My Essay on Glamour: “No, My Disability Doesn’t Make Me Undateable”

DisabilityYAYYY!!! It’s finally here!! I’ve been so excited for my newest Glamour essay to come out because it’s all about my two favorite topics: Dating and my disability!!! And, SPOILER ALERT, there’s a shout-out to the haters!!

*Cue waving emoji*

Seriously, though, this piece has been a long time coming! For years, I’ve written about how my disability has impacted my dating life — or, let’s be real, lack thereof — and to finally be able to write about it for a place like Glamour? It’s incredibly gratifying. And, well, a bit scary to be this vulnerable in a publication that is read by so many people.

But, thankfully, the response has been overwhelmingly positive! I just really want to shout THANK YOU from the rooftops!! The response has been overwhelming in the best way possible. Someone even said that reading the essay made them want to see an independent woman with a disability in a rom-com!! This is exactly why I write!! I think that’s why so many writers write in the first place — to be seen, to be understood, to make an impact on the world. Plus, writing this piece made me want to write another MEMO TO MEN since it’s been ages since I’ve written one! I’d say we’re due for another, wouldn’t you, friends?

Since this piece came out last month, I’ve been talking about it A LOT on social media, but that’s actually the whole point. The fact that we’re talking so openly and honestly about dating and disabilities?? That’s HUGE. Seeing disability advocates share my piece on social media means that we’re not afraid to have these types of conversations. It makes me feel like what I want isn’t some unrealistic, daydream-y fantasy that is reserved for other people. In the end, I’ve never felt more vulnerable, but I’ve also never felt more seen. OK, I’m done with the Hallmark movie monologue!

Anyway, here’s an excerpt of the piece, where I spell out EXACTLY what I’m looking for in a relationship, which is pretty much what every woman is looking for. Really, I may be disabled, but I’m not that special…

“It’s time to set the record straight: I am disabled, desirable, and not looking for a nurse.

Sometimes I feel like I need to put those words on a neon sign in Times Square. I know there are many ways my disability does make me different—like the fact that I use a wheelchair to get around—but it’s 2019, for goodness’ sake. Don’t we deserve all the same things in a relationship as able-bodied women? My wheelchair doesn’t make me something other than a woman.

There are so many things I do want, and brace yourself, because this might come as a shock: I want the same things you want in a relationship. I want a guy who makes me laugh, who is kind and gentle and sensitive, who is family-oriented, who is as obsessed with pop culture as I am. I want to be myself, to be seen, to be loved—disability and all.”

Someone said “May you find love in 2019” after reading this essay, and I’m choosing to take that as a crystal-ball level prediction. Come at me, 2019…I’m more than ready for you!!

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! And here’s to us going home for the holidays, wherever that may be! Love you all… xoxo

 

MEMO TO MEN: Mystery vs. History

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Mystery vs. History
DATE: February 27, 2017

memo to men mystery vs historyI come to you with a fierce debate today, boys! It’s one that’s been on my mind for awhile and I honestly haven’t chosen a side yet — maybe you can help me out here?

The topic? Mystery vs. History…

In the Internet age, everyone’s life is an open book. Our lives play out in real time on Facebook and Twitter (and Snapchat if you’re one of those young people!) and there’s virtually nothing that is left to the imagination. We know what our friends and family eat for breakfast, their favorite TV shows/sports teams and even their political leanings. Oh, and don’t forget a plethora of photos of their dogs or cats — yes, I know I’ve been VERY guilty of this in the past! There’s nothing left to mystery; a person’s entire life history is seemingly just a click away. All for the taking. All day. Every day.

So when it comes to dating and relationships, it seems like social media has swiftly changed everything. It’s changed the obvious things, like the very way we meet people, but it’s also changed our M.O. even before any dates even take place. I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad things, but…

Think about it this way: Knowing so much about someone so early doesn’t give you a chance to get to know them. There’s something to be said for getting to know someone gradually, for taking your time to learn all about someone. I suppose it’s much like peeling back the layers of an onion — a little at a time is much more satisfying than everything all at once, you know? Maybe it’s just because I’m an incredibly nosy person, but I don’t think I could stop myself from looking, which perhaps is a big problem in itself.

memo to men mystery vs historyBut, really, what would happen if you went on a date without researching on the Internet? Would you really be worse off in the end? Is it always better to know? And, if there’s no intrigue anymore, what is really lost? That spark? That early sense of excitement?

Me? I’m thinking I want to get to know someone on their own terms. On neutral territory and just seeing how things develop from there. Maybe it’s just wrong for someone to have any sort of advantage in the “Getting to Know You” game. Maybe an even playing field is the best way to kick things off? Unless he’s a potential UnSub (Criminal Minds, FTW!) who’s intent on locking me in his basement…yeah, then I definitely want to get all the info on that situation! xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

Love Lounge: Any Man of Mine…

Love Lounge: Any Man of MineSo, this originally started out as a simple Facebook post last night — you know, one of those little missives you send off right before your eyes fall asleep and you don’t really know if it’s actually good or if you’re just delirious from the haze of sleep. What? That’s just me…oh, come on, that can’t be the case! Anyway, the more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that this topic deserves a wide audience! When I heard Shania Twain’s Any Man of Mine last week, something clicked. It was that sort of soul-deep clicking that seems to shed a light on everything you’ve been feeling lately…

In light of so many disgusting things I’ve heard said in the last couple weeks, I feel like we need to get a #AnyManOfMine hashtag going. You know, as a little public service education — not that it will change some people, sadly, but the fight is still worth it.

I’ll start! #AnyManOfMine is…

*Kind
*RESPECTS women
*Funny
*A good listener
*NOT intimidated by my disability
*Family oriented
*Sensitive
*NOT intimidated by strong women
*Compassionate/caring

OK, now it’s your turn, friends!!! What would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments and on Twitter by using hashtag #AnyManOfMine and tag me @melissablake so I see it!!! Love you all… xoxo

[Photo via We Heart It]

MEMO TO MEN: 5 Ways Men Are Like the Stock Market

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: The Stock Market & Dating
DATE: January 25, 2017

men are like the stock marketEditor’s Note: Oh, boys, just so no one gets a case of the hurt feelings here, I’m not trying to insult or demean you in any way! My goal is merely to make an observation that I’ve been noticing for years now: Men are like the stock market. In fact, these things could be said of women as well — and I’m sure some of you have even said them before. So no hard feelings, OK?

In this time of economic crisis and downright political uncertainty, we’re all scared and confused and worried about our money. Heck, I’ve even started contemplating buying one of those walk-in safes at the bank just to store all my loot. Everyone is losing. And fast.

Hmmmm, does that remind you of anything else? Losing. Heartbreak. Confusion.

Indeed, apparently, it’s also a very scary time to fall in love — and just generally be in love, for that matter. Heck, I don’t even have to have all that much experience to know that it’s a tough world out there. A tough world, indeed. Hearts are breaking all over the place and we’re left to try to figure out this crazy mystery known as love. But did you ever think that something as abstract as love/men could be similar to something so concrete as…the stock market? Oh, it’s true! Don’t believe me? Here are 5 ways men are just like the grand old stock market…

They’re fickle: Sometimes they’re up and sometimes they’re down. And of course, they can be incredibly unpredictable; I mean, I’ve spent the better part of my life desperately trying to understand them…to no avail, obviously! I’m pretty sure there’s a HUGE market if someone wanted to invent some sort of device that could make predictions about their behavior — you know, in case anyone wants to get on that or anything.

You have to take risks to get the return: This is one I’m forever trying to master this one. Risk-taking has never really been my thing; you all know I pride myself on being a pretty cautious girl. But, I suppose, like any good stock investment, you have to take some risk to see the payoff in the long run. It’s something I’m learning, at least.

Take a chance on a start-up: We may not be able to predict the future definitively, but if history is any indication, great things have come from small companies — and sometimes, this includes those companies that people don’t believe will be around long. The moral here: Take a chance on someone!

Know when to cash in: I’m beginning to feel like this thing called ‘hanging on’ in love is entirely overrated, you know? What’s the sense in waiting around, hoping that maybe someday someone will change and see the light of your awesomeness! As Kenny Rogers once quipped…

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run

Diversify your dating portfolio: It’s NO SECRET that I have the habit of falling for the same type of guy. Over and over, really. It’s a very delicate pattern I’ve woven over the years — one that, I’m afraid, is pretty dangerous, too. And this same pattern? Well, it hasn’t really gotten me anywhere, so I probably shouldn’t be putting all my betting money in once basket, if you know what I mean!

men are like the stock marketThere you have it, boys! A little advice from my heart to yours. What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree? What’s your dating portfolio looking like these days? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

 

 

Love Lounge: The Games People Play

love lounge the games people playI love games — love to play them, talk about them, even morph into a cutthroat competitor in my quest to own Boardwalk and Park Place in a certain real estate game. Plus, I’ve always been one of those people who can NEVER turn down an invitation to play a game. This includes board games, cards games, old-school Nintendo video games.

But there are games that I’ll never be up to playing. Ever. Just what sorts of games are those, you’re wondering? I’m talking about those confusing games when it comes to love — you know, the kind that feel like people are playing hacky sack with your heart. Big FYI, though, your heart is most definitely NOT a ball to be flung around in every direction.

Truth is, I’m over those games. Have you ever noticed how some classic games just seem to be metaphors for the games people play? Don’t believe me? Well, take a gander at these 5 standout contenders…

Scrabble: I love words. Words can be incredibly sexy…when used the right way. But if you’re just throwing words out there just to confuse people or show off how smart you are, that sexiness wears off fast. Really fast, actually. So, please, say what you mean and mean what you say. Everything will just go a whole lot easier, trust me.

Merry-go-round: This isn’t so much a game as it is a ride, but I think the same rules still apply. It’s like you’re going around and around with someone — in the same direction, doing the same dance day after day. You’re not getting anywhere, and, frankly, it’s just getting downright frustrating because it seems like this endless cycle WILL NEVER END! You might think you’re starting to make progress and then…Oh, look! It’s the 5245th time you’ve passed that same tree with the wilting leaves. Leaves that are just as wilted as your heart.

Trouble: I suppose this one is pretty self-explanatory, right? Things might be going alone fine and then BAM — it’s like you’ve stepped on some sort of land mine and are now just waiting for the smoke to clear. Not a fun spot to be in, that’s for sure.

Pictionary: This one is sort of akin to that other great pastime — The Art of Deciphering That Text. What in the heck is that drawing supposed to be? What does it even mean? I mean, I’m no great artist or anything, but there has to be a better way of figuring all this out!

Clue: Ahhh, the original Catfish, perhaps? People aren’t always who they say they are and it’s up to you to figure it out before it’s too late. Granted, I don’t think it’ll get as bad as you being murdered in the conservatory with the lead pipe, but you might get your heart metaphorically sliced in your driveway by someone’s cutting and unkind words. It’s a jungle out there, I tell you!

love lounge the games people playWhew! I don’t know about you, friends, but I’m exhausted now! What do you think of this list? What other ‘games’ would you add? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments! xoxo