Ms. Bear on Ponderings During a Pandemic

PandemicIf you’re like us, then you’ve probably been practicing social distancing as much as you can for the last week. These are scary times, friends, and my mom wanted to write some thoughts down — for herself, for us and for future generations. So, here’s Ms. Bear with some ponderings during a pandemic…

Is anyone else feeling disoriented and a bit surreal? I sure am. Sometimes during the day, I forget about COVID-19, but then it hits me when I least expect it. I feel that I can only think about it so much before I have to do something else. It’s downright scary! Who would have thought a few short weeks ago that we would all be quarantined in our houses? Heck, I couldn’t even spell quarantined before this all happened — spell check just autocorrected it for me!

So, I keep thinking, trying to make sense of what the whole world, literally, is going through right now. It causes a bit of a hurricane in my brain as I try to think about it. I can narrow down my thoughts to a few lessons I am taking with me along the way…

1. As Mr. Rogers always said, “Look for the helpers.”

These are the folks who still report to work, even though it is dangerous for them to do so. They are out there taking care of the sick, stocking the shelves with necessities for us to buy, preparing food, donating time and/or money to help the less fortunate, spending 8 hours a day caring for the elderly at the nursing homes and so many more. Teachers at home preparing daily lessons, workers in doctors’ offices and hospitals, police and fire people are all the utmost in helpers. So are the moms and dads who are at home with their kids, trying to teach them the lessons the teachers have so lovingly prepared for them. If you can, do something special for anyone that you see as a helper. You don’t need to go out of your house; you can send a note through the mail, send a food gift card or drop off a bag of fruit on their front porch. We have to look for the helpers, right, Mr. Rogers?

Pandemic2. Let’s talk toilet paper!

C’mon, people, there is no reason to hoard it, or anything, as a matter of fact. It’s the 21st Century, not the Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1918. Stop hoarding everything! Leave things for others — you are not the only family out there. Nor are you the most important!!! One of my favorite Frasier quotes, which I actually have to remind myself of once in awhile, is “Copernicus called and YOU are not the center of the universe!”

3. It’s time to get creative!

Keep your body and mind moving. Binge-watching is fine; in fact, I would say it is a necessity to take our minds off things! But, you can walk where no one is (I’ve been out every day since this happened and never run into anyone). You can also Youtube some exercises and play along (Zumba, anyone?). You can read, do math or crossword puzzles or my favorite, logic puzzles (even though I am not good at them!). If you have an e-reader like the Kindle, there are literally thousands of things to browse before you decide what you should read.

Pandemic4. Let’s use this time to stop the madness of the lives we were living before!

You know the ones I am talking about — our lives pre-pandemic. Rushing around, feeling so important, unable to relax because there is JUST SO MUCH TO DO!! On my walk yesterday, I saw a robin and I just stopped to admire him and, actually, I talked to him for a minute (remember, I never see anyone on my walks…lol). I also felt some water fall on my head when I was under a tree and instead of feeling mad, I stopped, looked up and saw beautiful drops of rain hanging off the branches. Look for the beauty, friends, because it’s still out there — even during this pandemic!!!

The Tale of Ms. Bear After Her Medical Adventures

Medical AdventuresOne year ago today, my mom received those abnormal mammogram results that sent us on quite the roller coaster of medical adventures for several months. I just wanted to say how proud I am of “Ms. Bear” for getting through it like a true champion!! She’s a fighter and one awesome lady!! So happy she’s doing so well this year!!!

And let’s not forget her terrible tumble at the end of the summer! Needless to say, she’s been through a lot this year. It’s always so hard to see our loved ones suffering, and it’s a special swirl of emotions when it comes to our parents, don’t you think? My mom is such a powerful force, and she’s the type who just wants to keep going. So when something sidelines her, it’s hard for her to slow down. Trust me, this is something I’ve been encouraging her to do more often. I’d tell her every day…

“Slow down.”

“It’s OK to rest.”

“You don’t have to do it ALL now.”

“Some things can wait until tomorrow.”

I mean, not even her surgery last January got her down for long. Apparently, a few atypical cells are no match for her strength! She takes them out with a one-two punch and doesn’t even break a sweat!

Medical AdventuresMaybe that’s why I love the above photo so much. Here’s Ms. Bear sitting and actually relaxing (I know…alert the presses!) a couple months ago after we got a new couch. Granted, it was right after that terrible tumble, but it was so nice to see her NOT running around trying to save the world like she’s always doing. So, over the long Thanksgiving break coming up, I’m going to have this photo at the ready. To show her that it’s OK to take some time for you. Of all the people in the world, I’d say my mom deserves it, doesn’t she? After all, she’s had quite her share of medical adventures in the last 12 months!

What are you doing these days to practice self-care, friends? What does self-care look like for you? Any tips you’d like to share with my mom? And, please, encourage her to slow down. Together, we can help her relax… xoxo

Ms. Bear on Lessons of the Summer and a Fall…

Lessons of the SummerWell, here it is, friends!! As promised…Ms. Bear has returned to the blog in all her glory! Today, she shares her lessons of the summer and how a nasty fall on one of the first days of school put everything into perspective! As always, she’s bringing the wisdom once again and I always appreciate when she shares that wisdom with us! xoxo

It is so interesting to me that during the summer, I feel like I get more in touch with myself. That’s not always as pleasant as it sounds, however! LOL.

During the school year, life is just like a whirlwind — getting from one day to the next and enjoying the weekends in between. Time just flies by. But, during the summer, there is a bit more downtime. With this extra time comes a certain quietness to the days, even when I am still working summer school. There is time for leisurely lunches, plenty of time to go exercise at the Y, lots of staying up late and sleeping in…well, you get the picture.

However, this extra time also brings with it two challenges. The first is the fact that I really don’t have any hobbies besides exercising! That’s all well and good, but you can’t (and shouldn’t) exercise all the time! I used to be a voracious reader, but now I only read in the evenings. I also used to play my piano, but that has gone by the wayside with the fast pace of life, not to mention the temptation of checking things out online. I also used to spend hours at the public library, but, again, the allure of the computers always ropes me in! This is the first thing I need to work on before I retire! I need to get my hobbies back! I think I need some brand-spanking new hobbies to spice up my life a bit!

The second challenge downtime brings me is that it gives me time to think about Brian, which is a nice thing to do, but brings its own set of issues with it. During the summer, there is more time for me to notice other couples out together. Sometimes I just stop, as I think of what could have been. It also makes me think about what our lives would be like right now if Brian were still here. The most challenging thing this extra time brings is the flashbacks of Brian’s suicide, something I can push out of my mind when I am super busy during the school year. While the initial pain and shock are nowhere near what they were the first few years after his death, sometimes I am still brought to a standstill for a few minutes, as I continue the processing that I think will go on for the rest of my life.

Lessons of the SummerSo, in trying to tie both parts of the title of this post together, what does all this have to do with my recent fall??? I learned a very valuable lesson this month from my fall. A bit of catch-up for you: On August 13th, I was out in my yard, all happy and hyped up about coming home from one of the first days back to work. I went out into the yard to place my union yard sign (another story…) and the ground was so hard that I literally tripped right over the sign and landed ON MY HEAD, right on the sidewalk! You know how head wounds bleed, so I ran in the house, screaming for the girls. Janelle, the newly minted CNA, told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to go to the ER right then. Nine hours, 7 stitches, one CAT scan and a boatload of aggravation, dizziness and tears later, Janelle got me home. It’s been quite the recovery and has proven to me that if I don’t slow down, bad things are bound to happen. But, if I do slow down, then I have all the above issues to deal with. I’m sure you can see the irony in this.

So, indirectly, the Great Fall of 2018 has given me a not-so-gentle nudge from the universe telling me that it is my time to start thinking of some of the things I need to think about to prepare for this next phase of my life which will be coming up in a few years. Kind of a scary prospect for me, but I can see now that there are things in my life that I need to change. And, hard as it may be to slow down and make these changes, I think I’m ready for it. Time will tell and I will keep you posted!

Special thanks to Melissa for letting me spill all this out on the blog. It will certainly help to hold me accountable the next time I become totally complacent with my life and stop moving forward. Here’s to the future! Someday, I am going to have to retire and I want to be ready for the fun and sun — and hopefully some new hobbies!

[Thanks to Janelle for snapping the cute photo of Ms. Bear on the slide]

Life Lesson From Ms. Bear on How to Be Yourself

Life LessonSo! I witnessed a great life lesson from Ms. Bear last week that I just had to share with you all.

She had an interview to be on the library board. When I wished her good luck before she left, she replied, “I’ll just be myself!”

Wow, I thought to myself. In fact, those four words stuck with me for the next few days, rolling around in my head and, surprisingly, giving me quite a bit to think about. It was one of those moments where you walk away thinking, “You know, that is such a simple piece of advice!” And yet, how come it’s not something we typically think of right away?

Sometimes, I feel like we spend our entire lives running in the opposite direction — away from the happiness, away from the optimism, away from anything even remotely positive! We work so hard to be, well, hard on ourselves at every turn. We even treat it like an Olympic sport. Who can be the hardest on themselves? Who can win that gold medal? I often wonder what exactly we think we’re going to accomplish by doing this, you know?

And I’m totally guilty of this too — far more often than I actually care to admit! I tell myself things like…

*”Melissa, why don’t you get up earlier?”

*”Melissa, why don’t you send more writing pitches out?”

*”Melissa, why don’t you get that HUGE pile of magazines read already?”

See, it’s a never-ending cycle, isn’t it? So. Much. Self-sabotaging. So when I heard my mom’s positive refrain, it dawned on me: We should all live life with that kind of “YAY, ME” attitude!! We should grab onto it like a life-preserver and discard all that negativity. Because that negativity is what’s really weighing us down. And we don’t deserve to do that to ourselves. Ever.

Are you with me, friends?? How do you keep from being too hard on yourself? Do you catch yourself slipping back into old habit sometimes? Let’s encourage each other in the comments…what do you say?? xoxo

On Seeing Our Parents As Human

Seeing Our ParentsI’m realizing that at some point, we all see our parents through a lens we never anticipated. I’ve wanted to write about this for awhile — you know, how we all have that moment where we stop seeing our parents as superheroes and realize they’re human just like us. That metaphorical cape is suddenly gone, and we now see that our parents are just trying to do the very best they can in this life.

I suppose a little backstory is in order: For the last few weeks, Ms. Bear hasn’t been feeling like her go-go-go, speedy self. She’s felt overly tired, and, as Janelle and I noticed, her classic spark has disappeared. As you all know, this is very unusual, as Ms. Bear typically has far more energy than Janelle and I combined. Yes, you read that right. A woman in her early 60s can outpace two (young?) women in their 30s. It’s OK — we’ve learned to just accept it.

But back to Ms. Bear’s concerning symptoms. A blood test revealed that her thyroid numbers were out of whack. She struggled with her thyroid when she was in her 20s, shortly before she got married, and has been on medication ever since. Her numbers had been controlled and were holding steady — well, until now, that is.

After a few calls to her doctor and a trip to the pharmacy, she now has the magic elixir in her hands — a higher dose of her medicine — and she took the first dose this morning.

Hopefully, we’ll start to see Ms. Bear back to her old self really soon! Janelle and I are doing our best to take excellent care of her. We’ve been using a lot of words like “calm down,” “slow down” and “be gentle with yourself” because, for some odd reason, she seems to forget that. A LOT. Those words flow out of my mom’s mouth so easy when giving other people pep talks, but she seems incapable of taking her own advice. Weird, huh?

This whole experience, though, it’s made me just want to take care of Ms. Bear, you know? I suppose we all have that moment when we realize that, yes, we’re still our parents children, but we’re no longer “kids,” if that makes sense. We’re adults now, and maybe the time has come for us to be our own superheroes. Maybe our parents really are just human, and I’m not saying that like it’s a bad thing. Maybe our first glimpse of our parents as human is the first step in forging a deeper, more meaningful connection. Maybe it’s an invitation to have new types of conversations — a real chance to get to know each other in this new light.

Maybe, most importantly, it’s the beginning of something, not the end of something else.

I’m going to (try!) to have one of those meaningful conversations with Ms. Bear tonight. Will you join me and chat with your parent or parental figure in your life?? I’d love to hear what you’re talking about, if you feel comfortable sharing in the comments! xoxo