Ms. Bear Guest Post Archives - So About What I Said

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Ms. Bear on Lessons of the Summer and a Fall…

Well, here it is, friends!! As promised…Ms. Bear has returned to the blog in all her glory! Today, she shares her lessons of the summer and how a nasty fall on one of the first days of school put everything into perspective! As always, she’s bringing the wisdom once again and I always appreciate when she shares that wisdom with us! xoxo

It is so interesting to me that during the summer, I feel like I get more in touch with myself. That’s not always as pleasant as it sounds, however! LOL.

During the school year, life is just like a whirlwind — getting from one day to the next and enjoying the weekends in between. Time just flies by. But, during the summer, there is a bit more downtime. With this extra time comes a certain quietness to the days, even when I am still working summer school. There is time for leisurely lunches, plenty of time to go exercise at the Y, lots of staying up late and sleeping in…well, you get the picture.

However, this extra time also brings with it two challenges. The first is the fact that I really don’t have any hobbies besides exercising! That’s all well and good, but you can’t (and shouldn’t) exercise all the time! I used to be a voracious reader, but now I only read in the evenings. I also used to play my piano, but that has gone by the wayside with the fast pace of life, not to mention the temptation of checking things out online. I also used to spend hours at the public library, but, again, the allure of the computers always ropes me in! This is the first thing I need to work on before I retire! I need to get my hobbies back! I think I need some brand-spanking new hobbies to spice up my life a bit!

The second challenge downtime brings me is that it gives me time to think about Brian, which is a nice thing to do, but brings its own set of issues with it. During the summer, there is more time for me to notice other couples out together. Sometimes I just stop, as I think of what could have been. It also makes me think about what our lives would be like right now if Brian were still here. The most challenging thing this extra time brings is the flashbacks of Brian’s suicide, something I can push out of my mind when I am super busy during the school year. While the initial pain and shock are nowhere near what they were the first few years after his death, sometimes I am still brought to a standstill for a few minutes, as I continue the processing that I think will go on for the rest of my life.

So, in trying to tie both parts of the title of this post together, what does all this have to do with my recent fall??? I learned a very valuable lesson this month from my fall. A bit of catch-up for you: On August 13th, I was out in my yard, all happy and hyped up about coming home from one of the first days back to work. I went out into the yard to place my union yard sign (another story…) and the ground was so hard that I literally tripped right over the sign and landed ON MY HEAD, right on the sidewalk! You know how head wounds bleed, so I ran in the house, screaming for the girls. Janelle, the newly minted CNA, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to go to the ER right then. Nine hours, 7 stitches, one CAT scan and a boatload of aggravation, dizziness and tears later, Janelle got me home. It’s been quite the recovery and has proven to me that if I don’t slow down, bad things are bound to happen. But, if I do slow down, then I have all the above issues to deal with. I’m sure you can see the irony in this.

So, indirectly, the Great Fall of 2018 has given me a not-so-gentle nudge from the universe telling me that it is my time to start thinking of some of the things I need to think about to prepare for this next phase of my life which will be coming up in a few years. Kind of a scary prospect for me, but I can see now that there are things in my life that I need to change. And, hard as it may be to slow down and make these changes, I think I’m ready for it. Time will tell and I will keep you posted!

Special thanks to Melissa for letting me spill all this out on the blog. It will certainly help to hold me accountable the next time I become totally complacent with my life and stop moving forward. Here’s to the future! Someday, I am going to have to retire and I want to be ready for the fun and sun — and hopefully some new hobbies!

[Thanks to Janelle for snapping the cute photo of Ms. Bear on the slide]

Monday, June 11, 2018

🐻 Ms. Bear Remembers the Love (and Some Lessons) on Her 40th Wedding Anniversary 💓

Forty years??? Yesterday would have been Brian’s and my 40th wedding anniversary. Wow, that seems like a long time. We only made it to 24, almost 25. Each year on my anniversary, I let myself think for a few minutes about how we would be celebrating if he was still here. Brian loved to give the schmaltzy cards, flowers and candy. He was every woman’s dream date, and believe me, I know how lucky I was to have him. I think he felt the same way because after he died, I found every card I ever gave him!

So, yesterday I wondered how I would react to this milestone anniversary, especially since I was helping out at church with a celebration for three couples who were hitting their 45th wedding anniversary this year. I worried I would feel sad. But, you know what?? I was so happy to help them celebrate. I even made little bags of candy to represent the years of marriage. Here’s the little poem that went along with them…

Skittles are for the sunshiny times you’ve had
Carmels for those rather sticky times
Dark chocolate for the dark and sometimes bitter times
And Laffy Taffy for all the shared laughs over the years

Marriage is really a hodge-podge of feelings and emotions as you go through life together. If you’re lucky, the happy times greatly outweigh the bad times! But, as my mother cautioned me before I got married, “There will be happy times and not-so-happy times and there will be times you will be flush with money and times you won’t have enough.” Oh, the wisdom of our mothers!

But, to carry on with my day: I learned a big lesson this year. First, I’ll tell you about my afternoon and then I will tell you the lesson (oh, the suspense!). After lunch (Melissa bought me Jersey Mike’s subs, which were excellent, as always), Janelle and I went to the store to buy some supplies for a friend of mine who was ill. We went around the store picking out things we thought would be good and then we delivered them.

So, here’s the lesson I learned…when you get too caught up in your emotions, it really helps to do something for someone else! That outing to the store gave me a purpose outside of thinking about how Brian is not here to celebrate with me. I’m going to remember this lesson for the next time I may need it!

There were two other fun things from yesterday that I want to remember. First, Janelle made me a cake that she called the “love cake.” It was truly a piece of art! Then, when we ate the cake, Melissa surprised me by buying me the first season of Bewitched on Amazon Prime. Sometimes we all need a little magic in our day!

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Ms. Bear’s NYC Adventure: Jimmy Carter and Jersey Boys

Well, someone in our family sure had an exciting spring break! Hint: I watched lots of Hallmark movies, so you know it wasn’t me! It was…Ms. Bear!! She embarked on a whirlwind NYC adventure that included Jimmy Carter, Jersey Boys…and a Jake Gyllenhaal sighting! #Jealous

As usual, she was more than game to write about her trip, so I’ll just let her cuteness do the talking! Take it away, Ms. Bear… xoxo

P.S. Thanks to Mona for snapping some of these great photos!!

Anyone who knows me (and some who don’t, thanks to the power of social media) knows that this has been a really tough year for me. It all started in the fall with a sad rift in a family relationship. I was still reeling from this (and still am, frankly) when I had my first abnormal mammogram in 22 years!. Oh, it’s just a false positive, I told myself. I do pride myself on my positive attitude, so it just seemed natural to me to brush it off. There was another mammogram, a biopsy and finally, two lumpectomies, which, fortunately, were not cancer…but weren’t innocent either! Add several weeks of recovery and a very stressful school year, plus two failed attempts at drugs that could lessen my chances of breast cancer and something strange happened to me! Not only did I lose my positive attitude, but I kind of lost a bit of myself too.

I found myself operating on auto-pilot; the colors of the world seemed a bit off. It snuck up so insidiously, though, that I didn’t even realize it. I thought I was just so tired from everything I had been through, and that could have been true. But, it took me a bit of time away from my usual schedule to find the happy part of me again.

Last weekend, I found myself on a jet plane bound for NYC. When I left, I felt that the trip might be too much for me, especially with the way I was feeling. But, low and behold, nothing could have been farther from the truth!

Oh, the things we did! Visiting with my niece Mona and my sister Elaine is always so much fun. Mona’s dog Howie has been joined by a new pup, Maya, and a little canine therapy was so helpful. We watched a couple movies. We slept a lot and went out and ate good food. My sister was so happy to finally have eaten at Morton’s Steakhouse, a New York institution! And man, that steak melted in your mouth! We even saw Jake Gyllenhaal in Central Park and he even stopped to see Howie! Howie is the cutest and regularly turns heads on the sidewalks of Manhattan!

There were two things I did that were nothing short of magnificent! I met Jimmy Carter at his book signing for his new book Faith: A Journey For All. That book was just what I needed to read. And, Jimmy Carter is as kind and as gentle a man as I always imagined him to be. Also, I met an editor friend of Melissa’s right there in the line! Talk about a small world!

And, the pièce de résistance (using some of that French from my summer travels….lol) was front-row seats to Jersey Boys. Oh, man, I couldn’t believe the majesty of a Broadway show. You could see the sweat and spit flying off those poor, sweaty actors!

So, all in all, I learned a very valuable lesson. Next time I am feeling down, I am not going to just melt into my recliner and tell myself that I must just be tired. I’m going to shake things up a bit, even if it is just getting up and going out and getting an ice cream cone. These last few months have been kind of a dark time for me (not that I am not extremely thankful that I don’t have cancer right now, because I am sooooo thankful for that!), and I have learned that life may change on a dime and sometimes we just have to go ahead and change right along with it.

And, the next time YOU might be feeling down, put on some Frankie Valli and get up and dance! As I said when coming out of Jersey Boys….”Oh, What a Night!” and what a night it was when I visited New York City. May spring bring you an “aha” moment also! Enjoy!

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Ms. Bear Blogs: A Sweet Twist on Our Holiday Tradition

Editor’s Note: Guess who’s back on the blog, friends?!?!? MRS. BEAR!!! After sharing the joys of her European Adventure over the summer, I’ve been waiting and looking for the next opportunity to have her return for another classic Story Time! She doesn’t disappoint with today’s post, either, with her tale of our sweet twist on our holiday tradition this year. And, yes, before you ask: I can personally vouch for the deliciousness of all the yummy desserts she cooked! How on earth does she make it all look so easy?? She never fails to keep me in awe of her magic… xoxo

Did you ever notice how often you do the same thing over and over, even when it no longer suits you? I’ve noticed this about myself for a long time, but recently, I started noticing this about other people too. And, I’ve started questioning myself as to why it is so hard to change. Well, no answers yet, haha, but I have been thinking a lot about this lately and decided to try to practice what I have been preaching to myself (and actually, to Melissa as well, because she is practically incapable of shaking things up!) Case in point with Melissa…she’s only had one hairstyle in her entire life! But, I digress….

2017 was not our finest year. I think I can honestly say it is the worst year we ever had, except for 2003, when Brian died. Without getting too deep into my trauma with the year, let’s just say it involved some family problems and heartbreak and some of what seemed like endless health problems for me. Of course, it was also one of my finest years, with the trip to Paris and all! But, I digress again!

So, after a really bad Thanksgiving (and I do mean really bad!!), we just decided we had to shake things up a bit at Christmas. Our refrain was, “There will NOT be another day like Thanksgiving in our house on December 25th!” But, being kind of boring and set in our ways, we couldn’t quite decide how to make this happen. We talked about it endlessly and finally came up with a plan that we could all (mostly, because the things we decided to do were two things Janelle hates), but we forged ahead anyway. Christmas morning brought us around the kitchen table and our little tree (another change we made last year) opening all our gifts. Then we headed out to IHOP to, gasp, have Christmas dinner out! Now that was really shaking it up, because never in my almost 62 years had I ever had anything but a home-cooked turkey or ham dinner on Christmas! And, man, what a good Christmas dinner it was…Janelle and I had breakfast; it may have been the first time in 20 years that I had French Toast and I didn’t even feel guilty about the calories!). Melissa had her usual burger and fries because she said she had a stomachache, and only Melissa feels that a burger and fries are her cure-all for nausea!

After lunch, we were going to go off to the movies — after watching a lot of trailers because we couldn’t decide what to see — but the restaurant was so crowded that we missed the show times. We did go drive by the show just to see if it was crowded, and boy was it!

Another thing we shook up this year was some brand new cookie recipes. If you read So About What I Said regularly, you know that I am well known for my mother’s almond cookies and for my chocolate chip ones. Well, this year we didn’t have a single one of those! We made 7 layer bars, sugar cookies (unfrosted!), gingerbread and peanut butter cookies with kisses in the middle. And you know what??

IT WAS GREAT!!!!!

So, if I had to sum up Christmas 2017, I would say that I learned a lesson, which I hope I will hold onto. I learned that things can change and that doesn’t in any way diminish what was, or what will be. It just was what it was and a very nice holiday was had by all. Not a tear was shed this Christmas, which I think may be the first time in almost 15 years that that happened!

I hope all of Melissa’s readers have a spectacular 2018, and if you don’t, just don’t worry, because you can always make some changes and move on! Happy New Year to all!

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Tuesday Travels: Reflections on the Trip of a Lifetime!

Editor’s Note: Whoa! It’s been a busy time on the blog! Over the last three weeks, Ms. Bear has whisked us away to some very enchanting faraway lands — Paris, Belgium and London! Today, she’s excited to wrap things up with these reflections on her trip of a lifetime! And awayyyyyy we go… xoxo

Yesterday was Labor Day, which, of course, is the unofficial end of summer. To that end, it only seems fitting that I wind up my last guest blog on the summer trip of a lifetime! And also, of course, Melissa has been bugging me all weekend to get writing, so there’s that reason too for getting this done! Hahaha…

I have been thinking since I came home about why this trip has had such a great impact on me. I think it boils down to three main reasons, all of them having to do with learning more about myself. Which just proves, you’re never too old to learn things about who you are and your place in the world.

The very first thing I realized, when I was still actually on the plane flying over there, was that the world may be geographically big, but it’s really a small world after all (sorry, Disney, and sorry if that song is now going through your head!). As the plane was flying, I was watching the seat back in front of me, looking at the little dot of our plane as we crossed areas of the world that I had only dreamed about before. But, when I got off in Paris, the first thing I thought of was how very similar the airport was to all the many airports I have visited in the United States. Sure, people were speaking a different language, but everyone was doing the same thing people all over the world do in an airport. As we went around Paris, then Bruges and finally London, I saw people of all nationalities enjoying the very same sightseeing that my family and I were doing! People were eating, drinking, laughing and enjoying each other’s company, just like we do in our kitchen every night when we all gather back together after a long day at work. Intellectually, I knew this, but it was still a revelation to me as I watched the week unfold day by day. It made me feel closer to the fellow travelers on our planet.

Also, I learned to watch for the goodness of people. From the friendly Jamaican tour guide in Paris to the Australian couple we met in a cafe and talked American politics with (and boy did we get their honest opinion!) to the lovely British man who was our waiter for tea in London, I learned that people are kind, good and really want to connect with others. I will take this with me out into the world, especially when things over here get ugly. I will always remember the people I met and will take their goodness with me.

The second thing that I learned was a more personal revelation. I learned that I am capable of so much more than I think I am. When Brian died, I was convinced that I wouldn’t make it. Time passed, however, and with each new accomplishment, I gained confidence. For years, I told Mona that I couldn’t possibly travel away from home. She was sneaky, though, planting the seed, letting it simmer and being patient as I learned and became comfortable with doing new things. Over the last five years, I became a pro at flying to NYC, and now I dare say, I am no longer afraid of international travel either. Thanks, Mona, you literally opened new worlds to me! I’m not stopping here!!! It may be Sweden next time!!

Finally, I learned that Dorothy was right — there is no place like home! Coming home was joyous, seeing Melissa and Janelle, Harry and Stella and being back in my own bed. And, now I can smile when I say, as I often work into conversation, “When I was in Europe…” And, one more movie reference, with kudos to Humphrey Bogart…I will always have Paris!!!!

The trip of a lifetime may be over, but who knows what memories will be made right here and now, and from wherever my travels take me next. Stay tuned!