The Week writing Archives - So About What I Said

Monday, March 2, 2020

My Essay on The Week: “I Love Rom-Coms, But Where’s the Female Disabled Lead?”

When was the last time you saw a disabled woman as the lead in rom-coms?

That’s the question I explore in my latest piece for The Week, where I explored things like love and disability and the “disabled people are asexual” stereotype. I love rom-coms, but the lack of representation is staggering. It’s TIME to have a disabled woman as the lead.

In fact, I’ve spent so much time lately reconciling my love of rom-coms with their lack of diversity, especially when it comes to disability representation. Maybe it’s the result of being older? Because I certainly never asked these types of questions when I was a teenager watching my favorite love stories play out on screen. I pictured myself as the main character as she falls in love with the dashing male lead.

Well, not anymore, friends. Granted, I still watch said movies, but I no longer see myself in the female leads. And that’s a huge problem.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I remind society, YET AGAIN, of all the things disabled people are and what they’re not. You’d think people would catch on by now, but…

Of course I want to see people like me on the screen, but I also want the able-bodied world to see people like me on the screen. Contrary to that age-old stereotype, disabled people aren’t asexual beings who live in solitude. I would love for the whole world to see that, yes, we deserve love — and our own rom-com plot lines — just like everyone else.
Our society has a long history of telling people with disabilities that we’re not pretty. I was reminded of that recently when I was told I was too ugly to post selfies — I clapped back with this viral tweet. I can’t help but think that featuring people with disabilities more in mainstream culture — in movies, certainly — would counteract those ignorant, hurtful beliefs.

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

My Essay on The Week: “How Ulta Beauty Is Changing Beauty Norms With Its New Wheelchair Ad”

Makeup and I have always had a rather tumultuous relationship. I’ve never understood makeup — or maybe I was insecure because of my disability and never really thought I deserved to wear it? Either way, I’m SO glad that I got to write about something that involves both the beauty world AND the disability community: How Ulta Beauty is changing the game by including a model in a wheelchair in their new ad campaign.

It’s my third op-ed for The Week and it’s particularly poignant that it should come out during the week of my big viral tweet because, at the heart of it, that tweet highlighted disabilities and, especially, society’s perceptions of what it means to be beautiful. There are so many beauty standards that I despise, but the one that gets under my skin the most and makes me rage to high heavens is this idea that disabilities and deformities aren’t beautiful. That there somehow ugly and repulsive and disgusting. THAT idea is disgusting and one that I’ll work forever and ever to change.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I discuss such things are inclusion and what it would mean for young people to see this ad and be able to feel like they belong in the hallowed aisles of Ulta Beauty…

We live in a society with very strict definitions of what it means to be beautiful. I learned from a very young age that my disability would never be synonymous with pretty or sexy or even cute, and I internalized a lot of those harmful messages — some of them I’m still trying to unlearn as an adult…and Ulta is sending a powerful message with a single photo: It’s time to challenge conventional beauty standards because beautiful comes in ALL forms.
We all want to see ourselves represented in society. We all want to feel included, like we belong. When it comes to disabilities, that feeling of inclusion is so important. I was well into my 30s when I stepped (well, rolled) into Ulta for the first time, and it was certainly an overwhelming experience. I had no idea what I was doing and felt like I was entering a new world without a map; I felt like I was out of place, as if I was peeking into an exclusive club that I wasn’t invited to. Imagine how my experience would have been different had I seen a model in a wheelchair. In the new ad, she’s smiling, as if to say, “Welcome. Yes, you belong!”

P.S. Thanks to Ms. Bear for snapping the photo for me!!

Thursday, August 15, 2019

My Essay on The Week: “It’s Time to Redesign the Accessibility Logo”

I’m so glad that I got to write about this!! It’s my second op-ed for The Week. I’ve long been an advocate of redesigning the accessibility logo to better reflect WHO we are as people with disabilities and the reality of our lives!! When it comes to things like inclusion and disability representation, it’s so important that they’re accurate.

This is something that I’ve wanted to write about for awhile, so when one of my former editors (hi, Elizabeth Yuko, if you’re reading!! 👋🏻) sent me this story tip, it was just the timely news hook I needed.

So what exactly was that news hook, you ask? The state of Ohio is trying to redesign the accessibility logo to better reflect people with with a disability, to make it more dynamic and less stagnant, where the person is just sitting in their wheelchair waiting for someone to come and push them.

Unfortunately, the plans are being put on hold, and that’s unfortunate. A revamped, more modern logo would go a long way to changing public perception about what it’s like to live with a disability in 2019 — it would definitely squash some of those outdated stereotypes of someone who is helpless and dependent on others.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I remind society, YET AGAIN, of all the things disabled people are and what they’re not. You’d think people would catch on by now, but…

We are a vibrant, independent people who aren’t sitting around, dependent on others. I often say that living with a disability is a verb in every sense of the word; that’s something the able-bodied community tends to forget sometimes. People with disabilities are working, socializing, shopping, vacationing, and just generally going about their lives. The last thing we’re doing is waiting for someone else to help us get somewhere.
Maybe that’s why I feel so strongly about the power of the accessibility logo’s proposed redesign. A logo that shows someone in a wheelchair propelling themselves forward could instill a better image of people with disabilities in the national mind. Every day, I and millions of others in the disability community fight stigmas and stereotypes. Showing us as we really are, even if it’s only in an illustration, would be a powerful way to help us be seen and better understood.

[Photo via Unsplash]

Saturday, July 20, 2019

My Essay on The Week: “Trump and the Everlasting Problem of Men Demanding Apologies From Women”

As a writer, there are certain things that I wish I didn’t have to write about. My latest op-ed for The Week falls in that category. Trump and his treatment of the four Congresswomen is yet another reveal of his deeply racist and misogynistic character, and I’m so over men demanding apologies from women. SO. OVER. IT. Women do not owe men the word “sorry.”

Needless to say, I’ve been fuming ALL WEEK. Well, actually, I’ve been fuming since 2016, but that’s beside the point. These are scary and dangerous times that we’re living in, and I knew I just had to write an op-ed about this culture of men thinking women owe them apologies. Make no mistake, this sense of entitlement is peak misogyny. Because the truth is…

WOMEN DO NOT OWE MEN.

They don’t owe them their time. They don’t owe them their attention.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, which found a home on The Week and includes far too many examples of instances in pop culture, politics and even sports where powerful men have demanded that women apologize and atone for their supposed wrongdoings…

With this in mind, it becomes clear the apology is a tool — or perhaps a weapon — wielded by misogynists to suppress strong, confident women by making them feel humiliated, ashamed, and small. Trump, in particular, has a history of going on the attack any time he feels threatened or intimidated by a strong woman, and his is a predictable MO, one that he established long ago. He’s afraid of these four congresswomen because they’re not afraid of him. They’re not going to acquiesce or back down, and so Trump falls back on naming, shaming, and demanding repentance.

My op-ed was also featured on The Week’s homepage!! Think the Trump will see it??

This illustration is by my friend Meaghan Elderkin (remember her inspiring napkin drawings?) and is such a powerful statement of these amazing Congresswomen of color.

I stand with these incredibly brave and powerful women. Squad goals forever and always. Thank you, Reps. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, Ayanna S. Pressley of Massachusetts, and Rashida Tlaib of Michigan. We see you and we support you!

Friday, August 3, 2018

My Essay on The Week: “The Priceless Nostalgia of Childhood Family Road Trips”

I’ve written a lot about family over the years, but my newest essay is definitely one of my favorites! It’s my first for The Week and it’s all about the family road trips that marked my childhood in such a powerful and profound way! I originally wrote it back in March and I’d been trying to place it for the last couple months. Summer was coming to an end! I was worried I’d have to save it for next year and then…BAM!!

Summer is a season that evokes such incredible sense memories, you know? When I was writing this, even all the way back in the cold days of March, I could just feel summer with every word I typed. That summer vibe, complete with its warm sun and fresh-cut grass smell, just filled my soul with childhood nostalgia. It actually made me yearn for a bygone era and those classic days of yore.

In fact, after I wrote the intro paragraph, I remember thinking, “Wow, I’ve certainly seen America, haven’t I…” I say this to my mom a lot, but I am so grateful to my parents for the childhood they gave me — a childhood full of life and adventures. That’s a gift that I will carry with me forever! Those family road trips were so magical!

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I namedrop my love for a certain late ’90s teen pop queen whose music I still bop to all the time — music that, to this day, still reminds me of those family road trips…

It was quintessential America — a snapshot of the United States. Wrapped up in these vacations was the perfect history lesson. My parents saw it as a way to bring history to life for my sister and me. But these trips are also our family’s history. It’s the story of our journey and our past and the story of our family.
It’s those summer memories that bring me comfort as I continue to mourn the loss of my father, 15 years after his death. It’s those memories I’m keeping alive. Those days of sitting in the backseat, pillow over my lap, just watching the world go by through the car window. In the sticky Southern heat of summer, the kind of heat that sticks to your back and sends beads of sweat rolling across your forehead, we were making our own history and planting the historical markers of our lives.