Love Lounge: On NOT Chasing…

What’s the deal with our preoccupation with the whole ‘chasing’ phenomenon when it comes to relationships and being with someone? It’s almost become one of those pop culture tropes these days, and movies and TV shows love to pull this rabbit out of a hat all the time. We’ve seen it enough times to know the general gist: Two people meet, they obviously have some sort of electric connection, but tragically, time or circumstances rip them apart. Maybe one person got scared or feared commitment. Whatever the reason, one person high-tails it out of that situation, only to have the other person chase after them relentlessly in this weird sort of cat-and-mouse game.

It all goes on for awhile, and before you know it, everything just becomes…so…boring.

There. I said it. Everything just morphs into this back-and-forth state of bland, boring nothingness, if you know what I mean.

And don’t even get me started on the double standard of the whole situation. Have you ever noticed how we’re much quicker to react positively when the guy is the one doing the chasing? We think it’s valiant and romantic and all knight in shining armor-y. Here’s a guy going after the woman he loves, right? But if the woman is the one partaking in a passionate pursuit? Well, she’s just clingy and desperate, isn’t she? I mean, it’s practically on par with Fatal Attraction here.

So maybe that’s why I’m such a HUGE fan of the above quote. I stumbled across it floating around the Interwebs and think it speaks to so much self-empowerment and courage. Because this whole idea of having to chase someone is just really a giant smokescreen that ultimately means a whole bunch of nothing. Call me bitter or disillusioned, but I’m not really seeing the appeal of The Chase anymore. Why should someone have to chase you in order to be with you? If they’re truly worth it, I don’t see the point in going through that whole tired song and dance. It’s just played and worn out.

I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right where I am. If you ask me, that’s the most romantic thing of all.


What are your thoughts on The Chase, friends?? Is it useless? A sign of immaturity?? A wonderful way to make a sweeping romantic gesture?? Let’s chat, shall we??? xoxo

P.S. Are you addicted to the chase?

[Photo via We Heart It]

In The Pursuit of Happiness: Serena Williams on Heartbreak

There was a time when I was *sure* that all my surgeries were the ultimate worst. Like, the worst thing that could EVER happen to me. Especially throughout my teen years, I’d look around and think, “Wow, don’t my peers have it so easy?“

It wasn’t that I was constantly saying, “Woe is me…” and feeling sorry for myself — it was more of an observation, something that I noticed about the world around me. I’d hear peers and friends bemoan the confusing ins and outs of love and boyfriends, but I couldn’t imagine it being any more difficult or confusing than those 20+ surgeries I’d endured.
Well, I celebrated the 20th anniversary of my last surgery over the summer, and that milestone (hopefully!) signals the end of my medical journey — at least for the time being. And you know what I realized?
In the grand Surgeries vs. Relationships Debate, I’m completely wrong. And, I’ve been completely wrong all these years. Seriously wrong.
As it turns out, I’m not alone! Back in 2012, tennis ace Serena Williams shared a similar sentiment when she appeared on an episode of Piers Morgan Live…

“I think everyone kind of goes through [heartbreak]. It definitely isn’t a good feeling. I think having surgery is definitely a lot easier — having a pulmonary embolism is definitely a lot easier than a heartbreak.”

Heartbreak as something even worse than something like a pulmonary embolism? This was quite the deep revelation, people! Profound, even, and obviously something I’ve never thought of. I mean, I’d always looked at my medical past as a huge detriment — you know, as if it were thing gigantic obstacle that was unmovable and in my face ALL THE TIME. But, really, maybe those surgeries were a cake walk compared to matters of the heart — metaphorically, speaking, of course. Maybe heartbreak is akin to walking barefoot across a hot rake of flaming coals. Maybe getting through all those surgeries was really just a walk in the park, you know?

So the way I see it, I suppose I shouldn’t really feel all that bad by my spinning head when it comes to all this whole relationship stuff. And you know what that means, right? I. Am. Perfectly. Normal.


Hallelujah, friends! Now that is most definitely something to rejoice about! xoxo

[Quote via The Cut]

MEMO TO MEN: What If There Was No Pressure?

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Can I get to know you??
DATE: September 8, 2016

Inspiration can come from the strangest and most unexpected places sometimes, boys. I’ve found that I also usually find it when I’m not even looking.

Well, leave it to one of my favorite shows to hit me with a dose of creativity. This line of dialogue from Frasier has been sitting in the back of my mind for years now, burrowing itself deep in the recesses of my subconscious; I’ve mulled over the idea countless times now and came to the same conclusion time and time again.
It’s downright BRILLIANT. In season four, the ever-wise Martin Crane says the following…

I really don’t know any tricks. I mean, if a woman agreed to go out with me, I’d er, well, I’m not there to impress her or to play cool. I’m there because I want to know her; er, what she thinks; er, what she likes, so that if I’m lucky enough to get another date I can plan something that I know she’d like to do.

Seriously, it’s so completely simple and eye-opening at the same time, isn’t it? This notion that you’re not going out with someone to try and make some grand statement or out-of-this-world romantic gesture — that, maybe, things don’t have to be all that complicated in the end. I mean, it would certainly take the pressure off on my end, you know?

It sort of reminds me, too, of “Can I Get To Know You Better” by the Turtles; you don’t have any hidden agenda or ulterior motive. You want to get to know someone. Plain and simple. You don’t need to hide behind anything or even pretend to be someone you’re not, and if you ask me, that’s a very refreshing way of looking at everything. And that makes me breathe one heavy sigh of relief, let me tell you. I’ve never even been on a date and I’m already experiencing panic-induced night sweats about the whole ordeal, so I can only imagine how nerve-wracking the real thing must be.

But, really, it doesn’t need to be that way at all. When you think about it, what’s better than something that will take ALL the pressure off, let you step back and just completely relax. I know, it’s probably too good to be true — do those sorts of things actually happen in real life or are they just something you wistfully see in a Julia Roberts rom-com? It’s nice to think about, though, isn’t it? I’m not saying we have to run off and get married, boys? Heck, we might discover that we don’t even like each other all that much! All I’m saying is…let’s try. How does that sound, boys? That’s not too terribly hard now, is it? xoxo

[Top photo via We Heart It]

Tuesday Tunes: Michael Buble’s “Haven’t Met You Yet”

Editor’s Note: Song lyrics denoted in bold italics.

So I decided to take things in a relatively modern direction with today’s tune! Are you surprised? Well, you know me — I do like to shake things up every now and again! As I always say, a classic is never a bad choice, but there’s something to be said for embracing the hip and happening!

Anyway, we were cleaning over the weekend and this song came on Pandora. I hadn’t heard it in awhile and forgot just how much I liked it a few years ago. It had the sort of sing-song-y melody that would quickly give way to a little toe tapping and finger snapping fun. It reminded me of the innocent days of the ’50s when teens would meet at record hops and dance late into the night. I mean, I’m pretty sure that was a thing back then — that’s the decade I’ve always thought I belonged in, at least.

And then, the song popped in my head again yesterday when I was writing to the future Mr. Melissa Blake and something just sort of…clicked? Yes, clicked is definitely the right word. Something just suddenly made sense…

Michael Buble’s “Haven’t Met You Yet”
From Crazy Love

That Mr. Buble — he’s a charming one, isn’t he? Filling my head with all sorts of notions and visions of rainbows and candy and unicorns flying on puffy white clouds. He makes me start to feel like anything is possible and that maybe — just maybe — nothing is ever truly out of reach for any of us.

I’m not surprised
Not everything lasts
I’ve broken my heart so many times
I stopped keepin’ track
Talk myself in
I talk myself out
I get all worked up
Then I let myself down

I’ll be the first to admit that I can get jaded sometimes. And really, in today’s world, that’s not such a hard thing to do. Heck, sometimes it gets to be so overwhelming that all you want to do is get under the covers for an extended long winter’s nap. Yes, I do have a pretty big tendency of getting myself all sorts of worked up when it comes to matters of the heart — maybe that’s just the curse of being human? — and I can over-analyze with the best of them. On second thought, I can over-analyze BETTER than the best of them! After all, it seems to just come naturally to me. Dare I say that I’ve got it down to an art and half the time, I don’t even know I’m doing it.

Of course, though, I tend to tire myself out to the point where I can’t even see straight. My head gets a-whirling and a-twirling and everything seems to be moving 100 miles a minute. It’s seriously that bad!


And I know someday that it’ll all turn out
You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I’ll give so much more than I get
I just haven’t met you yet

And then, like the clouds parting after a fierce storm, these words resonate in my soul. They make me feel better. They make me believe in love, in a world where there could be something as unrealistic as The One. Swiftly enough, my jaded edges are made smooth. I believe in love, sure, but these words make me feel like it’s actually possible, you know? Maybe this whole world isn’t just some twisted cosmic joke played on the love lorn.

I might have to wait
I’ll never give up
I guess it’s half timing
And the other half’s luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it’s right
You come out of nowhere and into my

Some people might not agree, but I like the idea that The One could pop up when you least expect it. He could be the guy I walk past in the grocery store. He could be the person sitting next to me on the bus. He could even be the waiter at the random restaurant you go to on a whim. The whole point is that even though you don’t see him now, that doesn’t mean he’s not out there. It just means you haven’t met him yet.

That’s really a beautiful thing when you think about it, isn’t it? Maybe in the end, that’s how love should be. A beautiful, surprising journey. Thanks, Mr. Buble!! xoxo

Do or Don’t: Heartbeat Ring For Bae…

Picture this: It’s been a LONG day and you’re so exhausted that you can’t even see straight. You’re worn out and all you really want to do is talk to your significant other. The only problem? They’re thousands of miles away. But wait!!! You’ve got the next best thing to hearing their voice…

Their actual heartbeat, of course!!
Say hello to Touch rings, the newest high-tech gadget to keep your love alive, long distance, be damned! Created by The Touch, these little rings can be synced via your phone; one tap and you can immediately feel another person’s pulse in real time.
Whhhaaattt?? Did someone just say real time? Yup, it’s as simple as that. A connection is only a tap away!
I don’t quite know what to make of these. I mean, it’s kind of a sweet idea…but it’s equally kind of creepy, you know? Being able to feel someone’s heartbeat on your finger in real time? It sounds like some sort of futuristic alien technology — or, at the very least, a New Age-y form of Fatal Attraction just waiting to happen. I’m not sure I’d even want to find out; to be that connected to someone? That’s just sort of scary, if you ask me! Some things should just be private — and one’s heartbeat should probably be one of those things. Oh, and not to mention the hefty price tag. For almost $300, I could get medical imaging of my heart or record my heartbeat on a CD.
What’s your verdict, friends? Is this a do or a BIG don’t? Could you ever see yourself getting one?? I’m not the only one who thinks this is uber creepy, right? Or maybe I’m just getting cynical in my old age…?? xoxo