Life Lesson From Ms. Bear on How to Be Yourself

Life LessonSo! I witnessed a great life lesson from Ms. Bear last week that I just had to share with you all.

She had an interview to be on the library board. When I wished her good luck before she left, she replied, “I’ll just be myself!”

Wow, I thought to myself. In fact, those four words stuck with me for the next few days, rolling around in my head and, surprisingly, giving me quite a bit to think about. It was one of those moments where you walk away thinking, “You know, that is such a simple piece of advice!” And yet, how come it’s not something we typically think of right away?

Sometimes, I feel like we spend our entire lives running in the opposite direction — away from the happiness, away from the optimism, away from anything even remotely positive! We work so hard to be, well, hard on ourselves at every turn. We even treat it like an Olympic sport. Who can be the hardest on themselves? Who can win that gold medal? I often wonder what exactly we think we’re going to accomplish by doing this, you know?

And I’m totally guilty of this too — far more often than I actually care to admit! I tell myself things like…

*”Melissa, why don’t you get up earlier?”

*”Melissa, why don’t you send more writing pitches out?”

*”Melissa, why don’t you get that HUGE pile of magazines read already?”

See, it’s a never-ending cycle, isn’t it? So. Much. Self-sabotaging. So when I heard my mom’s positive refrain, it dawned on me: We should all live life with that kind of “YAY, ME” attitude!! We should grab onto it like a life-preserver and discard all that negativity. Because that negativity is what’s really weighing us down. And we don’t deserve to do that to ourselves. Ever.

Are you with me, friends?? How do you keep from being too hard on yourself? Do you catch yourself slipping back into old habit sometimes? Let’s encourage each other in the comments…what do you say?? xoxo

On Seeing Our Parents As Human

Seeing Our ParentsI’m realizing that at some point, we all see our parents through a lens we never anticipated. I’ve wanted to write about this for awhile — you know, how we all have that moment where we stop seeing our parents as superheroes and realize they’re human just like us. That metaphorical cape is suddenly gone, and we now see that our parents are just trying to do the very best they can in this life.

I suppose a little backstory is in order: For the last few weeks, Ms. Bear hasn’t been feeling like her go-go-go, speedy self. She’s felt overly tired, and, as Janelle and I noticed, her classic spark has disappeared. As you all know, this is very unusual, as Ms. Bear typically has far more energy than Janelle and I combined. Yes, you read that right. A woman in her early 60s can outpace two (young?) women in their 30s. It’s OK — we’ve learned to just accept it.

But back to Ms. Bear’s concerning symptoms. A blood test revealed that her thyroid numbers were out of whack. She struggled with her thyroid when she was in her 20s, shortly before she got married, and has been on medication ever since. Her numbers had been controlled and were holding steady — well, until now, that is.

After a few calls to her doctor and a trip to the pharmacy, she now has the magic elixir in her hands — a higher dose of her medicine — and she took the first dose this morning.

Hopefully, we’ll start to see Ms. Bear back to her old self really soon! Janelle and I are doing our best to take excellent care of her. We’ve been using a lot of words like “calm down,” “slow down” and “be gentle with yourself” because, for some odd reason, she seems to forget that. A LOT. Those words flow out of my mom’s mouth so easy when giving other people pep talks, but she seems incapable of taking her own advice. Weird, huh?

This whole experience, though, it’s made me just want to take care of Ms. Bear, you know? I suppose we all have that moment when we realize that, yes, we’re still our parents children, but we’re no longer “kids,” if that makes sense. We’re adults now, and maybe the time has come for us to be our own superheroes. Maybe our parents really are just human, and I’m not saying that like it’s a bad thing. Maybe our first glimpse of our parents as human is the first step in forging a deeper, more meaningful connection. Maybe it’s an invitation to have new types of conversations — a real chance to get to know each other in this new light.

Maybe, most importantly, it’s the beginning of something, not the end of something else.

I’m going to (try!) to have one of those meaningful conversations with Ms. Bear tonight. Will you join me and chat with your parent or parental figure in your life?? I’d love to hear what you’re talking about, if you feel comfortable sharing in the comments! xoxo

Family Photos: Ms. Bear Taking a Stroll Through the Woods

taking a stroll through the woods taking a stroll through the woodsWhoa, friends! It’s been a stressful couple of days for me! I’m still reeling from my experience and will be posting about it tomorrow, but do you know the person who helps get me through anything? My mom! And these photos of her taking a stroll through the woods on a summer day recently are really the perfect cure for any blues.

I don’t know how my mom does it, but she always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. She’s like a walking motivational poster that instantly makes you feel better. She’s been through many dark times in her life, but she’s somehow managed to still see the world as a beautiful place. Her glass is still half full and that is incredibly refreshing! Sometimes I just want to soak up some of her positivity, radiance and light.

taking a stroll through the woods taking a stroll through the woodsWho is that person for you?? Who helps you see the light during those dark hours? After all, we all need someone like that, don’t we?

P.S. Ms. Bear Takes NYC…

[Thanks to Janelle for snapping these awesome pics!!]

Ms. Bear on Lessons Learned Through Oatmeal Cookies

Lessons Learned Through Oatmeal CookiesEditor’s Note: She’s baaaaack!!! By popular demand, actually! Over the years, my mom has gained a fan following of her own, so I asked her to guest post today about one of her recent escapades: Lessons learned through oatmeal cookies!! It’s a very delicious story, but I’ll let her tell it…

A summer day is as good a day as any to learn a lesson, isn’t it? Last Sunday was the day before I got out of school for the year, so I was feeling really great. Melissa suggested we make some oatmeal raisin cookies after I had bought one at the bakery and was raving about how soft and good it was. I was also complaining about paying 60 cents for one small cookie, so I figured this way I could have lots of cookies that wouldn’t cost anywhere near 60 cents a piece — I’m not cheap, really, just frugal! lol.

So, we set off to work. Now, I had looked up recipes on the Internet and specifically found one that said “soft” oatmeal cookies, as all my previous forays into the realm of oatmeal cookies had veered into the ever-crispy category, and I am not a fan of any crispy cookies! I followed that recipe to a “T” and the smell of cinnamon wafted through the house. I baked them for the least amount of time and even cooled them on my fancy cooling racks from Williams-Sonoma, a lovely gift from my niece Mona (I usually use aluminum foil..haha). Well, needless to say, they were not “soft” like the bakery cookies were.

Lessons Learned Through Oatmeal Cookies Lessons Learned Through Oatmeal CookiesBut, and here’s the lesson, they were still good! We had one every night this week and we all commented how good they were. So, I figure I learned a lesson here…sometimes you’ve got to be willing to accept something the way it is and you just might realize that, while it’s not what you expected, it is just as good in its own way.

Then, this past Saturday, on what would have been my 39th wedding anniversary, I was able to extrapolate this lesson to my life as it is now. It’s certainly not what I expected my life to be like today, but you know what? My life is still good, in its new way. I know Brian would be proud and happy to hear me say that. No tears shed on my anniversary, thanks to those small (and crispy!) oatmeal cookies!!

Lessons Learned Through Oatmeal CookiesSo, today, find something in your life that you may wish to change, accept it as it is, and see what happens. You may be surprised!

What My Mom Taught Me About Healing Through Helping Others

What My Mom Taught Me About HealingThe journey through grief and loss can be a minefield. After my father’s unexpected suicide in 2003, I felt like my world collapsed. And in a way, it did — I felt scared, confused, angry. My mom was going through the same thing. Not only did she lose her husband, but she lost her mom (my grandmother) just one year before. That kind of loss — the kind that comes back to back — is enough to make anyone want to bury their head in the sand. Or at least go into seclusion and never come out. But on the other side of that was something incredibly beautiful: What my mom taught me about healing.

Neither of us knew what to do or where to turn. But little did I know that a huge source of strength and solace would come from watching my mother. She’s a middle school teacher and began a Rainbows chapter at her school. The group, for students who have experienced loss, meets every week to do activities, talk and grieve together. Some lost parents while others lost grandparents, but there was one common thread that bound them all together: They were all trying to make sense of what happened. Throughout the year, she’d come home and tell me about the lesson she taught that week. Sometimes they watched a video, sometimes they read a book and sometimes they just talked about all the emotions they had been feeling that week. What struck me the most? How much her students seemed to be helping her too.

My mom knew what they were going through and was able to help them on their journey. Seeing her plan lessons and share a piece of herself taught me so much about grief and loss. Here she was, a widow at just 47, and she was taking the most painful experience of her life and channeling that into something to help others heal. She came out of herself at a time when all she wanted to do was retreat and shut out the world. She showed me that helping others through their grief helps you grieve too. When we take our heartbreak and help others, we ultimately help ourselves in the process. In the end, we heal ourselves too.

So, as we get closer to Mother’s Day, thank you, Ms. Bear, for teaching me about healing when I needed it the most. You’ll never know just how much I appreciate it — and just how much I admire you! xoxo