Have There Always Been So Many Entitled Dude Bros on The Bachelorette?

BacheloretteDear Lord: Please give me the confidence of an entitled dude bro contestant on The Bachelorette who is so sure on the first night that they’re going to walk away with the final rose…

That was my first thought as I binged Hannah Brown’s season of The Bachelorette. My very first thought, actually. As you may remember, I’m one of those rare species that had never tuned in to see the wonders of Bachelor Nation in action. For more than a decade, I was able to resist the siren song of soapy-sudsy TV dating on steroids. And then earlier this year, I watched The Bachelor for the first time because I wanted to see how they handled Colton Underwood’s virginity because, uh, hi, I can relate! And, well, wow! Was I sure in for a lot!

Surprisingly, I find myself more angry and disgusted at The Bachelorette contestants so much more than I ever was at The Bachelor contests. Not Hannah, mind you, because she’s a downright national treasure in her awesomeness. Throughout the whole season, my rage was aimed directly at the 20+ males vying for her affections. Like, all the rage. We’re talking yelling-at-my-television-like-it-was-a-football-game rage.

BacheloretteFor example, I spent one Friday afternoon eating barbecue chips and talking back to the television during one of Luke P’s many mantrums. When he asked if he could interrupt Hannah during one of their pivotal dinners, I screamed, mid-chip chomping, “No, you can’t, Luke!”

It was all just too much. And all the while, I wondered: Would I have this much anger if I’d watched the series from the beginning? Am I watching all this through the lens of our current cultural climate, where men behave very badly? What was my deal?

Maybe our current national climate is impacting my ability to enjoy reality television. Maybe our reality is so bad that even a mindless reality show like The Bachelorette is rage-inducing. Why can’t I escape these entitled dude bros, I ask you? Is nothing, especially reality TV, not even sacred anymore?

And then, when I watched the finale, I thought I might have a heart attack from all the rage! Wow. Jed is that guy who refuses to define the relationship with someone while out there doing very couple-y things like going to the Bahamas. I. Can’t. Even.

Hannah deserved so much better!! She’s definitely my new hero, as are all women the world over who have to deal with these sorts of shenanigans on the regular; maybe that’s the one upside for me of never having any experience with this love stuff.

BacheloretteI’ll tell you this: If, in some far-off future, I ever did find myself as the next Bachelorette, sitting there, watching all those men pile out of the limo a la clowns in a clown car, just know that I won’t stand for any of that nonsense — well, metaphorically stand because, you know, I’d actually be sitting in my wheelchair. Here are three reasons why I’d make a good Bachelorette, in case you’re wondering.

I say it’s time to change things up in Bachelor Nation, wouldn’t you, friends??? Please tell me you watch this show because I’ve only seen two seasons and although it makes me rage at times, I have no shame in admitting that I’m completely, utterly HOOKED… xoxo

MEMO TO MEN: 3 reasons I’d make a better Bachelorette

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Re-inventing the Bachelorette
DATE: May 28, 2013

So, boys, it’s come to my attention (thanks, Twitter…) that there’s a new Bachelorette in town. I hear she started her quest last night to find Mr. Right. I didn’t get a chance to DVR the episode — my DVR is filled to the brim with Mad Men and a season and a half of Gossip Girl — but all this frenzied excitement surrounding this newest gal and her suitors-in-waiting made me think of one thing: My own dreams of yore. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, I once dreamed of being one of those starry-eyed, rose-wielding bachelorettes

And, well, if I’m being completely honest, maybe a part of me still does. I mean, remember my Bachelorette Quest from a few years ago? Yeah, I know, it was pretty gosh darn epic, wasn’t it? So with that in mind, boys, I give you some new testimony — three reasons why I’d make a fabulous bachelorette…

You could be my first time
No, no, you silly boys, I’m not talking about that sort of first time. I’m talking about the first-date-and-first-kiss kind. And yes, I know it would be broadcast on national television. And yes, I know I’d be pretty nervous — we’re talking might-be-shaking-palms-sweating nervous. But I promise you that it will be real, so if I’m that nervous, I can only imagine how nervous you’ll be.

I’ll be real and honest
There’s that word again. Real. Something that is sadly lacking in reality television in 2013, which makes me miss the early days of shows like The Real World and American Idol. But I digress. My turn as the Bachelorette? I can guarantee that I’d give you one dose of real, boys, and I’d expect you to give me nothing less in return.

One word: Diversity
Let me be real again for a moment — there hasn’t been much diversity when it comes to those bachelorettes. A change of hair color is about as diverse as things will get. But just think of all the sorts of diversity I’d bring; it’s pretty safe to say there hasn’t really been a person like me on network TV. The time has come, don’t you think, boys? If for no other reason than to show the world that women with disabilities are just like other women with the same hopes, dreams, fears and — gasp! — desires!

It’s time to start changing the world, boys! I’d say it’s time to gather 25 of you, give me a rose and watch those sparks fly! Are you with me? xoxo

On The Ellen Show & Oprah.

Please note: The following was in no way orchestrated, paid for or proposed by Melissa Blake. I may be an outgoing, charming gal, but I do retain my humbleness and humility, remember.

I was completely, utterly, head-over-heels floored when I received this email yesterday from reader and blog friend Jamie. She’s taken it upon herself to start an email campaign to The Ellen DeGeneres Show and Oprah. As she writes….

This is SO much better than The Bachelor! The more people we can get to write in to both shows, the better your chances for getting on will be! I basically told them you were born with Freeman-Sheldon syndrome and gave them your blog’s address, plus your e-mail (hope you don’t mind). If I hear anything, I’ll let you know.

Anyone can see how much your readers adore you and are cheering for you. I know without a doubt that many of them would take the five minutes needed to e-mail both the Oprah Show and Ellen. You are very loved, and I hope that’s something you go to bed with every night, knowing that all of these people, strangers you have never even met, have been so touched and affected by your story. I’ve decided that until you get on, e-mailing these two shows will just become a part of my morning ritual. I’m not even kidding. I have such a good feeling about this, Melissa. I really think that something (someone??) awesome is going to come from this JUST FOR YOU!!

*Excuse me while I go blush for a few moments*

Wow, I don’t even know what to say. A thank you just seems like not enough, and I wish I could reach out and wrap every single one of you in a giant bear hug – and I know what you’re thinking, “But she’s so small.” I may be small, but I give the most giant hugs in the world.

And I STILL don’t think I deserve any of this, which is why I find it all very surreal. I’m just me. Quirky? Yes. But, honestly, I’m just pretty average. Really, I am.

But THANK YOU, Jamie! Thank you all for making me smile and feel happy and loved and for letting me be my awkward, dorky self. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say it enough, but I’ll certainly keep on trying. xoxo

[Photo via Hello World, Smile]

The Bachelor.

So, friends, did you watch the premiere of the new season of The Bachelor on Monday?

Confession time: I’ve never watched ABC’s The Bachelor, but for some reason, I recorded the premiere last night. I’m not sure why exactly. Maybe to follow bachelor Jake’s journey to love. And then I remembered a little mission of my own I started last year.

I’ve always been bothered by reality shows that fail to show people with disabilities as people first. It bothers me even more when reality shows don’t feature women with disabilities. Ever.

Frankly, there’s just no excuse for it. And those dating shows have always made me want to scream at the television and say, “I am so much more real than her.”
Part of living and thriving with a disability is the desire to love and be loved, just like able-bodied people. Sometimes, it seems, society forgets or misses that point entirely. So, being the brave woman that I am, I decided I needed to take it upon myself to remind ABC that one of their precious shows – The Bachelorette – might, just might benefit from a bit of tweaking.

What did I do? I wrote them an email, naturally, in which I said, in part:

I’ve experienced my fair share of life in my 28 years. Born with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome, a bone and muscular disorder, I’ve had 27 surgeries, spent birthdays and holidays lying in a hospital bed and spent thousands of hours sitting in stark-white doctors’ offices. My only solace was the fact that many of those young doctors were quite charming and handsome, and maybe I did fall for a few of them, though, having taken quite a few psychology courses in college, I knew deep down that it was all just a case of transference.

But what haven’t I experienced? My first kiss. My first date. My first boyfriend. All the things I’ve listened to my peers shriek – and cry – about is something I have only glimpsed from afar. That’s not to say I’ve never been in love. I have. Quite a few times, actually. But where others let their own flaws and insecurities serve as an obstacle to love, my physical disability has served that purpose for me.

My story and honest voice would go a long way toward squelching some of the stereotypes and misconceptions people have about women with disabilities: That they don’t have the same needs and wants as able-bodied women and that their disability somehow takes away from the fact that they are, first a foremost, women.

So here’s what I propose: You fly me to LA or the locale of your choice. Put me in the center of 28 lovely bachelors and watch the sparks fly!

Who wouldn’t want to be the first major cable network to document the first date EVER of a 28-year-old? Oh, and I am also available for personal appearances and red-carpet events should the need ever arise.

In my naive mind, I thought ABC would pounce on this the moment they heard of me, but I think something (or someone — another jilted bachelorette, perhaps?) has disconnected our signal. Surprisingly, I haven’t heard a peep from them. Despite my email. With my luck, they probably put me on some watch-list or blacklisted me, fearing my strength, persistence and otherwise disarmingly charming personality, sense of humor and captivating eyes.
Maybe it’s too much of an innocent notion, but I like to think there could be so much more. There is potential for that show, not just a bunch of beautiful women and men clamoring for each other’s attention, crying over someone they barely know (note: If I ever did land on that show, #1 rule…never let them see you cry) and otherwise being a wasteland of vacuousness. I’d love to bring a a certain sense of charm and revived smarts to the show.

Is that such a bad thing to wish for?

I want to poke my head out of the water (much like that duck below) and scream, “ABC, you honestly and truly don’t know what you’re missing in this little package right here” (picture me smiling as I flauntingly trace my hands up and down my side…).
Ironically, that’s the same thing I want to scream to most guys. Coincidence there? Oh, I do indeed think so. Most definitely.

But is that like trying to put a prostitute in a high-class designer dress and calling her a Lady of the Night? Or calling a stripper an exotic dancer? You can dress something up in something different, but at the core, you know you can’t change what it is?

What would you like to see changed on TV, especially in the way of how those with disabilities are represented?

[Photos via Sabino]

Update: Quest To Be The Next Bachelorette.

Hello, friends! I know I promised you an update on my quest to be the next Bachelorette.


First, I wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to nominate me. I honestly didn’t think any of you would even care that much about the post, let alone care enough to take the time to nominate little old me.

I sent this email last week to an ABC producer, along with my audition letter. I was a little disheartened when I received a note back saying he was on vacation with limited access to email (you know that drill…), but then yesterday, I got this personal email from one of his lovely – and helpful! – associates:

Hi, Melissa! Thanks for your interest in our show. I would be happy to forward your e-mail to our casting people and if they are interested and need more information, they will be in touch with you. They are always on the lookout not just for The Bachelorette, but for women participants for The Bachelor, although from your blog, you don’t seem interested in that series. Thanks again.


I said, “yes,” of course! I figure it’s a long-shot, but you never know. And, I never do spontaneous things like this, so I figure it’s good for my soul too.

I also created a Facebook group to chronicle my story. Thank you to all for your wonderfully sweet comments (come on and join us if you haven’t yet; the group has 106 members as of last count!). They mean so much to me, and I instantly smiled when I saw this message from my friend Justin:

I’m with you on this one, Mel! Hey, ABC, if you’re watching…She’s a damned firecracker and has more personality than all of your previous bachelors and bachelorettes COMBINED!


Well, I can’t really argue with the smart boy, now, can I? I am a firecracker (I think the red hair helps a lot in that department). And you know what? It’s about time to add some sparks to ABC, don’t you think?

On a side note: Apparently, my mother doesn’t think too much of this idea, seeing as she deleted my Facebook group invite the moment she got it, but who cares? I think her reasoning all goes back to her inability to see me as a woman (hello, Mom, I’m 28!), but that’s another subject for another day and another blog post.


P.S. I also send a tip to Gawker on the off chance they might be interested in my story.

And that concludes our updates for now. Thank you again, and back to your regularly scheduled programming.


[Photos via Sabino]