Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #168.

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:

I was looking through some of my old writing today, Sweetpea, and I came across one of my favorite Dating With Disabilities columns. Now, I can almost guarantee that I’m going to be a bit shy when we first meet — strange, I know — so it might take you a bit longer to figure me out. And that’s when it hit me: I should just give you the following introductory letter…

So who am I, really, besides just a girl sitting behind a computer screen and giving you an inside look at my heart and my thoughts? I’m the girl who can usually be found wearing a chic polo shirt (red is my favorite!). I’m the girl who is a bit awkward, a bit dorky and still a bit innocent. I’m the girl who isn’t afraid to laugh at herself. I’m the girl who still, at 31, celebrates her half birthday. I’m the girl who colors outside the lines. I’m the girl who is bold and confident, though I’m not sure men have picked up on my boldness back here in 2013. I’m the girl who likes to leave a little mystery behind her. I’m the girl who writes about anything and everything in her life, even the boys she falls madly in love with who don’t even know she exists. I’m the girl who is still so shy that she gives said boys code names in said writing (you’ll see….). I’m the girl who’s mastered the art of loving from afar, but ultimately, never having the courage to tell the gorgeous, sweet, funny, charming guy that he is, in fact, gorgeous, sweet, funny and charming. Or when I try, it always ends up not sounding anywhere near as sleek and sophisticated as it did in my head. I’m the girl who thinks imperfections are beautiful and sexy.

And I’m also the girl who has overcome great obstacles – 27 surgeries, countless hospitalizations and enough needle pokes to last me two lifetimes – despite being born with a physical disability. I’ve never let it define who I am or my life.

I can’t say I have all that much experience in the world of love, romance and the intensity of relationships that drives people to do crazy things in the name of love. In all honesty, when it comes to said relationships (especially those involving the opposite sex), my run-ins have all had three things in common: dorky, awkward and quirky. But I do know I’ll find The Big L someday. I do know I’ll find you someday, Sweetpea. Until we meet… xoxo

[Photos via Le Love]

Love Lounge: My revised “List” (and one surprising revelation)

So, friends, after we talked about our relationship must-haves last week, I got to thinking more about that little list I made when I was 17. I admit that, back then, the list was the be-all and end-all for me. I remember sitting at my desk in my room one summer night and painstakingly drafting each of the 12 must-have qualities in my journal; you’d think I was crafting the Declaration of Independence with the attention I was giving it. I mean, it was super, super specific (example: He must have a Chandler Bing sense of humor…). At the time, it was as important to me as any historical document ever was — maybe even more important because it fully reflected me and what I wanted. Looking back now, I can’t help but see it as more of a snapshot in time — a snapshot of my life when I was a wee teenager, It reflected my life at the time, and when I completed my 12-point masterpiece? Well, let’s just say I walked around with a pretty big smile on my face for quite awhile.
But now, some 14 years later (yikes!), the list just seems, well, extra complicated. It’s needlessly complicated, if you will. He must have this. He can’t have this. He must do this. He can’t do this. Ahhh! It all makes my head spin these days, and my perspective on the whole list has changed. Maybe it’s because I’m older and have a bit more life experience. Maybe it’s because I’ve started to realize that life doesn’t always work out exactly the way we want it to. Or maybe it’s because my priorities have changed over the years. Whatever the reason for my changing view, one thing is resoundingly clear: The list needs a long-overdue makeover. It needs to reflect 31-year-old me instead of the 17-year-old me of the past. My new list? It’s a pretty small one, but make no mistake — it still packs a powerful punch. Maybe a more powerful punch than the old list. So in celebration of moving forward, I gave you the Top 3 H’s of a relationship that are most important to me…

Heart
Let’s face it, without heart, you’ve got nothing. A guy’s got to have a good heart — the deep kind that make you feel like you’ve found your home after years and years of searching. A guy with a soul is a very attractive guy indeed.

Humor
I’m always going to need humor in my life. One of things that made my parents’ marriage look so easy, I think, was their ability to have fun and laugh. They were always smiling whenever they were in the same room — those sorts of smiles that were so infectious that you just couldn’t stop yourself from smiling too.

Hushed conversations
OK, so I’m stretching with this one a bit. I wanted to have the importance of talking in the mix, so I got creative and tacked on an adjective to the word ‘conversation,’ but the sentiment is still true. I want to be with someone that I can talk to — about anything. And, they don’t always have to be those super deep, long, emotional talks either; there’s something to be said for a relationship where two people are fully comfortable and content to just shoot the breeze. It sounds ideal.

And, one more little revelation? I noticed I never even mention my disability in my 12-point list of yore. Not even once. No mention of a guy having to accept my disability and see past it. No mention of making sure my disability isn’t some sort of dealbreaker. Looking at the list now, you’d probably have no idea I was even physically disabled. It’s almost like it didn’t exist. That sort of blows my mind, you know? Because back, then, maybe it didn’t take up so much head space for me. Was I more self-confident? More innocent and naive? It’s something to think about, isn’t it?
 
Have you ever given your list a makeover? Why? What did you add? What did you delete? What do you think your list will look like in 5 or 10 years? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]

NYC Diaries: Rejection isn’t confined to disabilities

During last week’s Women Tell All episode of The Bachelor, there was a scene where limb-different contestant Sarah Herron spills all about the pain she felt after Sean Lowe told her she was not the one for him. ”It’s the worst to be told ‘you’re great, but you’re not good enough for me,’” she says. “I always fall back on, ‘Oh well, it must be because I have one arm.’” It’s a heartbreaking moment as the audience sees Sarah fighting back tears. And it brought me back to the times when no boys wanted to dance with me at parties and my 6th-grade crush told me my shorter arm was ugly. So for the sake of honesty here, I’ll confess this: I cried after watching the show. I know exactly how Sarah felt, and I cried for her and for myself and for any girl living with a physical difference in a superficial world.
 
But here’s the thing that may just shed a little light on this sort of situation: We’ve all been there. Turn on the TV or pick up a book or magazine, and I doubt you’ll have too much trouble finding a scene where a beautiful and seemingly perfect girl with two arms faces rejection from the guy she wants. Rejection is not a phenomenon exclusive to women with disabilities. Dating isn’t easy for anyone. And when it comes down to it, a disability isn’t an automatic deal-breaker for most people. Just because you’re missing a limb or use a wheelchair doesn’t mean that all guys are going to reject you.

I know I’ve been very insecure about my arm throughout my life, but I feel comfortable knowing that my boyfriend loves all of me as I am. He’s there for me, and he’s happy with the way I look, even with messy hair and 1.5 arms. And through his eyes, I’ve learned to see that I’m not alone and that I’m worth loving.

Rejection just plain sucks sometimes. But when you do find someone who really loves you and who you can connect with and be vulnerable with, you’ll realize that all the hurts and heartbreaks kind of just fade away.
 
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–By Caitlin from Stream of Caitlinness

NYC Diaries: My 100-Word Love Story

I hated Valentine’s Day, but we’d just started dating and wanted to spend time together. I met him in the school library so we could hang out, not expecting his surprise. He’d arranged a desk with romantic gifts: a teddy bear, a box of marshmallow Peeps (my favorite), a rose and a homemade card. I opened the card and saw the words I hadn’t expected: I love you. Then he spoke the words aloud and kissed me. Yes, our first I-love-yous were on the corniest holiday of the year. But it was perfect. And 2 years later, we’re still together.

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–By Caitlin from Stream of Caitlinness