Birthday Time: Almost 39 and Feeling Fine

birthday timeI’ve often said that time is irrelevant in quarantine. Days pass, then weeks pass and before you know it, months and months have gone by!! You finally look at the calendar and…it’s your birthday time!!

Yes, I know that I say this every single year, but this year, especially, I can’t BELIEVE it’s my birthday again. Wasn’t it just yesterday when I turned the big 38…? Well, we all know what number comes after 38, don’t we??

YIKES…

And double YIKES…

It’s sort of weird to think that I’ll be celebrating the last birthday of my 30s (on Tuesday, to be exact…) while in quarantine. I mean, this reality that we’re living in 2020 was never on my life Bingo card and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t on yours either. In fact, I doubt it was on anyone’s card. We never thought we’d be here, but we are. At times, the future can seem like such a scary, daunting prospect — full of unknowns and question marks and so many uncertainties. Where will we be in six months? In one year?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed recently — well, at least for the last five months. So maybe that’s why I’ve been looking at lots of old family photos lately. Not just to remember my childhood, but to remember a time when the world wasn’t imploding on itself every day, you know?

birthday timeSo what a coincidence that I should find this photo just in time for, well, my birthday time!!! I couldn’t have been more than three years old and it was the height of The Smurfs craze in the ‘80s. I was, umm, just a wee bit obsessed with them too, as evidenced by my birthday present that year: a Smurfs stuffed animal. Naturally, I was partial to Smurfette since she was THE MOST badass one, obviously!!

And speaking of birthday time, I’d like to bring something else VERY important to your attention. I was quite shocked about this, if you must know! I recently Googled myself (no, that is not a euphemism) and this was one of the related searches. Y’all, I feel called out!! How old does the internets think I am…??

Wait, don’t answer that because you all know now, obviously! My big secret is out…call the tabloids with the scoop!! Yours Truly is swiftly becoming an old lady. No shame, though. We all need to change the way we view aging, don’t you think?

birthday timeOoooh, that little old bugaboo called getting older. Well, that is surely a topic for another time and another blog post!! In the meantime, I hope you all have a lovely rest of your weekend and a lovely week ahead. I’ll be relaxing during my classic Birthday Week and will be back to regular posting on Wednesday, August 12th, so expect some tales — and new bylines to share!! Love you all lots and lots… xoxo

P.S. Check out my Birthday Time of yore: 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019.

Let the Fourth of July Be a Reminder — and a Reckoning

Fourth of JulyWell, here we are, friends. Another Fourth of July. Can you sense my very, very low level of enthusiasm?? It practically doesn’t even register on the Enthusiasm Scale because, honestly, I’m not feeling in the “American spirit” at all. I’m sure many of you share my thoughts…

It’s no secret that I’ve been feeling, umm, a bit jaded. And this isn’t the first year I’ve felt this way either. You might remember the op-ed I wrote last year for The Independent, in which I coined one of my catchphrases.

“Lady Liberty is weeping,” I wrote.

But if the last six months alone have showed us anything, it’s that Lady Liberty isn’t the only one weeping. Nor should she be. I can’t help but think that along with the grand Statue, the tears are flowing…

The Founding Fathers are weeping

The Constitution is weeping

The American flag is weeping

We all should be weeping

So the last six months? That’s all of 2020 — hasn’t exactly been a banner year, has it? All of us should be weeping at the state of this country. From nearly 130K deaths from COVID to the repeated unjust killing of the Black community to the constant maligning of peaceful protesters, America is in chaos.

And speaking of protesters, I find it incredibly rich that so many have seemingly forgotten this tenet of our democracy. To see people chastise and deride those who engage in their First Amendment right to peaceful protest is some next-level hypocrisy and, frankly, it’s chilling. Downright bone-chilling. Y’all obviously weren’t paying attention in history class and it shows! Bigly!

Maybe you’ve forgotten a little thing known as the Revolutionary War?? You know, that series of events that won us our freedom and independence from British tyranny?

Spoiler alert: The Founding Fathers protested during the Revolution. Yes, the Founding Fathers were also protesters (see the Boston Tea Party, for example…), but we don’t also call them rioters and looters and thugs. I wonder if their skin color has something to do with that?

Fourth of JulyThe truth is, we wouldn’t have an Independence Day at all if it hadn’t been for protesters, so to those that say protesting is un-American, I say this: Protesting is about the most patriotic thing you can do. It’s literally how this country was founded. It’s been the bedrock of our democracy since 1776 — that’s 244 years!!

It’s kind of our thing. Or at least, it should be, even though it doesn’t feel like it lately. A quick perusal of the daily headlines and you’ll see that the ideals of the flag have not held up for everyone. So if you really want to show your sense of pride and patriotism this year, please, do it in a way that truly honors America’s origin story. That starts with one simple thing. It’s so easy, but apparently, the majority of the country needs reminding, so allow me…

WEAR YOUR DAMN MASK.

The Founding Fathers didn’t risk their lives so you could live it up on the Fourth of July all reckless and irresponsible and inconsiderate. The Founding Fathers didn’t risk their lives for freedom just so you could risk someone’s life in the name of your freedom. Again, wear your damn mask!

When we went to NYC last summer, the only souvenir I wanted was a Statue of Liberty figure. Not because I’m proud of where we are as a country right now (I’m not, clearly!), but because I wanted a constant reminder of what we should strive for. Let’s remember that Lady Liberty is worth fighting for. Our democracy is worth fighting for.

Fourth of JulyI’m taking my summer break next week — don’t worry, I’m not even going to leave my house! I’ll be celebrating the Fourth of July and my vacation by binge-watching The Baby-Sitters Club reboot.

I’ll be back to regular posting on Monday, July 20th and I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories to share. Hope you have some sunny summer days ahead, friends!! Safely and responsibly masked, of course… xoxo

[First photo via Unsplash]

We Need to Talk About Karen…

KarenWe need to have one of our serious conversations, friends!! And by serious, I mean the “Are you serious with this nonsense?” kind of conversation. Why?? Because I’ve just about had it with Karen and her shenanigans…

No, I’m not talking about a specific Karen, but by now, I’m sure you know the ones I’m talking about: Privileged, rude white women who refuse to recognize their privilege and have a sense of entitlement bigger than the suburban mansion they live in or that oversize SUV they drive.

And while the world has been dealing with the ravages and dangers of COVID, their behavior has only escalated, getting worse by the day. They don’t think they should have to social distance. They don’t want to wear a mask to get their daily Starbucks drink. They readily protest in the streets because they want their haircuts and mani-pedi and gosh darnit, anything less than their 100 percent freedom to live their cushy lifestyle is oppression.

In the last two months, we’ve met Central Park Karen who called the police because she felt unsafe in a bird-watching sanctuary. We also met Trader Joe’s Karen after her rant about not wearing a mask went viral. And just yesterday, we met McMansion Karen when she and her husband Ken stood outside their home and pointed their guns at PEACEFUL protesters!

Also yesterday, I found myself blocking and deleting all kinds of nonsense comments on Twitter and Instagram from people who were just…OMG…totally offended by the name. What a travesty! How on earth could I ever say something like that?

Then there was my personal favorite: You (meaning me) know what it’s like to be bullied, so you should know better. SHAME ON YOU.

That’s when I just stopped in my tracks.

Bullied? Are you kidding me? There aren’t enough eye-roll emojis in the world to express my utter disgust.

Sorry, Karen, I think you better look up the definition of “bullying” because it doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Yes, you’re right. I DO know what bullying is like. My experience with bullying had to do with people saying I should be euthanized. They said I wasn’t human and called me a thing.

I’ve experienced bullying. You, on the other hand, are merely being called out on your problematic behavior. That isn’t bullying. See the difference between the two yet? So excuse me if I don’t have much sympathy for your outrage over being called Karen.

KarenA Karen is so concerned and preoccupied with the name that they become oblivious to the dangerous and awful behavior it’s named for. Instead of clutching your pearls over the name, maybe step back and consider the issues behind the name and what it’s really about.

I love how my amazing writer friend Sa’iyda Shabazz describes the alarming trend…

The type of white women others call Karen often see themselves as victims. And the type of white women who defend them try to paint them as oppressed. But middle-aged, middle class white women do not face oppression by any stretch. In fact, they reap huge amounts of race and class privilege, and then they turn around and use that privilege to step on the necks of those under them, especially black women. Pointing out these realities is not oppressing the oppressors. It’s pushing back on the constructs of whiteness, the systems that enable these women’s actions. Calling a woman by the phrase is calling her out, not degrading her.

Let’s recap: Someone being offended by the term “Karen” is PEAK Karen and reveals a huge amount of privilege. Instead of clutching your pearls about the term itself, you should be more upset by the behavior behind it.

Really, y’all need to check yourselves because it’s exhausting.

It’s not about you. It’s not a personal attack on you. Stop being selfish, Karen. In fact, don’t be a Karen at all. And wear your damn mask on your next Starbucks run… xoxo

P.S. Yes, that first photo is Karen from Mean Girls…that’s SO meta!!!

[Bottom photo via Unsplash]

Conversations With My Mom

ConversationsWe’ve been in quarantine now for almost three months! I’m incredibly lucky and I’m grateful every day that I get to be with my mom and sister, but there’s one thing no one tells you about spending 24/7 with your family: conversations with my mom are epic!!

And by epic, what I really mean is “I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried” doozies!! And we’ve had some doozies, let me tell you!! If this were a Hallmark movie, my mom and I would be curled up on the couch, cup of cocoa in hand, talking about how the last few months have brought us so much closer together. We’d be sharing secrets and revelations about each other, swapping stories we’d never told the other. But this isn’t a Hallmark movie and, honestly, my mom and I are more like classic mother-daughter duo Sophia and Dorothy from The Golden Girls — we’re pretty much a well-oiled machine at this point, full of witty and sarcastic banter and able to complete each other’s sentences without missing a beat.

ConversationsMaybe that’s why we’ve had some of the best, most hilarious back-and-forth conversations while we’ve been home together. So in true journalist form, I’ve been chronicling them all. They’re filled with sarcastic zingers. They’re heavy on the humor. And my mom’s trademark eye-rolls practically leap off the screen.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a sample, so you can all judge for yourself…

Mom: Do you want extra sauce on your spaghetti?

Me: I’m the only one who can be extra saucy around here!!

Mom: Do you like lima beans??

Me: No, I only like Josh Lyman…

Me: Why do cats puff up their tails??

Mom: So they can look tougher and braver than they really are.

Me: Oh, just like Trump!

Me: What kind of cheese is this?

Mom: It’s sharp cheddar

Me: Oh, sharp…just like my wit

Mom: That’s right (as she smirks and rolls her eyes)

Mom: The frosting on that cake is sweet.

Me: Ooooh, just like me!

Mom: Well, you’ve got some sass too (again, she rolls her eyes)

And, a personal favorite that just happened tonight…

Mom: Is Trump giving a speech tonight?

Me: I’m not sure. Is something wrong with your Google? And, no, that is not a euphemism

ConversationsLike I said, we’ve got great comedic timing. I’m thinking we should take our act on the road. I mean, Bert and Ernie have been a crowd favorite of all ages for years and my mom and I are just like them, remember? This photo illustrates our relationship perfectly. There’s me (Ernie) saying something perhaps a bit out there and my mom (Bert) just looking like she’s completely over it all. I think a lot of other mothers and their daughters could relate to that, don’t you think?

Have you been having any interesting conversations with your loved one during quarantine? What have you been talking about? Deep, soul-searching topics or more of the light-hearted variety, friends?? xoxo

P.S. Thanks for everything over the last three months! I love you, Ma…

We Need to Review What Fat-Shaming Is — and Isn’t

fatSigh, I wish I didn’t even have to write this blog post today, friends!! I just wrote about fat-shaming last week with Adele, but it seems not everyone got the memo or understands the term itself.

The hashtags and online chatter started yesterday when Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi criticized Trump for his use of hydroxychloroquine to prevent COVID-19…

“As far as the president is concerned, he’s our president and I would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists, especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group, morbidly obese, they say. So, I think it’s not a good idea,” she said in an interview with Anderson Cooper on CNN.

By early this morning, hashtags like #FatShaming appeared on Twitter, with people appalled that Pelosi would resort to throwing around cheap shots and insults like that.

Honestly, I saw all those hashtags trending and it was all I could do to just sit there for a minute. Truth be told, I was pretty taken aback and just downright confused. So y’all are really clutching your pearls over Nancy Pelosi using a medical term one time to describe Trump while he’s spent a lifetime shaming, insulting and degrading women. That’s rich. Your hypocrisy is showing and the dichotomy of the whole thing is incredibly striking. My gosh, we’ve watched Trump literally call women vile names such as “horseface”, “dog” and “face of a pig,” to name a few, and he does this with abandon; he doesn’t care who he hurts and he’s done this for years.

“Morbidly obese,” on the other hand, is a medical term. To try and spin it as fat-shaming is an insult to people like me who have literally been called names like whale, parade balloon and a potato with a face. Those are the words that hurt. Those are the words that stick and do irreparable damage. I know what it’s like to be fat-shamed. And this isn’t it today.

fatMaybe the irony in all of this is that those same people who called me those awful names are the same people who are now so concerned with our fat-shaming culture. I just can’t with this double standard — it’s all kinds of staggering and helps no one. In fact, it hurts the very people who have actually experienced real and true bullying for their appearance.

Perhaps even more important, though, Trump is not the victim here! Please, let’s not forget that crucial fact while 90K people have died from the coronavirus. It’s incredibly troubling to see people offer even an ounce of sympathy to a man who doesn’t deserve it. Think about that, friends… xoxo