Made Me Fall In Love With You

I wrote this one last night after I got to thinking about a few guys I’ve known who fell for women who just seemed completely wrong for them. They’d constantly break up and make up, and after awhile, you just got to wondering: What’s the point? How could you possibly like this cycle you’re in? What do you think, friends? xoxo

I can’t believe that after all this time, you and I are still here
In the same place where we started
I want you, you love her
And I’m your soft shoulder when she breaks your heart

It’s dangerous, this game we’re playing
‘Cause one of these days, I’m just going to stop biting my tongue and say it

Do you even see me here?
Every time she’s in the room, it’s like I disappear
You run after her, and I can never catch you
You tell me you’re in love with her
And that life makes sense now that you’re together
I smile, but deep down inside, I just wish you’d never made me fall in love with you

I listen to your stories of how she makes you laugh
And wonder how you can forget about all those times she’s made you cry
She doesn’t see your beauty
And all the things you could be

It’s dangerous, this game we’re playing
I don’t know how much clearer I can make it

Do you even see me here?
Every time she’s in the room, it’s like I disappear
You run after her, and I can never catch you
You tell me you’re in love with her
And that life makes sense now that you’re together
I smile, but deep down inside, I just wish you’d never made me fall in love with you

Saw our old friends yesterday and I heard you’re so happy now
But don’t be surprised if I’m not there to watch it all go down

Do you even see me here?
Every time she’s in the room, it’s like I disappear
You run after her, and I can never catch you
You tell me you’re in love with her
And that life makes sense now that you’re together
I smile, but deep down inside, I just wish you’d never made me fall in love with you

Do you even see me here?
Every time she’s in the room, it’s like I disappear
You run after her, and I can never catch you
You tell me you’re in love with her
And that life makes sense now that you’re together
I smile, but deep down inside, I just wish you’d never made me fall in love with you

It’s dangerous, this game we’re playing
I don’t know how much clearer I can make it

[Photo via Le Love]

Would You Rather: Have more female friends or more male friends?

We’ve asked that age-old question: Can men and women just be friends? We’ve also waxed poetic about the frustrations of the friend zone. Well, today, let’s look at a new question researchers are asking: Should men and women even be friends in the first place?

Researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire turned to the platonic, opposite-sex friendships of some 400 adults, who ranged in age 18 to 52.

The findings, recently published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, revealed that at least some level of attraction if unavoidable. And, men are more attracted to their female friends than women are to their male friends.

“I’d venture to say, based on all our data, that in the majority of friendships, there’s at least a low level of attraction,” says Dr. April Bleske-Rechek, the study’s principal researcher. “And if it’s coming more from one friend than the other, it’s probably the guy.”

Who knew?! So, I’m curious, friends: Would you rather have more female friends or male friends? Do you have more of one than the other now? Have you tried having more of one in the past? How did things go? What are the pros and cons of male vs. female friends? xoxo

P.S. A he said/she said debate on the issue.

[Photo via Le Love]

Question of the Week: Question #19

Have a question? I’d love to hear it, so feel free to email me (mellow1422 [at] aol), friends! Today’s question comes to us from a question asked in this post…

Do you have any male friends that you have absolutely no interest in physically but that you still love to hang out with?
I’ve mused about male-female friendships before, but surprisingly, I’ve never really given it much thought in relation to myself. Honestly, the more that I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t have any male friends. Sure, I’ve got my solid girl group, but I still haven’t found the Billy Crystal to my Meg Ryan a la When Harry Met Sally.

It’s not like I’ve had some sort of traumatic experience in my past that has made me distrustful of guys. It’s not like I haven’t had positive encounters with them in the past. So is it that I simply can’t relate to them? Am I afraid? I’m not all too sure.

Actually, you’d think I’d be comfortable with the whole guy-girl dynamic by now thanks to my mom. She met her best friend, Bill, when she was 5 and he was 4. They lived in the same neighborhood and spent their days playing outside and going to each other’s houses for summer picnic lunches in the backyard. Fast-forward 50 years, and they’re still best friends. They’ve seen each other through college, through marriage, through that scary first job, through having children. Their relationship has always fascinated me because, well, no romantic feelings ever entered into the pictured for either one of them. Ever. I’ve asked my mom, “Didn’t one of you ever fall for the other,” and she always gives me this look — a mixture of shock and awe — as if I’d just uttered something so blasphemous that she’s been rendered speechless.
But their friendship? It worked — for half a century and counting! So, they must be doing something right. Maybe I should take a cue from them? It would give me great insight into the male mind…

Ladies, I’d love to know: Do you have male friends? What do you like about having them in your life? How did you meet? Do you think it’s inevitable that emotions will get in the way, or can men and women really be just friends?

[Photos via We Heart It]

MEMO TO MEN: Girlfriend vs. girl friend

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Stuck in the middle with you
DATE: January 23, 2012

Do you remember when I shared my non-date-I-thought-was-a-date with Cute Guy Friend, boys? Well, I’ve realized something else: Being stuck in that grey, murky middle with you — being thisclose to you but still being at a metaphorical distance — is just plain frustrating.

Girlfriend vs. girl friend.

It looks like a minute difference, but eventually, that gap between girl and friend becomes wider and wider, and it gets harder to see straight. It’s an unspoken yearning more powerful in its silence. The girlfriend get roses. The
girl friend helps pick out roses. The girlfriend gets surprise texts at midnight. The girl friend gets texts at midnight asking for girlfriend advice. The girlfriend blushes because she’s in love and doesn’t have to hide it. The girl friend blushes because she’s in love and is trying desperately to hide it.

See, being friends with a guy is sort of like having the perfect boyfriend. He listens, gives you the inside scoop on the male mind, is both charming and flirtatious and is always there for you. The only problem: He’s, well, not technically your boyfriend. He’s your boy friend. And when your boy friend has a girlfriend (note: not a girl friend; that’s your role, remember?) and you become the girl friend in the bizarre love-but-it’s-not-really-love triangle? It’s hard not to feel just a little pang of heartbreak.
But you’re his girl friend. You. Must. Remember. That. You must always remember your place and never even think of stepping your toes outside those friend zone boundary lines. If you do, everything will come crashing down in one big mess — and it won’t be of the romantic-comedy variety.

Do you see the frustration here, boys? I’ve been the girl friend a few times in my life. It’s not fun. It’s not pretty. What’s also not pretty? These two little myths we girl friends have faced…

We love meeting your girlfriend, and of course she’s welcome to join us at the movies (substitute dinner, lunch, etc., or whatever fits your situation)
We can take the “How We Met” story once, maybe twice, but that’s the limit. We feign a smile and a nod over salad and champagne as we watch you two hold hands, but inside we’re mentally writing our grocery list, thinking about that work proposal or counting the number of freckles on her forehead. Has she had Botox or work done? You’re so in love. We get it.

We never compare ourselves to your lady love. Why would we be so insecure and shallow?
The minute I heard about Cute Guy Friend’s girlfriend, I did the only logical thing. I furiously Googled her and looked for her on Facebook. I just had to see this vision of perfection. What color was her hair? Was her skin creamier than mine? I ultimately came up empty-handed. But here’s the thing: We do it all in secret — this whole covert spying operation. If you ever ask us, we remark, “Of course not. What am I? Jealous? Pfft. Someone sure thinks highly of himself, doesn’t he?”
The real truth: Boys, we know you’re in love with your lady love. We get it. We know you’re so perfect for each other. It’s more romantic and sugary sweet than a Disney movie. I’m sure we’ll eventually realize that being the girl friend is better than not having you in our lives at all. Until then, though, let’s hope we don’t end up in a sugar coma from all those perfect love stories. xoxo

[Top photo via Opposable Sums, other photos via Le Love]

By Your Side

We all know that guy…you know, the one who makes you laugh and the one who you can be yourself around. But he has a girlfriend, so you’re stuck in that horribly awkward position of being friends. I wrote this one thinking of all those feelings we’d give voice to if we had the chance… xoxo

Well, I’ve never laughed as hard as I did that night
The smell of the air is still so fresh in my mind
Sitting in your car at the top of the canyon, looking into the sky
It was the night I almost told you
Do you feel the way I do?

He had to go and say it again
That I’m one of the coolest people he’s ever met
But we both knew he was thinking about her
And he says he wants to make me smile more
In a perfect world, things could be the way they were before
But right now, I just can’t find the words

Baby, if you’d just take my hand and close your eyes
Maybe you’d finally realize
The girl of your dreams has always been by your side

He had to go and say it again
That I’m one of the coolest people he’s ever met
But we both knew he was thinking about her
And he says he wants to make me smile more
In a perfect world, things could be the way they were before
But right now, I just can’t find the words

But she’s always calling your name
So I’ll write it all down in a song for you
In the hopes that some day…

He had to go and say it again
That I’m one of the coolest people he’s ever met
But we both knew he was thinking about her
And he says he wants to make me smile more
In a perfect world, things could be the way they were before
But right now, I just can’t find the words

He had to go and say it again
That I’m one of the coolest people he’s ever met
But we both knew he was thinking about her
And he says he wants to make me smile more
In a perfect world, things could be the way they were before
But right now, I just can’t find the words

[Photo via Le Love]