colton ended up together so everything must have worked out, but that misses the point entirely. Cassie telling Colton she wasn’t in love with him in the first place should have ended things right there. Her “no” was a complete sentence. If Colton really loved her, then he would have respected her words and her decision.

In essence, the show is glorifying this incredibly toxic relationship model, one in which a man gets the girl solely by wearing her down, and then holding it up as if this is the type of relationship to aspire to or that it’s OK when men do this because it really just means True Love.

I recently tweeted, “I want a guy to be so distraught when I break up with him that he jumps a fence…” I was half joking, but after The Bachelor finale, even I’m not laughing anymore. No one should be laughing.

Thank you, Luke Perry: An Ode to Dylan McKay

Luke Perry Luke PerryJudging by the outpouring of love and tributes on social media alone, Luke Perry was one of those rare actors who touched a lot of lives in the best way possible. His sudden death this week is devastating and comes much too soon. He was a father, friend and someone who cared immensely about other people.

And to generations of TV fans, the characters he played became part of our lives. For Riverdale fans, he was the ultimate father figure in Fred Andrews. But for those of us who grew up in the ’90s, we were glued to our televisions every week when Beverly Hills, 90210 came on!! Perry’s Dylan McKay was the ultimate dreamy crush in my 9-year-old eyes, and I know I wasn’t the only one.

He was our first crush, and the fact that he was a bad boy only added to the allure. We knew deep down that Dylan was one of the good ones; underneath all that external bravado beat the heart of a sensitive guy who made us all feel special. Dylan was part of our growing up — a way for us to explore the world beyond our TV screens — and the lessons he taught us would stay with us forever. Lessons like what it means to truly love someone (I always thought Brenda and Kelly were SO lucky!), what it means to struggle and what it means to overcome obstacles in life.

Something tells me that we’re going to keep Dylan tucked in our hearts forever. You can’t deny the powerful impact he had on a generation, and I’ll forever be grateful to Luke Perry for the gift he gave us. I hope he knows just how important and meaningful that gift was and will continue to be.

In a way, I suppose it’s only appropriate that I heard The Byrds’ “Turn! Turn! Turn!” as I was writing this post. When you think of Perry’s death in the context of this tune, life becomes incredibly poignant and you start to see things through an entirely different perspective, you know?

Luke PerryPerhaps CNN Opinion said it best in the intro to their round-up of reader stories about what Luke Perry meant to them…

“The answers: he was your first crush, your role model and a passing acquaintance who left a warmth behind in his wake. He was a generation-defining heartthrob and a generation-crossing father figure who projected kindness and a lack of ego on the set and beyond. In death, he became an urgent reminder to cherish your loved ones and value each breath of life. As one reader memorably put it, ‘RIP Luke Perry. I hope you are still causing mall riots in heaven.'”

Indeed, Luke Perry was many things to many people. He will be missed dearly — and, of course, remembered forever. Thank you, indeed. What do you remember most about him and his characters, friends? I’d love to hear your stories and memories, too… xoxo

My Essay on Cosmo: “What It’s Like to Watch The Bachelor As a Virgin…”

BachelorThis is the story of my first time…watching The Bachelor.

Wait, what did you think I was going to say? #Wink

Seriously, though, I’m so excited to have a new piece published on Cosmo, which is the ultimate Bible for my generation. Plus, umm, file this under Things I Never Thought I’d Do: Mention my virginity in a Cosmo headline!!! I mean, I’ve been incredibly candid about love and disability before on Cosmo, but now?? I can add in-your-face headline to my overshare list!

Yessss, I went there and bared my soul to the entire Internet — and pretty much the entire world, for that matter! I also admitted that I’d never watched everyone’s favorite “trying-to-make-a-love-connection” reality show.

SHOCKER.

But in a shocking twist spoiler alert worthy of The Bachelor itself, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I wanted to watch it. Desperately. So, I did! And, luckily, I got to write all about my thoughts as a first-time watcher. Ooooh, friends, it was certainly a doozy of an experience! My head is still sort of spinning — and not just because of ALL THE KISSING SCENES! Seriously, so much kissing!!!! Whyyyyy???

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, where I look at how the show handled the topic of virginity and the pervasive double standard when it comes to male vs. female virginity…

“And then there are people like me. I don’t look “normal” by any means, thanks to my physical disability. And I’ve never been shy about writing about my own virginity. But a lot of the messages I get come from commenters who think people with disabilities don’t have the same needs and wants as able-bodied people–they say things like, ‘Your disability and wheelchair will always be in the way,’ which is not only hurtful, but also inaccurate and archaic.

So what’s my verdict? When I mentioned to some fellow writers that I was writing this, one friend said, ‘I think you may find that, as is often the case during loss of virginity, it’s awkward, disappointing, and sometimes painful for women.’

Interestingly, that pretty much sums up my first time with The Bachelor as well. And yet…I’m still setting my DVR every Monday. For some strange reason, I feel invested in this journey now, however unrealistic, un-relatable, and even occasionally offensive it may be.”

BachelorYou can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! And here’s to us going home for the holidays, wherever that may be! Love you all… xoxo

Thoughts on Bradley Cooper, Lady Gaga and THAT Electrifying Oscars Performance

Lady Gaga Lady GagaDid you watch the Oscars on Sunday? I just had to tune in, despite Bohemian Rhapsody being the only award-worthy movie I’ve seen in the last year! Pitiful, I know, but I’m willing to bet that a lot of people tuned in for the same reason I did. And, guess what? That reason had absolutely NOTHING to do with the films or the red carpet fashions or even the fact that the show was without a host this year. Let’s just be real and admit it already: We sat on the edge of our seats waiting for that much-anticipated performance from Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper…

And, my capsule review in as few words as possible? They didn’t disappoint. #Whoa

Now, before I get long-winded about all that passion, I suppose I should get a few disclaimers out of the way: No, I am not a homewrecker. No, I don’t advocate breaking up relationships. But there’s nothing wrong with a little harmless fantasizing, is there? Of course not! These are merely my observations.

Anyway, back to that Oscars performance. I felt like I started holding my breath the minute Bradley Cooper started singing and didn’t exhale until the very end, when they sort of leaned their heads into each other and Lady Gaga shot him a look that could sink a thousand ships. Those three minutes sort of felt like an out-of-body experience, and I had no idea what was even happening! Well, I guess I do have some idea because the electrifying magnetism was undeniable. The passion! The connection! The sparks! The unbridled chemistry! Literally, it was almost too much; I’m actually surprised my TV didn’t blow a fuse from all that sexual tension — it was palpable even through the screen!

Mind you, I say all this as someone who hasn’t even seen A Star Is Born and who thinks “Shallow” is lukewarm at best. But like I said, that performance was anything but lukewarm. It was hot, and while Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper can deny it all they want, there’s is something there. Yes, even I, with my nonexistent track record in the romance department, can see it. And, look! Twitter agrees with me!

So, I hereby crown Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper the “will they/won’t they” couple of 2019. This is feeling like it’s going to be on par with David and Maddie (remember Moonlighting?), and I predict that we’ll be on the edge of our seats for much of the year — and maybe even beyond? After all, there’s no way the flames from this fire are going to die down any time soon.

Lady Gaga Lady GagaWhat’s your verdict, friends? Am I reading too much into things or is there chemistry simmering under the surface for these two? What did you think of their Oscars performance? If nothing else, Lady Gaga’s fashion was on fleek!! That necklace… xoxo

[Kevin Winter/Getty Images]