Cosmo writing Archives - So About What I Said

Super cool news: I’ve got a new byline AND I’ve COINED A NEW POP CULTURE TERM. Does this feat earn me a coveted spot in the Pop Culture Hall of Fame?? For Cosmo, I wrote about “She’s All That” for its 20th anniversary and how the movie sends a dangerous message to young women, where the guy falls in love with the girl after she gets a makeover! I dubbed it the Hot After Makeover trope and I’m not here for this nonsense!

Now, I’ll admit that I did once love the movie. Maybe it’s because I was young and just a bit on the naive side — and, yes, that Freddie Prinze Jr. was a pretty fetching leading man in the late ’90s. But when I watched the film again a couple years ago as an adult, the horrific and toxic messages came bursting through the television screen. Ugh, whyyyy?

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I talk about what the dangerous message in “She’s All That” tells young women about self-esteem, body image and relationships…

This thought that “If I just fix X about myself, he’ll suddenly like me” was powerful to teenage me, and I didn’t even realize that in thinking this way, I’d be fading into the background of my own life. I started believing all the stereotypes about people with disabilities: We’re broken, there’s something wrong with us, and all our scars and deformities would disgust people. As long as I wasn’t “normal looking,” I wasn’t worthy.
That’s why movies like “She’s All That” set up such false, unrealistic expectations for young women. Yes, Zack may have come to see the error of his ways by the final kiss, but even presenting this plot in the first place set a precedent that is hard to break—as evidenced by the fact that we’re still seeing movies like this in 2019.

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

This is the story of my first time…watching The Bachelor.

Wait, what did you think I was going to say? #Wink

Seriously, though, I’m so excited to have a new piece published on Cosmo, which is the ultimate Bible for my generation. Plus, umm, file this under Things I Never Thought I’d Do: Mention my virginity in a Cosmo headline!!! I mean, I’ve been incredibly candid about love and disability before on Cosmo, but now?? I can add in-your-face headline to my overshare list!

Yessss, I went there and bared my soul to the entire Internet — and pretty much the entire world, for that matter! I also admitted that I’d never watched everyone’s favorite “trying-to-make-a-love-connection” reality show.

SHOCKER.

But in a shocking twist spoiler alert worthy of The Bachelor itself, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I wanted to watch it. Desperately. So, I did! And, luckily, I got to write all about my thoughts as a first-time watcher. Ooooh, friends, it was certainly a doozy of an experience! My head is still sort of spinning — and not just because of ALL THE KISSING SCENES! Seriously, so much kissing!!!! Whyyyyy???

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, where I look at how the show handled the topic of virginity and the pervasive double standard when it comes to male vs. female virginity…

“And then there are people like me. I don’t look “normal” by any means, thanks to my physical disability. And I’ve never been shy about writing about my own virginity. But a lot of the messages I get come from commenters who think people with disabilities don’t have the same needs and wants as able-bodied people–they say things like, ‘Your disability and wheelchair will always be in the way,’ which is not only hurtful, but also inaccurate and archaic.
So what’s my verdict? When I mentioned to some fellow writers that I was writing this, one friend said, ‘I think you may find that, as is often the case during loss of virginity, it’s awkward, disappointing, and sometimes painful for women.’
Interestingly, that pretty much sums up my first time with The Bachelor as well. And yet…I’m still setting my DVR every Monday. For some strange reason, I feel invested in this journey now, however unrealistic, un-relatable, and even occasionally offensive it may be.”

My Essay on Cosmo: “‘She’s All That’ Was a Great Teen Movie With a Horrible Message For Women”

My Essay on Cosmo: “What It’s Like to Watch The Bachelor As a Virgin…”