MEMO TO MEN: 5 Ways Men Are Like the Stock Market

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: The Stock Market & Dating
DATE: January 25, 2017

men are like the stock marketEditor’s Note: Oh, boys, just so no one gets a case of the hurt feelings here, I’m not trying to insult or demean you in any way! My goal is merely to make an observation that I’ve been noticing for years now: Men are like the stock market. In fact, these things could be said of women as well — and I’m sure some of you have even said them before. So no hard feelings, OK?

In this time of economic crisis and downright political uncertainty, we’re all scared and confused and worried about our money. Heck, I’ve even started contemplating buying one of those walk-in safes at the bank just to store all my loot. Everyone is losing. And fast.

Hmmmm, does that remind you of anything else? Losing. Heartbreak. Confusion.

Indeed, apparently, it’s also a very scary time to fall in love — and just generally be in love, for that matter. Heck, I don’t even have to have all that much experience to know that it’s a tough world out there. A tough world, indeed. Hearts are breaking all over the place and we’re left to try to figure out this crazy mystery known as love. But did you ever think that something as abstract as love/men could be similar to something so concrete as…the stock market? Oh, it’s true! Don’t believe me? Here are 5 ways men are just like the grand old stock market…

They’re fickle: Sometimes they’re up and sometimes they’re down. And of course, they can be incredibly unpredictable; I mean, I’ve spent the better part of my life desperately trying to understand them…to no avail, obviously! I’m pretty sure there’s a HUGE market if someone wanted to invent some sort of device that could make predictions about their behavior — you know, in case anyone wants to get on that or anything.

You have to take risks to get the return: This is one I’m forever trying to master this one. Risk-taking has never really been my thing; you all know I pride myself on being a pretty cautious girl. But, I suppose, like any good stock investment, you have to take some risk to see the payoff in the long run. It’s something I’m learning, at least.

Take a chance on a start-up: We may not be able to predict the future definitively, but if history is any indication, great things have come from small companies — and sometimes, this includes those companies that people don’t believe will be around long. The moral here: Take a chance on someone!

Know when to cash in: I’m beginning to feel like this thing called ‘hanging on’ in love is entirely overrated, you know? What’s the sense in waiting around, hoping that maybe someday someone will change and see the light of your awesomeness! As Kenny Rogers once quipped…

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run

Diversify your dating portfolio: It’s NO SECRET that I have the habit of falling for the same type of guy. Over and over, really. It’s a very delicate pattern I’ve woven over the years — one that, I’m afraid, is pretty dangerous, too. And this same pattern? Well, it hasn’t really gotten me anywhere, so I probably shouldn’t be putting all my betting money in once basket, if you know what I mean!

men are like the stock marketThere you have it, boys! A little advice from my heart to yours. What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree? What’s your dating portfolio looking like these days? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

 

 

Love Lounge: The Games People Play

love lounge the games people playI love games — love to play them, talk about them, even morph into a cutthroat competitor in my quest to own Boardwalk and Park Place in a certain real estate game. Plus, I’ve always been one of those people who can NEVER turn down an invitation to play a game. This includes board games, cards games, old-school Nintendo video games.

But there are games that I’ll never be up to playing. Ever. Just what sorts of games are those, you’re wondering? I’m talking about those confusing games when it comes to love — you know, the kind that feel like people are playing hacky sack with your heart. Big FYI, though, your heart is most definitely NOT a ball to be flung around in every direction.

Truth is, I’m over those games. Have you ever noticed how some classic games just seem to be metaphors for the games people play? Don’t believe me? Well, take a gander at these 5 standout contenders…

Scrabble: I love words. Words can be incredibly sexy…when used the right way. But if you’re just throwing words out there just to confuse people or show off how smart you are, that sexiness wears off fast. Really fast, actually. So, please, say what you mean and mean what you say. Everything will just go a whole lot easier, trust me.

Merry-go-round: This isn’t so much a game as it is a ride, but I think the same rules still apply. It’s like you’re going around and around with someone — in the same direction, doing the same dance day after day. You’re not getting anywhere, and, frankly, it’s just getting downright frustrating because it seems like this endless cycle WILL NEVER END! You might think you’re starting to make progress and then…Oh, look! It’s the 5245th time you’ve passed that same tree with the wilting leaves. Leaves that are just as wilted as your heart.

Trouble: I suppose this one is pretty self-explanatory, right? Things might be going alone fine and then BAM — it’s like you’ve stepped on some sort of land mine and are now just waiting for the smoke to clear. Not a fun spot to be in, that’s for sure.

Pictionary: This one is sort of akin to that other great pastime — The Art of Deciphering That Text. What in the heck is that drawing supposed to be? What does it even mean? I mean, I’m no great artist or anything, but there has to be a better way of figuring all this out!

Clue: Ahhh, the original Catfish, perhaps? People aren’t always who they say they are and it’s up to you to figure it out before it’s too late. Granted, I don’t think it’ll get as bad as you being murdered in the conservatory with the lead pipe, but you might get your heart metaphorically sliced in your driveway by someone’s cutting and unkind words. It’s a jungle out there, I tell you!

love lounge the games people playWhew! I don’t know about you, friends, but I’m exhausted now! What do you think of this list? What other ‘games’ would you add? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments! xoxo

Love Lounge: On NOT Chasing…

What’s the deal with our preoccupation with the whole ‘chasing’ phenomenon when it comes to relationships and being with someone? It’s almost become one of those pop culture tropes these days, and movies and TV shows love to pull this rabbit out of a hat all the time. We’ve seen it enough times to know the general gist: Two people meet, they obviously have some sort of electric connection, but tragically, time or circumstances rip them apart. Maybe one person got scared or feared commitment. Whatever the reason, one person high-tails it out of that situation, only to have the other person chase after them relentlessly in this weird sort of cat-and-mouse game.

It all goes on for awhile, and before you know it, everything just becomes…so…boring.

There. I said it. Everything just morphs into this back-and-forth state of bland, boring nothingness, if you know what I mean.

And don’t even get me started on the double standard of the whole situation. Have you ever noticed how we’re much quicker to react positively when the guy is the one doing the chasing? We think it’s valiant and romantic and all knight in shining armor-y. Here’s a guy going after the woman he loves, right? But if the woman is the one partaking in a passionate pursuit? Well, she’s just clingy and desperate, isn’t she? I mean, it’s practically on par with Fatal Attraction here.

So maybe that’s why I’m such a HUGE fan of the above quote. I stumbled across it floating around the Interwebs and think it speaks to so much self-empowerment and courage. Because this whole idea of having to chase someone is just really a giant smokescreen that ultimately means a whole bunch of nothing. Call me bitter or disillusioned, but I’m not really seeing the appeal of The Chase anymore. Why should someone have to chase you in order to be with you? If they’re truly worth it, I don’t see the point in going through that whole tired song and dance. It’s just played and worn out.

I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right where I am. If you ask me, that’s the most romantic thing of all.


What are your thoughts on The Chase, friends?? Is it useless? A sign of immaturity?? A wonderful way to make a sweeping romantic gesture?? Let’s chat, shall we??? xoxo

P.S. Are you addicted to the chase?

[Photo via We Heart It]

In The Pursuit of Happiness: Serena Williams on Heartbreak

There was a time when I was *sure* that all my surgeries were the ultimate worst. Like, the worst thing that could EVER happen to me. Especially throughout my teen years, I’d look around and think, “Wow, don’t my peers have it so easy?“

It wasn’t that I was constantly saying, “Woe is me…” and feeling sorry for myself — it was more of an observation, something that I noticed about the world around me. I’d hear peers and friends bemoan the confusing ins and outs of love and boyfriends, but I couldn’t imagine it being any more difficult or confusing than those 20+ surgeries I’d endured.
Well, I celebrated the 20th anniversary of my last surgery over the summer, and that milestone (hopefully!) signals the end of my medical journey — at least for the time being. And you know what I realized?
In the grand Surgeries vs. Relationships Debate, I’m completely wrong. And, I’ve been completely wrong all these years. Seriously wrong.
As it turns out, I’m not alone! Back in 2012, tennis ace Serena Williams shared a similar sentiment when she appeared on an episode of Piers Morgan Live…

“I think everyone kind of goes through [heartbreak]. It definitely isn’t a good feeling. I think having surgery is definitely a lot easier — having a pulmonary embolism is definitely a lot easier than a heartbreak.”

Heartbreak as something even worse than something like a pulmonary embolism? This was quite the deep revelation, people! Profound, even, and obviously something I’ve never thought of. I mean, I’d always looked at my medical past as a huge detriment — you know, as if it were thing gigantic obstacle that was unmovable and in my face ALL THE TIME. But, really, maybe those surgeries were a cake walk compared to matters of the heart — metaphorically, speaking, of course. Maybe heartbreak is akin to walking barefoot across a hot rake of flaming coals. Maybe getting through all those surgeries was really just a walk in the park, you know?

So the way I see it, I suppose I shouldn’t really feel all that bad by my spinning head when it comes to all this whole relationship stuff. And you know what that means, right? I. Am. Perfectly. Normal.


Hallelujah, friends! Now that is most definitely something to rejoice about! xoxo

[Quote via The Cut]

MEMO TO MEN: What If There Was No Pressure?

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Can I get to know you??
DATE: September 8, 2016

Inspiration can come from the strangest and most unexpected places sometimes, boys. I’ve found that I also usually find it when I’m not even looking.

Well, leave it to one of my favorite shows to hit me with a dose of creativity. This line of dialogue from Frasier has been sitting in the back of my mind for years now, burrowing itself deep in the recesses of my subconscious; I’ve mulled over the idea countless times now and came to the same conclusion time and time again.
It’s downright BRILLIANT. In season four, the ever-wise Martin Crane says the following…

I really don’t know any tricks. I mean, if a woman agreed to go out with me, I’d er, well, I’m not there to impress her or to play cool. I’m there because I want to know her; er, what she thinks; er, what she likes, so that if I’m lucky enough to get another date I can plan something that I know she’d like to do.

Seriously, it’s so completely simple and eye-opening at the same time, isn’t it? This notion that you’re not going out with someone to try and make some grand statement or out-of-this-world romantic gesture — that, maybe, things don’t have to be all that complicated in the end. I mean, it would certainly take the pressure off on my end, you know?

It sort of reminds me, too, of “Can I Get To Know You Better” by the Turtles; you don’t have any hidden agenda or ulterior motive. You want to get to know someone. Plain and simple. You don’t need to hide behind anything or even pretend to be someone you’re not, and if you ask me, that’s a very refreshing way of looking at everything. And that makes me breathe one heavy sigh of relief, let me tell you. I’ve never even been on a date and I’m already experiencing panic-induced night sweats about the whole ordeal, so I can only imagine how nerve-wracking the real thing must be.

But, really, it doesn’t need to be that way at all. When you think about it, what’s better than something that will take ALL the pressure off, let you step back and just completely relax. I know, it’s probably too good to be true — do those sorts of things actually happen in real life or are they just something you wistfully see in a Julia Roberts rom-com? It’s nice to think about, though, isn’t it? I’m not saying we have to run off and get married, boys? Heck, we might discover that we don’t even like each other all that much! All I’m saying is…let’s try. How does that sound, boys? That’s not too terribly hard now, is it? xoxo

[Top photo via We Heart It]