Refinery29 writing Archives - So About What I Said

Hi, friends!! How are you? I’ve got a whole bunch of new published pieces to share with you, so I thought now would be the perfect time to do just that! First up is an essay I wrote for Refinery29 about my favorite topic in all the world: Selfies

Back in September, I knew that I wanted to write about what I learned from a year of posting selfies and I’m SO proud of this piece and I’m so glad I got to tell this story! I grew up feeling different (and looking different) from people my age, which definitely impacted my self-image. With my selfies, it’s like I’m having a conversation with my younger self, telling her all the things I wish I had known back when I was a teenager.

I started posting selfies as a defiant response to trolls…sort of saying “You don’t want to see my photos? I’m going to post one EVERY DAY! What do you think of that?”

Yes, friends, the quickest way to get me to do something is to tell me NOT to do it.

It’s like I wrote in the piece, selfies are a powerful thing for disabled people — and especially for disabled women. It’s a way to open up the conversation about what it means to live life with a disability, but it’s also a way to take back the narrative and take up space in a society that doesn’t want to include us AT ALL

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I reflect on how my selfies weren’t just for me, but in support of the entire disability community…

I may have started this year of selfies for myself, but I soon realized that these selfies weren’t just about me. Other disabled people told me they identified with my words, too, and they began posting selfies of their own. They started sharing their stories and showing the world who they are. I’ve often felt very alone as a disabled person and for the first time, I was seeing the disability community taking our rightful place at society’s table. Finally, I was seeing people like me — people who weren’t ashamed of who they are — and it was one of the most glorious things I’ve ever experienced.
We don’t typically think of selfies as being a revolutionary act or even political, but they are, especially in 2020. It’s a way of taking back my power and painting a more accurate picture of disability.

For this piece, the Refinery29 designers created this really cool selfies collage and I absolutely love it. Not just because it’s a great visual representation of the last year of my life, but because it’s amazing disability representation!

These selfies are for every single disabled person.

These selfies are a statement.

Our lives and our stories matter.

A special thank you to all the trolls for helping me learn these lessons! Something tells me I’m going to keep posting daily selfies…at least for awhile longer! Never let anyone tell you that selfies don’t matter. They do!

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so I see your tweet and we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

As a freelance writer, it’s always exciting to break into publications I haven’t written for before — and it’s even MORE exciting when editors from those publications reach out to me and offer assignments!! That’s how my first piece for Refinery29 came about and it’s about a topic I wish I didn’t have to write about, but it was so important that I did. Did you hear about the New Teacher Challenge prank that was going around on TikTok at the beginning of the school year?

Well, buckle up, friends!! You’re in for one bumpy ride…

In August, everyone seemed to be participating in the latest viral trend in which people were using photos of disabled people to prank and scare others. I found out that someone was using my photo for this and I was utterly disgusted. I shouldn’t have to tell y’all just how ableist this is, but here we are: Disabled people aren’t here for your mockery, your ridicule or to be the joke. We’re not objects. We’re people.

I’m so glad that I got to write about the New Teacher Challenge prank, but like I said, I wish I never had to in the first place. Seeing this trend is hurtful, but I hope my piece will make people think twice before participating. This whole disgusting prank has only reinforced how important disability representation is. We need to normalize seeing people who don’t look like us. We need to teach the next generation that facial differences should be celebrated, not feared or mocked.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I don’t mince words about how the New Teacher Challenge prank has made me feel…

Adults who actually think this is okay, and worse…even funny, should know better. There’s absolutely no excuse. They should be the ones teaching their children how harmful and hurtful these pranks are, not laughing in the background as their child recoils at the sight of a disabled person. We live in a society where people who look “different” are seen as ugly and grotesque; those messages start being taught at a young age. Think about how many Disney villains have some sort of deformity.
I want to be clear: I am violated. Every single time. Each photo, taunt, and cruel word is a clear violation of my dignity and my worth as a human being. And every time these platforms fail to take action, they’re sending the message that this bullying is okay. So many disabled people have become inured to our appearance being mocked. That’s not something we should ever have to get used to.

I often wonder when society will finally normalize disabilities. Will it be in my lifetime?

Each time I post a selfie or I share something about my life as a disabled woman, I feel like that is representation that is going to really combat ableism. Because really, it’s 2020 and disabled people shouldn’t have to hide; I think that’s part of the reason I’m so adamant about being so visible and posting so many pictures of myself. It’s my way of combating the trolls and showing them that they’re not going to drive me off social media!

I’ve also been doing lots of press for this piece and it’s been so cool to actually talk about it instead of just write about it. Here are my interviews with NPR, Forbes and CNN.

The Refinery29 designers worked their magic and added those cool colors to this selfie and I’m in LOVE.

Fun fact: This is also the photo trolls use as an example of “ugly,” but I actually felt hot AF when I took this last summer. I was having my moment in NYC

Thanks again for all your love, support and messages this week too!! Y’all are just awesome, so thank you for making the Internet a brighter place!!

My Essay on Refinery29: Why I Spent A Year Posting Selfies

My Essay on Refinery29: A Message To TikTok Parents About the New Teacher Challenge